Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > LOVING A... > Loving a Violent Offender
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Loving a Violent Offender Discuss the issues of having a violent offender as part of your life. Please keep in mind that some of us are married to violent offenders. Please remember that these offenders are human, and as such, can change... just like anyone else.

View Poll Results: Are you ever worried he will be violent with you?
always! 14 5.43%
Sometimes 34 13.18%
only when we argue 12 4.65%
never 199 77.13%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 258. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-31-2010, 04:57 PM
squeakyswife's Avatar
squeakyswife squeakyswife is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: va
Posts: 156
Thanks: 581
Thanked 94 Times in 44 Posts
Default Worried that he may turn violent toward you?

Do you ever worrry that he might turn violent with you? My man is in there for murder he has a history of losing his temper. Yet none of his charges are against women or children. My friends and family are worried about this. we met while he was incarcerated so i never knew him on the streets. so my question is should I be worried.
__________________











I LOVE YOU SQUEAKY

Last edited by squeakyswife; 12-31-2010 at 05:05 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to squeakyswife For This Useful Post:
mom2qtee (12-31-2010)
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 12-31-2010, 05:10 PM
chiwichita chiwichita is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 63
Thanks: 107
Thanked 39 Times in 12 Posts
Default

You should listen to your friends and families concerns. My ex was verbally abusive but never physical for about the first 5 yrs. we were together. Then he turned physical towards me. It's not something you ever want to happen to you. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to get over in my life. And believe me I've had to deal with alot. You should try and educate yourself on domestic violence issues. There's an excellent book out called "How to Spot A Dangerous Man" by Sandra Brown. A must read if you're worried about him maybe becoming violent. All the Best to You!
Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to chiwichita For This Useful Post:
BlueEyedEllie (01-01-2011), Jinty62 (01-16-2011), Lexhearnes (06-29-2013), MissStar (02-24-2018), mom2qtee (12-31-2010), Mrs.Tippen2014 (09-12-2014), qu33ns1n (08-07-2013), Shaneswife68 (01-30-2011), Squarebear80 (06-03-2013), squeakyswife (12-31-2010)
  #3  
Old 12-31-2010, 05:36 PM
BlondeAmbition's Avatar
BlondeAmbition BlondeAmbition is offline
Starry Eyed

Staff Superstar Winner 

 

Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 3,433
Thanks: 839
Thanked 4,032 Times in 1,887 Posts
Default

If he is good to you and has never given you cause to worry, then why worry? I am an MWI also and my man is in on a VO, but I have never ever ever worried that he might hurt me. He is the calmest, sweetest, most patient guy I have ever met. If the very thought that he'd become violent towards me ever crossed my mind, I would not be with him!
Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to BlondeAmbition For This Useful Post:
Critter07 (12-31-2010), Jillian (04-04-2011), LadyT19 (04-26-2013), Lexhearnes (06-29-2013), lil peep (12-31-2010), mom2qtee (12-31-2010), Mrs.Tippen2014 (09-12-2014), NGS_lAdY (05-09-2011), robsgirl2011 (03-08-2011), SallyMenke (04-07-2011), squeakyswife (12-31-2010), Temeron0926 (02-25-2011), Vixen311 (03-03-2011)
  #4  
Old 12-31-2010, 05:43 PM
Mr. Gz Wifey's Avatar
Mr. Gz Wifey Mr. Gz Wifey is offline
G'z Righteous 1
 

Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: So. Cal
Posts: 23
Thanks: 5
Thanked 15 Times in 11 Posts
Default

My ex was extremely abusive...mentally, emotionally,verbally & physically. There were times that I would wish he would just kill me. This is somebody everybody thought was the nicest guy in the world...and still does.
I am not trying to scare you...but don't fool yourself...if you are thinking about this already, you know you have a reason to be scared. Think about it, I'm not saying he can't change, but bad habits are hard to break.

Last edited by Mr. Gz Wifey; 12-31-2010 at 05:45 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Mr. Gz Wifey For This Useful Post:
chiwichita (01-01-2011), mom2qtee (12-31-2010), Shaneswife68 (01-30-2011), squeakyswife (12-31-2010), Waitil723 (01-26-2017)
  #5  
Old 12-31-2010, 05:50 PM
scd123's Avatar
scd123 scd123 is offline
El Amor Nunca Falla
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,658
Thanks: 97
Thanked 1,075 Times in 652 Posts
Default

If I were worried, I'm not sure I would be with my guy. He knows I would kick his ass anyway. Lol
Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to scd123 For This Useful Post:
Hisoneandonly (12-31-2010), Jenn1124 (01-01-2011), Lexhearnes (06-29-2013), lilmomma8287 (09-25-2014), robsgirl2011 (03-08-2011), squeakyswife (12-31-2010), TenToesDownBaby (03-14-2018), Vixen311 (03-03-2011)
  #6  
Old 12-31-2010, 07:08 PM
GARCIA707's Avatar
GARCIA707 GARCIA707 is offline
JESSE'S GURL
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: NORTHERN CALIFORNIA
Posts: 117
Thanks: 35
Thanked 44 Times in 29 Posts
Default

There is a thread in the met while incarcerated section of ths website i jus read yesterday wher the woman was in love with her mwi and wen he got out he tried 2 kill her..She said she put it as a warning 2 other mwi women. Its a trip u should check it out...
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to GARCIA707 For This Useful Post:
Jinty62 (01-16-2011), squeakyswife (12-31-2010)
  #7  
Old 12-31-2010, 08:16 PM
mom2qtee's Avatar
mom2qtee mom2qtee is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Baton Rouge, LA
Posts: 142
Thanks: 635
Thanked 91 Times in 67 Posts
Default

I've known my Sweetie for 9 months today. He has never lost his cool with me and I have intentionally said things to see how he would react. Don't judge him for what he use to be. But also be mindful of the fact that anything can happen....and that's with any relationship. Just give it time. Take it slowly. Trust your instinct.
__________________
It's amazing being loved unconditionally.......






Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to mom2qtee For This Useful Post:
freedomhappens (06-16-2011), Jinty62 (01-16-2011), Mrs.Tippen2014 (09-12-2014), Squarebear80 (06-03-2013), squeakyswife (12-31-2010)
  #8  
Old 04-26-2015, 11:56 AM
OsunMM5 OsunMM5 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 31
Thanks: 11
Thanked 12 Times in 10 Posts
Default Anger Issues

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months and about halfway through, he got picked up on a parole violation and sent away for 4 months. We've actually talked about this very issue and discussed how to diffuse a situation where we are both angry and how we can work together to avoid getting to that point.

I have a temper at times and can be just as hard headed as he can. I've actually done the same thing you have as far as deliberately pushing his buttons. He actually admitted today that I have gotten to him a couple times, which was actually news to me. He's got a very tough, cool demeanor at times and doesn't let his vulnerability show. This gets to me sometimes. (We've talked about this as well. I've told him he doesn't need that wall up with me).

I've only seen him incredibly angry twice and once he was mad at me. I know he wouldn't have done anything, but there was a fire behind his eyes and he was cold, but I was also incredibly angry at him at that time too.

We are working on getting to know each other better and in a more healthy manner now that he's been locked up for 4 months. Even my own therapist, who I started to see after he was locked up, has said that I am doing a wonderful job making the most of this situation.

He should get out any day thankfully. Just waiting on room at the halfway house.

The only thing I can say about the whole thing is having honest and open, non confrontational conversations about tough issues and situations you've experienced is the most important thing you can do for your relationship. We had a very rocky first few months we dated/lived together, but through this experience he's a better person and I am too.

I've truly gotten to love him more and more every day. He's the first person I've ever been able to have these conversations with in this manner and the only person I've ever dated that has listened to the very dark chapters of my life without judgment or making me feel any worse about those chapters than I already do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2qtee View Post
I've known my Sweetie for 9 months today. He has never lost his cool with me and I have intentionally said things to see how he would react. Don't judge him for what he use to be. But also be mindful of the fact that anything can happen....and that's with any relationship. Just give it time. Take it slowly. Trust your instinct.

Last edited by OsunMM5; 04-26-2015 at 11:59 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-31-2010, 09:58 PM
lil peep's Avatar
lil peep lil peep is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Warmer pastures
Posts: 2,776
Thanks: 7,960
Thanked 3,338 Times in 1,672 Posts
Default

Should you be worried? We can't really tell you that since we don't know your guy. But if I had concerns about my guy ever hurting me or my daughter, I wouldn't be with him. He's labeled as a VO, but honestly it didn't make me second guess him. Listen to your gut though. If something feels wrong, then it probably is.
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to lil peep For This Useful Post:
qu33ns1n (08-07-2013), robsgirl2011 (03-08-2011), Squarebear80 (06-03-2013), squeakyswife (12-31-2010), Temeron0926 (02-25-2011)
  #10  
Old 12-31-2010, 10:06 PM
Hisoneandonly's Avatar
Hisoneandonly Hisoneandonly is offline
Till death do us part
 

Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: VA
Posts: 4,283
Thanks: 5,096
Thanked 2,913 Times in 1,718 Posts
Default

My husband is a VO, he has had huge temper problems in the past. I"ve known him since we were 13 though and never once when we have fought, and we used to fight like cats and dogs has he ever raised his hand to me...I can't say that about a few of the guys I have dated...but I have never EVER been scared of my husband.
__________________

Holding it down since 2-23-2008[/color]
I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Hisoneandonly For This Useful Post:
Jinty62 (01-16-2011), squeakyswife (12-31-2010), Temeron0926 (02-25-2011)
  #11  
Old 01-01-2011, 10:34 AM
kindergirl's Avatar
kindergirl kindergirl is offline
Loving him since 2003
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Maryland, US
Posts: 359
Thanks: 76
Thanked 247 Times in 130 Posts
Default

I am not the least bit concerned. If I thought for a moment that he would do something, I would leave his a$$ exactly where I found him.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to kindergirl For This Useful Post:
PinkMarshmallow (04-20-2015), squeakyswife (01-01-2011), Temeron0926 (02-25-2011)
  #12  
Old 01-01-2011, 11:56 AM
kattylynx's Avatar
kattylynx kattylynx is offline
Heart,Soul and Loyalty
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Washington
Posts: 41
Thanks: 86
Thanked 17 Times in 13 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by squeakyswife View Post
Do you ever worrry that he might turn violent with you? My man is in there for murder he has a history of losing his temper. Yet none of his charges are against women or children. My friends and family are worried about this. we met while he was incarcerated so i never knew him on the streets. so my question is should I be worried.
My man is in for murder also and I have no doubt in my heart and soul he would never find reason to hurt me out of anger! Men are generally agressive and in that environment they have to do what they need to survive...but their heart is what will give you the knowlege that you are safe...If you question his heart and question the man you have gotten to know then you should worry because you are questioning it for a reason. If you know in your heart your man is a real man and would Love you and charish you like you deserve than ignore the talk and Love him with all you have.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kattylynx For This Useful Post:
loulou8 (01-07-2011), squeakyswife (01-01-2011)
  #13  
Old 01-03-2011, 01:39 PM
mrscaldwell's Avatar
mrscaldwell mrscaldwell is offline
ILY <3 RCC <3
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: missouri usa
Posts: 47
Thanks: 40
Thanked 14 Times in 10 Posts
Default

my husband is in for murder and ive never been scared of him i also met him after he started his bid.... but everyone has said ohhh he will get out and kill u..... but i just let them talk bc i know him better than that and i never wouldve intertained his conversation or married him if i thought he could hurt me!
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to mrscaldwell For This Useful Post:
Jinty62 (01-16-2011), writingtorobert (02-18-2014)
  #14  
Old 01-04-2011, 04:26 PM
squeakyswife's Avatar
squeakyswife squeakyswife is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: va
Posts: 156
Thanks: 581
Thanked 94 Times in 44 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrscaldwell View Post
my husband is in for murder and ive never been scared of him i also met him after he started his bid.... but everyone has said ohhh he will get out and kill u..... but i just let them talk bc i know him better than that and i never wouldve intertained his conversation or married him if i thought he could hurt me!
thank you. Sounds like what I hear all the time how do you deal
__________________











I LOVE YOU SQUEAKY
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 01-05-2011, 12:03 AM
Outlier Outlier is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 14
Thanks: 6
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default

My boyfriend is in for aggressive assault. He spent over 3 years waiting for a trail on very shitty bail terms and now he's in prison.
The last few months were very hard, but he was never ever physical... Although sometimes verbally abusive.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Outlier For This Useful Post:
squeakyswife (01-08-2011)
  #16  
Old 01-07-2011, 06:41 AM
delapenakl's Avatar
delapenakl delapenakl is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ridgway, Colorado
Posts: 489
Thanks: 0
Thanked 5 Times in 4 Posts
Default

It's always something you should watch out for. You don't want to be completely oblivious to that. If you feel that he would never hurt you, believe in that. Just keep your eye out.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to delapenakl For This Useful Post:
squeakyswife (01-08-2011)
  #17  
Old 01-07-2011, 09:26 AM
LittleWing13's Avatar
LittleWing13 LittleWing13 is offline
Left my heart in Negril
 

Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: South
Posts: 2,309
Thanks: 4,832
Thanked 2,827 Times in 1,233 Posts
Default

For three years, no I wasn't worried about it.....but apparently I should've been.
__________________
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
- Marilyn Monroe
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LittleWing13 For This Useful Post:
squeakyswife (01-08-2011)
  #18  
Old 01-08-2011, 10:45 AM
squeakyswife's Avatar
squeakyswife squeakyswife is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: va
Posts: 156
Thanks: 581
Thanked 94 Times in 44 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleWing13 View Post
For three years, no I wasn't worried about it.....but apparently I should've been.
what happened
__________________











I LOVE YOU SQUEAKY
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 01-07-2011, 02:08 PM
Ohusillywabbit Ohusillywabbit is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: A queen, waiting for her king to come home to his castle.
Posts: 675
Thanks: 565
Thanked 994 Times in 449 Posts
Default

Absolutely not ! When it comes to me he's a great big pussycat & the submissive type !
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 01-08-2011, 12:43 AM
watrn2002's Avatar
watrn2002 watrn2002 is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 245
Thanks: 68
Thanked 113 Times in 78 Posts
Default

My guy is a VO and we have had many fights, but I have never been afraid of him. I have been more afraid that he would recklessly hurt himself because he would get emotional and go do wacked out things. I think he might be more afraid of me. He always tells me he didn't know what to do sometimes because I would "flip" as he calls it. One minute I am fine, the next, flipping out.

We all have stuff we need to work on.

I am not sure I would even recognize if someone was being abusive. I tend to fight back. I guess I just think that's not possible. Kind of weird.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to watrn2002 For This Useful Post:
BlueEyedEllie (01-10-2011), Mrs.Tippen2014 (09-12-2014), MrsCetina (03-04-2011), squeakyswife (01-08-2011)
  #21  
Old 01-10-2011, 08:29 AM
LittleWing13's Avatar
LittleWing13 LittleWing13 is offline
Left my heart in Negril
 

Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: South
Posts: 2,309
Thanks: 4,832
Thanked 2,827 Times in 1,233 Posts
Default

Nothing too bad, but I'm not hangin around anymore. He's awesome as long as he stays away from Whiskey...
__________________
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
- Marilyn Monroe
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 01-13-2011, 01:55 PM
hartbehindbars hartbehindbars is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: NJ, USA
Posts: 15
Thanks: 0
Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts
Default

My man is going to prison for passion provocation manslaughter and murder 1. The second charge in my opinion is crap, but his ex girlfriend is a good actress. She played the "I was so scared I didn't do anything I didn't know what to do" card, when really she is a sociopath that did the actual murder 1. Everything that happened that night was built up from his childhood, (the charges are against his parents). My mother has been asked this many times...he killed his parents, aren't you worried he'll kill you too? My mother is not afraid, nor am I. Truly he is a gentle person that lost his temper and bad things happened, then he (thinking his girl was pregnant) took the fall for all of it...shows you justice right?

Sorry a bit off topic, but I'm a bit peeved about this situation for him.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to hartbehindbars For This Useful Post:
squeakyswife (01-14-2011)
  #23  
Old 01-14-2011, 10:33 PM
LovingMyMan17's Avatar
LovingMyMan17 LovingMyMan17 is offline
Inmate Fiancee
 

Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Oklahoma USA
Posts: 121
Thanks: 68
Thanked 44 Times in 28 Posts
Default

Never, not even when we argue.. I have called him some horrible names in a rage but never did I get scared. He has never put his hand on a woman or child, and never would. He is a VO for a silly reason..he never laid hands on anyone, nor was anyone else even involved, much less injured.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LovingMyMan17 For This Useful Post:
squeakyswife (01-16-2011)
  #24  
Old 01-16-2011, 09:44 AM
angel12569's Avatar
angel12569 angel12569 is offline
angel12569
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: May 2005
Location: dutchess county , ny usa
Posts: 1,242
Thanks: 42
Thanked 381 Times in 291 Posts
Default

No my husband is considered a VO for a stupid reason, been with him since 86 and married since 89, he has been locked up since 05, and i have never been scared of him. I think he is crazy but he would never hurt a fly unless someone would want to hurt his family he has never showing anyone harm. If you feel in your heart he is a danger to you, than you should listen to your heart. There is no wrong or right answer here, everyone is unique and everyone knows the other person.
__________________
Phil and Maria, together again 6/28/11
This is not forever only our love is


Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to angel12569 For This Useful Post:
squeakyswife (01-16-2011)
  #25  
Old 01-17-2011, 12:39 AM
loveroflife54 loveroflife54 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: California
Posts: 47
Thanks: 8
Thanked 21 Times in 13 Posts
Default

consider what he is in for. Sometimes things happen in the blink of an eye. But if he gives you a reason to be afraid, trust your gut. I am not afraid of my boo, but I do know he has a temper. I don't try to be nice so that he won't get upset, I just be myself. If he gets upset, that's okay because that's a part of life. But if I felt he would hurt me, I would drop him and take the lost. Just be careful. I've known my honey for over 25 years. But there's always that chance.....
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to loveroflife54 For This Useful Post:
squeakyswife (01-17-2011)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:49 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics