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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

View Poll Results: Did you know him before or MWI?
Married prior to incarceration 22 12.57%
Knew/dating prior to incarceration, but married while incarcerated 21 12.00%
Knew/dating prior to incarceration, not married yet, but want to (either during or after) 67 38.29%
Knew prior to incarceration, not married and no plans to 13 7.43%
MWI, married 8 4.57%
MWI, not married but want to (either during or after) 24 13.71%
MWI, not married, no plans to 20 11.43%
Voters: 175. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 06-21-2008, 06:47 PM
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we are MWI: not in a relationship, but wanting to take that step, and loving the idea of going far and beyond.

our worst case scenario is that he does all of his time, in which i would be by his side for eight out of his 15 years of incarceration. he's got 10 down, but we've only been in each other's lives 2.5 years, ooooo, going on 3 in November!!!!
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  #27  
Old 03-27-2015, 01:36 PM
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We are MWI and have been together for 3 years. We still are not at the 'I love you' stage, although I believe we both feel that way and are just scared to say anything. I know I am.

Not sure about marriage. Today I would not do it, but who knows what the future holds!
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  #28  
Old 03-27-2015, 05:48 PM
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We dated off and on for 13 years before we got married while he was locked up in prison. We should have gotten married sooner but what did I know?
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  #29  
Old 04-02-2015, 06:05 PM
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Thank God I didn't met him before he went in. He is more of a mature man in his life now, then years ago. We've crossed the marriage topic, but he doesn't want to marry inside and I do. We both want to get on our feet and one day make that next step. Oh what a day that will be !
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  #30  
Old 10-30-2015, 04:18 AM
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We MWI been together as a couple 3 years now. Wouldnt marry in prison but making plans on a big wedding when he comes home in 24 months.
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  #31  
Old 10-31-2015, 12:36 PM
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We were married way back in our twenties then divorced. We looked for each other many times in the past but never located each other as I am in Texas and he was in California. I found him on Facebook and found out he was in prison thru his daughter. We started writing and now we are engaged and we both have found the pieces that were missing throughout our life with out each other. We are truly soul mates!!
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  #32  
Old 04-28-2016, 03:08 PM
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Be prepared for a really long story...

We met as children, were in love during high school but growing up in a fundamentalist Christian cult that believed dating was sinful, we were never allowed to date or even say that we loved each other. All of our communication to each other was within earshot of our parents and if we talked to each other for more than 5 minutes a parent would come and drag us away from each other.

He moved away when I was 17, and he was forbidden any contact with me. His parents moved to the middle of nowhere; in addition they did not get internet access at their house. Without the internet or access to it, there was no way to look up my phone number or address, so we lost touch.

When I was 20, three years after last contact, I was still madly in love with him. While on vacation in their state, I called his family, hoping to get some information on him. They told me to come to their house, as they had something important to tell me about him.

I got there. They told me that he was dead. I was too much in shock and grief to process everything going on right then, but as I worked through it, things did not seem right.

Living in the cult, I was not allowed to have a job, so I had no money to pay for a search on him. But nothing seemed right. When a child dies, most families would have almost a shrine for that child somewhere in their house. It was like he had been scrubbed from their existence. There were plenty of pictures with their other children in the house, but there were absolutely none of him.

In addition I was so sheltered that I had nobody who was willing to help me get out of the cult or let me live there. I rebelled and decided to choose my own husband. I met my (now late) husband a year after I was told Matt was dead, and married him five years later, with my family doing everything possible to try to break us up. I finally left the cult by becoming homeless and got married soon after.

Six months after my marriage, I convinced my husband to let me look for him. I needed the closure. I figured that ten years after we last had contact, he would be with someone or he would have changed too much for me. I found out he was in prison. I waited a month- he was NOT someone I could have seen going to prison!- and then I decided I would write anyway.

From the first letter back it was as if the ten years had never happened. Three years in we finally admitted that we loved each other. He started corresponding with my husband, who at this point was told that he was starting another flare up with his lupus. My husband, who was a bisexual man, fell in love with him too, and we were going to try to be a polyamorous family, all living under the same roof when he got out.

That didn't happen. My husband passed away on April 1st from his lupus. But Matt has been incredible. He told me that my husband had written him a letter- very shaky since he was incredibly weak- and asked him to continue to be with me and marry me when he gets out.

I thought my first love was lost to me, and found another I loved just as much. I couldn't choose between them. I literally couldn't. They understood and were willing for us to all be together. Then I lost my husband, but will hopefully soon be reunited with my first love after 16 or 17 long years.
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  #33  
Old 08-15-2016, 07:23 AM
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We met 10 years ago we were neighbors. He liked me but I had a boyfriend. He told me he was turning himself in for drug charges and asked if I would write him. I said I would and wrote and fell in love lol I really got to know him on a deeper level. I didn't want to wait the 2 years though and ended up meeting someone else and got married I never stopped thinking about him though. When I eventually divorced I reached out when I found him in prison. Sounds like a bad idea but he was always so good to me and my kids he loved me and tried to make me happy. I am not only talking about when he was in jail but outside. He took parenting classes and relationship classes anything to better himself. That is why I am waiting. I didn't wait before and I married someone who never made me as happy. I believe my man when he says he wants a new life and he will do everything he says he will do. His phone calls and letters make my heart pound. I can't wait to go visit and see him again we will have our first kiss in prison lol although we have cuddled on the couch and talked for hours when we were friends back in the day. I feel like we have a solid foundation and true bond to build from.
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  #34  
Old 08-15-2016, 07:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mysid View Post
We were married way back in our twenties then divorced. We looked for each other many times in the past but never located each other as I am in Texas and he was in California. I found him on Facebook and found out he was in prison thru his daughter. We started writing and now we are engaged and we both have found the pieces that were missing throughout our life with out each other. We are truly soul mates!!
That's really beautiful! Love will always find a way I like to believe.
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  #35  
Old 08-22-2016, 11:33 AM
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We were together 2 years before he was arrested. He got 34 years and has done 22. We have been married for 5. Now he has decided because of a letter from a institutional type church on the outside that I am not worthy of him because I was divorced prior... which he always knew. Head games and I am so over it.
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  #36  
Old 08-23-2016, 04:57 PM
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We met almost seven years ago a month before a nine month prison term. He got out we got married and here we are again. This time is much harder then last time.
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  #37  
Old 12-07-2016, 02:19 AM
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Yes. We met in '89; I was 16, he was 18. It's been almost 30 years n we still have a mutual crush.
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  #38  
Old 04-22-2017, 06:57 PM
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I know several long-term sentenced offenders. I knew all but one of them before they went in.
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  #39  
Old 04-27-2017, 03:18 PM
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Yes, we knew each other prior to him being incarcerated.
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  #40  
Old 06-09-2017, 04:17 PM
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We met before he went to jail, been together for almost six months.
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  #41  
Old 06-15-2017, 05:02 PM
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I met him through the teaching of his daughter last year but we didn't start dating until January this year. He was sentenced in mid March and remain together and just recently celebrated our 5 month anniversary. I have plans to wait for him (he has just over 6 months left)
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  #42  
Old 08-20-2017, 06:18 PM
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We had an intense, yet casual, love affair before he was incarcerated. Neither of us could move past our true passion for each other despite our efforts. We established a solid friendship (while still lusting for one another in a very big way). After some years, we gave in and made it official. He proposed. We got married. And here we are... 20 and counting! A true whirlwind love affair!
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  #43  
Old 09-15-2017, 12:09 AM
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Yes we've known eachother for 5 years and have been together for 5 year's. High school sweetheart's We got married while hes locked up 2.5 month's ago
I will wait for him he has been there for me like no one else and I plan to do the same for him. He accepts me exactly the way I am and the love he shows for me is perfect I don't need to look for it anywere else because I know I won't find it. More reason's of course but Id be here forever lol point is love has me waiting
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  #44  
Old 11-12-2017, 09:22 PM
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Can you help me on something,I have to send my cousin a message is your husband in pelican bay.
Im begging please help (702)7137354
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  #45  
Old 11-12-2017, 10:09 PM
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Default Advice please from anyone with a similar situation and their experience

I have nearly exactly the same story as you, we knew each other in high school and I messaged his twin sister back in January of this year because I seen she posted on Facebook that he was locked up and asked if anyone was writing him, then it began and here we are now, we have been writing deep letters every since and I just went to my first visit to see him two weekends ago, girl let me tell you a man has never made me feel like I was the only woman in the world..he has a 3 year sentence for dating a girl 4 years younger than him, he stopped paying her mom's bills and moved out, a year later she asked him if he would pay her bills again and he said no..10 days later cops showed up at his door..she was 14 and he was 18 at the time..and I have just totally fell in love with him..I have been single and celibate for almost 3 years, my son is almost four and we are living in a brand new big camper and I pay all my own bills, he has the same goals and dreams I have of buying a property and building a house, hence why I got a camper to build my credit, my credit is already going so well..we want to move in together in my camper when he gets out July 4 2018, 8 months left and I just don't know if rushing, I'm a Capricorn and a very slow mover in relationships but he like no other man has been able to do, is make me feel comfortable and able to entirely be myself which blows my mind..and I just really need some advice because I have done this before, and the guy used me, I did the whole nine yards for the other guy and he just didn't care when he got out but Dylan writes me so much differently and treated me so different at VISO..he is everything I asked God for in a husband and his family has confirmed everything about him to me..that he's not the prison fantasy type..but I'm so well established and doing very well on my own as a single mom with a full time job and I still have a little extra money..do any of y'all think I would be wrong to take my vacation time off for the first week he's out, spend some days with him, move my camper onto a friend's property and live together before I take a loan out for a property to put my camper on?I don't wanna just see him and then take out a loan before living with him, but the way we both feel is we will be living together within the first few weeks of him being out..we are on the same level and flow of mind and we can read each other's mind, I have never felt a connection with a man like this before, let alone someone like me at 23 years old doing this well by myself makes boys afraid because I don't need them but he finds it wonderful which makes me think he's a man because he's not intimidated by me. I just really need some advice. My mom and nana love him already and think it's a great idea, I'm on my Nana's land right now. Comments please and thank you, he's 23 as well and we knew each other as teenagers, haven't talked since we were 17.
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  #46  
Old 02-23-2018, 12:29 PM
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Dated on & off for about 5 years due to him being in and out of the system. Sept 03 he was sentenced 20-40yrs. I stuck around in the beginning but then just stopped. No explanation, no goodbye, nothing. I was young, 21 at the time & wasn't sure of much. Flashforward to 2015, I can't stop thinking about him & knowing I let too much time go by already, I made contact with him again. We have been talking since. We are not in a relationship currently but the chemistry is undeniable. I still look at him as unfinished business. He still has a couple years before he's up for parole so we have plenty of time to decide if we're going to finish what we started when we were 2 reckless teens in love.
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  #47  
Old 02-24-2018, 07:20 AM
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We are MWI and in a relationship but have only been officially together for 5 or 6 weeks. Although the official relationship stage is new, we have been writing and talking on the phone for a year now (started as friends/pen-pals) and admitted that we had developed feelings for one another about 6 months ago, we just took our time before we decided to actually be together because we knew it was a big decision.

In terms of why I've decided to wait for him... I don't really know. I just know that I love him and want to be with him. The circumstances are what they are and so I must deal with them in order to be with him. The way I see it, I would rather be with him in this restricted and difficult way than not be with him at all. He has about 10-20 years left and we are both still young, I'm 25 and he is 26. We have the added complication that he is in the US and I'm in England, but we make it work
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