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  #151  
Old 05-21-2019, 05:47 PM
DailyLimitReach DailyLimitReach is offline
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Yay! He finally arrived at his new location. It's much smaller than where he was. I hope it is a safe place. He has a stove now, which he is excited about.

Only spoke for a few minutes. He's a little concerned with the phones because he is the new guy there. It will all get sorted out.
That's good news! Hopefully this is a good place fr him. Smaller sounds like a better deal than a very large prison.
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  #152  
Old 05-21-2019, 05:53 PM
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That's good news! Hopefully this is a good place fr him. Smaller sounds like a better deal than a very large prison.
He says it is calmer there by far. It has just been 24 hours, so it'll take him time to adjust. Usually about a month. He can have pots and pans, but I have to look up certain kinds. He needs to find out the actual size requirements and where other ppl got them from.

Certain things are different like start times to programs and work etc. Phone are difficult to get on. More ppl per unit and only 2 phones. This morning he called while I was on my way to work bc getting a phone slot is difficult. We got spoiled because we were able to arrange calls around my work schedule. Now it is when he can get on the phone. Sometimes will be a full call, and tonight was a quick 5 min. So it is an adjustment period.

He always stresses on the beginning. Then relaxes. I'll see him this weekend, so it'll be good after a month of very little contact.
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  #153  
Old 05-23-2019, 05:58 AM
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Unhappy Broken hearted

I got married to my husband back in 2017 and we have a daughter together. Before I got married I heard that he slept with men, but I didn't think nothing of it. Recently I heard those rumors again saying he had or have a boyfriend in prison and that I looked stupid coming to visit ands he has a boyfriend. This person was in the same prison with him and he knew things about him that only I knew. I am confused and lost. I really thought that he loved me. I don't know what to believe because he is always talking junk about people that sleep with men ands such.
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  #154  
Old 05-23-2019, 06:05 AM
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I got married to my husband back in 2017 and we have a daughter together. Before I got married I heard that he slept with men, but I didn't think nothing of it. Recently I heard those rumors again saying he had or have a boyfriend in prison and that I looked stupid coming to visit ands he has a boyfriend. This person was in the same prison with him and he knew things about him that only I knew. I am confused and lost. I really thought that he loved me. I don't know what to believe because he is always talking junk about people that sleep with men ands such.

Well, have you asked him? Rumors are rumors but you need to talk to him. Only he has the answer.

That being said.... if you do not feel comfortable being with him anymore or if this in fact true, then you have to make a decision for yourself and your daughter.

It's difficult to give you good advice because it's something you have to figure out on your own. But ask him. Have that conversation.

Good luck!
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  #155  
Old 05-23-2019, 06:08 AM
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Yes, I have asked him and he only say what do you think.
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  #156  
Old 05-23-2019, 06:20 AM
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That's not an answer to your direct question so I'd think he does what you assume. He's not straight forward with you. He's not being honest.
But that's just my personal feeling reading this.
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  #157  
Old 05-23-2019, 05:56 PM
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Yes, I have asked him and he only say what do you think.


If he won’t tell you straight up then more than likely he is.
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  #158  
Old 05-23-2019, 06:45 PM
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He should tell you. Answering a question with a question is not an answer
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  #159  
Old 05-23-2019, 11:37 PM
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I got married to my husband back in 2017 and we have a daughter together. Before I got married I heard that he slept with men, but I didn't think nothing of it. Recently I heard those rumors again saying he had or have a boyfriend in prison and that I looked stupid coming to visit ands he has a boyfriend. This person was in the same prison with him and he knew things about him that only I knew. I am confused and lost. I really thought that he loved me. I don't know what to believe because he is always talking junk about people that sleep with men ands such.
Hey, I am so sorry you are dealing with such a confusing issue, I can't imagine how I would react to hearing the kind of information you are hearing regarding sexuality with a man. Who is telling you these things? Do you trust the source 100%? Are you discussing these rumors openly with him and is he denying it? Do you feel like you can believe him if he says it's a lie? I have thought from time-to-time about the whole sex with other inmates predicament I have so often heard some men are forced into against their will, and wondered if something like that ever impacted my boyfriend in prison. I have never asked him if that goes on around him or if he has ever had to deal with advances from other inmates himself, because it seems like such a secret aspect of doing time that nobody talks about openly. I hope you are able to ask your husband straight up and that he has enough integrity and respect for you to be honest. You deserve to know the truth and given the chance to decide whether or not you want to stay with him based on all the information available. If it is true, only you can decide what is a deal breaker versus what is forgivable. You have a complicated situation as you share a child, and you obviously love him, so leaving him won't be a simple thing to do. If he is seeing a man inside, it is possible he is confused or doing so unwillingly, and that he does love you in spite of what goes on behind bars. I think prison life can be complicated to understand looking in from the outside, and perhaps his situation is one of the complicated ones and involves more than him being unfaithful or truly into other men. Maybe he has been raped and is a victim and embarrassed about what has gone on. It could be something horrible like that, which would be a different scenario altogether, and require some empathy on your part. You definitely bring up a subject that is probably a bigger problem than most of us want to realize, and you made me wonder if my boyfriend has ever had to deal with men coming onto him in there. I hope you get clarity soon and you don't stay stuck wondering what is true and what is rumor, because it's the unkown that really can drive a person crazy. Good luck and take care
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  #160  
Old 06-01-2019, 05:20 PM
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Hey ladies! All is good here. Getting into a routine now. He is being settled. He starts working on Monday. He saw his nee counselor who said she will do his work release application soon.

I saw him three days last weekend. It was wonderful. We haven't spent that much time together in forever. Only thing that sucks is he so far away now. But, we will make it work.

The place is really small. He said it is very calm compared to his old place. This is a good thing as all I pray for is his safety. So the distance is a trade off for safety.

The trip to Shock and now basically being in Canada left him feeling super isolated. He is much better now. Firat visit was weird because he was super paranoid. Now he is more himself. Big plus is he has the use of a stove and access to a refrigerator. He can cook now and feels more human. It is little things.
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  #161  
Old 06-04-2019, 12:17 AM
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Hello ladies- I am still struggling with the ongoing sadness I feel due to the long periods of time between phone calls my boyfriend is able to make. I realize everytime that we hang-up from a call it will be several weeks before I hear from him again, but even knowing all of the legitimate reasons this is the case, I still get panicked that it must mean he is losing his love for me after about two weeks without contact. We haven't seen each other in almost two years, and I feel like the lack of frequent calls, on top of my inibility to visit him due to family demands, are taking a toll on our relationship. He says we are fine, he is fine, but I sense a distance that is driving me crazy, and I can't bring it up because he hates it when I have doubts. He is due to be released a whole year and a half prior to what we originally were told, which means I only have until 4/2020 to figure out how we can live together. I have to move out of my parent's into an affordable rental we can share, hope my parents lighten up on their ultimatum I choose between him or my family, help him get on his feet, and somehow make sure he doesn't fall right back into his heroin addiction or have a plan for what I will do if he uses again so that I stay sober as well. He will come out of prison with the clothes on his back and that's it, and I am all he has to support him in getting adjusted, and hopefully employed before turning back to crime as a way to support himself. We have a lot to handle and we haven't discussed anything yet, so I am getting anxious already. I don't know if anyone else out there feels more stress about your man's release date than joy at times, which feels shitty and causes guilt, or if I am alone in my concerns, but I thought I'd vent and see what feedback comes back. Thanks for listening.
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  #162  
Old 06-04-2019, 12:42 AM
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Hello ladies- I am still struggling with the ongoing sadness I feel due to the long periods of time between phone calls my boyfriend is able to make. I realize everytime that we hang-up from a call it will be several weeks before I hear from him again, but even knowing all of the legitimate reasons this is the case, I still get panicked that it must mean he is losing his love for me after about two weeks without contact. We haven't seen each other in almost two years, and I feel like the lack of frequent calls, on top of my inibility to visit him due to family demands, are taking a toll on our relationship. He says we are fine, he is fine, but I sense a distance that is driving me crazy, and I can't bring it up because he hates it when I have doubts. He is due to be released a whole year and a half prior to what we originally were told, which means I only have until 4/2020 to figure out how we can live together. I have to move out of my parent's into an affordable rental we can share, hope my parents lighten up on their ultimatum I choose between him or my family, help him get on his feet, and somehow make sure he doesn't fall right back into his heroin addiction or have a plan for what I will do if he uses again so that I stay sober as well. He will come out of prison with the clothes on his back and that's it, and I am all he has to support him in getting adjusted, and hopefully employed before turning back to crime as a way to support himself. We have a lot to handle and we haven't discussed anything yet, so I am getting anxious already. I don't know if anyone else out there feels more stress about your man's release date than joy at times, which feels shitty and causes guilt, or if I am alone in my concerns, but I thought I'd vent and see what feedback comes back. Thanks for listening.
That situation would be hard on anyone. We all would feel that way.
But... I'm an old(er) woman and with my past experience I'd tell you to hang on and sit this one out. His release is sooner than you think and then you can figure things out.
The one thing I feel "iffy" about is you not having enough to support yourself or even the both of you and you needing to make huge changes to your life so he can live with you PLUS your insecurity about his addiction and (past) "life of crime".
My gut tells me that you should NOT make any changes when he comes out. Stay with your family until you are financially stable to be on your OWN and let him figure out his future.
Enclosed you'll find a picture I've found online and you should try and make yourself work first before you take on a new "project" as in your boyfriend.
He should be old enough to figure it out and be straight before you make life-altering changes.
Just my two cents of wisdom or better "gut feeling".

P.S. in your profile it says you are a drug-counselor and you are 49 years old so in my humble opinion (or better again gut-feeling) that this is a fight you might not win (also including reading your other posts). You have to take care of yourself and your family and be strong. I'm only a few years older than you and looking from afar I feel you are hanging on by a thread to this guy. I feel you have better things to do in life and with your life than sit around and wait for him only to find out he might not have changed... life's too short.
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  #163  
Old 06-04-2019, 03:21 AM
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Hello ladies- I am still struggling with the ongoing sadness I feel due to the long periods of time between phone calls my boyfriend is able to make. I realize everytime that we hang-up from a call it will be several weeks before I hear from him again, but even knowing all of the legitimate reasons this is the case, I still get panicked that it must mean he is losing his love for me after about two weeks without contact. We haven't seen each other in almost two years, and I feel like the lack of frequent calls, on top of my inibility to visit him due to family demands, are taking a toll on our relationship. He says we are fine, he is fine, but I sense a distance that is driving me crazy, and I can't bring it up because he hates it when I have doubts. He is due to be released a whole year and a half prior to what we originally were told, which means I only have until 4/2020 to figure out how we can live together. I have to move out of my parent's into an affordable rental we can share, hope my parents lighten up on their ultimatum I choose between him or my family, help him get on his feet, and somehow make sure he doesn't fall right back into his heroin addiction or have a plan for what I will do if he uses again so that I stay sober as well. He will come out of prison with the clothes on his back and that's it, and I am all he has to support him in getting adjusted, and hopefully employed before turning back to crime as a way to support himself. We have a lot to handle and we haven't discussed anything yet, so I am getting anxious already. I don't know if anyone else out there feels more stress about your man's release date than joy at times, which feels shitty and causes guilt, or if I am alone in my concerns, but I thought I'd vent and see what feedback comes back. Thanks for listening.
You overwhelming yourself and that's not GOOD! Take a step back and reflect on your situation ONLY! You gotta take of yourself first! Before you can go by handling everything else you got going on in your life. Don't frustrated yourself like that it's only going to drive you up a wall. Try to do one thing at a time! He has to do a lot for himself as well. Adjusting back into society and trying to get up on his own two feet! It's resources out here that he needs to look into with his counselor. If you want to look into them as well you can to give him help on things. I'll continue to stay home for now. Your rushing everything right now and it's not going to end the way you want it. Only he can remain clean!!! You can't save him if he's not willing to save himself. You got to take things 1 step at a time and do what's best for you. Work on you first!
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  #164  
Old 06-07-2019, 11:39 PM
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I’m driving myself crazy trying to understand why I haven’t heard from him. The last I heard his voice was about 4 weeks ago. Last mail I got was about 2 and a half weeks ago. Everything was fine and then he’s gone. the inconsistency is so discouraging.
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  #165  
Old 06-09-2019, 03:55 PM
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My husband should be hearing the judges decision anyday now on his appeal. We are praying for a dismissal. He was charged without any evidence or witness to prove any of the crime he is accused of. He has been away for 3 and half yrs now in maine state prison. We have 2 girls together 3 n 7 but my 3yr old he never met because he was incarcerated at her time of birth. He has only seen photos aNd spoken over the phone thats really hurts him and i know it. I talk to my daughter (3yrold) about him all the time just to prepare her mind that daddy is coming home soon.my kids are so young they dont know where exactly where he is and dont want to lie. But i may have to right? My 7yrs old is asking thing like "where is he away too?". I just told her away handeling things till he come home. But if this appeal isnt granted as we want how long can i keep up with these answers. This is why i hope he just comes home and i dont ever even have to have the conversation but as a mom i need a plan b just in case.theyre sisters so of course wen my oldest ask my youngest over hears and wants to know too. Are their any mom who are going thru this. Explaining where daddy is while he is incarcerated? Please god get into this judges head and send my husband home my kids need their dad! This is so hard
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  #166  
Old 06-10-2019, 06:17 AM
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My husband should be hearing the judges decision anyday now on his appeal. We are praying for a dismissal. He was charged without any evidence or witness to prove any of the crime he is accused of. He has been away for 3 and half yrs now in maine state prison. We have 2 girls together 3 n 7 but my 3yr old he never met because he was incarcerated at her time of birth. He has only seen photos aNd spoken over the phone thats really hurts him and i know it. I talk to my daughter (3yrold) about him all the time just to prepare her mind that daddy is coming home soon.my kids are so young they dont know where exactly where he is and dont want to lie. But i may have to right? My 7yrs old is asking thing like "where is he away too?". I just told her away handeling things till he come home. But if this appeal isnt granted as we want how long can i keep up with these answers. This is why i hope he just comes home and i dont ever even have to have the conversation but as a mom i need a plan b just in case.theyre sisters so of course wen my oldest ask my youngest over hears and wants to know too. Are their any mom who are going thru this. Explaining where daddy is while he is incarcerated? Please god get into this judges head and send my husband home my kids need their dad! This is so hard
I really hope this works out for you and he comes home to his family quickly
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  #167  
Old 06-16-2019, 06:29 PM
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First wedding anniversary today. I did not think we would manage to pull through but we did. Toughest year seems over but never tempt fate.

It felt so surreal that last year at the same time we were in the beginning of a 2.5 hours church service and this year, preparing to visit him at the prison.

We had a laugh though. He told me to buy myself something „ that he would have gave me.” I told him headaches are free. . .
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Old 06-16-2019, 06:53 PM
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First wedding anniversary today. I did not think we would manage to pull through but we did. Toughest year seems over but never tempt fate.

It felt so surreal that last year at the same time we were in the beginning of a 2.5 hours church service and this year, preparing to visit him at the prison.

We had a laugh though. He told me to buy myself something „ that he would have gave me.” I told him headaches are free. . .
Happy Anniversary! I hope this year is less stressful
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Old 06-16-2019, 06:55 PM
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I just got back from visiting all weekend. This place is small and far, so they allow visits on both days of the weekend. My ass is numb from driving, but there is a smile on my face and peace in my heart.

He kicked my ass in connect 4 and Rummy, but it was awesome to just be for 2 days.
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Old 06-17-2019, 03:36 AM
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I just got back from visiting all weekend. This place is small and far, so they allow visits on both days of the weekend. My ass is numb from driving, but there is a smile on my face and peace in my heart.

He kicked my ass in connect 4 and Rummy, but it was awesome to just be for 2 days.
What a sweet message to begin the day! Very happy for you and smiling although, you will need to up your games skills! Take care & hope further visits bring you such peace!
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Old 06-17-2019, 06:04 AM
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Happy anniversary to you both.
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Old 06-17-2019, 10:32 AM
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Happy Anniversary
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Old 06-17-2019, 12:50 PM
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Explaining where daddy is while he is incarcerated? Please god get into this judges head and send my husband home my kids need their dad! This is so hard
I can't imagine how you've done this for three years but I can understand why. Mine spent three years in county awaiting trial and if we'd had very little ones, I might have done the same. I hope his case take a positive turn, but if it doesn't Sesame Street has an AMAZING program to help guide you through the process. Check it out here. They have videos for you and the kiddos, coloring pages, stories, guidance on language. It's really quite impressive.

I don't know about Maine, but many states have programs to help keep kids and parents in touch. Special Daddy and Me days, or camp days. If his sentence sticks, I would ask in our state-specific forum about those options.
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Old 06-17-2019, 01:01 PM
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First wedding anniversary today. [...]
We had a laugh though. He told me to buy myself something „ that he would have gave me.” I told him headaches are free. . .
Happy First Anniversary!! Ha! "...headaches are free".
I hate being told to do something nice for myself and after this last year, I asked him to stop saying it. Not that the intention isn't good, but for some of us it's just one more task to add to the list. Maybe I'm bitter (maybe? lol) but the best gift I could get lately is no one to ask anything of me. To do nothing! ***And just to be clear, he does go out of his way to make my birthday special. But he always thinks there's something out here I must want more.
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Old 06-17-2019, 06:46 PM
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Thanks Mia! I do not really need a „gift” or any thing because I am just satisfied we made it this far. But, if I see a nice thing, I’ll pick it up. My brain is too much of a whirlwind to purposely find something.

Also, it is not my topic, but that Sesame Street video made me cry!
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The Following User Says Thank You to Ne Plach’ For This Useful Post:
miamac (06-18-2019)
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