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Wives & Girlfriends in Prison For everyone who has a wife, girlfriend, or female partner incarcerated.

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  #101  
Old 09-13-2019, 02:07 PM
studebaker71 studebaker71 is offline
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Originally Posted by Visitor611 View Post
This is what we get. There's nothing that will ever change it. I'm on the down slope of a 2nd set, and as much as I've yelled, vented, and screamed, I know I'm stuck with her forever. It is true, there isn't many men here, but to those who gave their vows, and have stood by them no matter what... I tip my cap to you. We do exist.
I am KNOWING I am only along for the ride!! Its a crazy biology or something. I tell my girl jokingly shes doing some Mexican witchcraft or something all the time.
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  #102  
Old 09-13-2019, 02:53 PM
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Writing this more for anyone else stumbling in and wondering how we got here.

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Originally Posted by Onetruemisfit View Post
I also watch youtube prison shows and a couple of other prison shows. I've been watching love after lockup and female prison documentaries. I'm all into it.
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Originally Posted by missingdee View Post
Making a relationship like this work is very, very hard and can take a lot out of you. Even if you succeed...you might still fail.
Eric's point was that you're still in the "new and exciting" stage. There is and will be a lot of work to do and the bulk of it isn't yours. It's hers.
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Originally Posted by Onetruemisfit View Post
But sometimes life can get lonely or risk can be fun. What's life worth living without some pain?
Well there's pain and then there's self-flagellation. "Risk can be fun" is NOT the phrase you want to catch yourself falling into when you're talking about leading by example for someone coming out of prison.
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I'm sure the visit tonight will go wonderful. I don't want to drive all that way and spend the money and not have it be good. [...]
Also someone mentioned how the prison shows are fake. Has anyone actually watched love after lockup? Lol that show is a horror story. It shows tons of the bad that can come from these types of relationships. I don't think it glamorizes anything at all.
If you choose to stay, I promise you that one day you will drive all of that way and spend that money and you will have a shit visit. Why? Because we're human. Maybe she'll be cranky because she has a cold or cramps or maybe someone harassed her last night and it's stressing her out and she can't focus 1000% on you and how much you love her ass that you can't touch.

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The way I look at it is that if she can't decide that she wants to be with me after supporting her for 9 months in many ways, then there is no reason for me to wait any longer.

If people think there are red flags now, why waste another year of my life? 9 months I will be fine. Around the time she gets released is my birthday and income tax return. I will be great either way.
Change. Maturity. Necessary skills that she doesn't have but will alter her way of going through the world. 9 months is nothing. Nothing. You've given her money for 9 months. That's easy.

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This visit made me want to ease up on her a bit. I'm sure that I'm still going to be mentioning sobriety to her a lot and trying to push her in certain directions but maybe I can be more patient. She's going to be in there a while. After more and more visits, maybe she will trust me more. I'm not going to stop being me.
So you want her to see into the future and make a decision based on facts she doesn't have yet, but ONE visit and you're ready to change something about your approach. Are you picking up what I'm putting down?

And yes, if you stay in this, you will stop being the you are now. Show of partner hands that have changed because of this experience? It isn't a choice. You change because you're exposed to things you didn't know about or had to take roles you might not have before. You incorporate a prison wardrobe and vending machine cards into your life. You start viewing TV differently and getting cranky of the news poorly reporting the real status of what it means to be incarcerated. Like it or not, this will change you.

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Originally Posted by Visitor611 View Post
This is absolutely the most amazing thread ever. I am married to a woman that has 5 yrs and change to go. I have relayed this story to my wife during one of our many talks. I feel like someone that battled addiction of hard drugs early on in this exact age range, can speak from volumes of experience she's went through. I presented this situation, and her first response was.. to laugh. All these people saying her maturity isn't even at 21, are 100% correct.[...] Good luck my dude. Your fun is just beginning.
^^^ This is about as distilled as it gets.
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Originally Posted by Visitor611 View Post
Hopefully I did. There isn't one part of this LO in prison that's easy. Tired, beat, broke and isolated. Sounds familiar to me! [...] I think that is why OP got so many comments and a bit of hostility. Such misguided and inexperienced information, and complete dismissal of the hardships we've all endured over YEARS of figuring how to get through each lonely night being without the one person we care about the most.
And this. ^^^
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Originally Posted by studebaker71 View Post
I fell in love with this girl, if I had a logical "choice" I would drop her in a heartbeat. But the reality is what happened to me falling in love with her was amazing. It was a switch inside me that says "Even if all I have is a scrap of anything I will hold on to it." I will make every effort to be close to this woman, there is no doubt in my mind the "worst day fishing is better than the best day working" hahahah This is how I describe being with her.
And this. ^^^

You said "everyone is telling me to leave her" and I really don't think that's what's being said. They're saying your expectations are unrealistic. Your affection is conditional. We're saying that this is not something you get to control and she has a lot of growth ahead of her that makes it impossible to tell you what she might want or need from you.

I hope you can hear that.
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  #103  
Old 09-13-2019, 02:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Visitor611 View Post
Hopefully I did. There isn't one part of this LO in prison that's easy. Tired, beat, broke and isolated. Sounds familiar to me! I'm VERY defensive of outside people making comments about where she is. She can't defend herself, but I sure as hell can. How many of us have had that super awkward conversation when someone asks "Where's your wife/husband?" that doesn't know anything? We then CHOOSE to be in this type of lifestyle! We CHOOSE to stay in these relationships, when the bad is always more then the good. Its a daily struggle for me, but I absolutely miss the shit out of that woman. But, like you said, you love them, and tomorrow is one day closer.

I have mad respect for all the ladies/men/parents that swim the same river as I do. We are some of the strongest, most dedicated group I know. Stand by those people we love, when everyone else abandons them. I hope your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your spouse, your son, your daughter, or whatever that person is to you, shows you appreciation, love, and respect for the hardships and frustration we have every single day of our lives. That, is a testament who we are. I'm proud to be a part of this community that gives support and care, when no other place does.
Well said. Your comments moved me. Thank you.
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  #104  
Old 09-13-2019, 03:05 PM
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Ditto Mia’s summary.
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  #105  
Old 09-13-2019, 04:59 PM
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Quote:
We're saying that this is not something you get to control and she has a lot of growth ahead of her that makes it impossible to tell you what she might want or need from you.*

To add: She has to want change, it cannot be "pushed".

She will have to be allowed to fail, for without failure there is no growth towards a successful path.

She will have to make choices throughout her life since she has no other choice but to live with herself.

You cannot force her to like, or love you. You can certainly influence her decision one way or the other whether she wants to spend her time with you.

Once you realize these things, and take the necessary steps to be the best you, you can be, you'll see soon enough where it goes. If it doesn't work out with her, you will have other options.
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  #106  
Old 09-14-2019, 06:49 AM
Onetruemisfit Onetruemisfit is offline
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Just shut this thread down. Nothing good has come from it. I don't want to post on it anymore and I don't want anyone else getting entertainment or pleasure from it. My relationship with this woman will continue. Good day!

None of this seems to be getting through any of your skulls.
  #107  
Old 09-14-2019, 07:07 AM
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Oh, I find this thread very enlightening and interesting because it brought out the best in everyone. Look how much time and effort went into all the answers - if you like the content or not - people on here were really trying to give you their insights from experience.
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  #108  
Old 09-14-2019, 07:11 AM
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Oh, I find this thread very enlightening and interesting because it brought out the best in everyone. Look how much time and effort went into all the answers - if you like the content or not - people on here were really trying to give you their insights from experience.
I know you like it and that's why I want it gone. Or else I'm sending MGTOW boys over.
  #109  
Old 09-14-2019, 07:27 AM
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I am requesting that this thread be deleted. It has personal information about me and I want it removed.
  #110  
Old 09-14-2019, 07:32 AM
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Quote:
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.....I'm sending MGTOW boys over.
I don't know who or what MGTOW boys are or think they are, but I'll lay odds my stick is bigger than theirs.

You think that nothing good has come from this thread? I beg to differ. The information, support & understanding in this thread is amazing....and its from the heart of those that live it everyday.

Take what you need from it and leave the rest. I'm sure there are others who can use the words of the men (and women) who took the time to reply.

I wish you & yours nothing but the best.

EDIT: The thread will not removed....please feel free to click on my user name and send me a private message if you'd like to continue this conversation
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Last edited by patchouli; 09-14-2019 at 07:35 AM..
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  #111  
Old 09-14-2019, 07:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by patchouli View Post
The information, support & understanding in this thread is amazing....and its from the heart of those that live it everyday.


I'm sure there are others who can use the words of the men (and women) who took the time to reply.

You are so right - it is helpful. Thanks for it.
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  #112  
Old 09-14-2019, 07:41 AM
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Hear hear we all wish you best. None of us are really going to lose any sleep over whether your relationship works or not. Its your life and your consequences. Good luck to you.

This thread should stay as there is a lot of good common sense advice here that may help others.

Please do bring your friends here they may benefit from the advice to or if it was some kind weird threat you are trying to make then bring it on they will get fed up before we do. Something to remember about prisoners loved ones we have patience ,tenacity and staying power that will astound you. We live tough lives and nothing much shocks.
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  #113  
Old 09-14-2019, 07:52 AM
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I know you like it and that's why I want it gone. Or else I'm sending MGTOW boys over.
Is that a threat?
I wonder if you all have the money to buy even a ticket for one to come over to Germany...
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  #114  
Old 09-14-2019, 07:58 AM
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Ya'll know what? Rather than bickering and threatening and going so way off topic that we lose the meaning, intent & purpose of this thread, I'll simply go ahead and close it
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