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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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  #1  
Old 05-31-2019, 11:48 AM
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Default What’s the longest you’ve been with no contact with your MWI?

I havenít heard from my bf in 9 days now and honestly Iím losing my mind. I called the facility yesterday and they told me they were on lockdown up until Wednesday night. I told them I was worried about him and they let me talk to his counselor. He said he was just with him yesterday and heís doing great. So my question is why isnít he contacting me? I sent him a bunch of emails and 2 letters. I sent the last letter Tuesday so maybe he didnít get it yet or hasnít had the chance to respond yet. But why isnít he responding to my emails? Is it possible they held them during the lockdown? This is just so odd cause last time I talked to him we were in such good terms and he was excited to see me that weekend and then he just disappeared. I was thinking about going to see him this weekend but should I? Maybe he doesnít want to talk to me for whatever reason. I miss him and Iím so lost. My friend says I should wait it out and wait for him to contact me but ugh I donít know if I can wait...
Has any of you been in this situation before?
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Old 05-31-2019, 01:15 PM
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During lockdowns, there are no calls. Now that it is over, everyone will want to use the phone. Give it a few days
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Old 05-31-2019, 01:19 PM
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Thank you. I will wait and see.
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During lockdowns, there are no calls. Now that it is over, everyone will want to use the phone. Give it a few days
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Old 05-31-2019, 05:30 PM
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Are you referring to the guy who told you that he uses women for money? A position that you morally accept? Is this the guy that said you need to demonstrate that you are there for him? Perhaps your self- professed beauty is not enough for him and your bossy personality has become tiresome? Have you tried putting money on his books and paying for his lawyer?
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Old 05-31-2019, 08:18 PM
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He doesnít want me to give him money. He never asks for anything and he told me plenty of times he doesnít want anything from me. We were friends before we got in a relationship so we are cool. I found out today that he hasnít been getting any emails etc so Iím just going to wait.

I know something is not right because he wouldnít just disappear like that. He would tell me if me not giving him money was an issue. Heís pretty straight forward and open about things. He likes me he has shown me with his actions. Iím not worried about that. Iím just worried about him.

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Are you referring to the guy who told you that he uses women for money? A position that you morally accept? Is this the guy that said you need to demonstrate that you are there for him? Perhaps your self- professed beauty is not enough for him and your bossy personality has become tiresome? Have you tried putting money on his books and paying for his lawyer?
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Old 06-01-2019, 12:20 AM
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He doesnít want me to give him money. He never asks for anything and he told me plenty of times he doesnít want anything from me. We were friends before we got in a relationship so we are cool. I found out today that he hasnít been getting any emails etc so Iím just going to wait.

I know something is not right because he wouldnít just disappear like that. He would tell me if me not giving him money was an issue. Heís pretty straight forward and open about things. He likes me he has shown me with his actions. Iím not worried about that. Iím just worried about him.
Alright then. Go with what the positive info of his welfare that counselor said. He said the guy was fine. Nothing to worry about.
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Old 06-01-2019, 02:42 AM
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We were friends before we got in a relationship so we are cool.
Listen, I am trying to put this as delicately as I can, and this is not with ill will or me claiming I know this man better than you do...but do be careful, okay? You mentioned you met this man online a few months ago and he has multiple women taking care of him. Just...be careful. It could well be that him not contacting you IS in fact because of the lockdown or other prison related things preventing him from doing it, but I would also at least consider the possibility that he might be busy right now with one of his other ladies OR using this pushing you away tactic to have you chase him, and then be hugely relieved when he finally does contact you - a grooming game of 'hot and cold' to keep you in.

Again, I am just sincerely concerned for you based on what you shared before...but also I am aware that I may be totally wrong about him - just felt I wanted to offer this view as well.... you can choose whether to ignore it or to consider it

To your original question: has any of us been in this situation before? I've known my guy for over four years and through four prisons (nothing to brag about, I know, ha) - we've been lucky in that there has not been many lockdowns during this time....he's somehow always managed to keep the contact going even if he's had to have someone else call me when he wasn't able to do that himself. Situations vary though and sometimes it's just not possible to get to the phones (and your guy's cell phone may have been confiscated and maybe he's facing discipline restrictions generally with his general phone time now).
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Old 06-01-2019, 07:23 AM
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Thank you. Yes I thought about that. Like maybe heís playing games or ignoring me on purpose but I heard from someone whoís in the same facility that phones are not working. I think he doesnít have the phone anymore because itís turned off. I tried calling it from other numbers and the phone is off.
He might be on some type of restrictions or who knows. Me and him talk very openly and we talked about the money aspect several times and he says he doesnít care. He always gives me lots of attention and if I want to visit him he will cancel his other visits to see me. Heís very honest about his other situations and thatís why we are cool because we both are honest so thereís no reason for us to have any drama because we both know whatís up. I will wait and see. I think sooner or later I will hear from him. I plan on going to visit him next weekend so I guess I will get my answers then.
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Listen, I am trying to put this as delicately as I can, and this is not with ill will or me claiming I know this man better than you do...but do be careful, okay? You mentioned you met this man online a few months ago and he has multiple women taking care of him. Just...be careful. It could well be that him not contacting you IS in fact because of the lockdown or other prison related things preventing him from doing it, but I would also at least consider the possibility that he might be busy right now with one of his other ladies OR using this pushing you away tactic to have you chase him, and then be hugely relieved when he finally does contact you - a grooming game of 'hot and cold' to keep you in.

Again, I am just sincerely concerned for you based on what you shared before...but also I am aware that I may be totally wrong about him - just felt I wanted to offer this view as well.... you can choose whether to ignore it or to consider it

To your original question: has any of us been in this situation before? I've known my guy for over four years and through four prisons (nothing to brag about, I know, ha) - we've been lucky in that there has not been many lockdowns during this time....he's somehow always managed to keep the contact going even if he's had to have someone else call me when he wasn't able to do that himself. Situations vary though and sometimes it's just not possible to get to the phones (and your guy's cell phone may have been confiscated and maybe he's facing discipline restrictions generally with his general phone time now).
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Old 05-31-2019, 07:27 PM
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Wow Terese.

Yes, we all read her previous posts and are all aware of her situation. But this question she asked has nothing to do with that.

Spdiva, I would wait till he contacts you.
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Old 05-31-2019, 11:54 PM
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Wow Terese.

Yes, we all read her previous posts and are all aware of her situation. But this question she asked has nothing to do with that.

Spdiva, I would wait till he contacts you.
It has everything to do with it.
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Old 05-31-2019, 07:50 PM
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Like others have mention to you already. Just wait it out and see what happens. When coming off lock down things can be a little slow and drag until things are back on schedule again. All you can do is wait!!!!! Also, don't over think things you'll only overwhelm yourself.
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Old 05-31-2019, 08:20 PM
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Thank you. Thatís what I will do. I will wait. I know sooner or later I will hear from him.
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Like others have mention to you already. Just wait it out and see what happens. When coming off lock down things can be a little slow and drag until things are back on schedule again. All you can do is wait!!!!! Also, don't over think things you'll only overwhelm yourself.
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Old 06-01-2019, 11:47 AM
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Hi there, well he could have written to you even if he has phone restrictions. It sounds to me like he is playing games or he is spending time talking to one of his other women.
He has other women right? Although your special and he doesn't use you like he uses them.
Umm I call B**s**t.
be very careful here, you must put yourself first. You deserve better than to be dragged into his games.
He is depriving you of contact making you worry making you wonder what you have done wrong? Then you will be chasing him and offering him things to win him back? Maybe money for that lawyer he needs?

Look its your choice if you want this player your a grown woman.Just know your worth and have things on your terms. If you are ok with him playing other women then watch he isnt playing you.
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Old 06-01-2019, 08:28 PM
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It crossed my mind that he might be playing games. And yes he might be contacting the other women he deals with. Thatís a possibility. All I can do is assume. I know his JPay account is blocked and he doesnít have funds in there and he canít use it cause they restricted his access. Iím not going to chase him. I donít need to do that. If he chooses not to contact me then thatís his loss. Iím not locked up like him I can go do whatever I want so nothing he does will change the way I think about the money issue. Iím strong minded. I will not buy someoneís love. Either itís real or I donít want it. I want him but I donít need him. I care about him and honestly I just want to know that heís ok. If heís avoiding me then hey so be it. Life goes on.

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Hi there, well he could have written to you even if he has phone restrictions. It sounds to me like he is playing games or he is spending time talking to one of his other women.
He has other women right? Although your special and he doesn't use you like he uses them.
Umm I call B**s**t.
be very careful here, you must put yourself first. You deserve better than to be dragged into his games.
He is depriving you of contact making you worry making you wonder what you have done wrong? Then you will be chasing him and offering him things to win him back? Maybe money for that lawyer he needs?

Look its your choice if you want this player your a grown woman.Just know your worth and have things on your terms. If you are ok with him playing other women then watch he isnt playing you.
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Old 06-01-2019, 04:15 PM
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Hi. I'm confused. You had not heard from him, yet, went to visit him. You were told he and his unit were in restraints, so, the visit was cancelled. Continuing not to here from him, you called the prison and were told about a lockdown until just the night before. You then spoke to a counselor who told you he had seen him just the day before and he is doing great. You have now just learned that the phones at the facility aren't working. It would seem that there have been multiple reasons for him to have not seen or contacted you that are arbitrary and beyond his control. Additionally, you have been assured that he is fine.
Restraints, lockdowns, broken phones should be enough to satisfy the reason for no contact.
You also understand that he is fine; so, your concern for his welfare does not seem justified.

What is your question, really? If any or even most of what you have said about lockdowns, restraints, non working phones and a conversation with the counselor is true, you should not be worried at all.
Yet, any who try, no matter how gently or pointedly, to suggest it isn't about all the questionable communication disasters, is dismissed by you as utterly impossible, because the man adores you and always puts you first.

You demand he contact you when he physically can't? You insist you are only concerned for his welfare, when you have been told he is fine?

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Old 06-01-2019, 08:21 PM
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We have never been in this situation before so this is a first for me. He was always able to contact me before. Of course Iím going to be concerned. The counselor could be lying or who knows. What I know is that he always reached out even during lockdowns etc he had before. I care about him so of course Iím going to be worried until I hear from him. Itís one thing if someone tells you heís ok but itís a different thing when you hear it from the actual person. My friendís brother was in prison for 10 years and she told me they would lie to her and her family about her brotherís well being so she told me not to believe everything they say. I really want be 100% convinced that heís ok until I hear it from him.

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Hi. I'm confused. You had not heard from him, yet, went to visit him. You were told he and his unit were in restraints, so, the visit was cancelled. Continuing not to here from him, you called the prison and were told about a lockdown until just the night before. You then spoke to a counselor who told you he had seen him just the day before and he is doing great. You have now just learned that the phones at the facility aren't working. It would seem that there have been multiple reasons for him to have not seen or contacted you that are arbitrary and beyond his control. Additionally, you have been assured that he is fine.
Restraints, lockdowns, broken phones should be enough to satisfy the reason for no contact.
You also understand that he is fine; so, your concern for his welfare does not seem justified.

What is your question, really? If any or even most of what you have said about lockdowns, restraints, non working phones and a conversation with the counselor is true, you should not be worried at all.
Yet, any who try, no matter how gently or pointedly, to suggest it isn't about all the questionable communication disasters, is dismissed by you as utterly impossible, because the man adores you and always puts you first.

You demand he contact you when he physically can't? You insist you are only concerned for his welfare, when you have been told he is fine?
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Old 06-02-2019, 01:29 AM
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We have never been in this situation before so this is a first for me. He was always able to contact me before. Of course I’m going to be concerned. The counselor could be lying or who knows. What I know is that he always reached out even during lockdowns etc he had before. I care about him so of course I’m going to be worried until I hear from him. It’s one thing if someone tells you he’s ok but it’s a different thing when you hear it from the actual person. My friend’s brother was in prison for 10 years and she told me they would lie to her and her family about her brother’s well being so she told me not to believe everything they say. I really want be 100% convinced that he’s ok until I hear it from him.
Humm. Barring a natural disaster or war, you have been told or in some manner verified every reason he cannot possibly orally communicate with you.
To date:
Unit in restraints- visit cancelled
His phone turned off
Bad week prior to visit(lockdown)
Lockdown until Thursday night
Prison phones not working
JPay account blocked

Clearly, according to you and all your research, he cannot orally communicate with you.

Clearly, at this time, you don't have to wonder if he is playing games with you, because he cannot orally communicate with you.

Only if every impediment you have stated(see list) is not true, should you be concerned about him playing games.

If, one, some or most on that list of impediments is not true, ie,

Declined your visit
Blocked you from Jpay or simply no response
Sent your calls to no notification
No lockdowns

Then, not only is he playing games, but, you are covering for him, or praying that all the above impediments are true without actual knowledge. Only you know what is true.

The only questions I would have is why it didn't make your skin crawl that he uses other women for money and why you have no concern or compassion for them. It breaks my heart to know there are women and men so full of love and generosity, foolishness and a sad desperation that they should become victims of such cruelty. And even sadder that someone in a position to admonish him would fail to do so.

Last edited by Terese; 06-02-2019 at 01:32 AM..
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Old 06-02-2019, 03:11 AM
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The only questions I would have is why it didn't make your skin crawl that he uses other women for money and why you have no concern or compassion for them. It breaks my heart to know there are women and men so full of love and generosity, foolishness and a sad desperation that they should become victims of such cruelty. And even sadder that someone in a position to admonish him would fail to do so.
It is understandable that many of us are stunned when someone accepts shady behavior from their partner (= using multiple women for money) and remains by their side, believing they are special themselves and not receiving the same treatment. Sadly though we cannot force a person to see sense or live their life the way we prefer to live ours - people have different moral codes Don't let someone else's bad choices ruin your peace of mind - maybe just let it go and know that karma will take care of people who use others and those who sit back and let it happen.

If you feel you cannot let this go and want to continue the conversation with OP about her choices even though she's not asking for advice for that specific situation (in this thread)...feel free to take it to private messages instead

Having said that - ....Let's get back on topic with this thread -->

Whatís the longest youíve been with no contact with your MWI?
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Old 06-02-2019, 04:11 AM
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It is understandable that many of us are stunned when someone accepts shady behavior from their partner (= using multiple women for money) and remains by their side, believing they are special themselves and not receiving the same treatment. Sadly though we cannot force a person to see sense or live their life the way we prefer to live ours - people have different moral codes Don't let someone else's bad choices ruin your peace of mind - maybe just let it go and know that karma will take care of people who use others and those who sit back and let it happen.

If you feel you cannot let this go and want to continue the conversation with OP about her choices even though she's not asking for advice for that specific situation (in this thread)...feel free to take it to private messages instead

Having said that - ....Let's get back on topic with this thread -->

Whatís the longest youíve been with no contact with your MWI?
Thank you, my dear, Sarianna. A simple browse waiting for an answer from the resident Correctional Officer led me to the poster, I couldn't wrap my mind around. Some things are intractable and enervating. I appreciate your gentle reminder and take your advice.
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Old 06-02-2019, 11:54 AM
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No contact by phone? Weeks and weeks and weeks. When a serious lockdown occurs, it stops call activity. We're trying to get him home so cell phones and the like aren't an acceptable option for us. We know it's part of having a relationship while one is away. He writes, though. Sometimes mail can be slow depending on the reason for the lockdown. If they're searching, that includes mail. So I'm patient. And, we have a super solid foundation of trust as well as a network of folks who would try to reach out to me if they knew something had happened to him (medical).

I honestly think in a world of instant gratification of our anxieties and demands, having to learn to be patient and trust your LO is doing everything they can to reach out is an invaluable asset.
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Old 06-02-2019, 10:58 PM
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I honestly think in a world of instant gratification of our anxieties and demands, having to learn to be patient and trust your LO is doing everything they can to reach out is an invaluable asset.
Totally... people have to be patient and calm down... I keep seeing all those anxiety-riddled comments on here but you cannot force things, change prison and change your situation unless you leave it. So if you want to get through it, relax.

Same here.... once my bf screwed up and they took his phone privileges away for 6 months... we wrote letters but it's just not the same as hearing each others voice.
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Old 06-03-2019, 09:00 AM
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Totally... people have to be patient and calm down... I keep seeing all those anxiety-riddled comments on here but you cannot force things, change prison and change your situation unless you leave it. So if you want to get through it, relax.
^^^ This woman gets the Patience of the Year So Far award! It's been a tough stretch for you and, in my opinion, you've handled it really well.

I do think the way we live has a lot to do with it. We're so accustomed to being a push-button away from most everything we need that this is genuinely a skill set to learn. It's more complicated when you have insecurities (your own, relationship-based) to add to the mix. If we have a break in communication and my first thought, continually, was that something was amiss-- lying, avoiding, playing, I just wouldn't do it. This is too, too hard without that. With it? You'll end up making yourself ill, tired and angry.
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Old 06-08-2019, 07:50 AM
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I thought I would give an update on this. I went to visit him last weekend since I hadn’t heard from him in 12 days. When I checked in the officer told me I was no longer approved to visit. Basically my MWI took me off his visitation list. I realized then this whole time he was ignoring me. I was hurt. I always thought we were cool enough to where if he didn’t want to be with me he would just tell me. This happened on Sunday. I drove 5 h to learn that he took me off his list like wow really?
I just left it alone and stopped trying to contact him. I removed him from JPay so he can’t send me any messages. Wednesday he used someone else’s phone and sent me a message on Facebook. He told me he was sorry for being an asshole and that he loves me. I didn’t respond. That’s all he said. No explanation, nothing. I feel like taking me off his list was extreme and I honestly don’t think I want to deal with him after he did that. If he’s mad at me for whatever reason that was not the way to go about it. I don’t understand what the purpose was when 3 days later you want to reach out and tell me you love me.
I love him but I don’t want to talk to him right now.
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Old 06-08-2019, 08:40 AM
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Sarianna Sarianna is offline
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I feel like taking me off his list was extreme and I honestly donít think I want to deal with him after he did that.

I donít understand what the purpose was when 3 days later you want to reach out and tell me you love me.
I love him but I donít want to talk to him right now.
His purpose? To groom you. To play the hot/cold game with you so that you will feel exasperated yet drawn to him as he's been able to manipulate you to think deep down he's a good guy.

I must agree with what Mizzy said....for your own sake I hope you never speak to this guy again. If you feel you love him after a) knowing he uses multiple women for support and b) he treats you like trash.....maybe it would be a good idea to speak to a therapist and find out why you connect this kind of behavior to love and are considering going back for more (if you are).

I am sorry that you came across this jerk's path, but all the warning signs were there from the beginning, based on what you've shared. You decide what you do with your life but I'd leave him with his other ladies and move forward.
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Old 06-08-2019, 12:07 PM
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but all the warning signs were there from the beginning, based on what you've shared.
Yup.
He did you a favor by blocking you first. Probably the only one you'll get from him. Accept it and move on.
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