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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 08-09-2010, 03:16 PM
rdsgirl rdsgirl is offline
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Default Should I wait for him when he couldn't wait when were together?

I was with him 4 months before he went to prison. We broke up 2 times. And each of those times he slept with other people. He didn't tell me and we ended up back together within 24 hours of breaking it off. He got drunk one night. And made out with another girl when I was in the same house. I asked he lied.I just found out he was talking/ writing to a girl that he lied to me about. Before he went in they had a phone relationship and were planning on getting together for a day. Just to hook up. He said he was leading her on so she would send him money. So now im scared hes just leading me on.He wrote me a letter telling me all of these things and how much he loves me. I honestly dont know what to do. Or what to believe. I had no problem waiting for him. But that was before I found out he couldn't even wait while we were together. Am I wrong for feeling this way. And what should I do?? Thanks ladies.

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Old 08-09-2010, 03:30 PM
KaylovingJay KaylovingJay is offline
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Honestly based on his actions when he was out I would think this is just jail talk, but then again if you were already waiting on him he didn't have to tell you all of this. So maybe he's trying to wipe the slate clean and build you guys relationship on an honest foundation. Really i think this depends on whether or not you're willing to take a risk. Maybe he has has changed, maybe he hasn't. Do you love him enough to really want to find out?
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Old 08-09-2010, 03:32 PM
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24 hours and he's already got another girl he's sleeping with-very suspect-then he's talking to another girl to get with and take her money-very poor character and not someone I could have as a partner. I would be very suspicious and he would have to prove a lot to me-actions, not just words that he was the man for me
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Old 08-09-2010, 03:43 PM
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24 hours and he's already got another girl he's sleeping with-very suspect-then he's talking to another girl to get with and take her money-very poor character and not someone I could have as a partner. I would be very suspicious and he would have to prove a lot to me-actions, not just words that he was the man for me
Agreed. And the best thing for you to do is move on. I understand that your heart is into him, but you deserve someone who is going to treat your heart right. And by his actions, he cares more about his own selfish gains than your heart.
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Old 08-09-2010, 03:58 PM
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That's a tough one...It would mess with me that he was already messing around on me when he was home.....I can't do the unfaithful thing, been there and I'm done! I guess it would depend on if you thought he was telling you everything trying to clean up his past, and be straight with you from here on out, but then again the reason you know is because YOU found out if I read your post correctly....I would proceed with caution. You deserve for him to be as down for you as you are preparing to be for him....this is not an easy road and you shouldn't put yourself thru it for someone who doesn't have your back like you have there's and doesn't truly appreciate it. Good Luck!
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Old 08-09-2010, 07:45 PM
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Move on honey you deserve better
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Old 08-09-2010, 08:02 PM
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Amen to that one, Myluv4ever!!! Been there done that and from my experience when the facts are there and they lie so much they believe their own lies....It's time to move one gf! Just my opinion
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Old 08-09-2010, 08:10 PM
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Somebody please hold my mule for a minute (LOL). Why in the heck does he want to play confessions when he gets locked up? Could this be to butter you up so you can send him money for calls and commissary? Don't let him play mind games with you. Something in the water is brown and its not chocolate syrup!!!
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Old 08-09-2010, 08:13 PM
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If he asks you to send him something, send him this phone number:

1-800-IF I WANTED TO HEAR FROM AN A^S I'D PASS GAS
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Old 08-09-2010, 11:14 PM
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no, you are not wrong for feeling suspicious......he has shown you he can't be trusted. cheating on you like that. trust is everything.
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Old 08-09-2010, 11:40 PM
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I would keep writing for a little while longer, but no money, no phone calls, no anything that costs you. See if he keeps writing. Don't wait for him. Date. Go out with your girls. Let him know he's an option and not in the top ten at that. See where he goes with that.
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Old 08-09-2010, 11:41 PM
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He is one of many men that I despise so much and he may be using u as well. The girl he hooked up with may not want to wait for him while he's in jail so he know u will be there for support just make up your mind ad believe me I know from experience following your heart is not always the best choice
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Old 08-10-2010, 02:34 AM
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I hate to sound harsh but sometimes things make me mad enough to write what I truly feel -

It seems to me that this guy knows just how to play you. I mean he slept with other women twice when you were broke up on the outside for just a few hours and once when you were even in the same house! Both times you took him back. It feels like he knows that he has you where he wants you and it doesn't matter what s**t he throws you are still going to be the one hanging around and making things easier for him.

Why oh why would you want to wait on a man who showed you little or no respect or love in the free world? Of course he wants things to be cool between you now because he needs someone to write, call and put money on his books.

If you want to hang around then I suggest you take some advice from the other ladies and write him only. Do not hook up the phone because you have no idea who he might end up calling using your credit and do not put money on his books. This man needs to prove he has turned over a new leaf before you start giving anything more to him than a little spare time.

Remember that the longer you hang around the harder it will be to walk away and the more it will hurt if it turns out that he hasn't changed at all. Finally remember that we get treated by men exactly as we allow and in my opinion you deserve a whole lot better.
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Old 08-10-2010, 04:10 AM
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Honey, he's just a big sack of hormones and ego without morals. You've only invested a few months into this relationship, so cutting it off won't be that great a loss. Promise.
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Old 08-10-2010, 06:45 AM
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Well, whatever you do, don't cheat on him. Two wrongs don't make a right. Well, in this case it would be three wrongs, since he cheated on you twice, but I digress... lol

Either decide to stay with him and be faithful to him, or walk away.

Personally, I would walk away - but that is only based on what you have written - so I don't know anything about either of you.

But then again... neither does Dear Abby when she gives life altering advice after reading two paragraphs about a situation!

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Old 08-10-2010, 01:40 PM
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Girl, if he couldnt keep it in his pants when he was free, I wouldnt expect him to keep it in there when he got fresh out of jail. I read what most people wrote and I agree with them. If my man couldnt be faithful to me, I sure wouldnt wait on his ass.
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Old 08-10-2010, 03:51 PM
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babe, honestly from all of this- id get the flip out of the relationship. you dont need that.

i was with my man for a little over 5 months when he was arrested. we've been faithful to each other since day one. thats the reason i'm waiting. not to mention i love him more than anything in the world
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Old 08-10-2010, 04:13 PM
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I would keep writing for a little while longer, but no money, no phone calls, no anything that costs you. See if he keeps writing. Don't wait for him. Date. Go out with your girls. Let him know he's an option and not in the top ten at that. See where he goes with that.



this is so true! this is the way i see it, if you was already holding him down before he wrote you the "CONFESSION'S LIST" then why would he tell you all this and risk loosing you? unless he want to start over with a clean slate and if that is true you should have your boundaries. tell him that in order to earn his trust you will go out have fun, not send him anything! be friends first be there for him and see if he opens up anymore. be with him but do your own thing that way if he wasn't true then at least you wasnt waiting....
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Old 08-10-2010, 04:41 PM
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he just doesn't sound like a good dude. don't waste your time. 4 months together & he's already done all that? come on, what do you THINK will happen when he gets out. you'll find someone better
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Old 08-10-2010, 04:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rdsgirl View Post
I was with him 4 months before he went to prison. We broke up 2 times. And each of those times he slept with other people. He didn't tell me and we ended up back together within 24 hours of breaking it off. He got drunk one night. And made out with another girl when I was in the same house. I asked he lied.I just found out he was talking/ writing to a girl that he lied to me about. Before he went in they had a phone relationship and were planning on getting together for a day. Just to hook up. He said he was leading her on so she would send him money. So now im scared hes just leading me on.He wrote me a letter telling me all of these things and how much he loves me. I honestly dont know what to do. Or what to believe. I had no problem waiting for him. But that was before I found out he couldn't even wait while we were together. Am I wrong for feeling this way. And what should I do?? Thanks ladies.
You are not wrong for feeling this way. I would not wait for him.
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Old 08-10-2010, 05:14 PM
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“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”


just thought this quote fit the thread...

he already tossed out any tind of respect and or trust when he did what he did 4 months in, IMO hes just spittin game so tell him to go holla at the chicks he was hookin up with on the side, you deserve better.
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:09 PM
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Sounds to me like he's leading you on. 4 months is not a long time and if he couldn't do right within those 4 months, chances are, he hasn't changed any. If I were you, I would move on, and if you are still available when he gets out, maybe you could give it another chance. But I wouldn't be putting my life on hold if you don't 100% feel in your heart that it will work when he gets out.
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Old 08-10-2010, 10:24 PM
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AMEN AMEN AMEN. Please don't settle even if he means iy all which I highly doubt movee on to a man who would never do those things to u at all ever so as no nneed to come clean. Please love urself more to know that u deserve to be treated like a Queen All of the time. IF this was a man who did all that then maybe he wud deserve a loyal GF to wait on him. But after 4 months please endure the heartache for a short while now and get rid if him and his lies and deceit.
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“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”


just thought this quote fit the thread...

he already tossed out any tind of respect and or trust when he did what he did 4 months in, IMO hes just spittin game so tell him to go holla at the chicks he was hookin up with on the side, you deserve better.
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  #24  
Old 08-11-2010, 12:19 AM
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You should find someone who loves and respects you. If he was with other women during your 24 hour "break ups" and you actually broke up twice in 4 months, I wouldn't waste my time. If he is lying to your face, and lying in letters, what can you believe?

No one deserves to be treated like this. Do you really want to wait for someone who treats you like this in the beginning of a relationship? Just MY opinion.
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Old 08-11-2010, 01:08 AM
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my (now) husband and I have had cheating in the past and each time he went to jail i held him down no matter what happened while he was out because i really do love that man... last time he got out we had a real long talk about eveyrthing and decided to start fresh forget out past and focus on the future... A guy will only change when he wants to and it is up to you what you do.. if you think he is the one for you then stay around and hold him down like no other if you don't know then let it go because everything happens for a reason and if it is meant to be it will be
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