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  #1  
Old 05-22-2020, 05:24 PM
skxlly skxlly is offline
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Default Saw him for the first time, got sent back to jail

My heart aches
My fiancť has been incarcerated since Jan 28th first at a provincial jail and later sent to a federal prison for a parole breach. He was just released on statutory release 10 days ago and I couldnít wait to see him.....when he was in provincial we were only able to have video visits and when he got to federal, we didnít manage to get visits because the visitor approval process took too long... we havenít physically touched eachother in 4 months and havenít even seen eachother in 3 months.

I got so excited when he was released to a halfway house 4 hours away that I booked a hotel two days ago and told him Iím coming to see him. We only had from 12-3pm, he went back and checked in, and then from 3-50pm. His PO followed him but he didnít tell her I was coming to town therefore he didnít have permission to see me that day ..... she issued a warrant out for him and they arrested him once he went back to the halfway house and heís being sent back to jail .... itís my fault man .... once he got back to the halfway house he called me right away and he noticed the police come ... I was on the phone with him when it happened ....

He Is very tatted, has a long record and is considered a VO .. One of the last things I remember him saying to me when the police were walking towards him was ďthey donít see me the way you see meĒ and my heart broke. If I was able to wait longer, he would still be out .. and would be done his entire sentence on July 4th. I ruined it all because I couldnít wait
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Old 05-22-2020, 05:31 PM
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My heart aches
My fiancť has been incarcerated since Jan 28th first at a provincial jail and later sent to a federal prison for a parole breach. He was just released on statutory release 10 days ago and I couldnít wait to see him.....when he was in provincial we were only able to have video visits and when he got to federal, we didnít manage to get visits because the visitor approval process took too long... we havenít physically touched eachother in 4 months and havenít even seen eachother in 3 months.

I got so excited when he was released to a halfway house 4 hours away that I booked a hotel two days ago and told him Iím coming to see him. We only had from 12-3pm, he went back and checked in, and then from 3-50pm. His PO followed him but he didnít tell her I was coming to town therefore he didnít have permission to see me that day ..... she issued a warrant out for him and they arrested him once he went back to the halfway house and heís being sent back to jail .... itís my fault man .... once he got back to the halfway house he called me right away and he noticed the police come ... I was on the phone with him when it happened ....

He Is very tatted, has a long record and is considered a VO .. One of the last things I remember him saying to me when the police were walking towards him was ďthey donít see me the way you see meĒ and my heart broke. If I was able to wait longer, he would still be out .. and would be done his entire sentence on July 4th. I ruined it all because I couldnít wait

I'm so sorry for what you and your loved one are going through. I'm sure he didn't know the rules and for his PO to follow him and watch his every move like that tells me that he was set up for failure.
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Old 05-22-2020, 05:44 PM
skxlly skxlly is offline
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I'm so sorry for what you and your loved one are going through. I'm sure he didn't know the rules and for his PO to follow him and watch his every move like that tells me that he was set up for failure.

Me too ..... it was the most beautiful and emotionally intimate moment Iíve had in my life when we saw each other again for the first time.

To make it even more interesting ... his first few days at the halfway house, his parole officer called him Ďhandsomeí and Ďsexyí and he basically rejected her saying he has a wife waiting for him. He was wondering if he should go to the parole board and say sheís being inappropriate with him but he said he didnít know if it was worth it because it canít be proven, and if he does report it without there being any action taken, his PO would make his life hell ....
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Old 05-22-2020, 06:11 PM
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Please allow me to be blunt: WTF did you think? Why do you think this will work out just fine? You want your guy home and with you, follow the damn rules. I don't feel sorry for you, this is on you two completely.
If I have learned ONE thing with regards to prison... tread it lightly and follow the damn rules. If you want him with you, follow the rules and be patient. Seriously, what were you thinking or with what were you thinking? (and Patchouli, I'm allowed one rant a month so please don't delete).
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Old 05-22-2020, 06:13 PM
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Me too ..... it was the most beautiful and emotionally intimate moment Iíve had in my life when we saw each other again for the first time.

To make it even more interesting ... his first few days at the halfway house, his parole officer called him Ďhandsomeí and Ďsexyí and he basically rejected her saying he has a wife waiting for him. He was wondering if he should go to the parole board and say sheís being inappropriate with him but he said he didnít know if it was worth it because it canít be proven, and if he does report it without there being any action taken, his PO would make his life hell ....

I don't know the answer to that. But is there anyway you can find out more about the PO ? like has she done this sort of thing before where she's been harassing other men? I hope that someone else can chip in and answer your question for you.
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Old 05-22-2020, 06:16 PM
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Please allow me to be blunt: WTF did you think? Why do you think this will work out just fine? You want your guy home and with you, follow the damn rules. I don't feel sorry for you, this is on you two completely.
If I have learned ONE thing with regards to prison... tread it lightly and follow the damn rules. If you want him with you, follow the rules and be patient. Seriously, what were you thinking or with what were you thinking? (and Patchouli, I'm allowed one rant a month so please don't delete).
She posted pictures of them. Very very young.

OP you live and learn. Unfortunately, you guys are choosing to this the hard way. You'll be need to learn self control. It's part of growing up. Impulsive decisions have lasting consequences.
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Old 05-22-2020, 06:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Born View Post
I'm so sorry for what you and your loved one are going through. I'm sure he didn't know the rules and for his PO to follow him and watch his every move like that tells me that he was set up for failure.
Why would. he need permission by his PO to see you for im confused when he signed in from the halfway house its different in NYS they don't violate. for that thats crazy why would he need permission to see you im confused they only do that in NYS if there is an order of protection in place

Last edited by ambermarshall11; 05-22-2020 at 06:46 PM..
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Old 05-22-2020, 06:47 PM
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Why would. he need permission by his PO to see you for im confused when he signed in from the halfway house its different in NYS they don't violate. for that thats crazy why would he need permission to see you im confused they only do that in NYS if there is an order of protection in place
This is a completely different country. Their house their rules
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Old 05-22-2020, 08:28 PM
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Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
Please allow me to be blunt: WTF did you think? Why do you think this will work out just fine? You want your guy home and with you, follow the damn rules. I don't feel sorry for you, this is on you two completely.
If I have learned ONE thing with regards to prison... tread it lightly and follow the damn rules. If you want him with you, follow the rules and be patient. Seriously, what were you thinking or with what were you thinking? (and Patchouli, I'm allowed one rant a month so please don't delete).
Well Iím an approved visitor at all the institutions heís been at over the course of the past few months. His PO said herself that sheís aware that weíre in contact ďsubstantiallyĒ (her words). I was thinking finally I can hug my fiancť again.
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Old 05-22-2020, 08:34 PM
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Why would. he need permission by his PO to see you for im confused when he signed in from the halfway house its different in NYS they don't violate. for that thats crazy why would he need permission to see you im confused they only do that in NYS if there is an order of protection in place
Iíd understand if I was a random person however Iím approved and have been CPICíd countless times. No criminal record on my end. This is in Canada by the way.
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Old 05-22-2020, 08:37 PM
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She posted pictures of them. Very very young.

OP you live and learn. Unfortunately, you guys are choosing to this the hard way. You'll be need to learn self control. It's part of growing up. Impulsive decisions have lasting consequences.
Yeah. It sucks. Iím not reverting the blame anywhere other than on myself which is what I said in the original post.

Didnít expect to be attacked (not by you) for something I took accountability for. Just thought this was a safe place to talk about a messed up situation -
Something I believe majority of people on this website come to for comfort from.
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Old 05-22-2020, 08:42 PM
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I don't know the answer to that. But is there anyway you can find out more about the PO ? like has she done this sort of thing before where she's been harassing other men? I hope that someone else can chip in and answer your question for you.
I have nooooo clue. My partner said that the other guys in the house say she’s a b****.

My partner also caught two of the guards doing some 'intimate business' in the office last week when he went out for a cigarette around 3 am cause he couldn’t sleep (they’re allowed to do that).

Strange stuff going on in that house lol ...

Last edited by skxlly; 05-22-2020 at 09:31 PM.. Reason: Censored the language/didn't want to expose too much information about the guards - still learning the rules of this site
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Old 05-22-2020, 08:44 PM
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Yeah. It sucks. Iím not reverting the blame anywhere other than on myself which is what I said in the original post.

Didnít expect to be attacked (not by you) for something I took accountability for. Just thought this was a safe place to talk about a messed up situation -
Something I believe majority of people on this website come to for comfort from.
You guys will need to tow the line moving forward until this is completely over. Unfortunately what you want doesn't matter anymore. We have been doing this a long time ND know the only way out of this is to follow the rules now, so they never have the impulse to bend them again.

The value of freedom has to be more important than anything else.
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Old 05-23-2020, 05:05 AM
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My advice, do not report the PO to the parole board without much more "proof" of actual wrongdoing than you have. Never complain about anything that falls within the POs extensive authority.

A nasty PO is bad enough, so why add "angry" to her title. The past is history, work on improving his, and your future relationships.
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Old 05-23-2020, 09:59 AM
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It isn't your fault. I find it hard to believe he didn't know it wasn't allowed. They are given the rules and regulations before they get there. If he didn't read or follow them it's his fault.

I would never turn in a PO. It will make things so much worse.
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Old 05-23-2020, 04:13 PM
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There is nothing left to say as it has all been said.

When he was granted day parole, he had to become aware of the constraints of his contract. As others have said, it is on him and had he foresight he would have told you not to come when you said you would.

You have to look @ it through the eyes of the PO : here is a guy that knows the rules upon which he has to abide and he is already withholding information. If they donít have permission, they canít do it. He should have known.

If you did not manage to get visits in federal cause your application was not approved [took too long], you cannot really claim that you have a track record of visiting in the federal system. Provincial jails, O.K., Feds, no. HWH are under federal guidance as they are part of their reintegration framework.

Do not forget that in the federal system there is no visiting due to a pandemic. The fact you would travel to see him [while we have provincial state of emergency] shows youthful selfishness. It is uncool to by - pass that, especially with HWH already worried about external contacts, such as public transit.

Look, I get it. You miss him, but both of you need to pause and think prior to acting. My husband remains in federal prison and I havenít touched him in months either. [Going on 7. . .] But, I would rather not touch him for a short period of time than to derail his progress. We want them to actually have a life outside, you know ???

Yes, it sucks, but the ball is always in CSCís court.
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Old 05-24-2020, 11:13 PM
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Yeah guys...I know now....Impulse and emotion...nostalgia and impatience.

Last edited by skxlly; 05-24-2020 at 11:36 PM..
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Old 05-25-2020, 07:16 AM
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Yeah guys...I know now....Impulse and emotion...nostalgia and impatience.
There is not much you can do about it now unfortunately. Hopefully, this doesn't affect him too harshly, but he may have to serve out the rest of the sentence now.

Take it as a lesson learned. Being impulsive and impatient are qualities you are going to have to work on for now. There is very little of that in this life. It is accepting things as they are and waiting for them to serve time fully before you can do what you want.

He got very lucky to be released after a few months. Now you'll have a longer haul and you'll have to wrap your mind around that. It is not like breaking the rules at school or at home...there are long term consequences. He also needs to man up as well. This is not all on you.

If you get impulsive in the future and he puts his foot down, you'll need to respect it. He has to live through all this.

You'll need to learn how to gain fulfillment from one another in a myriad of different ways. Work on communication and go from there.
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Old 05-26-2020, 08:34 PM
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My heart aches
My fiancť has been incarcerated since Jan 28th first at a provincial jail and later sent to a federal prison for a parole breach. He was just released on statutory release 10 days ago and I couldnít wait to see him.....when he was in provincial we were only able to have video visits and when he got to federal, we didnít manage to get visits because the visitor approval process took too long... we havenít physically touched eachother in 4 months and havenít even seen eachother in 3 months.

I got so excited when he was released to a halfway house 4 hours away that I booked a hotel two days ago and told him Iím coming to see him. We only had from 12-3pm, he went back and checked in, and then from 3-50pm. His PO followed him but he didnít tell her I was coming to town therefore he didnít have permission to see me that day ..... she issued a warrant out for him and they arrested him once he went back to the halfway house and heís being sent back to jail .... itís my fault man .... once he got back to the halfway house he called me right away and he noticed the police come ... I was on the phone with him when it happened ....

He Is very tatted, has a long record and is considered a VO .. One of the last things I remember him saying to me when the police were walking towards him was ďthey donít see me the way you see meĒ and my heart broke. If I was able to wait longer, he would still be out .. and would be done his entire sentence on July 4th. I ruined it all because I couldnít wait


I have a hard time believing any PO has time to follow a parolee. This seems fishy to me.
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Old 05-27-2020, 07:35 AM
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I have a hard time believing any PO has time to follow a parolee. This seems fishy to me.

That's part of what they're paid to do.
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Old 05-28-2020, 08:40 AM
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Of course they will.
lol, one of my hubs followed him and others to a group meeting they were required to attend. He actually peeked thru the window at who was there.
No contact with any of his *parolees* he just wanted to get some of his connects over with for the week I guess.
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Old 05-28-2020, 11:03 AM
ambermarshall11 ambermarshall11 is offline
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I have a hard time believing any PO has time to follow a parolee. This seems fishy to me.
Yeah it does they have so many inmates on their case load to follow someone i would feel the same way if it was me i would turn her in really nothing to lose at this point ask to speak to a supervisor tell them the situation could be a conflict
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