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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #301  
Old 04-12-2018, 06:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Patty View Post
Share the positivity that is your relationship....
I met my boyfriend while he was in prison. It's barely even been two months, though it feels like we've known each other for years. The funny part is I actually wrote to another inmate, but he'd already been corresponding with someone, so he passed my letter on to a friend in the same unit. Funny how stuff like that turns out. I couldn't be happier.

I know it may sound silly in the daylight, but I knew that he was someone special in the first letter I received from him. He held very little back and let me know up front he was looking for a boyfriend (I'm a gay man). He and I spent the first month or so writing and calling every day using jpay and I decided I had to meet him to really know if this guy was as serious as he said he was. You can talk and send pictures until you're blue in the face, but until you meet in person, you don't really know, IMHO.

Best. Trip. Ever. I got on his visitor list and flew from Colorado to Washington and spent two weeks there, visiting him every day (Friday through Monday) for 6-7 hours a day. We got a special accommodation since I was traveling over 300 miles so I could have all four days with him- normally they only get two, depending on which unit they're in. I even met his brother, with whom he shares his cell. The other family and loved ones I met while waiting to go in were very supportive and helpful and I am so impressed by that. I'm so thankful groups like this exist to help us support each other!

He makes me laugh and we actually have a lot in common even though we have significantly different backgrounds (I have a college degree - he's been in and out of the system since he was 15). We're only two years apart, so we like a lot of the same movies and we're both really into cars and the outdoors. We both like card games and we played cribbage and casino for hours, talking and laughing and sharing stories.

We also had several heart-to-heart talks. At one point, I asked him straight up "Is this really going to work?" Spoiler alert: Yes, it most certainly will. With me, he's kind, thoughtful, and subtly affectionate. I know how it goes with gays in prison, so I let him direct how much contact we'd have. But, by the end of the visit, he did sneak a few kisses on my neck, which, as subtle as that was, still caught him a little heat once he was back.

But the thing that clinches it for me was how I felt when he looked deeply into my eyes. I am one of those who believe there's a lot to learn about someone by looking into their eyes. I couldn't possibly be expected to feel anything less than love after that moment. It amazed me how meaningful that was, how much I learned in that instant without ever uttering a word. I love him like I've never loved anyone.
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  #302  
Old 04-15-2018, 09:45 PM
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I love even after it's been 3 years once I get a letter from him I'm like a kid at Xmas. I love how we can have a disagreement and he tries to deflect the situation. I call it making nice. I love how he's my go to and I can tell him anything. Even the ugly truth. We are open with each other. We can talk about anything from Okc Thunder playing to a stupid commercial on TV. I'm comfortable with him.
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  #303  
Old 05-27-2018, 07:09 PM
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Today is our first wedding anniversary. We made it a year despite the craziness the system threw at us.
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  #304  
Old 05-27-2018, 08:06 PM
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Today is our first wedding anniversary. We made it a year despite the craziness the system threw at us.
CONGRATS!!!! I know your journey has been a tough one and you two are still fighting it. Keep loving one another and it will all work out soon. Im totally rooting for you both!!!
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  #305  
Old 05-28-2018, 10:47 AM
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Belated anniversary congratulations, Revenwyn Keeping my fingers crossed for better things ahead with no more roadblocks!
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  #306  
Old 05-31-2018, 05:36 AM
Naalongo Naalongo is offline
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We had an awesome visit. I was adamant about seeing him this month because it had been a long one with a different disagreement every week. But I went down there smelling good and looking better. He was all about it! We talked a little about some of the issues we had had, but we had already dealt with them so it was really just checkig in. He made some soul baring confessions and even started tearing up....but best of all, the COs let us alone, we had our heads on each others shoulders and i massaged his neck and temples. Plenty of stolen kisses and his hands in my hair....I consider myself very lucky. He said it was a year maker.

Our next visit will be our anniversary and Im going to take my 3 yr old twins to meet him. Thats going to be interesting as they are a terror and a half, but I can have the weekend and take them on two different days.
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  #307  
Old 05-31-2018, 11:49 PM
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Belated anniversary congratulations, Revenwyn Keeping my fingers crossed for better things ahead with no more roadblocks!
Sadly it's looking like we already have another one.
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  #308  
Old 06-02-2018, 02:30 AM
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I am so sorry to hear that, Revenwyn
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  #309  
Old 06-03-2018, 08:44 PM
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I am so sorry to hear that, Revenwyn
False alarm. He wasn't feeling well after a blood test, laid down to sleep and dreamed he had called me so that's why he didn't call me the day afterward either.
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  #310  
Old 06-17-2018, 12:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Patty View Post
... then this thread is for you. This is my answer to all the PMs asking for me to thread again for the positivity seekers. Sorry, time gets in the way and the needs of this community can be overwhelming for staff. But here goes for all those that are seeking a drama-free thread.

I don't get down with all that oh me oh my he's in prison, whatever shall I do, "stuff"? It's just not me. We don't allow the DOC to dictate the terms of our relationship because the ONLY thing they can do is put physical distance between us.

He's not in prison because he doesn't love me enough. For me, (keywords: For me) the alleged crime and our relationship are separate. This man puts joy and love up on me every single, dingle day whether he's sittin' on the couch next to me or anywhere else, yes including the joint.

Once in a great while he is unable to call me at the usual time. Never once has that been by his own accord. Shtuff happens in prison, I get that. If he can call me he will call me and knowing that I never feel the need to become paranoid about what it means. FYI - it usually means nothing in the larger scheme of things, really, truly, I swear.

There are decisions to be made that ultimately affect both of us. In some regards I must bare the "actualness" of that on my own but fortunately I am not without his shared confidences, opinions, desires. We are close and we make it a priority to stay relevant as individuals and as a couple.

I suppose the bottom line is that he attends to ALL of my needs and as much as I wish he were home with me right this second, his actual physical presence is truly the only thing I am lacking for and we can deal with that through phone dates because we are so in sync.

My life is rich because I make the effort. My life is richer because he makes the effort. Our lives are richest because we choose to enrich ourselves and one another. Wallowing in self pity is not a party we choose to attend.

So if you are NOT caught up in when he may or may not call or write or how he acts at visits or some facebook drama or issues with his child's mother ("babymama" to the less enlightened) talk to us. If you are not contemplating having sex with someone else because he will be gone for so long or you already messed up and if life's little tragedies are just obstacles that become opportunities for growth tell us about it.

Listen, we've got plenty of threads filled with negativity - if you empathize with those who are dealing with difficult issues but do not share the same problems and don't always feel free to post about the joy that your relationship brings you - then this is the thread for you. No negativity!

Share the positivity that is your relationship....
Thank you for keeping it positive. While in a lot of ways this has been a very challenging time trying to figure things out and embrace what is happening, I feel so close to my man now and that is a result in a way of how we are communicating. Writing letters is a whole new experience its very intimate and it feels sort of like a courtship but really sharing our lives our inner world. Even though visits have been through glass only thus far, I love and appreciate seeing him I know we both look forward to it and it feels special. For me this is an opportunity to grow together and support you each other in a new way. It has also given us each individually to figure things out for ourselves. So I feel positive around it I feel loved and I am grateful for that
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  #311  
Old 06-29-2018, 04:41 PM
AYD1199 AYD1199 is offline
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I just want to say that this thread, and really this site in its entirety literally are giving me life. We are in a rough patch right now, really our first one since we've been in an actual relationship. We've known each other since we were kids and always kept in contact when he got in 8 years ago but in a relationship for 6 months.

I felt like there was no one who could understand what I feel and I would become so emotional after phone calls. After my first visit it took everything I had to leave that parking lot. But this makes it so much better just knowing there's people I can reach out to who genuinely understand. I was looking through other threads and people saying that their loved one cutting in line to call them back made me smile so hard. My babe has paid out countless honey buns because I just needed just ten more minutes of his voice that particular day. Right now when I know he is really feeling the weight of the time and his surroundings and feels the need to just bury himself in his own world, I get comfort in knowing I'm not alone in it. I miss him every day but I continue to write to him so that he knows he's not alone either. I could write about his man and how much I love him all day long.

I have tons and tons of quotes and motivation things saved on my phone but one I really like is " Sometimes the greatest relationships are the ones you never expected to be in. The one's that sweep you off your feet and challenge every view you've ever had". I have never been able to say that the love of my life was my best friend and I can definitely say that with him.

By not having the physical contact most relationships have and relying on nothing but communication, we approached It being fully open and honest and it turned into something so beautiful that it makes all the other difficult things that come along with it, so worth it. In conclusion, thank you to all of you for sharing so much. It truly does not go unnoticed and is every much appreciated.
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  #312  
Old 07-26-2018, 07:14 PM
ybrady72 ybrady72 is offline
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I can honestly say that I am happy that I am in the position that I am in because he has helped me to change for the better. I never looked at myself and saw a problem until this incident. It has helped me to have a closer relationship with God and to know my purpose.
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  #313  
Old 08-09-2018, 10:30 PM
hogi2376 hogi2376 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Patty View Post
... then this thread is for you. This is my answer to all the PMs asking for me to thread again for the positivity seekers. Sorry, time gets in the way and the needs of this community can be overwhelming for staff. But here goes for all those that are seeking a drama-free thread.

I don't get down with all that oh me oh my he's in prison, whatever shall I do, "stuff"? It's just not me. We don't allow the DOC to dictate the terms of our relationship because the ONLY thing they can do is put physical distance between us.

He's not in prison because he doesn't love me enough. For me, (keywords: For me) the alleged crime and our relationship are separate. This man puts joy and love up on me every single, dingle day whether he's sittin' on the couch next to me or anywhere else, yes including the joint.

Once in a great while he is unable to call me at the usual time. Never once has that been by his own accord. Shtuff happens in prison, I get that. If he can call me he will call me and knowing that I never feel the need to become paranoid about what it means. FYI - it usually means nothing in the larger scheme of things, really, truly, I swear.

There are decisions to be made that ultimately affect both of us. In some regards I must bare the "actualness" of that on my own but fortunately I am not without his shared confidences, opinions, desires. We are close and we make it a priority to stay relevant as individuals and as a couple.

I suppose the bottom line is that he attends to ALL of my needs and as much as I wish he were home with me right this second, his actual physical presence is truly the only thing I am lacking for and we can deal with that through phone dates because we are so in sync.

My life is rich because I make the effort. My life is richer because he makes the effort. Our lives are richest because we choose to enrich ourselves and one another. Wallowing in self pity is not a party we choose to attend.

So if you are NOT caught up in when he may or may not call or write or how he acts at visits or some facebook drama or issues with his child's mother ("babymama" to the less enlightened) talk to us. If you are not contemplating having sex with someone else because he will be gone for so long or you already messed up and if life's little tragedies are just obstacles that become opportunities for growth tell us about it.

Listen, we've got plenty of threads filled with negativity - if you empathize with those who are dealing with difficult issues but do not share the same problems and don't always feel free to post about the joy that your relationship brings you - then this is the thread for you. No negativity!

Share the positivity that is your relationship....
Love, love ,love this!
I feel the exact same way! Love isnt supposed to know distance or time!
I loved him before he was locked up and I WILL LOVE him thru lock up and all the way until he's walking out those iron gates to me then gonna shower him with all the missing kisses thru oit those years!
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