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Coming Home Dedicated to discussions about our loved ones that are coming home soon. Discussions here should not fit any other category.

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  #1  
Old 11-08-2006, 12:24 PM
Wobabi Wobabi is offline
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Default You waited Faithfully, He comes home and is unfaithful?

Hi Ladies,
It just would not be ME if I did not post at least one hot button topic

My specific question is :How would you feel about the time you spent waiting faithfully on your man if after He came home he went and was unfaithful?
I want to hear more about how you would feel about the time you spent more so than how you feel about his unfaithfulness.

Notice I am not using a certain word because it stirs up such a rukus these days .
However,from my own personal perspective I think this is why we both hesitate to make promises in that area. We both have a similar view on it but on opposing sides,,for instance,,, He feels it is unrealistic for him to expect a woman to go all these years depriving herself on this level and possibly making it the heaviest burden to bear in a relationship. I on the other hand think it is unrealistic that a man would spend 15 years in prison ,basically all of his youth when he would be normally sowing his wild oats,,to come out and only be with me on that level till he dies. I think we both agree that we dont want anyone to look back with regret.

Babi
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  #2  
Old 11-08-2006, 12:39 PM
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i've thought of that situation before a couple times, but i try not to let it stress me out. sure, a man can be locked away for years while you're being faithful, then up & cheat after he gets out, but that's just the same as if he were out here in the "real world" and you were faithful and he cheated after years together. so, in that perspective, i try not to worry about additional things that could happen whether he were locked up or not.

that being said, i would be very angry if he cheated on me after 10 years of my fidelity while he's away. but it'd be just as angry as if our relationship on the outside had progressed 10 years and he cheated on me. my boyfriend & i both find it VERY realistic that if we love each other like we say we do, we have no need to "experience" other people in the physical sense. i'm going to wait and be faithful to him as long as we are together and i expect the same respect in return. if he can't remain faithful to me, that's his loss and the relationship will be over. i won't let him use being locked away and not able to "sow his wild oats" now as an excuse for infidelity because i don't use him being away as an excuse for me to cheat.
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  #3  
Old 11-08-2006, 01:04 PM
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It has crossed my mind. I try not to let it consume me. I would be hurt. I would be devastated. I would probably go back to thinking all men are like this. Then Iam sure afer a while, I would realize he had given far more than I lost. He would then have to forever live with his actions and decisions. I just hope and pray that it never happens.
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Old 11-08-2006, 01:08 PM
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well part of me would think he deserves to have fun and the other would feel like i wasted my time.( I hate cheating is that the word you were avoiding? ) But sometimes it can be worked past sometimes it cant. well thats how i would feel .
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Old 11-08-2006, 01:26 PM
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If i stayed faithful the entire time while he was in prison and he got out and cheated on me what would i do? He would be gone so fast his head would spin. My boyfriend and I have talked about being faithful a hundred times. We have an agreement and understanding and it shouldn't change just because he gets out of prison. Would i regret being faithful all that time? Nah, not my style, i'm faithful because i love him and i want to be. That's my choice. I can't deal with cheaters, never have and never will.
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Old 11-08-2006, 01:28 PM
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Love and sex are two different things. I may be a little liberal in this point, but it wouldn't bother me. I do what I do because its who I am and I expect for him to be him.
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Old 11-08-2006, 01:31 PM
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Default wooooooohoo Ms. Babi!!

I love these threads!! leave it to you or Wife Waiting to start it, HEHEHEHEHEH!!!

Well I seriously doubt that he would be as faithful to me as I was to him since I would be in prison for castrating his butt!!! We have a PERFECTLY clear understanding of what me doing this bid with him means... No misunderstandings about it! I am down for the ride, I am faithful, I am emotionally always by his side, in return when he comes home it is UNDERSTOOD that it is him and I forever, vows and all... There is no doubt in his mind or mine either what the consequences would be if he cheated after he got home!!! it wouldnt be pretty and forget getting half the stuff! I GET IT ALL INCLUDING THE KIDS....
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  #8  
Old 11-08-2006, 01:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by femeniem
well part of me would think he deserves to have fun and the other would feel like i wasted my time.( I hate cheating is that the word you were avoiding? ) But sometimes it can be worked past sometimes it cant. well thats how i would feel .
Hi Fem,,,Yeah I am avoiding the c word because its hated so much,,I think the word alone but the act of being unfaithful is a reality that many face even on the outside however to me there is a different dynamics when it comes to men locked up,,,I sometimes believe the only reason *some* men are promising to be faithful now is because ,,well umm its easier to do locked up. And it seems the burden really lies on the women who are free,,,I dunno if I would feel as if I wasted my time,,thinking out loud here,,because I would be with him regardless but I would feel like I suffered when I did not have to,,does that make sense? Like I wonder what the stats are of men being unfaithful after jail ,,its got to be high since I read somewhere where incarcerated relationships to the streets have a very low success rate,,thinking infidelity leading cause of break up (?) so with that in mind and being a numbers person I would be weighing my odds that me suffering would not net any different results in the relationship being that I personally would still be with him if he was to be unfaithful to me after he got out.
Babi
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Old 11-08-2006, 01:44 PM
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Side Bar-Yeah Karma,you know me well,,I went away on business and came back and as expected the good threads were closed,,and what was up front was threads coming from 2004 and 5, about shoe sizes,I am like ok we can do better than this we are going into 07! ( no offense to the person who started that thread or brought them to the front )
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Old 11-08-2006, 01:44 PM
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Well i've been in the sito and now hes back loced up, Im still here for him but i've distanced my heart and use everything (almost) he say good or bad against him now. Even if he is past the past i'm holding it against him. If he's sincere this time i dont know because i heard it all the first time and he aint got much to work with, it leaves me in a confused state.
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  #11  
Old 11-08-2006, 03:16 PM
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i wouldn't regret a moment of my time spent with him if he came home and was unfaithful. everything in this life happens for a reason, and i feel like him cheating on me (yes i used the word ) would only open the door for me to kick him to the curb and give my new and improved self to someone else down the line. it would happen for a reason and well...it would definitely be his loss.

i seriously doubt that i have to worry about this. not saying i WON'T (you never say never) but i seriously doubt it. he would just break up with me before he cheated on me.
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Old 11-08-2006, 03:16 PM
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i wouldn't regret a moment of my time spent with him if he came home and was unfaithful. everything in this life happens for a reason, and i feel like him cheating on me (yes i used the word ) would only open the door for me to kick him to the curb and give my new and improved self to someone else down the line. it would happen for a reason and well...it would definitely be his loss.

i seriously doubt that i have to worry about this. not saying i WON'T (you never say never) but i seriously doubt it. he would just break up with me before he cheated on me.
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Old 11-08-2006, 04:06 PM
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i wouldn't regret being faithful and he came home and cheated, i would take it as a lesson learned
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Old 11-08-2006, 04:15 PM
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mrschris said it for me. I do what I do because it's what I want and feel is the right thing to do. If he came home and was unfaithful, it's all on him. He knows how I feel on the topic, he feels the same so he knows his butt would be out the door. I wouldn't regret a thing about waiting faithfully. I can't do things with the thought that I'll be getting paid back somewhere down the line.
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Old 11-08-2006, 06:33 PM
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If my husband comes home and is unfaithful, our marriage would be over. I'm not tolerating that at all because I feel just as I knew what I was doing when I married him in prison and commited myself to a life of celibacy until he comes home which could be 2011 if he never makes parole. Then he should have realized that he committed himself to a life of monogamy after he is released. If something like that were to occur, I would not lose faith in men, I would not have regrets because I love the way he loves me and I'm thankful for the time we've had but I would never give him the chance to hurt me again
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  #16  
Old 11-08-2006, 06:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by honeyg
. I can't do things with the thought that I'll be getting paid back somewhere down the line.
Hi Honey,,,,I never thought of it as getting paid back,,thats a new concept,,not sure how I would get re-imbursed for holding out since a lot of women look to get paid for putting out..hmmmm, you might have something there Honey ,Hahaha
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Old 11-08-2006, 07:05 PM
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Well, I haven't been COMPLETELY faithful since he's been gone. But I think I've done pretty good. It would really hurt me if when he got out he wasn't faithful. But could I break up with him if he did cheat? I don't know. Maybe because it's different when he's out and we have each other but I still cheated on him. So that's a hard one for me b/c I'm a really jealous person and I could not stand the thought of someone else being with him. I guess I'm only thinking about myself though. I just hope he never cheats on me and puts me in that position. He says he won't as long as I keep him satisfied so I guess we'll see.
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  #18  
Old 11-08-2006, 07:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wobabi
My specific question is :How would you feel about the time you spent waiting faithfully on your man if after He came home he went and was unfaithful?
Well, since we're married now and vowed to be faithful to each other for the rest of our lives, I'd be extremely hurt and disappointed in him.
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Old 11-08-2006, 07:56 PM
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If it were emotionally cheating- he's out of there....
sex cheating...i'm not so sure. I'd give him one chance... maybe
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Old 11-08-2006, 09:49 PM
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I'd be pissed off.....I'd shove my foot so far up his arse he'd need it surgically removed. lol
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Old 11-09-2006, 08:55 AM
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If he cheated once he came home I would leave the marriage. I wouldn't regret all that I have done for him but the betrayal would make me feel like after all this, where did it get me. I don't and will not tolerate a cheater and the same way I am devoted to him, I expect him to be the same especially after these trying times. Cheaters often don't think of the consequences of their infidelity but in the end the damage is done and causes resentment, distrust and just plain old chaos in the relationship. Knowing from past experience of being cheated on, if you try and stay and work it out the questions continue to come up, the thoughts and the constant paranoia of wondering what the other is doing and so on and so forth take it's toll on the relationship. I always say if you feel the urge to cheat, be unfaithful or whatever you want to call it, leave me first and do you.
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Old 11-09-2006, 09:07 AM
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To me it would be a huge slap in the face if he came home and cheated after I waited faithfully for 79 months .................! To me it would just forecast as to what the future would hold, I don't buy the: "oh I was locked up and had a feather up my behind" excuse! We are married for better, for worse, good times, bad times, in sickness and in health! IF I can hold up that side of the bargain so should he, anything else and it's see ya, wouldn't want to be ya and GOOD LUCK! my opinion only!
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Old 11-09-2006, 09:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Terra
I'd be pissed off.....I'd shove my foot so far up his arse he'd need it surgically removed. lol
LOL I agree with Terra. After all the waiting I'd not be thrilled.
I have often had the thought that when a man regains his freedon he is going to want to party, have fun and sow some wild oats to make up for lost time.
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  #24  
Old 11-09-2006, 09:23 AM
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Cruz,,,,I dunno,,How does a woman feel secure in thinking her man ,,after doing 15 years will come out and only have sex with her till she dies? I guess thats where *I* just dont see clearly. Yes my man loves me and swears He only wants me,,but I been around a few blocks and my experiences tell me that might not be realistic,,in this day and age where women dont care if you are married or actually prefer attached men,,,a period of time where everything u see is about sex and big booties and on and on, and him coming from a place where its limited,,I rather him either get it out his system,,or find out for sure its Me he wants to spend the rest of his life with (easy to say in jail but out in the world we all know is a different situation),,or even I would rather let him know that if he does make that move,,use a condom,,But to give up my man after all this over a one night stand ,,aint happenin.
Just like on his end,,he was left alone and forgotten for 9 years,,and then here I come. According to him,,I changed his whole world and He is not letting me go no matter what. Basically told me to clean house before he comes home or its going to be gangsta time,,meaning he knows a woman has needs and he is not holding her feet to the fire till he gets home to remove all wants in that area. We both discussed how many times in our past we had sex with someone and it was off the radar before the person even left the room,, a forgotten situation just like scratchin your back,,you had an itch you scratched it,,done,, forgotten. So that is to say that sex does not make or break our love for each other. Just like if God forbid he was to lose his ability to get an erection,,,spinal injury or cancer,,,which if you look at the prostate cancer rates in this country,,its going up,,,I would not leave him nor would I never have sex again because he can not. He would not ask me to either.
Which leads me to wanting to ask the ladies in the lifer forum,,like those who men have lwop,,,do they plan on never having sex again? Hmm, but you know on forums like this some people really dont like divulging that info because of the judgement people have so maybe its just always going to be something we talk about.
Babi
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  #25  
Old 11-09-2006, 10:27 AM
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I know I would leave him if he cheated if I stayed faithful. But I have not stayed faithful so I can accept it. But I told my BF if you have sex with other people during our relationship when you get home expect the same from me. Women like variety too. I told him he better watch out because we will have battle of the pimps.
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