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  #26  
Old 09-10-2018, 08:09 AM
Rigora Rigora is offline
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Are narcissist truly capable of changing ? I think I’m dealing with one and I’m conflicted with moving on or believing that he could really change . I’ve delt with a lot of emotional abuse from him to the point where I feel like he enjoys seeing me hurt or just doesn’t care . There are times where things are really really good, but then in a second things are bad . I honestly love him to death and he says he loves me but he doesn’t show it at times . He’ll ignore me but then randomly calls and acts like nothing ever happend . Even when he was out he did these things except for a shorter amount of time. It drives me crazy , I feel like he does it to feel wanted .

A person has to want to change. They have to realize they have a problem and want to actively improve themselves. While I don't have the authority to diagnosis my ex with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, he presents with a lot of the traits, as well as traits of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. He does not think anything is wrong, so there's no reason for him to seek help.

Last edited by patchouli; 10-01-2018 at 01:55 PM.. Reason: OP user name change
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  #27  
Old 09-10-2018, 08:24 AM
kt1876 kt1876 is offline
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A person has to want to change. They have to realize they have a problem and want to actively improve themselves. While I don't have the authority to diagnosis my ex with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, he presents with a lot of the traits, as well as traits of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. He does not think anything is wrong, so there's no reason for him to seek help.


I feel a lot different when I first posted this . Iím finding my strength bc Iím realizing that itís never going to change and I donít want to deal with the emotional abuse , with the back and forth for the rest of my life. To me it feels like a cycle it happens over and over again . Things are amazing then terrible then he stops talking to me then I ignore him then he tries to get me back . Itís the same thing over and over and itís mentally exhausting. I love him so much but I canít do it . Right now Iím ignoring him and I know that he expects me to fall back into his lap, but Iím not . Im kinda scared when he gets out bc itís not to long from now . He gets pretty angry when I donít give in . I donít know what he might do to be honest ,itís never been a permanent thing .
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  #28  
Old 09-10-2018, 08:32 AM
Rigora Rigora is offline
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I feel a lot different when I first posted this . I’m finding my strength bc I’m realizing that it’s never going to change and I don’t want to deal with the emotional abuse , with the back and forth for the rest of my life. To me it feels like a cycle it happens over and over again . Things are amazing then terrible then he stops talking to me then I ignore him then he tries to get me back . It’s the same thing over and over and it’s mentally exhausting. I love him so much but I can’t do it . Right now I’m ignoring him and I know that he expects me to fall back into his lap, but I’m not . Im kinda scared when he gets out bc it’s not to long from now . He gets pretty angry when I don’t give in . I don’t know what he might do to be honest ,it’s never been a permanent thing .

When I broke up with my ex, I started seeing a counselor. I've been seeing her for four months, and in that time I've started creating and sticking to boundaries where he's concerned. We have a daughter, so I can't cut him out of my life entirely. In his mind, we were going to be a family when he was released, despite the fact we broke up. I think he's realized I'm serious about the boundaries I have set, more so since I filed for custody.

Try to stay strong and begin to distance yourself from him. It gets easier as time passes, it really does.

Last edited by patchouli; 10-01-2018 at 01:56 PM.. Reason: OP user name change
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  #29  
Old 09-10-2018, 08:42 AM
kt1876 kt1876 is offline
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When I broke up with my ex, I started seeing a counselor. I've been seeing her for four months, and in that time I've started creating and sticking to boundaries where he's concerned. We have a daughter, so I can't cut him out of my life entirely. In his mind, we were going to be a family when he was released, despite the fact we broke up. I think he's realized I'm serious about the boundaries I have set, more so since I filed for custody.

Try to stay strong and begin to distance yourself from him. It gets easier as time passes, it really does.


Thank you ! I started seeing a therapist but it didnít really work out . She told me I could not come back until I knew if I wanted to stay or leave . This was before he went to jail. So I guess itís time to go back since I know what I want .
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  #30  
Old 09-10-2018, 08:50 AM
Rigora Rigora is offline
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Thank you ! I started seeing a therapist but it didn’t really work out . She told me I could not come back until I knew if I wanted to stay or leave . This was before he went to jail. So I guess it’s time to go back since I know what I want .

It can be difficult finding a good fit when it comes to a therapist. It is also a two way street, and you have to want to be there. I had no idea why I was going, I just knew I needed to go before my ex was released. My counselor worked with me to figure out just what I wanted to work on (my self-confidence).

I hope that if you start seeing a therapist again, you're able to identify what it is you want to work on and things improve from there. I wish you the best of luck
Edit: I just realized I think I misunderstood why you did not continue seeing your therapist. Did you mean stay with or leave your boyfriend?

Last edited by patchouli; 10-01-2018 at 01:56 PM.. Reason: OP user name change
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  #31  
Old 09-10-2018, 05:09 PM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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If anybody told me what your therapist told you, I'd be looking for another therapist.
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  #32  
Old 09-10-2018, 08:59 PM
kt1876 kt1876 is offline
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It can be difficult finding a good fit when it comes to a therapist. It is also a two way street, and you have to want to be there. I had no idea why I was going, I just knew I needed to go before my ex was released. My counselor worked with me to figure out just what I wanted to work on (my self-confidence).

I hope that if you start seeing a therapist again, you're able to identify what it is you want to work on and things improve from there. I wish you the best of luck
Edit: I just realized I think I misunderstood why you did not continue seeing your therapist. Did you mean stay with or leave your boyfriend?
Yes thatís what I meant.
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  #33  
Old 10-23-2018, 06:12 AM
cannedsud cannedsud is offline
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I think it's possible if he or she really wants to improve but in most cases, no, it is difficult for a narcissist to change and their nature wont even make the effort to change themselves. They thrive from hurting others and through benefiting themselves.
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