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Loving a Lifer For those whose loved one is serving a life sentence.

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  #1  
Old 09-09-2019, 05:03 PM
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OMG, he's getting out!
 

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I hope my thread title doesn't get changed, but if if does, I titled it "That Call".

I've spent years reading about, "that call"... the "Granted Parole" call, then the "I Was Approved here or there call then the, "I Got My Release Date" call and then there's the posts I've wished so desperately, in tears, that it was my post, "The Count Down", "Today Is The Day", "He's Home"....

On 7/23/219 I received the, "Granted Parole" call, though through the roof happy, I wasn't and I'm still not feeling all the hype I imagined myself to be feeling.

Today, hubby calls me with the, "I'm accepted at the program" call.. again, I'm super happy and smiling from ear to ear, but I'm not on the floor in tears or jumping out of my skin excited, as I always imagined I wold be.

I think I'm in still in shock from the "granted parole" call, and afraid that something can go wrong. It's like I'm guarding myself from being disappointed by something. I suppose I'm also in disbelief that this is all too good to be really truly happening - I'll believe it when he's standing right in front of me, outside prison!

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Old 09-09-2019, 07:01 PM
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Thank you for sharing you're feeling on this moment. I can't imagine how it would be my reaction. But like yours cause I think we used to deal with so many emotions and don't want to be disappointed more than we could be being with a lifer. But love is strong, beautiful and with faith that day, him sitting in front of you will come true. Keep strong.
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Old 09-09-2019, 07:22 PM
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That's how I was when my boyfriend got his release plan papers. I was/am excited but it doesn't feel real. I told him when we are actually together in one place it will feel real to me.

I'm glad your husband is getting closer to coming home to you. Hopefully the time goes fast.
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Old 09-09-2019, 07:43 PM
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It is called short timers. It is on both ends. Anxiety and jitters plus disbelief. Your whole worldnosngoing to change soon when you got adjusted to your new life and any of being.

It is all you hoped and dreamed of, but change is scary.
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Old 09-09-2019, 08:58 PM
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I'm trying to stay busy, but no matter what I do ((even while sleeping)) I'm not resting.

I've thought about dissociating from knowing the release date, I mean telling hubby not to tell me his release date once he gets it - his aunt who he's closest to wants to be the one to pick him up anyways and he wants to respect her wishes. She's the backbone of his dads side of the family, was very hurt and upset with me when I got back with my ex in 2011, so they need their time together - Jr wants to speak to her about forgiving me and supporting his decision on remaining married to work on our relationship.

I'm thinking after they chat, and visit she can drive him by my work or home as a surprise ?? Just a thought, I haven't had that discussion with him yet, I plan to bring it up at our next phone call. I think releasing myself from knowing his date will brake the anxiety. In times when I'm overly emotional and full of anxiety his advise takes precedent, so we'll see what he says about it.

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Old 09-11-2019, 12:54 PM
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Had the talk this morning -
He agrees, and will not be sharing his release date with me - it will be a surprise day of - he'll most likely be showing up at my job... he thinks that the program he's going to be sent to will want him to arrive by 6pm, which doesn't give me much time with him, especially with his aunt driving him, haha. Wow, this is going to be such a random hello / I'm out, but we're at the mercy of the state until he's checked in that program and given a pass to go spend the day handling biz.

He seems a bit bent about not being able to spend the entire day and night together ((but that has not been confirmed yet, nor will I know until day of release)) I just assured him that being out of that prison is more than enough reason to celebrate, even if we have to do it over cell phones - I need to reflect nothing but happiness over the situation. I am in unfamiliar territory with how grateful I am these days, I randomly tear up, but it's in such gratitude. Of course I want hours alone with my husband, but I'm looking at the big picture - I'm spending the rest of my entire life with him ~ OMG, now that thought excites me!!
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Old 09-11-2019, 02:43 PM
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Originally Posted by 408MoonGem View Post
Had the talk this morning -
He agrees, and will not be sharing his release date with me - it will be a surprise day of - he'll most likely be showing up at my job... he thinks that the program he's going to be sent to will want him to arrive by 6pm, which doesn't give me much time with him, especially with his aunt driving him, haha. Wow, this is going to be such a random hello / I'm out, but we're at the mercy of the state until he's checked in that program and given a pass to go spend the day handling biz.

He seems a bit bent about not being able to spend the entire day and night together ((but that has not been confirmed yet, nor will I know until day of release)) I just assured him that being out of that prison is more than enough reason to celebrate, even if we have to do it over cell phones - I need to reflect nothing but happiness over the situation. I am in unfamiliar territory with how grateful I am these days, I randomly tear up, but it's in such gratitude. Of course I want hours alone with my husband, but I'm looking at the big picture - I'm spending the rest of my entire life with him ~ OMG, now that thought excites me!!
This is so exciting! I'm so happy for you guys! That's gonna be the best suprise ever!
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Old 09-11-2019, 02:51 PM
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Very happy to hear you are getting close to your home coming. I cant wait until its my turn and hearing other stories gives me hope.
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Old 09-11-2019, 03:32 PM
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I kinda 'love' how he wants to just up and surprise you! I'm so happy for you, and excited for the both of you as well. It might be a short moment you'll have with him once he's released. But you have him for a LIFE-TIME! This just for now it's not forever. I'm still waiting patiently on the right date my guy goes up for parole next year. My emotions are all over the place.
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Old 09-11-2019, 09:44 PM
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I kinda 'love' how he wants to just up and surprise you! I'm so happy for you, and excited for the both of you as well. It might be a short moment you'll have with him once he's released. But you have him for a LIFE-TIME! This just for now it's not forever. I'm still waiting patiently on the right date my guy goes up for parole next year. My emotions are all over the place.

Aww, thank you! I'm supressing it all - it just doesn't seem real. It's been such an uphill experience, just knowing this man - then marrying him and having to deal with so many other craziness'es.. and guess what, lifer out on parole, that is going to be an even larger hill to climb, don't you think? It will be funner and much more dramatic holding hands in doing so, but the hill just got so much more vivid, for the both of us - today, he actually, for the first time said, "I can't believe we're talking about this right now"... it's really about to happen, he's getting out.... we spent so many years having to accept our day to day life and reality that it's "possible" he may get to get out and now it's in it's final stages, like WHAT, REALLY!!?!! YES, really... this is for real!

Okay, so today he suggested I be in nothing but positive thoughts each day, just to be thankful that we are both alive and healthy... to focus on making it through "today"... my selfish a*s forgets that he too is experiencing anxiety and me constantly expressing it to him, causes him to be in distress more so than if it was just him / planning on doing this parole / transmission back into society alone - so he admitted that it's best we make a schedule for phone calls, no more random calls - that way we both focus on what we need to get done and yet know when it's time to catch up via phone call. I keep it real with him, because he's told me time after time, not to assume he can't handle it - so I admitted that for the years I stepped aside and did just me / without him that I wasn't glued to my phone, I worked my way up at work well focused and lived in my own space in my own way, coming and going, doing nothing for no one else accept for my daughter - which I needed and he agrees it's best that I experienced it all so that I could get "sh*t" out of my system, for a lack of a better term.

I will be honest, I have my worries - my line of work, judgments, his institutionalized state of mind and missing out on so much / women / experiences... I don't want him to feel stuck with me, and for the past two months I've expressed that to him - he did let me live my life and remained married to me - how do I ever repay him?? I doubt that I am as logical and resilient as he is - he says, "complete transparency / communication" will be the way of working things out.

Oh geezas, I am so excited now! I started telling friends and family that he's getting out - they all seem so happy and relived, like GOOD, finally!! I was so surprised by everyone's reaction - so supportive and relived - like really, relieved??

Thank you for reading out my rants.


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Old 09-12-2019, 02:38 AM
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Aww, thank you! I'm supressing it all - it just doesn't seem real. It's been such an uphill experience, just knowing this man - then marrying him and having to deal with so many other craziness'es.. and guess what, lifer out on parole, that is going to be an even larger hill to climb, don't you think? It will be funner and much more dramatic holding hands in doing so, but the hill just got so much more vivid, for the both of us - today, he actually, for the first time said, "I can't believe we're talking about this right now"... it's really about to happen, he's getting out.... we spent so many years having to accept our day to day life and reality that it's "possible" he may get to get out and now it's in it's final stages, like WHAT, REALLY!!?!! YES, really... this is for real!

Okay, so today he suggested I be in nothing but positive thoughts each day, just to be thankful that we are both alive and healthy... to focus on making it through "today"... my selfish a*s forgets that he too is experiencing anxiety and me constantly expressing it to him, causes him to be in distress more so than if it was just him / planning on doing this parole / transmission back into society alone - so he admitted that it's best we make a schedule for phone calls, no more random calls - that way we both focus on what we need to get done and yet know when it's time to catch up via phone call. I keep it real with him, because he's told me time after time, not to assume he can't handle it - so I admitted that for the years I stepped aside and did just me / without him that I wasn't glued to my phone, I worked my way up at work well focused and lived in my own space in my own way, coming and going, doing nothing for no one else accept for my daughter - which I needed and he agrees it's best that I experienced it all so that I could get "sh*t" out of my system, for a lack of a better term.

I will be honest, I have my worries - my line of work, judgments, his institutionalized state of mind and missing out on so much / women / experiences... I don't want him to feel stuck with me, and for the past two months I've expressed that to him - he did let me live my life and remained married to me - how do I ever repay him?? I doubt that I am as logical and resilient as he is - he says, "complete transparency / communication" will be the way of working things out.

Oh geezas, I am so excited now! I started telling friends and family that he's getting out - they all seem so happy and relived, like GOOD, finally!! I was so surprised by everyone's reaction - so supportive and relived - like really, relieved??

Thank you for reading out my rants.

You're welcome! Yes, I agree on this being a larger hill to climb. Indeed it being a larger hill to climb, but you'll climb this hill hand to hand with your hubby by your side. I'm glad the universe had something bigger and better in mind for him, you, and ya'll relationship. Blessing are never too far away, it just take more patient, faith, hope, being positive, and staying strong. Y'all had so many lows and highs that everything that was once low is finally going up! It's well deserved. Everyone deserve another chance at freedom. His opportunity came in the biggest way he can ever imagine. I'm so happy for him, you, and family.

I have to agree with him on everything he's mentioned to you. Y'all both alive and healthy . Definitely something to be truly thankful. He's dead on about focusing on focusing on making it through the day. He's a wise man with wisdom. Your hubby gave you an opportunity you deserved. He wanted you to experience all the thing's he wasn't able to give to you. He didn't want to hold you back. He stayed through all of it and still standing with you. That's powerful!! Show's he's not selfish to put a hold on your life, while his life was being deprived away. You learned and you grew. At the end it made you cherish your life, life with him being apart of it even more!

Take everything a day/step at a time. Soak in all the enjoyment of having your hubby home in freedom. What held y'all back from one another for so long, has no hold on y'all anymore. Your hubby stayed loyal to you and y'all marriage. While you lived your life to the fullest, and now y'all would have the opportunity to do the same. How to repay him? Being the best wife you can be to him, to yourself and ya'll marriage. He deserve that from you because he was a understanding, supportive, and good husband to you. Ya'll get through this one step and day at a time. Y'all have the opportunity to write a beautiful new book into ya'll lives and marriage. Everything is falling into place, things just have to keep blending now.

I'm so happy that you have so much support behind you. No bad vibes only good ones. Positive ones, uplifting ones. You got a really good reaction from everyone. Results like that will only keep going up! Because you know how many people are supporting you, and happy for you. You're lucky and blessed to have all that support/love your receiving.

I'm so happy for you!!! Omg I am.

You're welcome Queen
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Old 09-12-2019, 09:26 AM
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I haven't had any of "those calls" from prison yet.
When he was in county though (too many times) I always loved getting that call from him saying "Baby! Come get me!" Filled with so much energy and happiness.
Now I feel Ill only be worried when his release date comes cause we are pretty sure he's just going to be picked up by the county..
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Old 09-12-2019, 12:31 PM
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You're welcome! Yes, I agree on this being a larger hill to climb. Indeed it being a larger hill to climb, but you'll climb this hill hand to hand with your hubby by your side. I'm glad the universe had something bigger and better in mind for him, you, and ya'll relationship. Blessing are never too far away, it just take more patient, faith, hope, being positive, and staying strong. Y'all had so many lows and highs that everything that was once low is finally going up! It's well deserved. Everyone deserve another chance at freedom. His opportunity came in the biggest way he can ever imagine. I'm so happy for him, you, and family.

I have to agree with him on everything he's mentioned to you. Y'all both alive and healthy . Definitely something to be truly thankful. He's dead on about focusing on focusing on making it through the day. He's a wise man with wisdom. Your hubby gave you an opportunity you deserved. He wanted you to experience all the thing's he wasn't able to give to you. He didn't want to hold you back. He stayed through all of it and still standing with you. That's powerful!! Show's he's not selfish to put a hold on your life, while his life was being deprived away. You learned and you grew. At the end it made you cherish your life, life with him being apart of it even more!

Take everything a day/step at a time. Soak in all the enjoyment of having your hubby home in freedom. What held y'all back from one another for so long, has no hold on y'all anymore. Your hubby stayed loyal to you and y'all marriage. While you lived your life to the fullest, and now y'all would have the opportunity to do the same. How to repay him? Being the best wife you can be to him, to yourself and ya'll marriage. He deserve that from you because he was a understanding, supportive, and good husband to you. Ya'll get through this one step and day at a time. Y'all have the opportunity to write a beautiful new book into ya'll lives and marriage. Everything is falling into place, things just have to keep blending now.

I'm so happy that you have so much support behind you. No bad vibes only good ones. Positive ones, uplifting ones. You got a really good reaction from everyone. Results like that will only keep going up! Because you know how many people are supporting you, and happy for you. You're lucky and blessed to have all that support/love your receiving.

I'm so happy for you!!! Omg I am.

You're welcome Queen
I'm in tears, thank you! Good happy ones. You're right, I have to repay him by being the best wife I can be, he does deserve it. Wow - it's amazing how reading and or hearing someone else's point of view helps see ourselves / the situation.

I greatly appreciated these words
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Old 09-12-2019, 12:35 PM
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OMG, he's getting out!
 

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I haven't had any of "those calls" from prison yet.
When he was in county though (too many times) I always loved getting that call from him saying "Baby! Come get me!" Filled with so much energy and happiness.
Now I feel Ill only be worried when his release date comes cause we are pretty sure he's just going to be picked up by the county..
Oh no! Wait, why would your man be released from prison and picked up by county? Does he have a warrant? Wouldn't they just hold him and transfer directly? Sorry, forgive my confusion. I sure hope that when you do get that call and he does get to go home, that he works on being the best version of himself and no longer has to go back to jail, ever!
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Old 09-12-2019, 01:58 PM
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This is so exciting! I'm so happy for you guys! That's gonna be the best suprise ever!
Thank you!! Last night I was chatting with a friend who is out traveling in Poland, told him that this will be the best surprise ever - he says, what if you get pregnant, wouldn't that be better? Freaking men
Noooo, I am not trying to get pregnant at 39 - we have our adult daughters to worry about and prepare for grand-kids, eventually - can't be having babies at this stage. Damn, hubby has so much to focus on and work towards... my goodness friend!

If I know hubby, he'll call me rather than walk through my front door office - after just being in prison for 20 years and out on the road for a few hours, I imagine him calling me when approaching the Bay Area. We shall see either way, great surprise he will be indeed.

Learning of his parole being granted is one of the greatest things I've ever been told along with my daughter being accepted into a UC collage. His release is the icing of the news.

Folks, with a loved one in for LWP, even those with LWO - miracles happen to those who believe they deserve it! Hang in there and believe the positivity. Jr was positive about getting out, from the beginning - he did what most men I knew of in prison couldn't or wouldn't do - he grounded himself to doing what it takes to getting out. I saw that state of mind in him the 1st few months of writing ~ his state of mind captivated me and has helped me be grounded in perusing everything I have ever dreamed of.
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Old 09-12-2019, 02:02 PM
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I cant wait until its my turn and hearing other stories gives me hope.
You will get your turn!! I never saw myself sitting here writing this - I refused to get myself worked up - it was Jr who visualized it and made this happen - I somehow gave him a fuel to be able to see it so clearly.

Hope is passion for what is possible and the last thing ever lost - love around hope is very powerful!
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Old 09-12-2019, 03:32 PM
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Oh no! Wait, why would your man be released from prison and picked up by county? Does he have a warrant? Wouldn't they just hold him and transfer directly? Sorry, forgive my confusion. I sure hope that when you do get that call and he does get to go home, that he works on being the best version of himself and no longer has to go back to jail, ever!
He has a detainer there from something that happened a few years ago. No, the prison releases them but they notify county he's getting out I guess and there right there to pick him up. It happened the first time he left prison. I told him to take care of it now so I don't drive 3hours to spend a sad night alone. Hah.
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Old 09-12-2019, 08:10 PM
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OMG, he's getting out!
 

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I told him to take care of it now so I don't drive 3hours to spend a sad night alone. Hah.
Oh for sure! He'll be closer to home released from county at least, right?
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Old 09-12-2019, 11:06 PM
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Oh for sure! He'll be closer to home released from county at least, right?
Actually, no. Itís pretty much the same area where he is now. How awesome it would be if they brought him closer to home hah. I actually canít wait to drive over there though and explore his home town with him. Itís been years since heís been back.
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Old 09-13-2019, 09:41 AM
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My LO was not in prison for a long time, but when he came home I was and am still so happy that we can text or talk whenever we want. It takes me 20 mins to get to him instead of 2 hours. It’s a beautiful feeling. Enjoy the little things, take it slow while he gets reacquainted with life on the outside. Depending on how long he’s been inside, everything has changed and it can be very overwhelming. He might get car sick on the way home too. Happy for you guys! Keep us posted
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Reality check...phone call dropped and he didn't call back Hisoneandonly GPT Phones, Mail, and Visitation Discussions 16 08-17-2010 02:56 AM
Odd incident..anyone have this happen? Call terminated due to 3rd party call detected laurel2372 GPT Phones, Mail, and Visitation Discussions 10 02-14-2010 01:59 PM
phone call pricing? (Varying prices for same length of call) angcary Michigan Prison Visitation, Phones, Packages & Mail 10 10-23-2005 04:42 PM


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