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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

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  #26  
Old 01-05-2012, 02:35 PM
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It's been 8 years and celibate. It's not easy however I don't put myself into situations where it would be tempting to cheat. We're getting married in 3 months and I honestly could not look my fiance in the eye if I had been unfaithful. We are hoping to get him transferred to a facility in WA where we can have family visits for the next 8 years, understanding this may or may not happen I'm prepared for the long haul. I don't miss the sex, just the companionship and everyday living without him on the outside. I've known him for 9 years, dating briefly before his incarceration. I have met very few women who have been truly faithful and even have been made fun of for being celibate. I understand that my fiance in all likelyhood would not have been able todo the same for me if circumstances were reversed.

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  #27  
Old 01-05-2012, 09:11 PM
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Well my fiance has another 8 years and I will continue to be celibate for him. I have never slept with anyone and my fiance and I were friends before he went in (but didn't become a couple til 3 months after he was incarcerated) so we've never even gotten to kiss on the lips, let alone be intimate. So my sexual experience is limited to 2nd base with a boyfriend I had way back in high school, and it will remain that way until my fiance comes home in 2019. He is worth it though!
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  #28  
Old 01-16-2012, 01:23 AM
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I have been faithful always to him. Just because he is in prison til 2018 doesn't mean I will quit. There is nothing better then being intimate with the person your TRULY in love with. No one could even compare to my husband. Ever! I can't even imagine another man putting his hands on me. I can wait and a moment of weakness for pleasure is not worth the amount of heart ache it would cause. If I can't have sex with my boo then I don't want it at all. I'm fine with what I do on my own. I will remain faithful and true.

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  #29  
Old 01-16-2012, 06:34 AM
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My husband wasn't exactly a Long-term (er) and he's home now but I just want to say yes I did remain faithful and in the 4 years that he was away and the year since he came home this is the one question he has never asked me EVER. I guess I want to ask why perfect strangers ask other strangers such a personal question and why it would matter?
My husband was only concerned with where my heart was/is...not where my panty's were. This puzzles me.
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  #30  
Old 01-22-2012, 03:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HesMyForever View Post
Didn't you ask this before in another thread you started?

I'm not understanding your last question..."don't you feel like life is passing you by?" and the issue of sex. Sex is not so important that if you're not having it, all of a sudden your missing out on life. If your life (and your relationship) is based on/focused around sex 24/7....then you have a problem...just sayin'. Don't get me wrong...sex is great...but not a necessity to live.

Have I waited the entire past 4 years, 2 months? No. But...that's because when we first "met" he was already in prison, and he told me I could have "my fun" if I felt the need to...as long as I was honest about it and used protection. I hooked-up a few times in the early stages of our relationship (and, I followed the stipulations...was protected and was honest with him). But, since our relationship and love has gotten stronger...I have stopped all that nonsense. He still tells me I have that option if I so choose...but I don't want to be with anyone else. He is the only man I want to be intimate with. So, I have been celibate for about 2 years or so now, and I will continue to do so the next 5 1/2 years til he comes home.

As for this part of your post: "but yet PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY and SPIRITUALLY what can they do for us behind those walls?"

Mentally and emotionally...he's my biggest supporter; he is my listening board; my best friend and confidant. I can, and do, share everything with him, and he always encourages me, gives me good advice, and comforts me with his words of love. Spiritually...he encourages me in my faith (we're both Muslim); he gives me reminders (from the Qur'an) when need-be; he'll recite the Qur'an for me; he helps me with memorization of Qur'anic verses; etc. So, yes, he does a lot for me spiritually. Physically...we have a special connection where at times, we can truly feel each others presence (I know it sounds corny, but true), and we try to do this every nite at a set time for 10 minutes. And, tho I don't get to visit often (hopefully that will change when I move this summer), his hugs, kisses, and just being able to stare into his eyes, is the most wonderful thing in this world.

Thank you for sharing this, I was very touched by this. Well this is my first time in anything like this and I will always have questions on what other people feel or is going through although each situation is similar but quite not the same. But thank you so much for sharing it seems as though you have a great heart.
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  #31  
Old 01-22-2012, 11:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sexy_Bella View Post
why is it so hard for some ppl to believe that sex is NOT everything?? i've been faithful the whole time and i will continue to do so,even though my man is never gonna get out. i love him. it isn't a problem to be faithful if you TRULY love your man.women that f*ck around just simply do NOT REALLY LOVE THIER MAN.the women that f*ck around have no self-control, no self respect and they damned sure have no respect for thier man....

i honestly admire your determination' and loyalty though your man is never due to get out' it is certainly rare these days......
my man has been down 20 years' we were childhood friends and divine intervention brought us together 2 1/2 years ago and have 4 1/2 years to go unless of a miracle. i am going to remain faithful cause i want him to know how much i love him' and i have a high sex drive just like him but we deal with it together!
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  #32  
Old 01-23-2012, 03:14 AM
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Since my love has been locked up I have been faithful to him... He was my first and we have a beautiful son together my heart had always belonged to him and my body as well. I couldn't imagine sex with anyone else maybe its because he's been my only sex partner but I don't care I'll gladly wait for my babe to get out and have all the sex I want until then if I feel the need I can b pretty handy hahaha. It works the same way may not feel as good but it gets the job done.
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  #33  
Old 01-23-2012, 12:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annamarie_0110
Since my love has been locked up I have been faithful to him... He was my first and we have a beautiful son together my heart had always belonged to him and my body as well. I couldn't imagine sex with anyone else maybe its because he's been my only sex partner but I don't care I'll gladly wait for my babe to get out and have all the sex I want until then if I feel the need I can b pretty handy hahaha. It works the same way may not feel as good but it gets the job done.
Yea if he's your first love then I understand how you feel. And I can't imagine sex with anyone else other than my husband, its him that I truly love.
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  #34  
Old 01-23-2012, 10:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 16yrs View Post
It's been 8 years and celibate. It's not easy however I don't put myself into situations where it would be tempting to cheat. We're getting married in 3 months and I honestly could not look my fiance in the eye if I had been unfaithful. We are hoping to get him transferred to a facility in WA where we can have family visits for the next 8 years, understanding this may or may not happen I'm prepared for the long haul. I don't miss the sex, just the companionship and everyday living without him on the outside. I've known him for 9 years, dating briefly before his incarceration. I have met very few women who have been truly faithful and even have been made fun of for being celibate. I understand that my fiance in all likelyhood would not have been able todo the same for me if circumstances were reversed.
I think the part I bolded in red is definitely important, especially for someone like me who, in the past (i.e. 10 years ago), used to put myself into situations where it'd be very difficult to say "no," not necessarily because I wanted sex, but because of abuse I went thru growing up...I felt like I didn't have a choice or right to say "no." So, over the years I have learned not to even get into those sort of situations or go to places where I could get into those sort of predicaments (i.e. clubs/bars). Of course, now as a Muslim, I don't drink either, so that also helps because my mind is more clear as well when I might be out with friends (i.e. at a restaurant). Notice, I said "friends" not just a "friend"...so that's another thing as well, I always make sure I'm not out alone with a guy either, even if it's a guy I've known for a long time...I've had male friends in the past that have hit on me and so to avoid that possibly occurring (which creates a terribly awkward situation, imo), I'm never alone with a guy, if possible.
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  #35  
Old 01-24-2012, 03:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HesMyForever

I think the part I bolded in red is definitely important, especially for someone like me who, in the past (i.e. 10 years ago), used to put myself into situations where it'd be very difficult to say "no," not necessarily because I wanted sex, but because of abuse I went thru growing up...I felt like I didn't have a choice or right to say "no." So, over the years I have learned not to even get into those sort of situations or go to places where I could get into those sort of predicaments (i.e. clubs/bars). Of course, now as a Muslim, I don't drink either, so that also helps because my mind is more clear as well when I might be out with friends (i.e. at a restaurant). Notice, I said "friends" not just a "friend"...so that's another thing as well, I always make sure I'm not out alone with a guy either, even if it's a guy I've known for a long time...I've had male friends in the past that have hit on me and so to avoid that possibly occurring (which creates a terribly awkward situation, imo), I'm never alone with a guy, if possible.
I AGREE WITH YOU SO MUCH....I live my life but I always have my husband in mind. I don't put myself in awkward positions either. I love my husband but I also am going thru and up & down roller coaster and it gets hard. I try to take it day by day but even so it's still hard so I try to be very careful.
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  #36  
Old 02-02-2012, 12:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsPrettiJackson View Post
I read post on here all the time about how long our loved one is gone but my some answers seem UNREAL.So my question is:

if he has a long sentence and he has done 5 PLUS years and more HAVE YOU REALLY WENT ALL THAT TIME WITHOUT ANY SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Why when he goes to prison we turn him into such a great man? They tend to be all we've ever dreamed of and more but yet PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY and SPIRITUALLY what can they do for us behind those walls?

We are here for them on the hopes of "When they come home" but the fact of the matter is "WE DON'T KNOW" when they are going to come home? (to the women who have waited 10 + for your hunnie did you wait all that time NO SEX
(HONESTLY)???

Doesn't it feel like life is passing you by?
My life is not passing me by. If you depend on someone else for your pleasure then you are setting yourself up for a fall. I have been celibate for over 7 years while my husband is in prison and will be until he comes home - if he comes home. And if he doesn't, then he doesn't, but at least I wont be presenting him with someone else's child or disease, or causing more drama than we need. It's really no big deal.

And yes, he is celibate too. Some people manage it just fine.
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  #37  
Old 02-02-2012, 12:59 AM
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Yes I sure have been lol. He's been in for three years now, and we have along way too go. Its not really hard for me, I don't give in to temptation easy. Once you had the best you just can't settle for second best
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  #38  
Old 11-20-2013, 03:16 AM
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Yes. The last person I made love to was him and that was June 25
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  #39  
Old 11-20-2013, 04:44 AM
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Disclaimer. This is totally my own perspective to this matter and is based on my personal believes and life experience living this life with me. Everyone is different and have different believes and values,and that's fine by me.This is only my own experience and the way it works for me, and believe me, I have tried the different way previously in my life when I was young and just ended up hurting myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MsPrettiJackson View Post
I read post on here all the time about how long our loved one is gone but my some answers seem UNREAL.So my question is:

if he has a long sentence and he has done 5 PLUS years and more HAVE YOU REALLY WENT ALL THAT TIME WITHOUT ANY SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
We have been together 2+ years, but before that I was a single for a long time. So all together I have gone without sex with another person for over 5 years.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MsPrettiJackson View Post
Why when he goes to prison we turn him into such a great man? They tend to be all we've ever dreamed of and more but yet PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY and SPIRITUALLY what can they do for us behind those walls?
We are MWI, so I didn't know him before, but he is a great man, no doubt. For me he is.

The thing is that I myself am responsible of my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. It's not that he somehow has to make me whole, fix me, fill all my needs, because it is up to me as a grown woman take care of myself. Everything he gives me is plus for already whole life package. I don't "need" him, I am with him because I choose to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MsPrettiJackson View Post
We are here for them on the hopes of "When they come home" but the fact of the matter is "WE DON'T KNOW" when they are going to come home? (to the women who have waited 10 + for your hunnie did you wait all that time NO SEX
(HONESTLY)???
Yes. It comes down to self respect with me. I respect myself way too much for letting someone who I don't really love and desire to get into my pants. It's not about his time in prison, it's about what I think I am worth, and sorry, I am worth more than what some fb (and I am not talking about facebook) can give me. You talked about spiritual and emotional and mental aspect. What does some fb do to fill that void? In my opinion they might give you something physically, but other than that they take more than they give, and no thank you. I deserve better.

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Originally Posted by MsPrettiJackson View Post
Doesn't it feel like life is passing you by?
No, because my life and happiness is not based on what someone else can give or do to me.
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  #40  
Old 01-05-2014, 10:30 PM
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I wasn't faithful. I got so caught up in everyone telling me I couldn't do it. I also put myself in a bad situation partying drinking and had sex the one time. But it is just as if I had done it a hundred times. I am committed to him so I was honest and told him. He expected more of me, but I am staying trying to fix it if I can. Truth is I didn't just hurt him I also hurt me. If we can't work it out. I am at fault for ruining our love, and if we do work it out it will always be between us. I am responsible for hurting him so bad. I have to live with the guilt and shame. Do I believe he would have waited on me.? Probably not but he is not the one on the outside either. We did not have an open relationship and just because we have 9+ years left is NOT an excuse. Just in case you are wondering it is soooooooooooooo not worth it. Pray for me and M we need it.
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Old 01-08-2014, 07:58 PM
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I'll keep you and him in my prayers ❤️
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Old 01-28-2014, 01:36 PM
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I've known my man since we were teens and
I'm 37. I moved from our home state and we
both had other relations of course. I moved
back to our home state and we reconnected
while he was in county jail. Since being back
in our home state I have been faithful to him.
We are very serious and are deeply in love. I
would have spoke up before I moved but he
was during dirty then too and was in and out
of the system. We all have regrets. This time
I want to be by his side.
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  #43  
Old 03-20-2015, 10:33 AM
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Life is not all about sex..

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Old 03-20-2015, 10:40 AM
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Celibate for my lifer!!
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Old 03-20-2015, 12:21 PM
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No, I do not feel life is just passing me by. We met while he was incarcerated, and if I EVER felt like that than I wouldn't be in this relationship. Life is too short to be miserable and unhappy. I love what I have with my boyfriend. I have not had sex in a year and I will continue to be celibate until he gets out (if he gets out). He is worth it to me. I love him, I love what we share, and I love what we have. We live our lives together, even if he isn't here physically. That may sound confusing...but we just make sure to have a very open level of communication. We talk about everything. We do things together and support one another. This man has given me all the emotional love and support I could ever ask for. Spiritually we talk about being mindful, present, loving, genuine, kind, generous, etc. etc. we share in similar beliefs and even if we didn't would most likely be supportive in those beliefs. When you find someone who you feel is worth it, you work for it

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Old 03-20-2015, 01:09 PM
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I wouldn't even think about having sex with another man and can wait no problem. I can understand why younger might not but I just couldn't do it
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Old 03-21-2015, 12:32 AM
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Yes, since the moment I joined (and even before.)
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Old 03-21-2015, 02:27 AM
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My love has been incarcerated since he was 18. Sentenced to 15-life. Currently he has been locked up for just about 18 years. I have been on this ride with him for almost 5. I haven't had sexual relations since before we got together. And since lifers can't have EFV's I know he ain't been with anyone either. Sex isn't everything. And by the statement made by the OP about being honest.....hell yes I've been celibate since I've been with him. Its not that difficult when you truly love someone....
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Old 04-10-2015, 09:21 PM
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Honestly, if you really love your man. Having temporary sex with another man because you are too weak to wait on your man is so not worth it. Don't let your flesh be weak! Use your heart and not your eyes....that should help y'all a lot. Love is love....don't give your sex up to just anyone! Wait on your man, it will be worth the wait.
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Old 04-10-2015, 11:45 PM
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Damn straight I ain't had sex with a man since before we got together. Honestly it isn't that difficult for me. Now I substitute with lots and lots of toys.
. They get the job done and I never feel guilty for cheating. I'm 100% loyal and faithful.
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