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Headed to Prison Dedicated to those who are facing incarceration. What to expect; what you can do to prepare; Q&A's; support.

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Old 11-21-2020, 06:37 PM
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Exclamation Headed to prison for the first time

32 m from mass, probably facing 10 or more, first court date toward the end of jan, my mom and brothers have no idea whats' coming, want to try and prepare them when I can, when I know more, out on personal recognizance. Very healthy, fast, strong, been training more than usual, trying to figure out what I'm going to tell everyone, the court, my friends, everyone. In the process of buying good clothes/dresswear for court, spent a small world of time watching and studying prison information, life on the inside etc, not broke, I'm assuming nothing can prepare me for the nightmare to come. Not interested in talking about my case, not allowed to anyway, can't get out of it, trying to do everything I can to make this as easy a process as possible, family's gonna be shredded, everyone I know or have ever known, going to lose basically everyone. Just want to live for my family, for making a good example of myself, and serving the interests of the party concerned
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Old 11-21-2020, 10:03 PM
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Don't watch documentaries, movies or TV shows about prison. Usually, they're hyped up, edited to show the "exciting" part. Most of the time, prison is boring. Same routine everyday.


The following thread has some useful information:

Some tips on prison "etiquette".
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Old 11-21-2020, 11:33 PM
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If you lose anyone over this, the better. You now know they didn't love you. Keep your head down and your mouth SHUT!! Don't give nothing to nobody unless you're willing and able to stand up for yourself if they don't pay you back. Be you, be nice, keep to yourself. Be private. Be a master of the art of frivolous conversation. Don't be afraid to say no and stand up for yourself but do NOT go looking for a fight. And like she said, I think there's threads on here specifically for people going to prison first time. Let the CO's boss you around. They're going to win no matter, but file a grievance if serious. Like an actual violation not just being a dick.
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Old 11-22-2020, 08:25 AM
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Old 11-22-2020, 10:37 AM
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I would talk to your family sooner than later. You'll need the support and they need time to process the information. It's going to be heavy and a lot, but the longer you wait the harder it will be.

Get all your medical done now, esp the dentist. HIPAA forms and POA etc. If you have assets, who will manage them for you?

I wish you the best of luck and hopefully the outcome is not as harsh.
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Old 11-22-2020, 11:19 AM
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Just be yourself and take it one day at a time. Keep it simple from start to finish. You're a man, take it like a man. If you lose a fight, take it like a man. If you win a fight then act like a man.
The one's that talk the most are ones that have the most problems. The one's that talk the least are generally the real bad #sses.
If someone disrespects you, say something to them once and if happens again, get dead on their #ss and don't stop until its over or someone breaks it up.
A lot people talk about violent prison is and dangerous many of us are, but in truth only about 1 out of every 10 men have a good boxing game. Most fights wind up with both people on the floor wrestling around with each other.
Look for others that are making an effort to grow spiritually....guys that are trying to do something academically.
The ones that are loud, the ones in a gang, the ones that are interested in doing or getting tattoos.....avoid them like the plague.
Set small goals to achieve. Work out, read, be good to yourself.
The people that turn their backs on you out here when you go do your time......they reveal who they truly are when it comes to real love and a genuine sense of compassion. Its not on you to bear some cross because of those that turn their backs on you. The one's that show when you have nothing offer because you're in prison are the real friends and living angels of this world and surprisingly enough many of those people will probably not be family.
One day this will, my brother. One day this will be a thing of past that you look back upon in retrospect. This too shall pass.
Make your mind up to become a better man because of prison and inspite of it as opposed to a lesser one. You can do this. Lesser men than yourself have gone to prison, done their time, gotten out and moved on with their lives. If they can do it then you can do it.
You're a man....just be yourself and look for the good in each day. Its gonna be alright.
I've spent 18 years in prison here in Texas. Every Male member of my family has been to prison for robbery and or murder and I'm the baby of the family. Every Male member of my family has been an i.v. drug user at one time or another and I'm the baby of the family. I say that to say this " I may not know much after almost 20 years in prison, but these things I've shared with you I know them to be true. Be good to yourself, don't worry about what you can't change, and just keep on waking up each day. One day you'll look up and be time to leave. You can do this.
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Old 11-22-2020, 11:29 AM
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Thanks so much thank you
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Old 11-22-2020, 01:23 PM
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Take a deep breath first of all. Then stand up straight, look yourself in the mirror & tell yourself, "I can get through this". And you will. I'm not saying it'll won't be hard or it won't change you. It will. But how you handle it is a lot about you. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders & are trying to plan things out. That is important to do.
My son went in at 31, He only had to serve 2 years & the rest probation but it still changed him. He was an educated, successful person with his own home & a life he thought was only going forward. Once this happened it opened his eyes to what was really important, who he could count on, & what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. He is now out, working for himself & being an advocate for those who have no one to speak up for them. Yes, he lost his old job, sold his house & lost some friends but he has filled those holes with things that lift him up now.
You've been given very good advice by others here. It's important to get all your assets & responsibilities set up so someone you trust can handle them. It's really hard trying to deal with details on phone calls & letters that are monitored. If you wear contacts you might want to get a sturdy pair of glasses. My sons wore glasses instead of contacts while he was serving his time. I know there are other suggestions as well depending on what you might need.
I suggest you introduce your family to PTO as well. I have found support, understanding & advice here that helped me through the darkest days. I'm on still to pay back & help those who are just starting down this road. It's good to know you're not alone & to find hope when you've used up all you have. Hang in there & stay strong!!
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Old 11-22-2020, 01:40 PM
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Plan has been to leave an itemized list of resources to them and this right at the top of the list, I can trust my brother and my mom, have basically given up, donated or sold everything I had, I've done just about everything I can to ready myself and others

Will work on the long picture of things, hopefulness and attitude etc, it's a process itself

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Old 11-22-2020, 04:03 PM
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Be sure to include inmate etiquette in your studies. COs/staff is one thing, but more important is how you interact with your fellow prisoners. Here's one link to two pages of posts with good information about the best ways to avoid stupid mistakes. You can also google inmate or prisoner etiquette.
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/sho...=592193&page=2
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Old 11-25-2020, 09:32 AM
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agree about seeing a dentist. Get as much work if needed BEFORE you go in. Dental care in prison is worse than the medical.

Get any medications you need sorted out. Im not sure how that part works but I do know they (the prison) will use whatever medications they are allowed to use. So it may not be one your currently taking.
Make a list of whatever names, addresses, phone numbers of those you want to keep in contact with. Have your mom or brother mail it to you when you land.
The first part of the process is probably the worst. There will be a time frame without much movement. In my state they call it Reception. Back when my hub was in, during reception he was not allowed phone calls (and he did that for 13 months til they placed him at his *home* prison)
Phone calls are expensive.
Visits are not in person right now due to covid concerns. Some are now doing video visits (which I understand are pricey too)
So letters will likely be the best way to communicate. Mail delivery is slow, so expect delays. Especially at first.


From the short list.....dont gamble, dont borrow, choose *friends* wisely. Dont chum up to CO's or appear to.
If you have someone you can trust to put any money you may have to put it on your books. You can use this money to purchase items you may want. In CA my hub was able to get quarterly packages. I used to buy him things he wanted, like extra socks, or better shoes, toothpaste and soap. He would wash his own stuff that he bought, so he was able to keep it. (by wash I mean in the sink)
So maybe that trusted person will do the same for you.


Good luck to you and your family. I hope they assist you while your in prison and will cross my fingers that the term is less you expect.
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Old 11-25-2020, 07:00 PM
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Thanks much, means alot, happy thanksgiving

Thanks for the help
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