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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: How many times will you ride?
1...I will ride this time but he better not mess up again. 333 78.72%
As many times as it takes. 90 21.28%
Voters: 423. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 12-30-2008, 10:56 PM
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He's in on a parole violation so I'm only having to cope with this life for 90 days *unless he messes up in there*

If he does something new or messes up his parole again, it'll be due to his own stubborn, stupid, impulsive nature. He can do it alone. I may still be around for him when he gets out, but I'm not his mother or baby-sitter.

I've been single for years now and quite happy with it. I'm inviting him into My life. It'll be his loss if he decides to act in such a way that he has to leave me.

Besides, if there's a next time, he may not have any outside support. It may teach him to appreciate what he had before a little bit more.
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  #27  
Old 12-30-2008, 11:05 PM
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  #28  
Old 12-30-2008, 11:09 PM
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well he's 15 years left on his sentence so i would hope by then he's learned his lesson but if it should arrive again im a sucka for him id probaly wait but definitly not another 20 years but id do my best as seeing we would be married and i wouldn't turn my back on my husband or the promise i made before god
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  #29  
Old 12-31-2008, 12:44 AM
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Ok, so the way I feel about this is this-I never thought I would EVER be in this situation ever in my life, so before I got into the situation if asked "Would you stick by your man if he was incarcerated?" My immediate reaction would have been "No." But now going through this I realize that I cannot say what I would do if I was in _____ situation or if blank happened until it was right in front of me. Ya know?

But-I do know this, if my babe were to come home && mess up again willingly I would feel disrespected && it would feel like he didn't give a dam about me because he knows how much it hurts me to be away from him as he is my whole world; especially since we will be married in a month.
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  #30  
Old 12-31-2008, 02:08 AM
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I have answered this question many, many times, and I will answer it again. I will NOT do this again, and Ray knows it! He was in for 7 years before I knew him. He got out, was on probation for 2 years, made it to 6 months from total freedom, and walked away from parole!!! Now how frigging stupid was that???????? I met him about 6 months after he went back for the parole violation..........by the time he get out, I will have been with him for 19.5 years. NO, I will NOT do this again!

IF he were to do time in county, I could handle that (he does NOT know this) but if he gets anything over 364 days (In WA they do county up until 365 days) I am gone. Doesn't mean I won't love him for the rest of my life, but I won't be riding this train again!
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  #31  
Old 12-31-2008, 09:31 AM
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this is it. in february, he will have ZERO charges. a free man. the next time he goes to jail he's going single.
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  #32  
Old 12-31-2008, 09:39 AM
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I've rode for as long as I can. We have done 4 numbers together and this is the longest and last. If after being down for 6 years he feels the need to go back then he can do him and I'll do me next time.
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  #33  
Old 12-31-2008, 09:44 AM
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Him & I just had this conversation Saturday during our visit. I told him that I am not wanting to go through this again, but I would if I had to. This is currently the 2nd bid in which i'm holding down the home front. He told me not to worry, I won't have to. So, if he keeps to his word, which always does, I don't have to worry about being in that situation. He's had my back for the past 11 years and he's never let me down even during the times when we were supposedly separated or "broken up". If he can always look out for me and be there for me, then I would be able to do the same. Even now, being locked up, if i needed something, he's able to ensure I receive it and that his family is well taken care of. So, YES, i would hold him down IF another bid was to happen.

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  #34  
Old 12-31-2008, 10:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chellie View Post
Here's the real question ladies. How many times will you ride for your man? I mean really think about it. Has your man ever been locked up before this? Be honest MOST of our men are at fault here. whether it was something stupid or serious. Really think who's fault is it really that they are sitting where they are? Now me I'm gonna ride for him this time but when he comes he better not do any type of dumb shit. How many times are we supposed to put our whole lives on hold ? I love him with all my heart and so does my son but I refuse to let him do this to US again. I guess I'm curious how you all feel about this situation....
All the time we have been forced to spend apart, I do not blame him for at all. I have sat here plenty of time and thought about how long he is going to be away from us and whose fault it actually is. It certainly is NOT his fault and I never allow him to apologize to me for it. I won't get into his case, but all he actually did was get a first time DUI and by doing so violated his parole. At the most, one year of this nightmare was on him, certainly NOT 3 1/2 years.
Would I stand by him if he ever went back, yes I would. He is my husband and I would stand by him. My life is not on hold at all. Although he made a stupid choice to drive that night, I won't judge him for it, I said what I had to say about it to him and it is over as far as I am concerned. I didn't leave him when it happened, I certainly won't leave him now. He doesn't run the streets and act like a nut doing stupid things all the time, that is not who he is, if it were, I would NOT have married him in the first place. I married a man who is worthy of standing by. Like I said, my life is not on hold and I don't consider myself waiting for him. We will never let the DOC have that power over us. We keep living and doing what we can and that is how we will always be. Enough was taken from us, there is no way I will ever allow them to take away any more than they are allowed to do so by law. He is MY husband and he is right here where he has always been.
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  #35  
Old 12-31-2008, 10:30 AM
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Well girls the first ride is rarely the last ride and over the course of sixteen years of marriage and the last twenty five years of my husbands life he has now begun his fifth incarceration. Right before I got married my Uncle said to me "Do you really love him?" and I said yes. He said really and again I said yes so my Uncle comes back with "So if he told you it would make him happy to sleep with your girlfriend it would be ok with you?" I was kind of puzzled by this and declined to answer. Well I understand that question now; my husband is an addict; doing drugs makes him happy; the consequences are hell but yes I really love him and so I ride today and will again tomorrow no matter what. I've found that over the years love is often painful and disappointing; it's rarely the fairytale joy that we dream of. After all these years of marriage I've found that it's more about he's got my back and he's going to stand by me even when I'm wrong as I will him. It's about holding someones hair back while they are vomitting in the toilet...its not pretty; it's not glamourous but he has never minded cleaning up my vomit so I guess I'll stick it out.
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  #36  
Old 12-31-2008, 04:24 PM
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This is our second bid. I am hoping and praying that it is our last. It is so hard to do this again. I really don't want to do it again.
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  #37  
Old 12-31-2008, 05:52 PM
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Life is a strange and funny thing and being in love with someone makes it hard to always have a clear cut answer,I have been dealing with my man incaracation since I was almost 15yo.He was released when I was 21 be was free for 6 months and was right back.I am now 31 and I have given him all the love,support and compassion that I have in me and if for some reason he finds himself facing time again which would be 25 or more years.I could no longer be his wife and ride that time out with him.And it is not because of a lack of love because for me it is not as cut and dry as love because if it were that simple then he would never have ended back in there because my love and loving me should have been enough for him to make the right decision. I always have said before we would handle each situation as they came but this would be so difficult,too difficult to stay and very difficult to walk away from.
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  #38  
Old 12-31-2008, 06:06 PM
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I don't think I could do it again. I mean I would probably understand and we could probably remain friends, but no. It's just too hard. Emotionally, I would have to take a rain check. People just aren't meant to be alone and my kids are grown so I don't have that to occupy me.

Again, I'd probably have to move on. But I guess, "never say never" is the best policy. Really hard to know.
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  #39  
Old 12-31-2008, 06:14 PM
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Default this is the only ride i'm taking... EVER

I will not put our children nor myself through this again. I have no doubt in my mind that he's learned his lesson, but I've always told him that I WILL NOT do this again. I'll love him for the rest of my life, but I will not let my life pass me by again waiting on him because he messed up. But, I know my baby and I know this is it!! He'll be home soon and he's staying home.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chellie View Post
Here's the real question ladies. How many times will you ride for your man? I mean really think about it. Has your man ever been locked up before this? Be honest MOST of our men are at fault here. whether it was something stupid or serious. Really think who's fault is it really that they are sitting where they are? Now me I'm gonna ride for him this time but when he comes he better not do any type of dumb shit. How many times are we supposed to put our whole lives on hold ? I love him with all my heart and so does my son but I refuse to let him do this to US again. I guess I'm curious how you all feel about this situation....
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  #40  
Old 12-31-2008, 07:14 PM
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We go thru life together whatever the future holds.
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  #41  
Old 12-31-2008, 07:22 PM
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Well this is my mans third bid since we have been together and part of me wants to walk away right now because Im worn out but I love him to death and I dont think I have it in me to walk away from him. I really dont know how many times I can/will put up with it..

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  #42  
Old 01-02-2009, 11:12 PM
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This is the only bid i would do...if he messes up again yea maybe ill be supportive but he better not expect me to wait all that time again...
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  #43  
Old 01-02-2009, 11:21 PM
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I love him, no doubt. My love for him is not the question, and it is not the answer. It is not and excuse or a reason, it just is simply a fact. I love him, no doubt. Another simple fact... I would not do this again.
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  #44  
Old 01-02-2009, 11:26 PM
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This is the first and only for me. We knew it was going to happen I just hoped it wouldn't have been so soon after we got together. But at least now it will be out of the way in Aug and we can move on withour lives.

Last edited by Lil-D; 01-02-2009 at 11:28 PM..
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  #45  
Old 01-02-2009, 11:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms Nick Deere View Post
This is my first and last ride. because
one) i never thought i would end up with an inmate
two) i never thought i would actually wait this long for anyone yet alone an inmate lol
three) it is way to hard financially, physically, mentally and emotionally and i really don't think i can stand another round of DOC. unless i am working for them as a PO..lol i love my man but if messes up the next time he's doing it alone and knows where to find me when he's gotten it all together.
I am so right there with you, cuz now we have a baby together and he has missed everything thus far in her life.
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  #46  
Old 01-02-2009, 11:40 PM
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Well after Marky got out the first time I swore up and down that if he went back in not only would I not wait for him but I wouldnt take the kids to see him either...and look at me now, 2nd bid, been there since day one... never miss a visit..I love him too much and I know he needs me, regardless of how hard this is for me I couldnt leave him with no emotional support. Now, by the time he gets out on this charge we will be in our 30's and he better have learned his lesson by then cuz I dont know what he can really offer me and my children if he goes back. I mean they will be grown by the time he gets out of this bid
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  #47  
Old 01-03-2009, 07:28 AM
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I don't think, emotionally, I could go through this again. But I guess I don't know until I'm in the situation...which, hopefully, I'll never have to find out.
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  #48  
Old 01-03-2009, 08:21 AM
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Hes never been to prison before, this is his first time down there but yes hes been to county 5 times since ive been with him & i have to say i will not do another bid after this one with him being in prison, yes i love him with all my heart & can never imagine being without him & i am riding with him through this bid, but this has caused so much pain both physically & emotionally that it would not be healthy for me i am only 18 & still have a life to live when im older i dont want to have to keep going to prison to see my man i want him home. The burden this has caused is something that i could not go through again, if he is not willing to think about me then never will he & if he cant appreciate all that ive been doing then once again never will he...so im really hoping he will change after this bid bc i never want to be without him
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  #49  
Old 01-03-2009, 10:38 AM
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Just this one time....It aint happening again -- It better not after 15 years!!!!
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  #50  
Old 01-03-2009, 10:56 AM
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Post I Will Ride.........

I will ride as many times as it takes with my Papi. No if, ands, or buts about it. I am in it for the long haul with my Baby. He will be my husband soon and there is no turning back then. We have talked for nights about the very question you have asked and I have told him if he should ever have to do this again, I will be right by his side while he learns not to be so hard headed. This is his first time being incarcerated and he seems to have learned his lesson but only time will tell and I will be right by his side to see.

I love my Papi more than he will ever understand that is why I am willing to ride the the storms of life by his side. This life aint easy and it sure aint for the weak but I love it because it has taught me to love unconditionally and most of all being with Papi has taught me the true meaning of forgiveness. Everyone deserves forgiveness. So, ladies I will ride......

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