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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #51  
Old 05-20-2019, 04:06 PM
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I know it’s hard and it hurts but blocking her is the best option. She will never fully admit what she did, and as long as she has use for you she won’t leave you alone for long. She’ll try to make YOU feel crazy and that YOU’RE overreacting to try to draw you back in. It’s kidt the cycle manipulation takes.

Good luck to you on your journey to healing. You have a good heart.
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  #52  
Old 05-20-2019, 05:32 PM
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I know it’s hard and it hurts but blocking her is the best option. She will never fully admit what she did, and as long as she has use for you she won’t leave you alone for long. She’ll try to make YOU feel crazy and that YOU’RE overreacting to try to draw you back in. It’s kidt the cycle manipulation takes.

Good luck to you on your journey to healing. You have a good heart.
Before I broke sheer , she told me that she needed someone talk care of her like she deserve even though I sent her $3000 in a month. So, than goodness that I got rid of her. All I did was support her an anyway.
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Old 05-20-2019, 06:32 PM
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I actually just heard from her right now. She just called me on her way to work. And she told me that I was wrong and that she wasn't lying to me at all. And I had to tell her that I didn't believe her at all. I told her that I saw the pictures of her and her friend kissing. There is like 4 pictures of them kissing on her Facebook and she wanted me to believe that there's nothing going on between them. So, I just said goodbye, hung up, and blocked her number.
This what I was talking about!!!!! When I had spoke on "blocking numbers" because a person will realize things when it's too late and try to call. She knew she messed up and tried to back track on everything. Because she thought you would fall for it and things could go back being the same again. I'm so proud of you right now! You did what had to finally be done and you handle it well! Good for you.
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  #54  
Old 05-21-2019, 10:22 AM
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I'm sorry if my assumption here is wrong, but I am assuming that you are either WAY older than her, or she is physically out of your league, or both. Would it really be so awful to find an older woman with plain looks who would love you and care for you and bring you happiness? Would that be worse than being made a fool of and going into financial debt? These girls think you are a joke. Her, her sister and her girlfriend are all lying to you so you'll keep sending money. "There is a small chance she's telling the truth" No, there isn't. That is delusional. You are disrespecting yourself. Take what little dignity you have left and never speak to these girls again. Stay away from young and beautiful and find someone your own age.
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  #55  
Old 05-21-2019, 01:37 PM
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I'm sorry if my assumption here is wrong, but I am assuming that you are either WAY older than her, or she is physically out of your league, or both. Would it really be so awful to find an older woman with plain looks who would love you and care for you and bring you happiness? Would that be worse than being made a fool of and going into financial debt? These girls think you are a joke. Her, her sister and her girlfriend are all lying to you so you'll keep sending money. "There is a small chance she's telling the truth" No, there isn't. That is delusional. You are disrespecting yourself. Take what little dignity you have left and never speak to these girls again. Stay away from young and beautiful and find someone your own age.

First of all, I have broken up with her. I have made that know in my posts. So, why do you assume that I am still with her when I clearly stated that I have broke up with a couple of days ago? So, I don't know how you think that I am disrespecting myself when I am no longer with her.

Second of all, all of your assumptions are wrong to be honest. Yes, I am about 22 years older than her but her son's father is 20 years older than her and they were together for like 5 years. That just tells me that she likes older guys. And she isn't "out of my league". I am a very attractive middle aged man. And there are older women that do the same thing that my ex is doing.

Third of all, her sister isn't apart of this at all to be honest. My ex and her sister don't even get along at all. I just talked to her sister last night and my ex told her that everything I ever said to her was a lie. You want me to believe that my ex, her sister, and the other woman just made a plan to take me out of my money. I could by my ex and the other woman, but not the sister. The sister is the one who came and picked her up when she got out and gave her money and clothes as well. My ex is mad at the sister because she won't send her money and the sister is the one that is questioning everything just like I am. So, I have to disagree with you about the sister.

Fourth of all, the statement that I made about my ex might be telling the truth. There might be a slim chance but I doubt it. And I did post that in a earlier post to everyone. There have to be some pretty convincing evidence for me to overlook everything else to make her back into my life and that isn't going to happen in this life time.
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Old 05-21-2019, 02:13 PM
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This what I was talking about!!!!! When I had spoke on "blocking numbers" because a person will realize things when it's too late and try to call. She knew she messed up and tried to back track on everything. Because she thought you would fall for it and things could go back being the same again. I'm so proud of you right now! You did what had to finally be done and you handle it well! Good for you.
Yes, she finally know that she messed up and hence the phone call. But blocking a number isn't going to any good. She can just change her number or borrow someone's phone to call me. Do I think that she is telling me the truth about everything? No I don't at all. Could there be a chance of her telling me the truth from the start? A very slim chance that she was to be honest but I doubt that she is though.
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Old 05-21-2019, 05:01 PM
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Yes, she finally know that she messed up and hence the phone call. But blocking a number isn't going to any good. She can just change her number or borrow someone's phone to call me. Do I think that she is telling me the truth about everything? No I don't at all. Could there be a chance of her telling me the truth from the start? A very slim chance that she was to be honest but I doubt that she is though.
The fact that you answered the call and engaged her in conversation is a step too far. She didn’t just “finally” figure out that she “messed up” and no, there’s not a chance, even the slimmest chance, that she’s telling you the truth.

You were a trick. She thinks you might still have a few nickels left in the piggy bank and she knows what to say to change your mind. Getting you on the phone was a victory for her.

I give it about 2 weeks before she wheedles you out of another cash boost.
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  #58  
Old 05-21-2019, 11:15 PM
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Hey.... and before you do that and give her the money, I need $$$ for my flight to see my boyfriend...
Just kidding, but please be strong and don't support her anymore... $ 3.000 a month? Oh my... I wish I had that kind of money left after paying all my bills and stuff... lucky you!
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  #59  
Old 05-22-2019, 02:04 AM
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The fact that you answered the call and engaged her in conversation is a step too far. She didn’t just “finally” figure out that she “messed up” and no, there’s not a chance, even the slimmest chance, that she’s telling you the truth.

You were a trick. She thinks you might still have a few nickels left in the piggy bank and she knows what to say to change your mind. Getting you on the phone was a victory for her.

I give it about 2 weeks before she wheedles you out of another cash boost.

And I totally disagree with everything in your post. And I mean everything. She isn't going to con me out of any money. And there was no kind of "victory" on her part since she called me. I didn't any thing she said when she called. And I told her so. And I haven't given you or anything else that I believe her and will be giving her any type of money. You are just assuming things. And I told everyone in this thread that there might a slim chance that she is telling the truth and I told you that I doubt that there is a slim chance that she is even so slight. So, don't assume things. Not one time did I tell you or anyone else in there that I was going to continue to talk to her and all. She is out of my life and that's all.
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Old 05-22-2019, 04:21 AM
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Good to hear you blocked her and that she is out of your life.
I totally agree that its a slim chance she was telling you the truth. SO SLIM in fact its invisible.
NO she is not and was not telling you the truth. Im sorry to say and I know it hurts.
People should not treat people that way. Very cruel.
So nows the time to pick yourself up, dust off and ride away.
And if she does try to call again, just hang up on her. Above all.....dont send her another dime. NO matter what cock-n-bull story she contrives.
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Old 05-22-2019, 10:45 AM
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I'm glad you left her alone it got me mad just reading it. I agree with everyone that said her sister and wife was in on it. Reading some of these stories as well as my own experience open my eyes to how disgusting and low down some people are. The fact that people use people who love them and feel nothing about it. And the fact that onlookers will help them fool you. If you want to know who someone really is give them power or money. Alot of us are shocked to see how much of a monster these people are to their core once they feel the power of freedom. But they always fall cause that attitude is why they are always going through misfortune. Now I will no longer help anyone financially. I will just point them to an agency that's set in place to help people in their situation. Word of advice, stop calling her your "ex, " for that to be true the relationship was suppose to be genuine, built on love, respect, compatability, and mutual interest..You never knew, her now you do. Things like this don't just happen in the course of a relationship. She saught you out and intended to use you like a predator. The attention in the beginning was her grooming you so you can give her your money and time. When she stopped showing you attention it's because she knew she had you hooked and you will continue to help her and take blame for her sudden coldness towards you. Most good ppl will think they did or said something wrong when someone just stops contacting them. This is a strategy all assholes use in the end to control you till you eventually know your worth and no longer care what their issue is for acting the way they are. Keep your money to yourself next time, your love should be enough if the love is real.
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  #62  
Old 05-22-2019, 11:13 AM
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Jared, look....anyone who has read this thread and commented is just happy that you dodged a bullet with this woman. She used you plain and simple, and you got out of a bad situation. No matter what anyone else says to you on here, you don't owe anybody any more explanations if they won't want to read the whole thread.


Me, personally, I'm glad you ended it. You sound like a really good man who deserves a woman to love you for YOU, not what you can give them. I'm thinking that you learned something from this, and can move forward with your life and leave that other mess behind.
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Old 05-22-2019, 01:43 PM
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Jared, look....anyone who has read this thread and commented is just happy that you dodged a bullet with this woman. She used you plain and simple, and you got out of a bad situation. No matter what anyone else says to you on here, you don't owe anybody any more explanations if they won't want to read the whole thread.


Me, personally, I'm glad you ended it. You sound like a really good man who deserves a woman to love you for YOU, not what you can give them. I'm thinking that you learned something from this, and can move forward with your life and leave that other mess behind.

I know that I don't owe anyone any more explanations. But I feel like I have to explain everything that has happened. And I do agree with you on what you have said in your post.
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Old 05-22-2019, 02:04 PM
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I'm glad you left her alone it got me mad just reading it. I agree with everyone that said her sister and wife was in on it. Reading some of these stories as well as my own experience open my eyes to how disgusting and low down some people are. The fact that people use people who love them and feel nothing about it. And the fact that onlookers will help them fool you. If you want to know who someone really is give them power or money. Alot of us are shocked to see how much of a monster these people are to their core once they feel the power of freedom. But they always fall cause that attitude is why they are always going through misfortune. Now I will no longer help anyone financially. I will just point them to an agency that's set in place to help people in their situation. Word of advice, stop calling her your "ex, " for that to be true the relationship was suppose to be genuine, built on love, respect, compatability, and mutual interest..You never knew, her now you do. Things like this don't just happen in the course of a relationship. She saught you out and intended to use you like a predator. The attention in the beginning was her grooming you so you can give her your money and time. When she stopped showing you attention it's because she knew she had you hooked and you will continue to help her and take blame for her sudden coldness towards you. Most good ppl will think they did or said something wrong when someone just stops contacting them. This is a strategy all assholes use in the end to control you till you eventually know your worth and no longer care what their issue is for acting the way they are. Keep your money to yourself next time, your love should be enough if the love is real.

Well, I do believe that my ex and her "friend" or whatever the other woman is has been up to something with me. But I don't believe that her sister was in the mix at all to be honest. Whenever I did talk to the her sister, you can tell that she was truly being honest with me and didn't know her sister was doing this to me at all. And she didn't even know about her "friend". She was just as surprised as I was. But that is what I think though.
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Old 05-22-2019, 04:13 PM
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Yeah...this doesn't sound like a relationship at all.


I'm sure that it is real for you.


But it's not for her.


If you've stopped sending money, good. Stay stopped. Don't start again. Save your money, your time and emotional effort for someone who's going to be straight-up with you.


And I thought Dee was good at what she did....wow......



I don't even know where to start pointing at red flags on this.....


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Old 05-22-2019, 06:58 PM
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Yeah...this doesn't sound like a relationship at all.


I'm sure that it is real for you.


But it's not for her.


If you've stopped sending money, good. Stay stopped. Don't start again. Save your money, your time and emotional effort for someone who's going to be straight-up with you.


And I thought Dee was good at what she did....wow......



I don't even know where to start pointing at red flags on this.....


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What red flags did you see? Maybe you saw something that I didn't see.
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Old 05-23-2019, 08:22 AM
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I can start
1. asking for money (and 3000.00>?????? I wish someone would send me that much money for nothing)

2. getting mad if you talk to her sister
3.Telling you not to pick her up
4. Telling you she's not in a relationship (yet clearly she is. At least enough to post she is married on social media and a photo of them kissing)
5.Refusing to talk about your relationship and the issues you were having about trust, and all that.




Thats just for starters
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Old 05-23-2019, 10:07 AM
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You're a trick. Thats all.
Nothing else to ask, wonder, or second guess...nothing more to even think about. Watch Love After Lockup, if you actually STILL have doubts with all of the bleeding obvious facts and the help that everyone on this thread has given you.
I hate feeding trolls anyway.
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Old 05-23-2019, 10:14 AM
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Default Brilliantly worded!!!!

Excellently put!!
Not only has this liar girl taken over the unfortunate man who loves hers' life; she's now got three bloody pages on this forum all about her worthless ass!! She's a world class PRO and. Now we're ALL her tricks. Ugh. Put this bitch to bed already!!!!







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Again, she's taking you for a fool, she's lying and she's deceiving you. Stop "stalking" her, stop the contact and stop worrying.
She'll do whatever she wants and you are nobody to her, she's treating you bad and you are right there to let her do all of that to you.
Apologies for my strong words, but I feel like shaking you right now. You are better than that!!!
Feels a little to me like you're obsessed because you're waiting for some "closure" and "answers" you'll never get. The closure happened with her already... by the way... I hate the word closure, I'm all for saving oneself and ignoring the person who treats me bad.
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Old 05-23-2019, 10:29 AM
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What red flags did you see? Maybe you saw something that I didn't see.
Honestly, before you started the thread, nothing glaring. (Then again, looking through your post history...this thread is where you started so I'm not sure where I would have been able to read the "red flags" before May 16th.)

But now they’re all over it.

The taking of money. The demand for more.

The anger about you talking to a family member (oh dear God have I “been there done that” with Dee.)

The “mystery relationship” with the other inmate.

If all of this was going on for a long time, had I been aware of the full extent of it prior to reading this series of posts, I would have been sounding a cautionary tone.

Like I said. None of this makes you a bad person. You didn’t necessarily do anything wrong. It’s just, reading it now, it seems like she found a sucker and took you for a ride.

It’s going to be your call as far as what you want to do. But if it’s me in your shoes, I am calling it a day with her and finding people and things worthy of my attention, affection, and money.
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Old 05-23-2019, 12:08 PM
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You're a trick. Thats all.
Nothing else to ask, wonder, or second guess...nothing more to even think about. Watch Love After Lockup, if you actually STILL have doubts with all of the bleeding obvious facts and the help that everyone on this thread has given you.
I hate feeding trolls anyway.
First of all, I have broken up with her and haven’t talked to her. There is no second guessing or anything like that. I have no desire to get back with her. There is no doubts on my part. If you don’t want to respond to this thread, then leave. Not one time have I told you or anyone else in here that I wanted to get back with her.
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Old 05-23-2019, 12:11 PM
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Honestly, before you started the thread, nothing glaring. (Then again, looking through your post history...this thread is where you started so I'm not sure where I would have been able to read the "red flags" before May 16th.)

But now they’re all over it.

The taking of money. The demand for more.

The anger about you talking to a family member (oh dear God have I “been there done that” with Dee.)

The “mystery relationship” with the other inmate.

If all of this was going on for a long time, had I been aware of the full extent of it prior to reading this series of posts, I would have been sounding a cautionary tone.

Like I said. None of this makes you a bad person. You didn’t necessarily do anything wrong. It’s just, reading it now, it seems like she found a sucker and took you for a ride.

It’s going to be your call as far as what you want to do. But if it’s me in your shoes, I am calling it a day with her and finding people and things worthy of my attention, affection, and money.

I have already broken up with her and have no desire to get back with her. Was just sitting thinking where the hell I went wrong and how come I didn’t see that signs and the red flags. Just asking all the questions so I don’t make the same mistakes.
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Old 05-23-2019, 12:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Jared48 View Post
First of all, I have broken up with her and haven’t talked to her. There is no second guessing or anything like that. I have no desire to get back with her. There is no doubts on my part. If you don’t want to respond to this thread, then leave. Not one time have I told you or anyone else in here that I wanted to get back with her.

I've gone through the thread multiple times and at this point am wondering what is that you're seeking at this point. It seems as if you keep wanting to rip the scab off of what hasn't had time to heal, to relive the pain. Getting over a breakup of any kind is difficult but when the other person clearly out of sight emotionally among other things, be good to yourself and just release them. I understand you've ended the relationship, but your holding onto something.
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Old 05-23-2019, 01:14 PM
Jared48 Jared48 is offline
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Originally Posted by choclgs View Post
I've gone through the thread multiple times and at this point am wondering what is that you're seeking at this point. It seems as if you keep wanting to rip the scab off of what hasn't had time to heal, to relive the pain. Getting over a breakup of any kind is difficult but when the other person clearly out of sight emotionally among other things, be good to yourself and just release them. I understand you've ended the relationship, but your holding onto something.
I am not holding onto anything to be honest. I am not seeking anything at all. I am over her. I hope that everyone will have an amazing life. This is my last post in here. I have nothing to prove to anyone in here. I owe any of you anything. I am off to live my life.
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Old 05-23-2019, 01:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Jared48 View Post
I have already broken up with her and have no desire to get back with her. Was just sitting thinking where the hell I went wrong and how come I didn’t see that signs and the red flags. Just asking all the questions so I don’t make the same mistakes.

Well, it comes down to this. You either see the answers or you don't.


Look, I could get into a long shpiel and repeat what I've said elsewhere about the rise and fall of my own relationship with a woman in prison, cover it from its beginnings, take it through to the end, and explain what I missed. I get it. Actually your situation sounds beyond what mine was. But the reality is, in simple form, my situation sucked, your situation sucks, and people do this.


I could ask questions about whether she has or had a drug issue. I could inquire on her crime. I could ask for more details on who the other girl was that she was involved with, or what the money was supposedly for, or what your connection to her sister is or was. I could do all that. Be more than happy to sort through all my personal experience, too, which can be found in posts spread over the past 7 years or so.


But the reality is, it's all water under the bridge now.


As to moving on and not owing anything......great, move on, and no, you don't owe us anything. But the reality is, when you come to a support group seeking input....you're going to get it. (And ultimately you're going to get out of that group what you want to.)


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