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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

View Poll Results: How has your man changed?
No noticeable change 8 3.81%
Definately matured 170 80.95%
Regressed 5 2.38%
Working on it 27 12.86%
Voters: 210. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 04-15-2004, 04:07 PM
lovesaron lovesaron is offline
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Question Has he changed?

Just curious.

For those who have men that already have been in for a long time.
Especially for those whose man went in at a relatively young age, still immature:

Has your man changed?
How has he changed?


Mine has been in 15 years - started in early/mid twenties.
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  #2  
Old 04-15-2004, 04:12 PM
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He has changed...been there for 10 years now. He is kind of cold and standoffish...he wasnt like that before.
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Old 04-15-2004, 04:13 PM
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At the beginning he was just going along with the program.
Glad to have anyone visiting him and taking calls.

Let's say when I went to visit and we got back together (had known each other in college) he had not even told the other girl that was visiting him about me.
They were not officially dating but she was definately taken with him.
I felt so bad for her. I told him he had to let her know we were starting a serious relationship. He did.

I one point I did leave him for awhile and he realized what he had lost.
I was not playing games just had to do what was best for me.
When we got back together he had finally matured and realized what life was about.
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Old 04-16-2004, 10:14 AM
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My man has slowed down alot since his arrest in 1981. He used to be wild!! Now he thinks things through and isn't so quick to throw a punch. He'll still fight if he has to but it has to be for a darn good reason!!
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  #5  
Old 04-19-2004, 01:29 PM
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Travis has definitely matured, but he's still a snap case. I'm very proud of the way he's held up through all that's been going on lately.
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  #6  
Old 04-21-2004, 06:42 PM
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Roberts been down 171/2 yrs now and he's grown up completely. He went through a cold standoffish stage too but thats for the benefit of the other inmates. it soon passes.
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Old 04-23-2004, 02:58 PM
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paul was filled with rage when he went in 1991... i met him in 89 and he was the sweetest nicest guy like now... it was the drugs... sometimes he is a bit synical where he feels i am gullible...
but now he definitely matured.
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  #8  
Old 04-23-2004, 05:26 PM
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I live in the presant and J lives in the future. He is really intelligent and sometimes I feel like even though I am older than he is....he has aged so much from his experiences after 10 years down. His changes are definetly possitive changes and I believe he will be an exceptional member of society when finally given the chance! I am really proud of him!
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  #9  
Old 04-24-2004, 08:59 AM
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My husband never bonded with his mother and was definitely a "displaced" child. He went on to become a displaced adult.

He's been in prison for almost 18 years. Until he met me, he had no remorse for anything in life, He was a hard and bitter man. He thought light teasing was a head game and that all women were into them. Although he was able to show me how to build self-esteem and self-worth, he had to learn to compromise and bend.

Now that he has known unconditional love for the last 5 plus years, he has changed considerably. I can actually tease him without it causing a fight. He's still bitter about the circumstances that put him in prison and the lack of support from his former g/f and family, but these things don't eat at him anymore and make him angry. He has accepted his fate and works hard to get himself out of prison.

He lives in OUR future!

He has said many times these last few years that had he not gone to prison, he would not have met me and has accepted that fate. The changes he has made in himself shows me that he truly is a man worth waiting for!

mrs
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  #10  
Old 04-24-2004, 03:32 PM
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my husband has definately changed 360* from the kid he was when he went in. he is humble, strong, wise, peaceful, gentle, loving, so many many things, he inspires ME! he has been there A LONG time and used it to his advantage for sure.
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  #11  
Old 04-24-2004, 03:54 PM
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Well, my man has changed a great deal. He was a ticking time bomb before being incarcerated, he spent his childhood being responsible for five younger bothers, once he no longer had that responsiblity he was terrible. We talk about it now and he laughs, look how much I have changed he says. I'm glad he has changed cuz I am not sure he would have lasted in prison with the attitude he had before. He says that "it was a phase" well it lasted to long in my opinion. At some point he had no remorse and no regrets, now he is at a point where he has came to terms with his acts, his life, our life, and the future we have together. Well, I think I have said enough. Oh by the way he has been incarcerated for six years and is serving a life sentence.

Great Idea for a thread lovesaron!
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Old 04-24-2004, 06:46 PM
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Got locked up 11/1994. Was only 24 yrs. young. Well, my husband has greatly matured. That's why I married him while incarcerated. He's eight years younger than me. So when he tried to get with me in 1988, I ran from him. Even though there was chemistry. But we remained distant friends. It was not until he got locked up that we reunited for encouragement and support. But we fell in love unexpectantly. But seriously. I believe he was born before his time. He's a good man.
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  #13  
Old 04-26-2004, 07:05 AM
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Mark has been in for only 6 years. But he went in at the age of 19, and is now 25. There is a huge change in him... HUGE. Some for the better, as he understands and recognizes the life that he was leading here on the outside was the total wrong path... and he understands why. But in other ways, I feel as tho he isn't 'maturing' as a normal guy would from the ages of 19-25. I see the effects that prison has on him, he's somewhat "institutionalized" although, we try not to let that happen... but it is.

We are working on it. Slowly, but surely.
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Old 05-19-2004, 01:40 AM
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my husband has been gone for 18 mths...and from the time he got locked up he started to mature for he knew i had to raise our child on my own. It was a definite wake up call for him
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Old 06-05-2004, 03:39 PM
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My fiancee changed big time! I didnt know him back in 1981 and I wouldnt have wanted to know him. He was a womanizer at the age of 18 when he was first incarcerated. He did graduate from high school, but didnt want to listen to anyone! He knew it all, he says. He started out in prison fighting staff, his way of letting them know that no one can tell him what to do and when. He settled down after several years of realizing that he was going to be in prison for a long time...going from 90 something points to 28 points now. I love the man he has become and I'm even more grateful that his rebellious attitude didnt cause him serious injury..or even worse, death. He's so humble...people who knew him in the past wouldnt even know the person he has become now....
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Old 06-07-2004, 07:57 AM
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Smile He has recently changed again!!!

I am so happy! He has changed again. Now he is not so stand offish when it comes to his feelings. These last two months he has been just pouring his love all over me and telling me he loves me all the time. And he is always reminding me that I am beautiful and other sweet things. Oh I love him and I cant wait for him to come home! Thank you Jesus!
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Old 06-08-2004, 06:16 PM
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Definite Maturity! He Went In At 15 Or So. I Didn't Know Him Then. He Is 32 Now. He Went In As A Child And Is Now A Man. I Have Been A Woman Since I Moved Out At 14. But He Is The First Man To Treat Me Like One. He Is My Vase And He Holds Me Up And Makes Me Feel And Be Beautiful. He Is The Strength That Surrounds Me And Holds Me Safely. He Has Learned That From Behind Those Walls And He Has Become Wise And Patient And Yes-- He Is Definitely A Completely Different Person From Who He Was When He Went In.
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  #18  
Old 06-09-2004, 10:51 AM
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My man has changed a lot...seeing as he was 18 when he entered the system.
He is now 28 will be 29 this year.
I feel like he has changed for the better...so different from the "boy" that he was.
Caught up in the fast life of drugs and "thugging"
He sees now all that matters are the simple things...family, love and support.
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Old 08-08-2004, 04:48 PM
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My hubby was a man to be proud of when we met and married 8 years ago. We did the most immature and selfish thing we could, we got into drugs. So now that he is down and has seen the life we built together disappear, he is back to that man that makes me proud. The change happened when WE got off the drugs. It started when bail was posted and has just kept evolving with every day clean...over 18 months now. I am praying that the length of time he has to serve will not make him withdrawn and cold, but I am willing to stick by the man he is now. If the other ever surfaces again, I will have to say goodbye for my sake and sanity...So long story short, yes he has changed.

Steph
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  #20  
Old 08-08-2004, 05:37 PM
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DRE HAS CHANGED FOR THE BETTER. HE'S A CHRISTIAN NOW. BEFORE HE WAS DISRESPECTUFL.
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  #21  
Old 08-08-2004, 06:24 PM
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My husband has become more caring and concerned about others than he ever was in earlier years. He loves the Lord and his family.
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Old 08-08-2004, 08:04 PM
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My husband has changed ... he even "programs" pretty well now taking parenting classes, a "committment to change" series, teaches classes and is actively reading the "men are from mars, women are from venus" series in order to better understand where I'm coming from. This is a man who had no anger management skills and would go off on someone if he thought they were being disrespectful to him or his family. He's a good man now but will never get the chance to prove it because his life will be spent in the federal system.
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Old 08-09-2004, 12:04 AM
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Yes, my man has definantly changed. He doesn't do any of the bad stuff he used to. Were getting married when he get's out.
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  #24  
Old 11-29-2004, 02:33 PM
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I met my man since he has been in. Ive been getting to know him over the past 3.5 years. He has definately changed sinced the first months... he has calmed down and become more reasonable and rationable. Before he would jump at me and rip off my head. He also had a nasty temper also. He has camed down and now thinks before he acts. He also has kept out of trouble in there over the past 2 years. I am really proud of him. Even his mum has recognised a genuine change him.
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Old 11-29-2004, 03:30 PM
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Alex is only 19, but he has grown up so much. For the first time in a long time, he has taken responsibility for his actions. He doesn't want my pity, my money, anything -- he is just thankful for my love. He does not believe he innocent (although when i write this i am aware that there are a few that are innocent). He tells me not to feel bad for him- he deserves this. He is making goals and he has dreams. He has patched up relationships with his family. He has realized that he has to change his life. I am so proud of him.
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