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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

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Old 08-15-2018, 02:20 PM
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Default No more “why?”

Well i am finally done spending my time wondering “Why”

Why doesnt he write her more
Why doesnt he ask about her
If he can call his family WHY cant he at least ask them to ask us?
Why why why.

I will never get my answer & honestly any answer he gives me i doubt i will accept it or even care at this point.

No more why.
This is just the way he is.

Moving on for my health and to be happier for my babygirl
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Old 08-15-2018, 03:18 PM
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Yep. That's exactly what you need to do.
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Old 08-15-2018, 03:21 PM
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Acceptance is the key to moving on. He is who he is and he isn't built like you.
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Old 08-15-2018, 03:33 PM
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It's all you can do. Live for her. Reassureher that she is loved no matter what. She will learn on her own how he us believe me. My daughter who is 20 now hates her real father. She talks my husband he is her real dad. The love they have is beyond amazing. I wish you all the best
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Old 08-15-2018, 04:19 PM
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From someone who was formerly incarcerated, I think you are making a good, healthy decision for you and your daughter. People in prison have A LOT of time on their hands, and it takes very little of all that free time to write a note or letter each month, or each week for that matter! I did so to both my children - and there were a lot of unanswered letters over the years. But I told myself that it was about them, not me, and wrote anyway. I have great relationships ( not perfect ones!) with both my sons today. It will be his responsibility, not yours, to “pick up the pieces” years down the road. The best you can do is let others suffer the consequences for their own behavior, which is the only way people change. Good luck on your new path of spending your time more productively, which will benefit you and your daughter greatly.
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Old 08-15-2018, 05:35 PM
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Welcome to Prison Talk. Do what you decide is best for your Daughter, and for you. Because of his behavior, his opinion is inconsequential.
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Old 08-16-2018, 10:09 AM
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That is what i have heard, nothing BUT time. Especially since where he was at for a year was lock down 23 hours a day. Which is why i wondered why even more. I have told him, if he doesnt have stamps just write her a little each day so when he has a stamp it'll be a lot, but still wont do that.

Thank you for taking the time to tell me from your personal experience.
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Originally Posted by Free At Last 5 View Post
From someone who was formerly incarcerated, I think you are making a good, healthy decision for you and your daughter. People in prison have A LOT of time on their hands, and it takes very little of all that free time to write a note or letter each month, or each week for that matter! I did so to both my children - and there were a lot of unanswered letters over the years. But I told myself that it was about them, not me, and wrote anyway. I have great relationships ( not perfect ones!) with both my sons today. It will be his responsibility, not yours, to “pick up the pieces” years down the road. The best you can do is let others suffer the consequences for their own behavior, which is the only way people change. Good luck on your new path of spending your time more productively, which will benefit you and your daughter greatly.
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Old 08-16-2018, 10:10 AM
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Thank you everyone!
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Old 08-21-2018, 08:14 AM
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I have read your initial post multiple times since you made it. I fear this is the direction my ex is headed with our daughter. He'll be released in December, but he's already cutting down on communication since I started setting boundaries and filed for custody.


I just keep telling myself that I will not stand in our daughter's way of getting to know her father, that I will just protect her along the way. It is his choice to call less. It is his choice not to ask questions about her. I cannot do anything about his choices.
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Old 08-21-2018, 09:13 AM
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I'm sorry your daughter is going thru this as well. It's not fun.
But yes, we cannot do anything about their choices. We can just protect our daughter's as we see fit.
& TRY to keep our feelings out and do what is for the best of our daughters. It's hard. idk if you've read my other posts, but i go back and forth soooo much.
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I have read your initial post multiple times since you made it. I fear this is the direction my ex is headed with our daughter. He'll be released in December, but he's already cutting down on communication since I started setting boundaries and filed for custody.


I just keep telling myself that I will not stand in our daughter's way of getting to know her father, that I will just protect her along the way. It is his choice to call less. It is his choice not to ask questions about her. I cannot do anything about his choices.
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Old 08-22-2018, 07:34 AM
Rigora Rigora is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jordan321 View Post
I'm sorry your daughter is going thru this as well. It's not fun.
But yes, we cannot do anything about their choices. We can just protect our daughter's as we see fit.
& TRY to keep our feelings out and do what is for the best of our daughters. It's hard. idk if you've read my other posts, but i go back and forth soooo much.
In his last message to me over Jpay he ended it by saying how "the moms" always put him in a predicament where he "walks out", and that's why none of his kids are in his life.

I've been seeing a counselor since I broke up with him, focusing on building my self-confidence and it's been helpful and enlightening. And yet, I still go back and forth quite a lot myself. I imagine I'll be flip flopping where he's concerned, in a lot of ways, for a very long time.


Edit: Oh, and I also bought a book called "Splitting," which is about going through divorce with persons who present with Borderline and/or Narcissistic personality disorders. I thought it might help with communicating with him...

Last edited by Rigora; 08-22-2018 at 07:42 AM..
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