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  #1  
Old 07-08-2018, 03:03 AM
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Default He said our friendship will probably have to be hidden from his partner

I see him as a best friend and at times we speak of a possible future together

Although there are MANY times I forget that he still has a relationship on hold and I've been very understanding about it!!

Recently we had a discussion about our friendship. We've always had crazy chemistry and many years ago, our friendship became physical. Which brings me to the issue that was brought up about our friendship.

He said, "When I come home our friendship will be probably have to be hidden from my partner because we have so much chemistry"

After hearing this, I'm actually not sure how to be take it

I love this man! Regardless if we stay friends OR if we build a future together but this comment has me with mixed emotions. And a billion questions.

I don't want to be anyone's secret. Let alone disrespect any female.

And it makes me think, is our friendship even real if we have to hide it? Or it is just better to end it NOW I don't want to lose him!! BUT I don't want to set myself to really get hurt

I think i'm even more upset because this discussion was had after I told him how he has become such a major part of my life now

We are usually very open with each other, i'm just a little lost of words....Give me your opinion, suggestions, something.... I don't even know how to continue to discuss this with him
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Old 07-08-2018, 03:34 AM
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Ima just be honest , IF you speak of a future maybe possible relationahip with him, then respecting his gf or whatever she is , is already out the window...

If he has feelings for you , which saying you need to hide it sounds like he does , then why is he with the other women? Just a question.

Do what you think is right. If you dont want to hide anything tell him straight up
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Old 07-08-2018, 04:13 AM
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Chemistry my ass... this guy wants you as his side-piece but keep the other relationship.
If it would be me I'd dump him and restore my self-worth and look for someone that really appreciates me. Are you kidding me? Will you really sink that low?

You "friendship" is a means of keeping you in his life - in my humble opinion. Maybe there are even more of the likes of you? This guy is a player...

Please excuse my harsh words, just trying to wake you up, you've got to be more worth than being someone's side piece?
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Old 07-08-2018, 05:15 AM
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In my opinion if he's suggesting you have to hide your relationship or your friendship then he's considering cheating with you. You need to have a long discussion with him because if a relationship has to be hidden it's not worth having. If you're already discussing future plans with him you're both already disrespecting his current girlfriend which isn't right so you either need to be together and he needs a break up with his girlfriend or you need to let go good luck with everything.
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Old 07-08-2018, 05:26 AM
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I apologize but let me clear this up. He is NOT currently with the girl. He is single! The girl decided that the sentence he was given was too long too wait, so she chose to stay around as a friend. But asked him to promise when he gets out to give their relationship a try again.
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Old 07-08-2018, 05:31 AM
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He is not with the girl, if there was any indication of that than I would definitely not have spoken of any existence of an US.

Feelings are definitely there, I guess Im more bothered that our friendship doesn't hold an value against another relationship he would have.

To me, I wouldn't discredit our friendship even if I decided to date someone else, they should accept him as friend

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Ima just be honest , IF you speak of a future maybe possible relationahip with him, then respecting his gf or whatever she is , is already out the window...

If he has feelings for you , which saying you need to hide it sounds like he does , then why is he with the other women? Just a question.

Do what you think is right. If you dont want to hide anything tell him straight up
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Old 07-08-2018, 05:35 AM
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We've known each other for over 13years, prior to conviction, prior to the girl (which he is not dating), and I know hes not a saint but because we have such a good friendship is why im questioning why he feels that he must hide it?


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Chemistry my ass... this guy wants you as his side-piece but keep the other relationship.
If it would be me I'd dump him and restore my self-worth and look for someone that really appreciates me. Are you kidding me? Will you really sink that low?

You "friendship" is a means of keeping you in his life - in my humble opinion. Maybe there are even more of the likes of you? This guy is a player...

Please excuse my harsh words, just trying to wake you up, you've got to be more worth than being someone's side piece?
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Old 07-08-2018, 05:36 AM
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Yes, to me, when their relationship is on hold, that means that they have an agreement to see other people. But it does sound like she is his preference.
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Old 07-08-2018, 06:04 AM
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So after 13 years he’s seriously telling you that you’ll be only second when he gets out?
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Old 07-08-2018, 06:19 AM
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I think you could be setting yourself up to be hurt.


Secrets are no good. In anything really.
I'd not wait around for him or her to decide if they want to be together.
You can still be friends if you are able to accept that but you risk getting hurt.
From what it sounds like, you already are hurt.
And it also sounds like he's wanting to try to get back together with her.
Why be the second choice?
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Old 07-08-2018, 07:30 AM
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The reason he is saying you would have to hide your friendship is because you have crossed the friendship line. While it is fine to have friends of the opposite sex, there is a line you can not cross while being in a relationship, and I do believe he plans on being with her when he gets out. I think you should ask yourself if you think you could handle just being " friends". I have a guy friend that I have known since I was 13 that I love to death,kind of like bother sister, and we have never talked about a future or our feelings for each other even when we were both single. I do think that this could end up being a big old mess for you.
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Old 07-08-2018, 08:25 AM
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He referred to her as his partner. That alone makes it very clear that you are going to be a sidepiece. Hiding your relationship is the second clue.

Simple.

You just don't want it to be so.
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Old 07-08-2018, 09:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Da Princess* View Post
He said, "When I come home our friendship will be probably have to be hidden from my partner because we have so much chemistry"
Whatever else is being said and done, the word "hidden" would tell me I don't need a friend like that, even if just platonic. If someone has the need to hide people from other people in their life, I'd be hiding myself from this person real quick

Just my opinion
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Old 07-08-2018, 10:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Da Princess* View Post
I apologize but let me clear this up. He is NOT currently with the girl. He is single! The girl decided that the sentence he was given was too long too wait, so she chose to stay around as a friend. But asked him to promise when he gets out to give their relationship a try again.
Hon, what other relationship could they have right now except a friendship? It sounds like *waiting* to her meant no sex and she wasn’t willing to be faithful but he is definitely not single. Have you any contact with her at all? Are you really sure that she is just a friend or is he just saying that to cover his ass. If he didn’t see his friendship with you as cheating there would be no reason to keep it a secret.

Are you really going to be just ok with being friends? You’ve said that you love him. Whether he hides you or not will you truly be happy if you aren’t with him?

I do think you need to look at your relationship with him in a different way. He’s already shown you are not going to be his future. You are hoping for all the stars to align and to run off into the sunset with him. It’s a fantasy. He’s told you he wants another Princess. Put your glass slipper back on and walk away.
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Old 07-08-2018, 12:51 PM
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At first I was thinking yeah, he wants you to be the side chick... but after your insistence that he’s not in a relationship I realized he doesn’t even value you enough for you to be the side chick. He’s not in a relationship at all, but he’s already telling you that you are 2nd choice. You are 2nd fiddle to a FIDDLE THAT DOES NOT YET EXIST.
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Old 07-08-2018, 03:18 PM
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This all sounds very complicated and disrespectful, personally I refuse to be hidden away and I refuse to be anyones side chick.
I am not sure what you are hoping for but it sounds like you are headed for a whole heap of hurt.
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Old 07-08-2018, 05:40 PM
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All sorts of red flags about this one.

Before factoring in anything, the "hiding" thing. There could be lots of reasons to hide, or not immediately disclose a relationship. Kids being involved maybe...that can be complicated.

But this isn't so complicated...there's clearly another woman involved.

So to me, he has to decide if he wants something with you or wants something with her. "On hold" doesn't resolve matters. It basically sounds like you're his sidechick without actually being his sidechick due to some technicality that I don't quite understand.

So yeah...you're going to do what you want to do, and face whatever consequences that brings. But in your shoes? I'd definitely say "this is what our relationship is to me. If it's something different to you, spell it out so I know." And if what he spells out isn't what you want? Walk away. That's what I'd do.

Good luck to you.

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Old 07-09-2018, 12:53 PM
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Yeah I agree. Secrets are no good. What if you 2 end up together and hes playing another female up to be a secret from you? Never be second best to anyone.

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I think you could be setting yourself up to be hurt.


Secrets are no good. In anything really.
I'd not wait around for him or her to decide if they want to be together.
You can still be friends if you are able to accept that but you risk getting hurt.
From what it sounds like, you already are hurt.
And it also sounds like he's wanting to try to get back together with her.
Why be the second choice?
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Old 07-10-2018, 10:17 AM
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He knows exactly what he's doing, and you are not his priority.
Walk away, you have been the " just in case " long enough.
History is just that, history.
Real relationship makes YOU a priority.
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Old 07-10-2018, 03:07 PM
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nope nope nope This would NOT have work for me and definitely not a scenario T would have concocted anyway. You are being disrespected! I will say that back in the day I was a certain man side piece and I regret so much now I waste all that time GAMEPLAYING when a real man was out there for me!
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Old 07-10-2018, 03:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Da Princess* View Post
I apologize but let me clear this up. He is NOT currently with the girl. He is single! The girl decided that the sentence he was given was too long too wait, so she chose to stay around as a friend. But asked him to promise when he gets out to give their relationship a try again.
Are you certain they are not together? Could this be something he hid from you all this time?
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Old 07-22-2018, 09:00 AM
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SMDH Are you seriously asking this stuff? I'd dump his ass!! I never have and never will be anyone's dirty secret!!! And honey I don't care how long you have known him all you are is his plan B.
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Old 07-22-2018, 05:04 PM
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This is my observation on this post and my opinion, never ever set yourself up to be anyone's side kick or have her sloppy seconds because that's how I'm seeing this post. You must hold yourself to higher standards. Your past with him is exactly that, the past. Your future, well it could become a past that you may regret at some time and it will be a painful one. I know not all men are like that but he's saying things that are clearly not in your best interest or benefit. There are real men to meet who will see the shining star that you are. Who will value you much more. I would not stand to let any man tell me I'm going to be his secret and if you don't know this other woman, how do you know what he's promising her......�������� The moon the Stars a better life? The things you want with him? Nah, God will guide you to who he has in mind for you but have to have faith and time. Time tells all in the long run. Don't settle for less when you can have so much more if you want. Again my opinion.......
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