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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: how much does your man trust you??
he trusts me 100% 114 49.57%
he trusts me but occassionally has his moments 104 45.22%
hes always questioning me etc & dosent show he trusts me 7 3.04%
he will never trust a female 5 2.17%
Voters: 230. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 11-22-2009, 04:12 PM
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Default How do you prove to your man that you're faithful?

ive read how alot of men keep thinking that we are going to cheat on them out here or leave them etc etc.. and of course in their situation that is a natural reaction..

but how do you ease their mind?? how do you prove to them that all you want is them & no-one out here could tempt you to leave them??? etc etc

now, if you are mbi i think it might be easier since they know what you were like beforehand..(unless you were wild out there which could make it worse i suppose???lol) but generally mwi i think would have it a lil more harder since the men havent been involved in our life out here & havent seen how we conduct ourselves etc etc..

anyway.. its not really something my man sweats on sorta thing.. but of course he has had moments where he wonders etc etc..
well we were mucking around on phone once & he asked who my #1 man is in my life.. and i said Jesus.. he was like picking on me going .. what?? it aint me???
but then topic started getting deeper.. it was long discussion but to keep it brief.. as an example to try & explain that if i had him first.. whats to say when we fight or argue i wont go out & do something based on my emotions etc at time..get revenge yada yada..
but when i put God first.. no matter what happens b/w him & me.. i aint going to go out & do anything coz i answer to God..
he suddenly went quiet..
he said it was like he finally felt 100% safe that i wasent going to ever hurt him or leave him..
i kinda thought he already knew that???lol.. but yeah despite everything else i always did to show & prove that i was devoted to him.. this kinda sealed it..
was wondering how everyone elses man feels about that & how do you prove it so they dont need to worry???


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  #2  
Old 11-22-2009, 04:19 PM
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I know my mna trysts me 100%, but he does have his moments of always thinking that someone is gonna try to take his place and I have to tell him all the time that there is no onn on earth out there for me that he has the key to my heart. But I expect it sometime's b/c he's locked up and has nothing else to do but think about me and what i'm doing and our baby boy....It's all good..
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Old 11-22-2009, 04:23 PM
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For me when we did go through this I told him either you trust me or you don't, and if you don't we have nothing anyway. He does still have his moments, but he knows I haven't done anything. It is kind of cute because he ends each and every phone call by saying "be good"...I tell him good, I am a NUN! LOL!
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Old 11-22-2009, 04:41 PM
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Jeff is the same way he trust me. He says I trust you I don't trust the other people out there. I just answer all his questions, reassure him and actions speak louder then words so he see's the way I am. Yes I agree being with him before is easier then if it was mwi.
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Old 11-22-2009, 04:42 PM
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My husband trust me 100% as i have never given him a reason not to trust me. Now don't get me wrong they all go through insecurities when they go in as they have lost all control. The one way is to have constant communication and trust. Always be honest with them about how you feel or what is going on in your life, this helps them in realizing that you aren't going anywhere and your heart belongs to them.
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Old 11-22-2009, 04:46 PM
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I'm a nun too!!!!! lol!
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Old 11-22-2009, 04:48 PM
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i got mixed issues on this we (meaning PTO) may need to have a come to Jesus meeting (aka group discussion) on this one. i can speak on both mwi and mbi because back in 2000 we were a mwi couple he got out and we got married. the is the little brother of one of my most dearest friends. we started out pen pals then fell in love. i was actually in a long term relationship that was going no where to tell you the truth. by the time we realized we were in love i had ended my 8 yr long relationship and my then pen pal turned love had just over a yr to go. i am one that use to be very comittal phobic. so when i realized i was in love i ran off to oklahoma with my childhood sweetheart to know now what we did not know then. i came back still in love with my mwi. i was faithful going forward which was bout 8 months. he came home i quit running and said I DO.

he came home and just under the completion of his first yr out was hooked on dope. HELLO YOU JUST SPENT 10 YRS LOCKED UP CUZ DOPE RULED YOUR WORLD!!! of course he like other addicts cheated. really, i just knew in my heart that he would have never gotten back on dope after 10 yrs of prison and i never thought he would cheat after being single and without a family all that time. i was crushed and to this day feel like a thief came in the night and stole my fairy tale love from me. and thats exactly what happened satan was the thief. i have gone thru so much healing and have been in a recovery group since over a yr before he went back in. i can say i have a new out look on addiction even with my being a non practicing addict i still did not know as much as i thought i did.

i wonder if being faithful to your mwi that your not married to pays off. i know you can fall in love with them but i wonder if you are desonted for heart ache. i ask this because they are denied physical contact for so long and i know that they do have the best intentions however when they come out they are the same age as they where mentally when they went in and they are like kids in a candy store with women. then based on the amount of time they have served you may have to battle incarceration syndrome which from seeing it first hand i can honestly tell you that it is heart breaking to see. i am not saying all will cheat and i hope your wont but the denial of physical contact for years makes you wonder how and if they can remain faithful to you once they are home. i dont think they plan to cheat and i know most dont believe in incarceration syndrome yet i hear many stories simular to mine.

what is your take on my thoughts? have any of you been with your mwi after he was home? can you share what you have learned by experience with them. my husband is the first to tell you after the way he behaved he can say nothing if i cheat. now he also tells me that he knows me and knows that the pain associated with cheating is one i will have a very ruff time dealing with. by my faith in God and the conviction of the Holy Spirit i have remained faithful to my husband but it was hard very hard on many levels. btw we will be married 7 yrs this december!
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  #8  
Old 11-22-2009, 04:49 PM
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that's funny......mine also always says...."it's not you i don't trust, it's everyone else."

The other funny thing he says is that he trusts me because I remind him of his grandma.......lol...I don't know if that is a compliment. He says because his grandma is the only other woman that he can trust and that is reliable and stood by him all this time.

I don't really have to try to prove to him that he can trust me. I show it in everything that I do. I am here for him 100% of the time. We have been through more than most people could even imagine. There is no way I would have stood by him through it all if I was not trustworthy and loyal.

He says he trusts me 100%, but I'm sure in the back of his head, he is never going to be completely sure.
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  #9  
Old 11-22-2009, 04:54 PM
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My husband trusts me 100%, but he has his moments... He's never made a big deal about it, but I'm sure sitting in there hearing all the talk has had him wondering before. He knows that I'm in it for life and I would never cheat on him. I respect him (and myself) too much. It's a process for me. I would need to not want him anymore, make him aware that I don't love him anymore, divorce him and then pursue other people... He knows this, but with all those men in his ear, he's had his weak moments where he made remarks... I quickly let him know that I would not be wasting my time "pretending" to wait, I'd simply be honest and tell him I wanted to end it! It's that simple for me and he knew this from day one with me! I do him the courtesy of being honest 100% of the time and he knows I expect the same!
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  #10  
Old 11-22-2009, 04:54 PM
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missmyhubby.. yeah you are right , its just most of time being locked up & so much time doing nothing but thinking...
there was a thread previously about men talking down relationships etc inside to them also , so even if they dont believe stuff like that applies to you & him.. im sure it'll still at times get him wondering & thinking..

kandvalways.. maybe we should start a convent???lol.. i totally feel you on that one!!!

jeffsbaby.. thats the other thing hey.. shouldvev added that to poll.. they may trust you.. but just dont trust others.. men or women out here with their intentions..

ewife.. i think you kinda hit the nail on the head there.. youve never given him reason to doubt.. build a relationship that is stable & reliable by constant honest communication is the key!!

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Old 11-22-2009, 05:07 PM
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every man has his moments.. in my opinion at least. they know we're all lonely and sad so they think we might go find comfort with someone else so i think its real normal for any guy to have his moments. but my man trusts me i never gave him a reason not to. and when he has his moments i just tell him to shut it with that dumb nonsense and then compliment him about his body to make him feel better lol!
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Old 11-22-2009, 05:10 PM
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My man has always trusted me 100%,because he knows that I wont lie to him.Another reason is I've been so busy with the baby that I don't have time for anything else.
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Old 11-22-2009, 05:11 PM
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He trusts me 100%. I write him everyday,and he knows I wouldn't have time to go out on him, even if I wanted to, which I don't. I'm thankful he's secure in our relationship, cause I don't know if I could deal w/ the stress of him being in there, AND bickering/arguing over stuff like that too.
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Old 11-22-2009, 05:21 PM
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My Man Trust me 100 % . But sometimes He is afraid that someone else , will say nice things to me and make me feel special , a few months ago He send me some letters telling me that he had dreams of someone else been with me . We have passed trougth that / HE knows that I love him too much to hurt him in any way
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Old 11-22-2009, 05:38 PM
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I flat refuse to "prove" jack.... Just like I take it on faith that he's not getting up to any funky or shady dealings, I expect him to know without question that I'm not off doing anything he'd regret.
If he started wanting some kind of proof, I'm afraid he'd be out of luck- I won't keep receipts or print off phone records or offer up my passwords to prove what he damn well better already know.
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  #16  
Old 11-22-2009, 05:49 PM
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I first I thought you might be right about MWI's not knowing your lifestyle could make one doubt more, but on the flip side, what about MBI's who were faithful, but had a high sex drive? I think MWI or MBI the potential for worry is high.

My man trusts me 100%. He tells me that he has no reason to doubt me, because I always make my actions match up to my words.

I can't say this is why he trusts me so much, but I did write a letter to him about cheating about some things I saw on a spiritual program. The man was talking about predetermining what we are going to do. He said we need to predetermine that we are not going to put ourselves in a position to cheat. So, for me that means....I'm NOT going to be drinking around men or be out clubing. I'm NOT going to be placing myself in positions to be alone with someone and become intimate. So often we believe that little innocent things are okay, but so often those little innocent acts get us caught up. It's like deciding to take a swim in the river. You get in, it feels good. You start swimming along, then you are caught in the current and can't get out....next thing you know...you're going over a waterfall. I've decided to not even get in the river. The other thing the man said was...we need to think about the possible negative results of our actions. He said if he thinks about cheating....he thinks about setting down with his wife and four kids and having to tell them he cheated. We need to look at the long term effects of our actions.

I think he knows that with my renewed walk with GOD I don't want to displease him. At this point in my life I'm more concerned about displeasing GOD than cheating on my man. (Does that sound bad? It's not meant to.)

I can't say I can prove that I'm not cheating on my man, but sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings is the only way that can make him feel comfortable and secure. He knows my heart and my intentions and I guess that is why he is so confident in me.
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Old 11-22-2009, 05:53 PM
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Mine never asked for "proof". I said I'd marry him while he was in, and I did. He knew me long enough and well enough to know I damned well say what I mean and mean what I say.

Frankly, I understand them being a little off center when they first go in, especially when they run into MrPlayacan'tholdontohiswoman, who tells them ALL the time about how ALL of us are liars and cheaters and players. But if they are still pestering for proof of something well into the relationship, then there's more wrong with them than just a little insecurity. To me that would be a huge red NO, because it would tell me that I couldn't make a move without him wanting to know how and why and what for, and I won't live like that.

I'm past the age where I think jealousy is cute, I don't need him to "take care of me", or make sure no one messes with me. I got that. If I wanted to be interrogated, I'd get arrested myself.
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Old 11-22-2009, 06:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeBeau View Post
If he started wanting some kind of proof, I'm afraid he'd be out of luck- I won't keep receipts or print off phone records or offer up my passwords to prove what he damn well better already know.

gosh i never even thought about that sort of stuff..as in receipts/passwords/phone records etc etc..
i wonder if anyone has sent stuff like that to prove they are not cheating?? an did they sent it on their own or were they asked to send it???
weve shared stuff like grocery receipts in past , but not to check balance or what we are spending it on sorta thing.. but to trip on all the junk & chocolate etc.. we buy.. he gets a kick outta how theres more crap in my shopping than real food..

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Old 11-22-2009, 06:20 PM
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The reciept, phone bill and password examples are partly things that have been asked of me in the past and partly things I've heard from other women who had partners to whom they had to prove their whereabouts.... I've been cornered and questioned enough for a lifetime, I am, as Daywalker put it "past the age where I think jealousy is cute" and I will not be quizzed or doubted... those days are long behind me.

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To do my best to please,
And change, with every passing lad,
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And do the things I do;
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you!

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Old 11-22-2009, 06:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rodeointx View Post
i wonder if being faithful to your mwi that your not married to pays off. I know you can fall in love with them but i wonder if you are desonted for heart ache. I ask this because they are denied physical contact for so long and i know that they do have the best intentions however when they come out they are the same age as they where mentally when they went in and they are like kids in a candy store with women. Then based on the amount of time they have served you may have to battle incarceration syndrome which from seeing it first hand i can honestly tell you that it is heart breaking to see. I am not saying all will cheat and i hope your wont but the denial of physical contact for years makes you wonder how and if they can remain faithful to you once they are home. I dont think they plan to cheat and i know most dont believe in incarceration syndrome yet i hear many stories simular to mine.

that is a good question.. Coz you just dont know for sure do you until they get out as to how they will react.. But i think alot also has to do with how mature they are..where they are at in their life etc.. A guy who still wants to have fun & party etc as opposed to one who wants to settle & do the family thing.. Sure there can be guys that come out & want to make up for lost time.. But others have grown inside & want different things outta life now..
I remain faithful to mine even though we arent married b/c of the sort of relationship i want with him.. Now if he messes up if he ever gets out (he is b.t.w. A lifer w/o p at moment) i guess i cant blame myself for not doing my part..
Plus.. For me its just how things have worked out?? Alot of factors come into it..before i met my man i had said to myself that i was not going to get physically involved with a man unless it was serious.. I had 4 young boys to raise.. I didnt want them to see me bringing diff guys home etc .. Or doing stuff like that.. So i made a personal decision to not be having sex anyway...
The more im getting involved with my bible studies etc.. The more i am stronger in my decision not to be doing that also..i was celibate for years before i even met juan..
So its not just a matter of being faithful to juan for me.. Even if juan wasent around i wouldnt be doing stuff.. (well trying to..lol...its not easy hey)if that makes sense??
But now that he is around & i have fallen in love.. I simply have not wanted to be with another man.. And as our bond deepens, i know i wouldnt go there.. Not for a few minutes of pleasure.. The consequences would be simply not worth it for me.. Not physically.. Not mentally.. Nor spiritually..
So i would not have it any other way than being faithful..
(this is just what works for me personally.. May not be someone elses cup of tea.. But its how i want to live my life)
being faithful to him has really not been an issue for me so far..
Now if he cheats on me.. I dont see how me having remained faithful harms me in any way..sure ive missed out on a lil bit of hanky panky fun...but if he cheats thats on him.. Plus.. I can always make up for that in my next relationship yeah??lol..
But if he dosent cheat.. And i havent cheated.. And the bond & relationship we have continues to be stronger & deeper etc.. I'll have that awesome relationship ive always wanted with a man.. So for me, the risk is worth it..
Dont get me wrong though.. It hasent been an easy road to get to where we are now.. And many times i couldve gone out & been unfaithful.. But i dont see where that will lead me to inner happiness?? And he wasent always like he is now.. He has done some major changing & growing up in last few years..



btw we will be married 7 yrs this december!
congratulations!!!!
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Old 11-22-2009, 06:53 PM
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I dont have to prove him anything.He knows me and he truts me 100%.He knows I'm loyal and I will never cheat on him.I got honor and thats the most important for me,thats why he trusts and respects me so much.
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Old 11-22-2009, 06:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeBeau View Post
The reciept, phone bill and password examples are partly things that have been asked of me in the past and partly things I've heard from other women who had partners to whom they had to prove their whereabouts.... I've been cornered and questioned enough for a lifetime, I am, as Daywalker put it "past the age where I think jealousy is cute" and I will not be quizzed or doubted... those days are long behind me.
i went through relationship like that in past which was like living in hell.. it actually though took me a while to adjust to being with juan who isnt jealous type.. in the beginning i was the one that needed to relax.. id always be trying to explain why i did this or why im going there or who sorta thing.. as id only experienced jealousy in past.. it was strange for me..its like you begin to associate jealousy with caring/love when thats all youve known?? does that make sense??? now i dont know how i lived like i did in past.. after experiencing what its like with juan..i could never be with a jealous man again..my past relationship was like being in prison...it almost killed my spirit..juan has given me the freedom to be me..

Indian Summer

In youth, it was a way I had
To do my best to please,
And change, with every passing lad,
To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know,
And do the things I do;
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you!

Dorothy Parker

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  #23  
Old 11-22-2009, 07:07 PM
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Originally Posted by akaptrosa View Post

I think he knows that with my renewed walk with GOD I don't want to displease him. At this point in my life I'm more concerned about displeasing GOD than cheating on my man. (Does that sound bad? It's not meant to.)

i know its not the spiritual forum here so i wont go on a rant..lol.. but when you are more concerned with God & put Him first.. everything else will fall into its right place.. and you end up pleasing your man in the process.. feel me??
I can't say I can prove that I'm not cheating on my man, but sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings is the only way that can make him feel comfortable and secure. He knows my heart and my intentions and I guess that is why he is so confident in me.
beautifully said!!!
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  #24  
Old 11-22-2009, 07:20 PM
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We've built our relationship on trust so there's no need to prove ourselves to each other.
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Old 11-22-2009, 07:28 PM
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