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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #1  
Old 01-16-2018, 08:28 PM
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Default It's over - I'm done

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That's really the bottom line. He had an unbelievable amount of support and it wasn't enough.

He got blitzed last Thursday. Told me he'd been lying about being clean, he'd been using since the first day he got out. He said something very cruel and if he meant to push me into finally ending 25+ years, it worked. I'm done.

We're renting an apartment in a house that an AA friend owns. Friend also gave my husband a job. There's 3 other guys living here. All of us have a decent amount of time clean/sober.

Funny - not ha ha - it was written in the lease that there is zero tolerance as far as him [or any of us] using goes. You use, you lose. He's not allowed on the property at all now. I'm welcome to stay, but if I let him come in, I'm out too.

Last time I saw him he was begging me to let him come in to warm up. It was damn cold. I had to tell him no. The cats need a home. So do I. Gave him work coveralls. Shut the door. wish he' d asked for his boots.

I've given everything I had. There's nothing left in me - or my bank account - to share.

I doubt I'll ever stop loving him, but it's going to have to be from afar. I just don't want to live like this any more. I'll be 60yo next month. I'm tired of the drama.

He's suiciding on the installment plan and I can't bear to watch any more. For years, I've been trying to decide which would be worse: finding his body? or having the police come tell me? Wish I was exaggerating . . .

He's either going to be locked up or dead. There's no in between any more. I read the arrest blotter - hoping to see his name cuz then I'd know he's warm and safe. I'm sorry. that's just too fucking crazy to have to think like that. past time to walk away.

Last saw him Saturday night. He said he couldn't feel his feet or his fingers.
and I couldn't let him in. not even into the garage. I'm just not willing to lose my home for him again.

I have to take care of my 2 cats dammit! I made a commitment to them too. The 3 of us deserve better. so even if this post is crazy, deep down, where it counts, i am ok!

i thought it was time to go cry and feel sorry for myself for a while again, but Patter just brought me her toy, so it's time to play fetch again instead.
Her and her brother miss him. Really pisses me off that he dumped them.
Mad is alot better than crying.

Love you all! I keep wanting to come back . . . i lost the graphics program i used to make count-downs with . that was a good way to kinda lurk . . .




ps. anyone wanna buy a 3 week old smart phone?
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Old 01-16-2018, 09:35 PM
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Aww, damnit. I am truly sorry to hear this is how it went down.
But, you are right-- you do deserve to live in a safe, stable environment with people (or cats) that respect you and treat you with care and honesty.

I'm really proud of you for putting your needs first. I know that can be incredibly difficult. He made the choice to give up what he had, you didn't do that for him.

Big hugs to you and head scratches for the kitties. I mean, unless you like head scratches, too. But that's kind of a one-shot offer. LOL
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Old 01-16-2018, 09:41 PM
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Sorry this has happened. And your right you do deserve better.
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Old 01-16-2018, 09:51 PM
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So sorry Fiat.
you are right, it sucks.
Im glad tho you are not going down the rabbit hole with him again.
I hope he figures it out on his own. Its well past time he did.
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Old 01-16-2018, 11:09 PM
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Oh Fiat

I’m sorry my friend.

You did what you could. You fought the good fight. You knew your boundaries with him.

I am sorry it has come to this. But I am happy for all of the insights you have given us into your experience and all the support you’ve given to others through all this.

You will be okay. Please. Hold your head high. You deserve something beautiful in your life and I hope it’s coming for you soon.

-E
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Old 01-17-2018, 04:59 AM
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Very sorry.
Be strong. Choose life
Addiction is a monster we think we understand.... then it mocks us for thinking we had a clue.
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Old 01-17-2018, 07:56 AM
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You cared hugely, you tried so hard. You thought well and still are thinking well. And guess what - it's not about you! I had to find that out the hard way, too. No matter what I did, it was all always about the addict. Bit of a blow to the ego, but ....

The sorrow and anguish are just immense, and I know you're in the midst of trying to grab the frayed and frazzled ends of what used to be the strands of your life and patch things together for yourself. It's the right thing to do.

I hope you can stay OK, regardless of the circumstances!
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Old 01-17-2018, 08:16 AM
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Oh crap! I'm sorry it had to come to this! Sending you a huge hug across the atlantic
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Old 01-17-2018, 09:09 AM
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Oh Fiat.... I am so sorry he doesn't think he is worth the fight. I am glad you know you are. He has to make a commitment and he didn't. You made the right decision to take care of yourself.
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Old 01-17-2018, 09:26 AM
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I'm so sorry! I've had to make that decision in the past and it's never easy! When you've done absolutely everything to help an addict and they refuse to change...then it's time to leave it be. Stand your ground!
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Old 01-17-2018, 10:35 AM
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I truly AM sorry to hear this. You must come first. That's really the bottom line. BIG HUG
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Old 01-17-2018, 11:08 AM
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Oh man, I am so sorry sweetheart I know it must be so damn hard....but you are doing the right thing, no doubt about it. Can I just tell ya I think you're a very cool person - always admired your spirit and courage; just something very honest and raw about you...so I also know, and have seen it in your posts, that you did try your very best, you've done all that you can....time to take care of yourself now
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Old 01-17-2018, 11:54 AM
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Just want you to know I'm proud to read your post. I don't read crazy ..i read a really strong woman who loves a man who love his drug of choice more than he loves himself or anyone else. Addiction sucks. Your post however really speaks to me . My guy comes home in 5 weeks and I'm anxious about him drinking. I also realize if that occurs I will have to let him go..not for my animals ..i own my house ..but for my piece of mind so I'm really relating to you. You are one strong woman and I admire that . At the same time I'm hurting for you. I've followed your struggle for a while now and feel like I know you a little. I hope you and the cats are Ok and just know you have support out here. Power to you Woman!!
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Old 01-27-2018, 05:12 PM
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Thank You Everyone!

I had a post almost ready to send when my damn computer ate it.

I'm ok. The cats are ok. More soon - yeah, I keep saying that . . . sorry.
I'm trying to get PTO onto my phone, that way, I can stay under the blankies and still get online.

Things are actually pretty boring lately. I do believe that's a good thing!

xoxoxoxoxox
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Old 01-27-2018, 09:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fiat_nox View Post
Thank You Everyone!

I had a post almost ready to send when my damn computer ate it.

I'm ok. The cats are ok. More soon - yeah, I keep saying that . . . sorry.
I'm trying to get PTO onto my phone, that way, I can stay under the blankies and still get online.

Things are actually pretty boring lately. I do believe that's a good thing!

xoxoxoxoxox
I just go to prisontalk.com on the website on my phone.
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Old 01-27-2018, 10:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cljinct View Post
Just want you to know I'm proud to read your post. I don't read crazy ..i read a really strong woman who loves a man who love his drug of choice more than he loves himself or anyone else. Addiction sucks. Your post however really speaks to me . My guy comes home in 5 weeks and I'm anxious about him drinking. I also realize if that occurs I will have to let him go..not for my animals ..i own my house ..but for my piece of mind so I'm really relating to you. You are one strong woman and I admire that . At the same time I'm hurting for you. I've followed your struggle for a while now and feel like I know you a little. I hope you and the cats are Ok and just know you have support out here. Power to you Woman!!
Be strong and have faith and take things day by day. I was with someone about 6 yrs ago who got a felony charge for multiple DUI’s. He did almost 2 yrs and I rode it out with him. It was clear he had a drinking problem. He worked the programs, said all the right things and came home. One week home and he was drinking again. He knew it was a deal breaker for me. He claimed it wouldn’t be a problem and he wouldn’t drink to excess. That lasted about a month... I then found out I was pregnant. I tried to stick it out because he claimed his daughter would be his saving grace. She was born and in the 9 moths before she came and the year after, he continued to spiral down a dark drunken slope. He drank all day every day. We split when our daughter was a year old. I couldn’t do it and I didn’t want her around it. She was to the point where she would pull away from him when he was in her face, scrunching up her little nose and saying pew daddy stinky! What 1 yr old does that!!! Right around that same time he caught a case for brutally beating up a girl he was seeing (yes he was cheating on me with her for 3 years - found that out at his trial). Said he was in a blackout episode. Needless to say he is back in prison now. He got 10 yrs. All his charges and time were always DUI’s until this one. His drinking lead to a bigger crime. I was glad that I was done with him before all this really happened. He’s been in almost a yr now and from the way he talks I can tell he still hasn’t learned his lesson. Breaks my heart for my daughter and his other kids (3 boys). Long story short I will NEVER date another alcoholic/addict who is not already on a path to get sober/clean. When they are drinking/using they will say anything to not have to give up their real “love”, whatever they are addicted to. It hurt to walk away because sober he was a great man but drunk he was a bonafide mess and I wasn’t going to go down with him. I also thought I’m done with dating. Just gonna raise my kids and be happy. Two months after he went to prison something happened, I was reunited with my first love from over 20 yrs ago. 7 months after that we started dating and I have never been happier and neither has my daughter. I am not saying all addicts will fail, but I am saying if they do it is ok to love yourself enough to walk away. Real love was able to come along when I was free enough to receive it. I was no long bogged down with stress and drama and lies. Good luck ladies!!!
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Old 01-27-2018, 10:45 PM
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I have never really stopped loving my x-addict. but I no longer take a front row seat. It does not effect my life.
I, too, have found new love without all the drama and cherish it.
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Old 01-30-2018, 12:15 AM
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[quote=fiat_nox;7693722][color="Navy"]Addictions - 1
fiat_nox - 0


That's really the bottom line. He had an unbelievable amount of support and it wasn't enough.

He got blitzed last Thursday. Told me he'd been lying about being clean, he'd been using since the first day he got out. He said something very cruel and if he meant to push me into finally ending 25+ years, it worked. I'm done.


He's either going to be locked up or dead. There's no in between any more. I'm just not willing to lose my home for him again.


Mad is alot better than crying.

________________________________


Definitely!I've yet cried. I can't. Just not going to.No need. Been saying this when it happen to me recently since his released. .I don't know.Just no need to do it. The tears will not fall for me. I am fine. When i read the aforesaid post/update from you, chica, i smile, and i am so proud of u.
-
I am proud of you chica, and a smartphone, please PM me, funny about the few weeks old smart phone, because, i am searching for just a spare.
I have my main one,pero(but)another i feasibly will be buying, so PM me, thank you. and i agree so much with you and you're right on ALL levels."Proud of you, chica." The lies on not using again/and or "just some and how it is not more than "weed" really got to me, but i am standing strong and am happy despite being disappointed in him for lying, and not able to do what he said, as i am giving him time to "Get it together,but i sure as hell am NOT stoppin' mi life, while he can't get it(yet)together.
-

Hang in there. Something tells me, you're going to be just fine. I pray for you still. Hugs -n- Blessings.G-night.Adios.
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