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Coming Home Dedicated to discussions about our loved ones that are coming home soon. Discussions here should not fit any other category.

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  #1  
Old 06-09-2018, 06:12 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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Default When to start planning and what to do exactly?

If by the grace of God everything goes well, he is eligible for a program in 9 months and then would be home in 6 after that. If something doesn't work with that another program and would be home 6 months later.

I don't want to get a head of myself, but we are roughly have way through!

From now until he leaves for a program, my goals is to continue working like crazy to pay off my debt. Not his stuff. He actually doesn't have any. No fines.

Then once he is in a program to keep working and start saving to make homecoming more manageable.

He would parole to his mother. I have most of his clothes and they need to be washed, but would pick up some new stuff. Socks, underwear, etc.

As of now, he couldn't drive for 6 months unless they pass a bill, but it didn't get traction this year.

He would need a cheap cell phone to get started. I have old ones he could connect that would be an easy fix to start.

He has ideas on who to reach out to for work, but wants to wait until it is closer. I get it..hey maybe within the next 15 months- 2 years ill be around. With his 1st shot at a program, we won't know until 2 weeks before if he is definitely coming home.

Planning makes me excited and takes the depressing feeling off of me that can come and go. We at least feel somewhat in charge. I try to keep practical because no matter what I know I'll be in a better financial position when this is over, which is why I have been so hyperfocused on it since he went in. Next month I get to really work at it for the 1st time in a year. Feels good to be getting somewhere and not allow this to be washed time.

Aside from that I want to plan more fun stuff with my kids. I finally can again which is an awesome feeling. Thank you all for your budgeting and credit tips over a year ago.

Am I forgetting anything? I made up a month by month chart of goals to hit. It makes the months move faster and it makes everything fun. Life shouldn't be a chore.
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  #2  
Old 06-09-2018, 07:28 PM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is offline
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Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 View Post
If by the grace of God everything goes well, he is eligible for a program in 9 months and then would be home in 6 after that. If something doesn't work with that another program and would be home 6 months later.

I don't want to get a head of myself, but we are roughly have way through!

From now until he leaves for a program, my goals is to continue working like crazy to pay off my debt. Not his stuff. He actually doesn't have any. No fines.

Then once he is in a program to keep working and start saving to make homecoming more manageable.

He would parole to his mother. I have most of his clothes and they need to be washed, but would pick up some new stuff. Socks, underwear, etc.

As of now, he couldn't drive for 6 months unless they pass a bill, but it didn't get traction this year.

He would need a cheap cell phone to get started. I have old ones he could connect that would be an easy fix to start.

He has ideas on who to reach out to for work, but wants to wait until it is closer. I get it..hey maybe within the next 15 months- 2 years ill be around. With his 1st shot at a program, we won't know until 2 weeks before if he is definitely coming home.

Planning makes me excited and takes the depressing feeling off of me that can come and go. We at least feel somewhat in charge. I try to keep practical because no matter what I know I'll be in a better financial position when this is over, which is why I have been so hyperfocused on it since he went in. Next month I get to really work at it for the 1st time in a year. Feels good to be getting somewhere and not allow this to be washed time.

Aside from that I want to plan more fun stuff with my kids. I finally can again which is an awesome feeling. Thank you all for your budgeting and credit tips over a year ago.

Am I forgetting anything? I made up a month by month chart of goals to hit. It makes the months move faster and it makes everything fun. Life shouldn't be a chore.
Sounds like your doing a great job planning stuff. I've been planning since my husband left. I've been saving recipes on fb of things I know he would like to try. I've been buying clothes and pajamas when I see them in sale. He's pretty set in that department. He has a ton of clothes that I washed about a year ago and hung them in plastic in the closet but I think I'm going to get them out and washed again when we know he's got his parole. I've also gotten two totes full of random things he's told me he's wanted etc. I'm also making a bunch of food because the first week he's home I don't plan on leaving the house to much unless he wants to get out and I don't want to spend a bunch of money eating fast food because he said he wants home cooked meals so that's what he's getting. Ribs corn on the cob and mac and cheese is his first real meal in three years
Im also making him a welcome home basket with several of his favorite snacks and a bunch of lotto tickets. I'm also going to include tickets to a Lions/ Bears game he's going to be excited. I'm sure I'm going to come up with more things to do in the next three no the and I'm sure you will to good luck.
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Old 06-09-2018, 11:33 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
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You sound like you're doing a great job. I would like to throw out most of my hubby's clothes in his closet, but he won't let me! He thinks some of his stuff is cool - it's not! My only saving grace is that he has lost 34lbs in the 6 months he's been away, so most of his stuff probably won't fit him anyway, so it'll be a good excuse to go shopping when he gets out.

Make sure you do something for yourself!
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Old 06-10-2018, 02:23 AM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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Haha! So he is around the same weight, but if he gets into a certain program we are hoping for it is a lot of physical exercise. He may need stuff then, but he would prefer to go to the store with me to pick out stuff.

Paying off my debt is the best gift I can give myself. I'm doing it for me. Ultimately to lower stress and work less when he comes home. My stupid choices over a couple years, so being a responsible adult feels amazing.

I did get a few new outfits and a haircut recently. I may bring in my old cleaning lady over the summer because my house needs it! I am not Suzy homemaker.. lol

I may join a yoga studio this summer to get myself back in shape and healthier. Little things here and there.
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Old 06-10-2018, 08:59 AM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
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Haha! So he is around the same weight, but if he gets into a certain program we are hoping for it is a lot of physical exercise. He may need stuff then, but he would prefer to go to the store with me to pick out stuff.

Paying off my debt is the best gift I can give myself. I'm doing it for me. Ultimately to lower stress and work less when he comes home. My stupid choices over a couple years, so being a responsible adult feels amazing.

I did get a few new outfits and a haircut recently. I may bring in my old cleaning lady over the summer because my house needs it! I am not Suzy homemaker.. lol

I may join a yoga studio this summer to get myself back in shape and healthier. Little things here and there.
Hey, it all ADDS up, trust me!! It will make a difference. And you are correct, paying off your debt is a great gift for yourself, but there are ways to treat yourself that aren't costly too! Work hard now, so you can work less/stress less later when he is back! While my husband has been gone, I've been cleaning out the house, just a little at a time. It feels good. I rarely cook. When I do, I do a decent job, but I just don't enjoy it. So trust me, I am definitely also NOT Suzy Homemaker lol! Fortunately, 1 of my kids is going to overnight camp for 8 weeks, 1 of them lives in SF, and the 2 that are home will be going to DC for 2 weeks, and the rest of the summer working a lot at night so I actually don't have to worry about feeding/cooking for them and have that time to set out and get stuff done in the house since I'm not working all summer (I say this every summer, but for once don't have the case or something else hanging over my head). I cleaned out some files last weekend, it felt great. Baby steps.

My husband however, while some of his clothes are nice, I am sick of seeing him wear the same golf shirts over and over, from the "events" he has attended, instead of him just getting rid of them. Ugh! As for the weight he lost, he didn't need to lose 34lbs either. Maybe 10.

Do everything you can while you have the "free" time, because once your guy is back, your focus will shift to him and then you'll be too busy to do anything and it just piles right back up!
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Old 06-10-2018, 09:37 AM
xolady xolady is offline
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I never did much except made sure I was on decent financial ground. I had saved a few thousand dollars so we could start fresh. That in it's self was a major miracle for me!!!LOL I'm horrible with money. But when he got out first time I had a new car money to buy all needed clothing and the money for a new place to live. I mainly did this stuff for him because he didn't have anywhere to go except for where I was so I wasn't going to live in a bad area, so I saved and worked my ass off to do all that.
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Old 06-10-2018, 06:16 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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I never did much except made sure I was on decent financial ground. I had saved a few thousand dollars so we could start fresh. That in it's self was a major miracle for me!!!LOL I'm horrible with money. But when he got out first time I had a new car money to buy all needed clothing and the money for a new place to live. I mainly did this stuff for him because he didn't have anywhere to go except for where I was so I wasn't going to live in a bad area, so I saved and worked my ass off to do all that.

Yeah I'm finally starting to make headway on my crap, so by next year it will be savings savings savings. This forced me to get my own priorities straight. The last thing I want for him to feel he needs to clean up my mess. It always bothered him, but he was in his own world of shit. For me to breathe easy will be a blessing.

I want to stash a little away in case he doesn't find work right away. He does construction and if he paroled during the winter it may be harder. I would rather be prepared then not. If we don't need it, it will be saved toward a future down payment on a house or a much needed vacation when we can go on one.

I love the idea of have an options.

I just got home from a visit! His birthday visit. It was so much fun, but I'm exhausted.
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Old 06-10-2018, 08:02 PM
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Oh yeah and the other stuff I did was get everything he needed to get all his ID as all that stuff was lost or stolen. I got birth certificate, SS card, had his application for Food Stamps/medicaid and disability done and ready to submit the day he got out of prison. We applied for disability because of the cancer and he was never going to be able to work. But these were things that take sometime but because I did everything had all ready he got what little he got before he passed away. A lot of people don't prepare for the worse case scenario but I did and I thank god I did or he wouldn't have gotten the help (hospice and pain management) right away.
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Old 06-10-2018, 09:01 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
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Oh yeah and the other stuff I did was get everything he needed to get all his ID as all that stuff was lost or stolen. I got birth certificate, SS card, had his application for Food Stamps/medicaid and disability done and ready to submit the day he got out of prison. We applied for disability because of the cancer and he was never going to be able to work. But these were things that take sometime but because I did everything had all ready he got what little he got before he passed away. A lot of people don't prepare for the worse case scenario but I did and I thank god I did or he wouldn't have gotten the help (hospice and pain management) right away.
Very smart. I think a lot of people don't realize that their loved ones get out and need to get health insurance and that isn't cheap. Also, car insurance if they plan to be driving a car. I didn't take my husband off the car insurance, so that isn't an added expense when he gets back, but since open enrollment for insurance will be in November, I'll have to add him back for the insurance effective in January even though he won't be out until Jan 31. So I'll be stuck paying about $700 for him for January, even though it'll go completely unused. It stinks, but the alternative is he has no insurance for a full year, so some crap plan, unless he finds a job that gives him benefits and that's not his plan for work when he gets out, and again, he would have to find that kind of job, so that's unlikely, so I'm not taking any chances. It stinks but is what it is. People don't think about the added expenses once they get out, so it is good that "onedayatatime" is digging herself out and preparing in advance for him to get out, as you did to get out of debt, get a car, and get things ready for your husband to be comfortable when he was ill.
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Old 06-11-2018, 05:45 AM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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All that stuff we will figure out closer to him coming home. I'll pick your brains. That overwhelms me lol.

He is starting to plan with me which is awesome. I would like is to focus on goals as much as possible. He actually asks about prices of things. Do this because it is cheaper etc. He is much more conscious and aware, but feels so guilty at times. I hope he gets over it because he is not responsible for my stuff. I only ask his help to keep me focused and talk me over the ledge when I get overwhelmed.
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