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Loving a Lifer For those whose loved one is serving a life sentence.

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  #1  
Old 08-25-2010, 12:09 PM
tms224ever tms224ever is offline
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Default Coping with his life sentence

Hi everyone, today has been hard i miss him so much. my baby is serving a life sentence with parole in 2024. he has been locked up since 16 and now 34. i wonder, hope and pray that someone or something grants him a second change to become a productive citizen out in the free world before his parole date. we have our moments....... as we both get older it gets hard b/c we want to be in each others arms so much.......HELP!
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Old 08-25-2010, 12:12 PM
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I pray that God will give you super nature strength today so that today may get eaiser for you... I always pray that God will free your love one when he (GOD) see fit but hang in there
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Old 08-26-2010, 08:48 AM
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I can't imagine how hard it must be, with that many years. I hate that TDOC holds them and we can't have them home when we want and need them.... Just stay strong and pray.
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Old 08-26-2010, 12:51 PM
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thanks alot guys!
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Old 09-28-2010, 05:31 AM
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Is he keeping his education updated so he can show the courts that he would be able to land work and that he's a good role model in prison. Sometimes that helps with parole hearings.
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Old 09-28-2010, 05:41 AM
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my thoughts and prayers are with you both. I know the feeling, my guy has been locked up at 18 y/o and is now 45....27 years locked up.....sigh, its a long time and
for now he has NO chance of Parole............Just keep writing, talking on the phone and visits and keep hope and faith close to your heart.
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Old 09-28-2010, 08:47 AM
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It disturbs me that so many of our guys cop LIFE sentences at the ages of 16/17/18/19 years old. The justice system isn't bothered by that? Someone should be...
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Old 09-28-2010, 02:44 PM
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My penpal was 17 when he committed his crime. Took a while for them to figure out if he was to be tried as an adult or juvenile. And he has ended up with a 28 year sentence. That really bothers me. He is too smart, kind, and talented of a person to be there nearly his entire life. The younger offenders need treatment before they need life or lengthy sentences!
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Old 09-28-2010, 04:27 PM
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The sentences imposed in the US are IMO barbaric in a lot of cases with little or no rehabilition. I struggle with knowing if my guy was in the UK,he would be out and not looking at a parole date of 2032. Sunday was a low day for me,they come and go but i have to stay strong and we help each to do that. I'll be better when we're married and i'm nearer to him. So i'm sending positive vibes to you all! :-)
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Old 09-28-2010, 09:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by superdreamATM View Post
My penpal was 17 when he committed his crime. Took a while for them to figure out if he was to be tried as an adult or juvenile. And he has ended up with a 28 year sentence. That really bothers me. He is too smart, kind, and talented of a person to be there nearly his entire life. The younger offenders need treatment before they need life or lengthy sentences!
How true! Blessings and hang in there.
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Old 09-28-2010, 09:35 PM
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I have hard time coping....I don't think I will ever get use to this
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Old 09-29-2010, 07:53 AM
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just take it day by day and try to get as much freedom within the given boundaries as possible. I noticed a good conversation on the phone can help a lot and can feel like an embrace as well. I know it`s not the same but I try to find other ways to feel his presence. We don`t ever have a chance for parole and he doesn`t want to try either...so, the only thing I can do is to help him through this and live my own life as good and as fullfilling as possible.
I hope you can visit as often as possible, that might make things a little easier (sometimes)
Don`t give up! Love will eventually help you through this
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Old 09-29-2010, 07:56 AM
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P.S. I also don`t understand how a state can allow that teenagers and young adults are locked up their entire lifes. They should be under the protection of the state. If my guy was in Germany he would be able to leave the prison soon and finally start living...better don`t start thinking about this
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Old 09-29-2010, 08:10 AM
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What work for me was accepted the issue at hand and truly asking myself was this a journey i was willing to travel. Once i made the decision i was able to handle all that came with with loving my husband. I do have my good and bad days from coping with it all, taking care of my children, dealing with everyday life obstacles and missing him. What gets me thru this journey is my faith with God and knowning my obligations as a wife and a mother. This journey will be over for me one day and i will be able to enjoy my family as a whole like God had planned for me.
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Old 09-29-2010, 03:21 PM
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yeah, every state is different, my guy is from MA and if convicted, which he was, he gets LWOP and was tried as an "adult" even though when the "incident" occured, he was only 16 years old...........but not all states are like this, depends on which state/country you live in.
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Old 10-02-2010, 12:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by superdreamATM View Post
My penpal was 17 when he committed his crime. Took a while for them to figure out if he was to be tried as an adult or juvenile. And he has ended up with a 28 year sentence. That really bothers me. He is too smart, kind, and talented of a person to be there nearly his entire life. The younger offenders need treatment before they need life or lengthy sentences!
I agree, depending on the crime.

In Cali, at the age of 15 my ex was trialed as an adult (after many juvenile hall terms to help him) at 18 he was sent to a boot camp for 5 months again to (help him and prevent him from getting a harsh prison term) at 20 he masterminded a crime which did not involve breaking open anyone's skin I use to wish it did to suffice with the term of 24 years and 10 months he got for it.
Had he done something to actually "hurt" someone I'm sure he would have been given lwop or mayyyybe a term life sentence, but still.... I know first hand that the state of California does try to "help" minors...

I babysat a family of girls whose oldest sister was 14, @15 she ended up robbing a guy in his sleep, in his own house - she hurt the guy while he was sleeping for goodness sake - so ummm yeah she got trialed as an adult - she did an act which she had plenty of time to think about. She was given 11 years and had never been in trouble before....
I think her term was suitable for her crime (she's out now, served 7 of her 11) yes, it's so sad that she missed out on her teens and young adult life, ((she's a doll, I mean soooo pretty)) but what she did to her victim was done willfully and so very painful to many involved, prison taught her a personal lesson - something that therapy probably wouldn't have ((maybe if her father was in her life while she was growing up she wouldn't have been so angry, maybe if her mother would have talked truth to her and or took her to therapy "early" on in her life none of this would have happened...regardless of the maybes she hurt some one and deserved to serve a time out for it.

To the OP, I can only speak for myself when it comes to coping with my husbands life term ~ it was harder for me when I made excuses about how unfair his term was and or how he could have gotten less time if this or that.... but the second I came to terms with how awful his crime was and how undeserving of his own life he was - I was able to cope with his term... he deserves to be were he is and for the amount of time he received, granted had he been smarter and taken his deal he would have been out already. Anyhow, I cope with our term by accepting it and as rough as it gets, being honest about it. Living with him rather than waiting on him.

Best to you all who love and support someone with a looong term.
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Old 10-21-2010, 09:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cutty's_Girl View Post
It disturbs me that so many of our guys cop LIFE sentences at the ages of 16/17/18/19 years old. The justice system isn't bothered by that? Someone should be...
I CERTAINLY AM !!!!
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Old 10-21-2010, 09:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cutty's_Girl View Post
It disturbs me that so many of our guys cop LIFE sentences at the ages of 16/17/18/19 years old. The justice system isn't bothered by that? Someone should be...


The saying "youth is wasted on the young" goes for this also, the wild, "brainless" acts of youth follow into adulthood sometimes. My friend's son is doing 2 LWOPs with 150 years plus, well you get it. He was barely 18 and now is 22, and while he deserves something this is, forgive me overkill.

I believe the point could have been made without such a drastic sentence. I think sometimes it is for shock value, what person could live 2 lives plus 150 years???
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  #19  
Old 10-22-2010, 11:33 AM
SexyChef1 SexyChef1 is offline
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I've tried to think maybe he deserved it but no he doesn't deserve LWOP for running a criminal Entereprise within a prison. Sentenced under the kingpin law.
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Old 10-22-2010, 02:38 PM
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Hello everyone, Im new here...I just read all of your postings...made me cry...but heck that is all I do anyway. You see...I knew him back in High School...we were pretty close...but after High School we went out seperate ways...not purposely...things just happened that way. Well here we are now...30 years later...he is now 45yrs & Im 46yrs. He got sentenced to 3 life terms...75 years to life. No hope for release or for parole...No hoppe at all. He has been in for approx 15yrs already. It's killing me. It hurts me so bad knowing that he is in there...in that living HELL...& he will NEVER EVER GET OUT!! Damn my heart is ripped into pieces & I can't shake the thought...no matter what I do. Somedays he is cheerful...& God know I do my best to cheer him up, to make him laugh or smile...however somedays the REALITY OF IT ALL IS OVERWHELMING...& I just want to die. Bleedingheart2
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Old 10-23-2010, 01:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bleedingheart2 View Post
Hello everyone, Im new here...I just read all of your postings...made me cry...but heck that is all I do anyway. You see...I knew him back in High School...we were pretty close...but after High School we went out seperate ways...not purposely...things just happened that way. Well here we are now...30 years later...he is now 45yrs & Im 46yrs. He got sentenced to 3 life terms...75 years to life. No hope for release or for parole...No hoppe at all. He has been in for approx 15yrs already. It's killing me. It hurts me so bad knowing that he is in there...in that living HELL...& he will NEVER EVER GET OUT!! Damn my heart is ripped into pieces & I can't shake the thought...no matter what I do. Somedays he is cheerful...& God know I do my best to cheer him up, to make him laugh or smile...however somedays the REALITY OF IT ALL IS OVERWHELMING...& I just want to die. Bleedingheart2

I am sorry for your pain, it is heartbreaking sometimes. I saw a picture of the cells at Donovan and I thought I was looking a a foreign country, so old a barren. My other man in prison is sort of like your situation, lost touch for 40 years and have been back in contact for almost a year now. He is is getting out eventually.

Sad as it all is I don't know what people do without support like PTO.
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