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Loving a Violent Offender Discuss the issues of having a violent offender as part of your life. Please keep in mind that some of us are married to violent offenders. Please remember that these offenders are human, and as such, can change... just like anyone else.

View Poll Results: Are you ever worried he will be violent with you?
always! 14 5.49%
Sometimes 34 13.33%
only when we argue 12 4.71%
never 196 76.86%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 255. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 01-30-2011, 09:59 PM
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Brent is in prison for Armed Robbery, firearms, Aggravated Assaults,etc.His charges may seem crazy or violent to most but they don't justify or show who he really is!I have never been afraid of him.
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  #27  
Old 02-03-2011, 01:39 AM
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I'd say listen to the concerns of your friends and family but dont let them scare you away from your man at the same time. Pay attention and as long as he doesnt give you a reason to worry, dont worry.
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  #28  
Old 02-25-2011, 02:23 AM
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I know that my man has violent tendencies, but I also know he'd never lay a hand on me. I've been there, done that with guys in my past and I wouldn't be with him if I thought he'd do it too. He's even told me, "I could never hurt you because I'd rather die than hurt the one I love." For the first time in my life... I've found a place I don't have to be afraid... it in his arms.
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  #29  
Old 02-25-2011, 01:04 PM
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I'd say, if you really want to know if you should worry, ask his siblings. They've known him longest, and if he lashes out at people he loves, they'd know and have a history as his victims.

FWIW, my brother liked to beat the crap out of me from day 1. I'm not talking the normal sibling rivalry - I'm talking he knocked my baby teeth out 2 years before they would have come out on their own. I'm talking bragging about the scars he left on my body. He also took out my little brother's front teeth, but the adult ones. He was a bully in school and was responsible for a number of broken bones and concussions in other kids.

Then, without ever meeting me or my little brother, a woman marries him. I meet her at the wedding, keep my mouth shut and think, maybe there's a reason he's not bothering to introduce you to his family until now?

I've known a lot of violent offenders as a defense lawyer. Some are violent offenders because of a technicality. Some are violent offenders because of one moment of stupidity in an otherwise normal life. Some are VOs because they just happened to be with a guy like my brother when he went off. And some are actually, deep down, just violent people. Distinguishing between them can be difficult.

So, what to do when your family has concerns? Respect their concerns. Talk with his siblings, cousins, and people who knew him as a kid. that'll help inform you.
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  #30  
Old 03-03-2011, 07:49 PM
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there's no real way to know untill they do it, but from my own experiences once they hit you that first time they will not stop.don't know why it's like that but it is. trust and believe that. i fought back and i got my ass kicked every time. i learned to pick up something and beat the fuck out of them. but really that made me feel better but it only pisses them off more. i would not ever live that life again.because that aint love.
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  #31  
Old 03-04-2011, 09:10 AM
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I've never been w/ a violent man. No man I've been w/ has ever laid a hand on me, if they ever did, I wouldn't allow em to get too far cuz I'd leave the person just like that. I'm sorry I don't toler8 men taking that kinda advantage on me. I would never want to b w/ somebody who would hurt somebody they r suppose to love & care about. My man has never killed nobody in his life. He has been good to his women from his past relationships.

He becomes a beast if he gets mad, thats y nobody really dares mess w/ him. Other then that, I kno how much he loves me, he would never show that kinda anger 2wards me so I have no worries. Only unless he pisses me off w/ his jokes & i punch him in the shoulder lol.
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  #32  
Old 03-04-2011, 01:03 PM
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no. i know how to pacify him when he flips out. he has never seen a psychologist or been diagnosed but I have read about something called "intermittent explosive disorder" which i think he has. his main trigger is road rage, thats the thing that led to him acting out 99% of the time. i dont worry about him hurting me.
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  #33  
Old 04-04-2011, 05:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsCetina View Post
no. i know how to pacify him when he flips out. he has never seen a psychologist or been diagnosed but I have read about something called "intermittent explosive disorder" which i think he has. his main trigger is road rage, thats the thing that led to him acting out 99% of the time. i dont worry about him hurting me.
my daughter has that it sucks
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  #34  
Old 04-04-2011, 05:19 AM
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No!
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  #35  
Old 04-04-2011, 11:03 AM
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My husband has a temper, but it takes alot to get him mad, he is a typical man, you mess with his family and that will piss him off , but aside from that he is relatively calm. I've never worried that he would harm me, but then again if i did i wouldn't be with him.
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  #36  
Old 04-07-2011, 06:19 AM
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I can simply say "NO" I am NOT worried that he may turn violent towards me ....
Yes he is consider a VO due to him being in there for manslaughter and even my cousin and also a few friends asked me this same exact question and all i say is
ooooohhhh a murder so scary when in reality if I was worried or scared I wouldn't of wrote him , be with him , or even love him!!!
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  #37  
Old 04-11-2011, 12:42 AM
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Ray is termed a violent offender, due to his past incarceration. Am I afraid he would ever be violent towards me? NO. Not for a second. He has the patience of Job, he has a very tight control on a once out of control temper and he has learned to channel his anger. Even when he IS mad at me, he has never so much as swore at me, so no, I don't worry for my safety with him. I have been in a violent relationship before.........I KNOW the signs.
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  #38  
Old 05-09-2011, 02:47 AM
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He would NEVER do anything to hurt me, physically OR emotionally.
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  #39  
Old 05-10-2011, 10:19 AM
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Friends and family have asked me the same question. My boyfriend has never hit a female before and will not stand for any abuse towards a female. He is a calm and collective individual. He always tells me that I have never seen him mad and that he cannot get mad at me; maybe upset but not mad. I'm not worried about him hurting me because I do not believe he would ever physically harm me. I've been in two previous abusive relationships and can tell you from my past that I know it my heart my man would never put a hand on me... Just because he got convicted of a violent crime does not mean he is violent toward innocent people
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  #40  
Old 06-16-2011, 11:36 AM
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People should always be careful and not just when it comes to inmates.
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  #41  
Old 08-09-2011, 09:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by squeakyswife View Post
do you ever worrry that he might turn violent with you? My man is in there for murder he has a history of losing his temper. Yet none of his charges are against women or children. My friends and family are worried about this. We met while he was incarcerated so i never knew him on the streets. So my question is should i be worried.

my hubby is in for man 1 and he still does not scare me i guess maybe because we have known each other since we were kids.and i have never seen him violent i know hes no punk and would protect his love ones by any means but i know he would never b violent with me or our child. My advice to you is really learn what makes him tick! Learn his ways as much as possible. Sometimes the man u know inside of prison is not the man who will come out of prison.
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  #42  
Old 08-19-2011, 07:07 PM
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My man would never lay a hand on me. If there is ever the tinest thought that you think your man would, he probably will. So it's not so much what other people think he may do to you, it's what you know he would do. My man is down for M1, it's all gang related. Outside of that, you would think he's your everyday abidding citizen. He's exceptionally smart, he's a family man and cherishes his family (he's very old fashion) he's excellent with kids and kids are like magnets to him! But yet he's considered a VO and people who dont know him as a person would tell me to be afraid and stay away from him, I dont even pay attention to that talk anymore. I know what a loving, caring, person he really is...and people think I'm crazy for loving him
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  #43  
Old 08-21-2011, 03:52 AM
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The entire time I've been with my man, I've seen him for the loving son, father, and boyfriend he is. He is as normal as the next guy in my eyes, and I was never brought around the other side of his life. This very topic only occurred to me a few months ago, and it blew my mind that I had never considered it before. I find it so strange how somebody can lead two completely opposite lives, but in my boyfriend I see a smart, kind-hearted guy trapped behind years misguidance. I know in my heart he could never hurt me. I agree with the replies that anybody could potentially turn violent, what it comes down to is trusting your gut and knowing who you're getting involved with!
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  #44  
Old 09-11-2011, 08:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsCetina View Post
no. i know how to pacify him when he flips out. he has never seen a psychologist or been diagnosed but I have read about something called "intermittent explosive disorder" which i think he has. his main trigger is road rage, thats the thing that led to him acting out 99% of the time. i dont worry about him hurting me.
shoot well teach me how to pacify mine . . much appreciated
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  #45  
Old 09-16-2011, 05:24 PM
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My man has slapped me once, but in all fairness I punched in the noes first because we were fighting. Thats the only time ever, and I'm not scared of him in the least.
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  #46  
Old 09-27-2011, 05:40 PM
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He is VERY protective of me & would NEVER do anything to hurt me in any way!!! & I trust in that!
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  #47  
Old 10-13-2011, 02:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by squeakyswife
Do you ever worrry that he might turn violent with you? My man is in there for murder he has a history of losing his temper. Yet none of his charges are against women or children. My friends and family are worried about this. we met while he was incarcerated so i never knew him on the streets. so my question is should I be worried.
I never worry...I get this question all the time and the answer is always the same...he is so very protective ovr me,my son and the family...his crime was very violent but he has served 9 yrs n I do believe ppl shud not be judged off of one act no matter how intense it was.I love him and trust him with me life and have never feared him once
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  #48  
Old 10-15-2011, 05:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2qtee
I've known my Sweetie for 9 months today. He has never lost his cool with me and I have intentionally said things to see how he would react. Don't judge him for what he use to be. But also be mindful of the fact that anything can happen....and that's with any relationship. Just give it time. Take it slowly. Trust your instinct.
This is a great post...my mom is so worried that he will hurt me...he always says too many people are judging him for how he used to be...I tell my mom and family all the time that I am 100% comfortable with him and have never had any reason to feel any differently
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  #49  
Old 10-16-2011, 05:44 PM
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I never once thought he would hurt me.And til this day he hasn't.He is violent towards others(which is weird) but not to me.Never.He is loving,sweet and awesome
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  #50  
Old 10-16-2011, 05:57 PM
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I never worry about David getting violent with me. David is a teddy bear and putty in my hand. Yes he is in for a VO crime but if 10 ppl was jumping you and you was defenseless I would hope and pray you got violent too just saying.
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