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Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered People in Prison For anyone that has a same sex partner, family member, friend or Pen Pal in prison that is Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgendered.

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  #1  
Old 04-23-2011, 04:25 AM
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Unhappy I think I got used. Please Advice/opinion NEEDED.

Is this the only forum to find a gay pen pal [I tried writeaprisoner,payprisoners]..

So basically i talked to a guy [i am gay], and he is but supposely out to some ppl. we talked for a yr and then i lost contact for 3 months bc of personal reasons [wish it didnt happen]. and now hes home , we both live in same state. i mailed his fathers po box and he called me the next day and said wow i was going to come to your house and see you. and he told me he was suprised to see my letter. and after 4 weeks of bein home and this the first week i talked on the phone he said im sorry but its too late im wit someone. [n its a friend [girl] that he known for years]. now im really hurt bc writing for a yr and my feelings are done, im scared to write to someone else.if he liked me so much i think he would be with me. regardless if we havent spoke for 3 months and i finally got in contact. SOUNDS FISHY HUH? please tell me what you think
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Old 04-23-2011, 05:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilant0500 View Post
Is this the only forum to find a gay pen pal [I tried writeaprisoner,payprisoners]..

So basically i talked to a guy [i am gay], and he is but supposely out to some ppl. we talked for a yr and then i lost contact for 3 months bc of personal reasons [wish it didnt happen]. and now hes home , we both live in same state. i mailed his fathers po box and he called me the next day and said wow i was going to come to your house and see you. and he told me he was suprised to see my letter. and after 4 weeks of bein home and this the first week i talked on the phone he said im sorry but its too late im wit someone. [n its a friend [girl] that he known for years]. now im really hurt bc writing for a yr and my feelings are done, im scared to write to someone else.if he liked me so much i think he would be with me. regardless if we havent spoke for 3 months and i finally got in contact. SOUNDS FISHY HUH? please tell me what you think
I am sorry to hear this has happened to you! I am not sure if he only pretended to be gay or not but sadly that just happens from time to time. I have lost a few pals like that too, I was only friends with them but still the guys often got together with their exes again so of course they ended contact with me within weeks of being home. I know it's painful esp. since you had deeper feelings for him. But please don't let that stop you. I have been having penpals since 2005 with some breaks inbetween and sadly I have run into more 'bad' pals than good ones but still there's a lot of guys who want pals and I am sure there are also guys who are not just gay for their stay there. Maybe you even say something like that in your first letter that you are gay and you are looking for other gay guys but you only want contact with guys who are serious about it. I know that's not going to stop fake ones from writing you but it gives them idea that you are not naive

About the websites I am not so sure but you could try Lost Vault, it's a lovely forum and they have penpals ads too, I am sure they are gay pals there too.

Two wonderful sites I have used before are www.prisonpenpals.com - not sure if I am allowed to post the links - or http://ppbb.*********.com/index.cgi#ads it's some sort of forum too, you will have to go through the ads though, they are sorted by state but you can see if they are straight or not.

I have googled a bit and found this from a 2005 post here on PTO so it can't be too much of a bad site?

http://www.gayprisoners.net/intro.html

Good luck
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Old 04-23-2011, 05:27 AM
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Going to ask you this... Please don't take offence...

Why don't you find a nice guy - bad boy, thug guy, whatever outside the prison walls? Why are you looking for love inside the prison walls?

My experience is this after almost 10 years on Prison Talk... Very few Gay MWI's make it through. A lot of men in prison are scamming the Gay guys out here that are looking for that bad boy image.

Truth is that a MWI relationship is what they want you to know about them and that can all change when they come home.

Sorry - I know that this is negative, but it is just where my head is this morning.

There are plenty of sites out there that have Gay pen pals. That is not the problem if you want to find that one inside a prison... The problem is that a lot of States don't allow advertising for pen pals which cuts the available real Gay population down... some of these guys don't want to expose online that they are looking for a Gay relationship, so that cuts your available Gay population down... and then some are just scamming.

I have seen some ads that are so obvious that the guy copied the ad - it is so explicit and the wording is like it came out of a fantasy sex novel that there is no way any self-respecting Gay guy would write that in a pen pal ad.

Just be careful. Please. It was six years before I got the full picture of all the lies that were being thrown at me.
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Old 04-23-2011, 08:39 PM
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I think that one person has got it. Its obvious that you were being used. Like he/she said, sorry for the negative. But there are thousands of others out there that arent fooling around.
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Old 04-24-2011, 07:52 AM
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I think that one person has got it. Its obvious that you were being used. Like he/she said, sorry for the negative. But there are thousands of others out there that arent fooling around.
And to follow up with what Ken (wisely) said previously, along with the above, it really sounds like you were both using each other...

Having a fantasy life with someone in prison is a pretty common thing. It works for both parties, without the messy reality of having to actually be around each other. Lots (and lots and lots) of women do it - and it's fine as long as the distance is maintained.

They get the fantasy of having a big strong boyfriend, the the boyfriend gets benefits (money, sexy letters, someone on the "outs" to help out with stuff) so it's really a win-win situation -

Until - reality hits, the person comes home and then 80% of the time (and I'm being kind, the actual statistic is 92.2%) it doesn't work out because of the totally unrealistic expectations on the part of the person who was outside, and the inability of the person from the inside who is emotionally and physically unable to come CLOSE to meeting those expectations...

Ditto all above for same-sex relationship - and, in my experience (which is considerable) it may even be a little worse since the whole "gay" thing is so problematic for so many people in prison and they are either really unclear or really mixed up about their sexuality -

Consider finding someone outside - actually hanging out with them before you get into a "relationship" - and, by all means, have prison pen-pals, just do it for fun (for both of you) and don't take it so seriously. If the person gets out and wants to connect - fine - but the same rules apply - you are really getting to know someone for the first time in that case, no matter how long you have been writing.

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Old 04-29-2011, 05:07 PM
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I hate to say it but you could have been used. If it makes you feel better some guys are just flakes and can fall in and out of love by the time you can go through a drive-thru.

The other posters make a good point. #1 about looking at the content of the ad. If it reads like a sex novel or someone is searching for a "financially stable" friend. Those should be big red flags for you to run away.

There are a few guys out there who are decent. I think my guy is one of them, but I'm biased. I picked his ad because of what it didn't have in it. He talked about his family, his little girl, his coming out experience. As I got to know him he wanted me to meet his family. *jaw floor* Now that he's out we can't be together yet because of the rules of his release so I get to go and hang out with him and his family at his mom's house. So...while it is very easy to get used by the "heart throb" with the 6-pack abs who says he can go for HOURS....perhaps what you should be paying more attention to the size of another important organ.

Either way *hugs* to you and I hope you keep your chin up through all this. It's not how many times you get knocked down that counts, it's how many times you can get back up.
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Old 04-30-2011, 03:02 PM
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...So...while it is very easy to get used by the "heart throb" with the 6-pack abs who says he can go for HOURS....perhaps what you should be paying more attention to the size of another important organ.
That's the most intelligent thing I've seen written in a while. I teach classes to a lot of guys in recovery and former inmates - and I love to remind them to please, please use their second favorite body part more often than their first.
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Old 04-30-2011, 03:29 PM
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You are right, if he truly cared for you, he'd be with you regardless of how much time has passed. Now this isn't a gay issue, it happens to everyone. Many times the person they are with during their prison stay isn't the person they end up with on the outs.

I'm with Ken, find a person you can be with right now instead of a prison pen pal. Good luck to you.
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Old 04-30-2011, 04:47 PM
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I won't even presume to know why Liliant0500 was looking behind bars for love.

But I do have to say that if a gay guy should be looking for love elsewhere besides prison; then the same could be applied to all the women seeking lovers on here.

Never, ever enter a pen pal relationship with your sole purpose of finding love. That is like going to the bar tonight determine to find Mr. Right, Ms. Right or Mr./Ms. Trans. The most you might find is Mr./Ms. Right Now. Love comes in its own time, its own pace and usually smites you when you least expect it. Pen Paling is learning about each other, entertainment, etc., through correspondence.

I hope that this short statment has been helpful
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