What do I do about phone calls about my MWI Mate from a woman he knew?

[frwifeofinmate]

Hi everyone,

I could really use some advice. The last 24 hours have been crazy. I received a phone call from some women who says she's a friend of my fiancé's cell mate. She is also a woman who my fiancé was interested in before he met me but when he received my letter he decided to see where we would end up. Anyhow she calls me twice in the last 24 hours saying I should look up his charges which I did and how I should be careful and if I have any children I shouldn't have him around him. I don't know what she wanted to gain out of it but I am still trying to figure out how she got my phone number. My fiancé's friend denied everything and actually said he didn't want anything to do with me as if I am the bad person. This woman called my home and my cell phone so she had to have gotten the number from inside.


My friend who is my fiancé's aunt had spoken to this lady and she denied everything to her. She says that she hasn't spoken to my fiancé in over a month he told her he was engaged and in a serious relationship and that was it. According to him she has a lot of issues but isn't that what guys always say about women?

I am wondering what do I do? This is really getting to me and I know it shouldn't. I am grateful he chose me and I can live with that but how do I find out how she got my number when no one is going to tell me the truth? Has anyone had any experience with this? I don't want to have to change both numbers and I cant block it because it's under private caller. I need all the help and support I can get. Even if I don't receive any advice I just need someone to talk to. I feel like giving up on our relationship and I know that sounds crazy but this is too much drama and I am too old for it.

[ImJustMe123]

Well first I'm glad it sounds like you looked up the charges and don't seem to be concerned with them or what she meant by bringing up your child/children. That could have been a ploy to just get you to leave him alone on her part. Me personally, as a mom, I would be very concerned about a comment like that no matter where it came from and doing my homework.

If you already know that was all BS and not a genuine warning out of concern than I would call the phone company about blocking her number. You should be able to do that without changing yours providing you have caller ID and can tell them the number she called from. I would also be wondering where she got the number but, since everyone is telling you that they didn't give it to her when someone obviously did you may need to accept that you could never know.

I'm really sorry that you're dealing with this. Hopefully she will just never call back and you wont have to do anything for it to be over.

[LeBeau]

Unless she continues to call, I'd say forget about it- Make sure your man and his family know you do not want your numbers shared and call it an unsolved mystery.

I'm assuming that what you found when you looked up his charges matches what he had told you.... if that's not true, you have more interesting problems than how this lady got your number.

[Mrs.taylor2011]

if she keeps calling just change the #..

[NGS_lAdY]

If the calls continue change your # & you need to speak to you man about all of this but seems like she just wanted to start trouble but that usually happens when someone is miserable with their own lives & will try and cause chaos in somebody else's!

[thatwiz]

Phone numbers can be found online, even private ones, so thats not a mystery. Most phones, you can block numbers, so just add hers on, and don't pick up on unknown numbers.

[frwifeofinmate]

Hi everyone I wanted to thank you all for your advice and support. Well I found out it wasn't the woman he was talking to before he met me. His aunt had called her and she returned the phone call and it was recorded so I can hear it. Anyways I knew right away it wasn't her. She seemed nice and genuine. She even mentioned he told her he was getting married and how I was coming out there to visit him. This is what he failed to tell me because he made her out to be a jealous woman when in reality she wasn't. I felt like a fool and felt bad for accusing someone of doing something when in reality they didn't. So I fill him in on the conversation this morning and he goes oh yeah she wanted to meet you. I am thinking wtf. If he had told me she was happy for us and she wanted to meet me instead of making her out to be a crazy person I wouldn't have accused her. I felt like I was being punked and on that show catfish lol. I know that's crazy.

So there is a mystery woman out there than made these calls and pretended to be someone else. He has been in prison for a long time so I am sure I wasn't the only relationship he had. Good news is she hasn't called me back. I told her not to bother and its better that way.

Anyways sorry for rambling I thank you all for the support. I still would like to know who did this and why but I know I won't get the answers I need anytime soon. I do wonder if he didn't tell me about how he told her the news and how she congratulated him what else hasn't he told me? Should I be concerned?

[JavisLady]

Originally Posted by frwifeofinmate

Hi everyone I wanted to thank you all for your advice and support. Well I found out it wasn't the woman he was talking to before he met me. His aunt had called her and she returned the phone call and it was recorded so I can hear it. Anyways I knew right away it wasn't her. She seemed nice and genuine. She even mentioned he told her he was getting married and how I was coming out there to visit him. This is what he failed to tell me because he made her out to be a jealous woman when in reality she wasn't. I felt like a fool and felt bad for accusing someone of doing something when in reality they didn't. So I fill him in on the conversation this morning and he goes oh yeah she wanted to meet you. I am thinking wtf. If he had told me she was happy for us and she wanted to meet me instead of making her out to be a crazy person I wouldn't have accused her. I felt like I was being punked and on that show catfish lol. I know that's crazy.

So there is a mystery woman out there than made these calls and pretended to be someone else. He has been in prison for a long time so I am sure I wasn't the only relationship he had. Good news is she hasn't called me back. I told her not to bother and its better that way.

Anyways sorry for rambling I thank you all for the support. I still would like to know who did this and why but I know I won't get the answers I need anytime soon. I do wonder if he didn't tell me about how he told her the news and how she congratulated him what else hasn't he told me? Should I be concerned?

I'm still a bit confused about this whole situation - but I do want to say if some lady is calling you it may be for your own good and to check what's going on carefully.

I only say this as my ex-husband used to beat me and the kids, and once I met his new lady I told her about it and to be careful, especially as she has two girls and I had two boys - she didn't want to hear it of course. I certainly didn't want him back but felt as one woman to another I wanted to at least tell her what she was getting herself into.

Of course - IDK if any of this applies here, but I'm just saying, sometimes we woman look out for other women without them knowing or appreciating it. PLUS - this is really weird to have happened to you and if it were me I'd wonder why it did happen.....

[KimIslandSun]

Also, there should be a pretty easy way for you to check his charges, just so you know for yourself what the truth is. Most states have the information free, and accessible by Internet. I checked up on my boyfriend after he was sentenced, because I didn't know ahead of time that he had even been charged and was going through a trial. I knew he was dealing with legal issues but I assumed it was with the family court (concerning his ex-wife and son.) It just gave me some peace of mind that what I saw on paper was exactly what he told me when I went to visit him face to face for the first time.

[frwifeofinmate]

I have been doing a lot of thinking about this situation again I appreciate the advice everyone has given me and the support I am so happy to have found this site. I was going back a week or two and I was trying to figure out what has taken place. Me and my fiancé had a few disagreements and it's been like an emotional rollercoaster each day. Anyways There was one problem where he had his friend (the cell mate) call me because he decided to want to play basketball instead. I was totally fine with it and have encouraged him to keep himself busy in there. The thing that bothered me was why have his cell mate call and use up his phone minutes knowing that I cant keep sending him money to put on his books?

We got into a disagreement over it and I am sure the friend took it personal and probably thought I was a controlling fiancé when in reality I was trying to get him to see that He should have just saved his minutes.

Now it's a week later and this is when the two phone calls start. I ran through every scenario in my head and realized it was the cell mate. The lady said that's how she knew him. It was clear.

When it came time to telling my fiancé about it he was in the defensive mode and stuck up for his friend. I thought it was wrong because it was his word against mine. He didn't ask about him about it instead he defended him. I honestly thought that he would have tried to stick up for me and you know take my side but he didn't.

It feels so wrong because I don't think he's on my side. I think whenever someone tries to threaten our relationship he won't be by my side. I don't know what to do now.

I really want to let this go and I know I should but the fact that he defended this person was wrong. His friend got really mad and said he didn't want anything to do with me and stuff like that. Does that sound like someone who's guilty?

I have stood by my fiancé and helped him when he needed someone. Stood by his side and totally supported him no matter what he did in his past and the fact that he didn't even defend me hurts.


What do I do now? Where do I go from here?

[Klewis]

Sorry you are going through this. It must feel real sad that your man defended someone else when your just trying to get to the bottom of something. Makes you wonder where do you stand in his life. Like you can make some mess up before his celly can lie. If you ever figure out why men always call the ex crazy please let me know. I am going through it right now. My x husband telling his girlfriend all kinds of lies. I finally called her, now hopefully she has sense enough to see I have her number so if I wanted to be a problem starter I would be calling her but its not that serious.

[PrincessD]

"It feels so wrong because I don't think he's on my side. I think whenever someone tries to threaten our relationship he won't be by my side. I don't know what to do now."

This is a terrible way to feel. Only you know what you will accept, but this is nothing I'd want to go through life with. You said that you "really should let this go"...you sure? You have not been treated with the respect you've given.

[nomireatras]

use your caller ID and don't answer any unknown number calls or change your number - you are in charge of who you talk to and who you ignore.

[thatwiz]

Don't like that he stuck up for his friend. My hubby believes me over anyone else, so I am thinking that he really doesn't trust you. there's more work that needs to go on in your relationship and more building to see if this is really the guy for you.

[frwifeofinmate]

Originally Posted by thatwiz

Don't like that he stuck up for his friend. My hubby believes me over anyone else, so I am thinking that he really doesn't trust you. there's more work that needs to go on in your relationship and more building to see if this is really the guy for you.

Thank you Thank everyone else for your answers and support. I talked to him and told him that I know who it was that started all this mess and I didn't want to say it because it'll cause more drama and I didn't want that. Now that I am saying it I am sure it seems like I am scared which I am not. I did this to protect him because he is in prison and I have heard all these horror stories so I didn't want anything to happen to him. Plus I told him we need to work on us more and know that nothing is going to break our relationship. He got upset on how I seem to shut myself off to people and I told him yeah if I see someone try to break us up I am going to shut off. He seemed understanding which is good.


Thatwiz, thanks for your comment we do need to do more relationship building and I need to figure out if this is what I really want. He ran out of phone time and I wont be able to talk to him until tomorrow. Even though I will miss him like crazy I could really use the time to think.


By the way the phone calls have stopped

[laurabunch]

Pay attention to those signs and do your own investigation of everything....don't just let it go.

[reaper123]

Originally Posted by Mrs.taylor2011

if she keeps calling just change the #..

You know, changing numbers is not a bad idea. I did once, and I never heard from the trouble maker again. So just do it....

It's obvious it came from "someone" in there...

It's a new beginning... start with a new number.

[JavisLady]

Originally Posted by frwifeofinmate

I have been doing a lot of thinking about this situation again I appreciate the advice everyone has given me and the support I am so happy to have found this site. I was going back a week or two and I was trying to figure out what has taken place. Me and my fiancé had a few disagreements and it's been like an emotional rollercoaster each day. Anyways There was one problem where he had his friend (the cell mate) call me because he decided to want to play basketball instead. I was totally fine with it and have encouraged him to keep himself busy in there. The thing that bothered me was why have his cell mate call and use up his phone minutes knowing that I cant keep sending him money to put on his books?

We got into a disagreement over it and I am sure the friend took it personal and probably thought I was a controlling fiancé when in reality I was trying to get him to see that He should have just saved his minutes.

Now it's a week later and this is when the two phone calls start. I ran through every scenario in my head and realized it was the cell mate. The lady said that's how she knew him. It was clear.

When it came time to telling my fiancé about it he was in the defensive mode and stuck up for his friend. I thought it was wrong because it was his word against mine. He didn't ask about him about it instead he defended him. I honestly thought that he would have tried to stick up for me and you know take my side but he didn't.

It feels so wrong because I don't think he's on my side. I think whenever someone tries to threaten our relationship he won't be by my side. I don't know what to do now.

I really want to let this go and I know I should but the fact that he defended this person was wrong. His friend got really mad and said he didn't want anything to do with me and stuff like that. Does that sound like someone who's guilty?

I have stood by my fiancé and helped him when he needed someone. Stood by his side and totally supported him no matter what he did in his past and the fact that he didn't even defend me hurts.


What do I do now? Where do I go from here?

I'm not going to make my reply long - but my opinion here is that if my fiance wanted to play basketball instead of talk with me on the phone, I'd be wondering what the heck I'm doing with this guy. It doesn't sound at all like something my (now, cuz we are MWI) husband would do at all.........

[shaunna]

Some times people all need 'me time' and I don't see anything wrong with him playing basketball one day but the fact that he got his friend to tell you he'd rather play basketball is strange. Relationships can be hard enough as it is at times without other people interferring. I can understand why you are confused but you need to talk to your partner. As others have suggested, change your number if she keeps trying to call because I could be wrong, but it sounds as if she was trying to cause problems with your relationship as opposed to helping you.

[MayaDK]

Originally Posted by JavisLady

I'm not going to make my reply long - but my opinion here is that if my fiance wanted to play basketball instead of talk with me on the phone, I'd be wondering what the heck I'm doing with this guy. It doesn't sound at all like something my (now, cuz we are MWI) husband would do at all.........

So me deciding to take a 3 day vacation and not being online to jpay my man every day (as I usually do) should also dis-qualify me as a good girlfriend? Good to know that life ends and you can´t take a little time to be yourself with friends as soon as you´re in love

[frwifeofinmate]

Hi everyone I thought I posted an update on here. One of the inmates wrote a letter to me and he was totally unaware of it I read it to him and he was mad. Anyways I made a post about it which is why I thought I updated here. The calls and the letter were from the person who is related to his cell mate which makes sense now. So I am sure they are behind all of this. Good thing is now its over and I hope we can move past this. Thanks everyone for the support

[SexyChef1]

I'm late and haven't read all the comments, what I did read was if you have kids watch him around them...I wouldn't care if that comment came from a raving lunatic who howls at the moo, I'd be concerned, that lunatic was momentarily sane and knew something you didn't.