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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #26  
Old 03-25-2005, 11:03 AM
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Welcome Dinky and Strangeanimal HUGS to you both
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  #27  
Old 03-27-2005, 12:20 PM
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Wow hugs to all of you. My story is very similar to cali's I am in cali too. I met J when I was 15 I am 30 now he had just gotten out I was in love he was my first love. He was heavily into meth we seperated cause i couldnt handle it and he hooked up with this old tweeker lady he got busted and we got back to gether I waited for him for 2 years i was 19 at the time i visited every weekendhad $ 1,000 bills sent packages put thousand of miles on my car. Then he got out did ok for a while then he would start with the drugs and go back in. When I was around 27 I couldnt do it any more put my life on hold for him again so I got married ahad a baby and got divorced but then he was back in my life I was writing him again visiting etc. i cant explain it he was my first love I love him with all my heart and soul even though i am 30 I still feel like I am fifteen again when I m around him get butterflies in my stomach and everyhting well he got out in december I went and picked him up everything was great we were going to be a family we were happy 4 two months he has a nephew who is 16 well he screwed his nephews girlfirend who was 17. He denied it but I know his nephew had no reason to lie. Well remember I told you in the beginning he hooked up with an old tweeker chick well she died about 4 years ago now he is screwing her daughter they are together and in love she does meth as well. I am devasteted I feel like and idiot how can i let myself get all stupid over him again I know he was no good for me did not appreciate me I had gained weight after my son but have since lost 60 bs he used to tease me about my weight. I fell like an idiot I bought him a cell phone clothes etc. I feel like an idiot. But I cant get him out of my head I mean how can he not care after all we have been thru every song reminds me of him. I have dreams about him I cant get him off my mind I know I am better off but it still hurts. I have read your posts for a long time and they do help sorry for rambling and thanks for listening it has been 2 months and i still am a a mess
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  #28  
Old 03-27-2005, 12:26 PM
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Welcome Slogirl I am sorry you are going through this I feel the same way you do as like you said our stories are very similiar.It's been a month for me and I too still think of him and wonder how he can't care after all these years and all we have been through.It just really boggles my mind,maybe we will never fully understand it?

Hang in there HUGS to you,we are all in the same boat and here to listen and talk whenever you need us.
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  #29  
Old 04-05-2005, 04:41 PM
LBoogie0810 LBoogie0810 is offline
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well... I have been a memeber of PTO for a while. My name is Lisa, some of you know me... I was in a relationship with "Dee" for over 4yrs. I supported him in every way possible and imaginable during the last few yrs of his time. He came home and we were happy as could be for a while, but I think that stress overwhelmed him and prison really broke him. He started going out-- SEVEN DAYS A WEEK (!), found some little friends that kept him company-- it seemed to me that after 11 yrs of prison he was not only loving the attention from the outside world, but he also seemed to 'need' it in some sick way. Things became out of control for us. He gave me a concussion, broke my ribs, gave me bruises too numerous to mention, kicked me, bit me... basically abused me in almost every physical fashion. I kicked him out and he was gone for 2 months- then, God only knows why-- I took him back.. for a month. It was all the same cycle over again. Then out of a desperate attempt to save a relationship with a man that I truly love and I had put so much time into, I took him back once more. It was abusive at times but he was seemingly treating me better. However, one evening it all built up. I just looked at him and said "it's time for you to go". I work midnights and I told him to be gone by the time I got home in the morning. I had just had enough. Well, he was gone, sure enough... he moved right across the street with a hoe (sorry....) that I thought he may have been messing around with all along. That's where he is now. Right across the street. I mean, if I look out my door, I see into theirs. It's sickening. He was gone a whole 24 hrs and was already calling me. I have seen him several times since- met him- talked on the phone. I know he's not happy where he is cause I am strongly sure that he has been messing around on her already, too. If he wouldn't change for me, I doubt he will for her. Anyhow I love that man, I really do. I did all that prison time with him and was FAITHFUL!! I spent so, so much money in phone bills- just like ya'all did, I never missed a court date- in fact if it weren't for me, to be quite honest, he wouldn't have his freedom. But I was not meant to live that kind of life. It took me a minute, but I moved on. I am not saying that I don't think about him and deep down wish that he could do right and be the man that I saw him to be, but it simply isn't going to happen. Only he can make that change, in his own time. For now, I will love him from a distance, knowing that no matter how much it hurts (even at this very minute), I did the right thing. I did what was best for Lisa, not Dee... LISA. There were days that I didn't even recognize myself and had no idea how things got so far out of hand. But now even though I am slow movin' I am looking to love again. This time it'll be right. Ladies, my heart goes out to you all. You will be in my prayers.
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  #30  
Old 04-05-2005, 05:24 PM
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Hi all

Let me butt in here. Well I've know bam bam for 10 yrs. We were good friends for a long time. He was there when i lost my baby dad. Well fast foward a couple of years. He gets busted and I was there. Letters visits packages anything he wanted he got. 2yrs i did with him. I fell crazy in love with him. But never really got involved with him. When he walked out of the gates i was there to pick him up with open arms. We did our thing . Wow i felt like a lucky girl. He goes back not more than 24 hours later parole violation. I was there again. He calls when he gets out. I got him a job with good pay. And he disappears on me. I called him and nothing. I look for him and nothing. It broke my heart i had gotten played. He hooked up with some druggie. I couldnt compete. I mean honestly i had low self esteem. Im a big girl(but beautiful) and well he is fineee. I wont deny that. I had lost the man i loved. But after a while i realised i was much better of alone. I was beautiful and had a great career. Well then come the calls "he is in again" facing his 3rd stike. WOW brought me to tears. He begged me to go see him eventually i gave in. He was sentenced and i was willing to do his 50yrs with him. I mean after all i loved him. Well after he gets transfered to reception he mixes up letters and i find out he is using me for my $$$. It hurt so bad to know that he had done it again. But more i had let him do it. Well cutting a vey long short. I let him go. I cried for a while. He writed letter telling me he loves me something i wanted to hear. But i dont buy it. Im better off. Im dating a wonderful man but my heart just wont let bambam out. With time I will heal. But i cant and wont let him get the best of me. I am much better with out him even if it does hurt. I keep my head up and dont give him the any time. He writes almost daily I do read some but mostly they get tossed. He had a good thing and he lost it. Not my fault!!!

Thats my story.....

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  #31  
Old 04-05-2005, 06:19 PM
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Thanks Freedsoul and Pebbles for sharing your stories,wishing you both the best! HUGS
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  #32  
Old 04-05-2005, 06:42 PM
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  #33  
Old 04-06-2005, 10:39 PM
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Well, Lance went to jail in June, and I wasnt gonna wait for him,nothing, around September, I decided that there wasnt no one but him for me....waited for him until he got out about 2 1/2 weeks ago. The first time I got to see him, I pulled up at the house he was at, and him and his EX G/F walk out the house, yeah that pretty much killed me on the inside. So I wasted all that time for nothing..Now he wants to be with me again, and he misses me, whatever, but I cant put myself thru all of that pain...Now his best friend (also named Lance and also in prison and one of my good friends as well...) and I have been writing to each other, and he wants to be with me when he comes home....My love life is so screwed up!! I still love My Lance to death, and it hurts so bad.....But I know id end up gettin hurt worse if I went back to him. Im glad there is a place on here to talk about the AFTER effects of the relationship...
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  #34  
Old 04-08-2005, 12:37 PM
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Hi All, I guess that as of today I am a new member of this forum. I got a letter today from my guy telling me that he didn't want to have a romantic or friendly relationship with me anymore. He has been going through a lot of stress and apparently he is weaker than I am and can't handle it. I have been going through a lot of stress as well, probably more than he has but I don't want to compare, stress is stress. Anyway he has given up on the relationship. I kind of knew it was coming. I got a letter last Tuesday that made me think that he was going to end it. I was hoping and praying that he wouldn't quit on us but he did. Now I must move on. I love him and he will always have a place in my heart. I will always be his Autumn but I guess we won't have the future together that we talked and dreamed about. I met him when I was a staff on the inside. We started a relationship and then we were discovered and I had to resign. I have found a new job and we struggled to keep it going. No one in my circle of friends, or family knew about us. Only the ladies here on PTO. Well now I am in a position to have to fight to keep my license and it may get taken away and that means that I will lose my current job as well and pretty much not be able to work in the field that I am good at. I don't know what I will do for a living if that happens. I went through all of it knowing that I was with the man that I loved and I really didn't have any regrets. I still don't now, even in the face of losing my license because I knew that I made decisions based on my heart. The only regret that I have is that he shut me out when he needed me the most and I couldn't do anythign about it. I am very hurt and will probalby come crashing down later but for now I have to focus on what is in front of me and keep moving forward. I miss him and love him but I can't wait for him to get his head out of his a** to figure out that he has just given up the best woman that he ever had. Thanks for listening and all the support that I have received since joining PTO.
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  #35  
Old 04-08-2005, 09:31 PM
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Welcome Dixies and LD's I am sorry you need this forum right now believe me I am,I know how it feels but there are many people who understand what your going through and are here to support you and care very much
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  #36  
Old 04-10-2005, 06:27 AM
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Hello everyone. My name is Nancy. I have been here for about 2 years or so. A lot of you already know my story, so I will give you a brief synopsis.

I met Jason about 4 years ago. I had just had major surgery and my ex had walked out on me and the kids two weeks after I got out of the nursing home. Jason just walked up to me one day, outside, sat next to me and introduced himself. Then he started just hanging out at my house. He got me to get rid of my hospital bed and start doing a little bit. He was really quite inspirational for me. He called me every morning to see how I had slept the night before and he called every night to see if I had taken my meds and if I had eaten, because I am a diabetic and I wouldn't think to eat.

He was on probation at his mom's house. Then he broke probation and took off for another state. He stayed in contact with me. He would call at 3 or 4 in the morning and talk to me for hours. He came back about 6 months later, was doing heroin and living in this rat hole with a friend, and I had him come to my house, but he had to stop heroin. He did. That was a good month for us. But, all good things must end and probation showed up and arrested him. He got sent to state prison this time. He never wanted me involved in the prison system and I had to learn a lot fast(I am very naive). I never dealt with an inmate before. I never even knew one in my whole life. I told him I was a big girl and I would do what the hell I wanted. He was in no position to stop me! I did all kinds of s**t to him at visitation in county. He said he took so much grief because of me.

He did 20 months and was paroled here. It was all downhill. He started doing drugs and screwing around on me. He never touched me. He called me names and said mean things to me that cut me really bad. I was in counceling dealing with what my ex had done to me, Jason knew everything and threw it right in my face. He destroyed me all over again. He hurt my kids so bad. It hurt worse this time because we loved him so much.

His mom called me and said he had been at his sister's house and he was high on heroin. I called his PO and told him he has to go. He is using again and he is mentally and emotionally abusing me like my ex did. He was suppose to go in to his POs but he took off. He is still out there somewhere. Everytime someone tells me something, I e-mail his PO. He is going to die. He looks like death. His best friend told a another friend of mine that this is the worst she has ever seen him and she has been with him since he was 9. He has Hep C and he is drinking and shooting up. We are preparing ourselves to bury him.
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  #37  
Old 04-10-2005, 08:56 PM
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I am so sorry to hear that he turned into someone that you really didn't know when he came home. I am glad that you have informed his PO. That is the only way that he will be saved. Heroin is some bad stuff. I hope that you and your kids are getting back on your feet and doing what you need to do for yourselves. You deserve to have someone who always respects you and your children. Take care of yourself because you have children that need you. Move on and keep looking forward. Good Luck and Take care
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  #38  
Old 04-28-2005, 02:45 PM
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Well, as some of you may know I am waynesbabydoll, but he and I just recently reconnected around the first of the year. ( Yaaayyy!!!! He still loves me ) Anyway, my soon-to-be-ex is also incarcarated, but at the Havins State Jail, here, in Brownwood. Our marraige had been in death throes for awhile, I was just desperately trying to keep it alive. My decision to divorce him has nothing to do with his incarcaration, I had decided to tell him I wanted a divorce before he was even picked up on the warrant. He had been heavily into smoking crack, which I discovered, within the first year of our marraige. At that time we lived in Waco, and I worked for TDCJ, at the Woodman State Jail in Gatesville. At first he kept it extremely well hidden from me, but I kept noticing a funny taste to his skin. Unfortunately? this isn't the first time I had experience with "my" man smoking that junk, and you can "taste" it on their skin when you might be preparing to get intimate. For the longest time I wasn't very sure that he actually was smoking, then one night I found the "hard" evidence. Well, we lost apartments, cars, etc., etc., all the things one goes through with an addict.(Not to mention the "millions" of times he left me sitting in Gatesville and here waiting for him to pick me up from work!!!!) He would even tell me about other people he knew that were doing the same if not worse!! I would tell him that doesn't make it right for you to do it!!! He has/had such an immature mentality about being an addict. It's like when a child or teen wants something because everyone else does, my mom would ask me would you jump off a bridge if they did?! Plus, he is so not taking responsibility for his part in the loss of our marriage and my love. He wants to blame me for the whole thing, which I told him if that makes him feel any better that's fine by me. I know I enabled alot of what happened, and I most certainly take responsibility for that. I used to wonder what if I did this or that, maybe he would change, but then I found myself again (I had lost myself in trying to be what I thought a good wife is supposed to be) and realized that he's an adult and no matter how much I want for him to quit and change he has to want it for himself first! So, as of yesterday our divorce is on the way, the ironic thing is the 27th is also our anniversary!!!! (5years). I even got him to go to some counseling with the pastor of the church we joined! After awhile though, even the pastor saw that he wasn't trying. (Oh!!! The reason he's serving state jail time is because he was on probation for forging checks on my mom (Yeah! I stuck by him!!) and didn't do community service, court-ordered counseling, none of it and therefore was revoked!!! We/I had started staying out at mom's after her hubby passed to help her out (and am still there!)) She even let him back in the house after awhile!!!!! So, it's not like he didn't have our support!! Then, we decided to look for a rent house and found one, but was only there for about a month, due to his not helping me with bills and all. I was able to go back to mom's, but she wouldn't let him come back. We thought maybe he would realize what he had and honestly try to get help......but, that didn't work either. Well, I hope my story will help someone else, before it's too late for them!!! I did get one good thing out of this!!! I discovered that I didn't lose Wayne forever!!!!!! Thank the Creator!!!!
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  #39  
Old 05-08-2005, 02:29 PM
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Hello, I am now here because my relationship with my lifer ended in a sudden, cold and impersonal way. I am determined not to let him get the best of me. One day he will realize what he lost. And pray one day I will find a man who is worthy of me.

Hello everyone and I am glad this forum is here. Ciao.
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  #40  
Old 06-16-2005, 11:24 AM
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Thanks Heather;

Well I have been a member for a little while. Well it all started when I was 16 years old, me and Ricky were young and I always loved him and in every term he did I was there fo him. In the summer of 2000 I was pregnant with our first baby girl, he has a son with a girl not worth mentioning, but he was a good father to his son, and when I told him I was pregnant he was happy to hear it but then his baby's mom was always trying to get in the middle and while I was 6 months pregnant she got into his head telling him that if he didn't leave me alone that she would move away with their son, so I stepped out of the relationship, for the sake of his son. I really loved him, and at that point I was considered high risk, well before Ricky got locked up he turned on me and told me that he didn't want to be around our daughter when she was born, he said he wasn't going to loose his son because I got preganant, that devestated me and put me into an emotional wreck and little by little my daughter's life was getting weaker and weaker. I was rushed to the hospital where I was told they couldn't find my baby's heart beat, I thought I was going to die, that day I was scheduled for a procedure to take out my baby and clean my uteris. I got a collect call from Ricky that day I returned from the hospital, I told him in tears that our baby didn't make it he told me that he never wanted that to happen, he regret what he said, his mom was crying and his grandma. I saw his mom the day after I lost my daughter. I didn't want anything to do with him anymore, but my heart was with Ricky so I started writing back to his letters. I told him that I only wanted to be friebnds and that I would help him do his time. I started to see one of my ex boyfriends and we were having problems so I went to Minnesota, and after 2 months out there I found out I was pregnant once again from my boyfriend at that time, the day I told Ricky he flipped out and told me he wanted to work on us but now that I was pregnant he couldn't do it. I told him that was fine but I wasn't going to have an abortion, This baby was my little miracle baby, high risk and all I made it through by myself my son's father is involved with my son part time, and by the time I came back to Cali, Ricky was out and working on things with his baby's mom, so I tried to work things out with my son's father but didn't work out, Rick was back in jail and headed to prison, so I wrote to him as a friend, and my feelings started to come back, I wet for a visit and we said we would work things out. Through out the time he did about 1 year and 3-5 months, and I thought we were being in love and honest with each other but I was wrong while he did his time his baby's mom signed rights over to her mom for their son, slept with a few of his closest friends and became a speed junkie, leaving her son for weeks at a time, and I was there when he found out, and he had a hard time with it because of his son, but I thought I got him through it, I was a good girlfriend, he paroled to my house and the first 2 days were great after that he wouldn't come home, and one day I had to go to work the next day and it was 2 AM and he still wasn't back with my car, so I went to look for it and I found it at a Motel 6. He was there with his Baby's mom, and their son, I went home in my car with the spare keys, I got home got all his stuff tore up all his clothes poured bleach on everything that could be bleached, broke all his stuff and picked up one of my guy friend just incase he gets out of hand, I got to the motel 6 at check out time and she was there and he came downstairs and i called her out but she wouldn't come down, well after all the drama, I went home, and I didn't let myself cry for someone that wasn't worth anything He would call me and say sorry but I will not make the mistake to bring him in my life at any point in my life.

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  #41  
Old 06-16-2005, 01:26 PM
PSMITH3127 PSMITH3127 is offline
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hello my name is Patricia and I have posted many a times on here about my situation. Which isnt as similar as everyone's but obviously in some ways it is, Scott is an inmate.. We have been on a hell of a roller coaster ride for the last year for sure! He is the father of our 6 year old son and just this last year got to meet his son and has finally taken the DNA test last week and has finally acknowledged our son. That is a good thing and a blessing. We made it for 9 months, then it turned very ugly and mean and we totally broke up for 2 to 3 months. As many of you have said, it is hard to let go, I felt so bad walking out when he was in prison. I was the one who started all of our trouble i must say. ( those 10 page angry letters can be mean!) and i got plenty back from him also. Scott has completely changed now. He was moved to a minimum yard, the case that was hanging over his head ( possibility of a lot more time) is gone and dismissed and spiritually he is in such a better place!! I went to visit him 2 weeks ago with our son and he blew me away!! He smiled the whole visit, hugged his son, played with him almost the whole visit and showed me more affection then he had those first 9 months!! i was astounded at the apologies and truths that came out of his mouth!! we have decided that we will use the complete break up as a stepping stone to a new start, and instead of us jumping into to it completely, we are going to learn to be best friends, best parents and then get to where we both want to be eventually which is together... he called last night again and told me that he is so happy with us now, so relaxed, doesnt feel pressured and wants me more then he ever has in the 10 year history we have together.. thinks about me and us all the time and cant wait for our visit in 2 weeks... i was blown away!
Now I am not sure what I want exactly anymore. It takes a hell of a toll to go throught he hell we did and once you have been discarded it takes a lot to open back up and trust enough to give 100% again... it's almost like the tables have turned around and now he is more attached to us then I am in some ways.. I still love Scott, and I could still see us together, but I dont feel that I will die if it doesnt happen and he only comes to visit our son as opposed to us being a complete family. It's in God's hands and I will trust that he will lead me to the right place..

So some stories do end up with a happy note. We still have 12 months to do, as friends for sure and working on the other, but I can say with all honesty that this time, I have absoultely no complaints so far.. As a matter of fact , he is the one that mentioned " interstate compact" to Texas last night!
How cool is that.....
Thanks for listening and I wish all of you the best and may God be with you all on your difficult journeys through all of this prison stuff...
Sincerely, Patricia
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Old 06-21-2005, 11:19 AM
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I am so behind on all the new intros. But I just wanted to welcome you all here. THank you for sharing your stories with us.

Tomorrow will be a better day

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Old 07-15-2005, 04:48 PM
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Hello
I Go By The Name Of Babygirl And My Ex If You Can Call Him That Is Flaco. I Have Been Away Since Feb. Of This Year. Today Is My First Day Back And Checking Out All The Little Chainges And I Came Accross This Forem. I Am Really Glad It Is Hear. As Far As My Break Up With Flaco We Have Not Officeilly Broken Up But I Have Not Spoken To Him Since November. It Is A Little Complicated But Soon I Will Tell The Hole Story. I Just Wanted To Say Hello And Say I Am Glad To Be Back.
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Old 07-15-2005, 06:36 PM
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  #45  
Old 08-01-2005, 08:11 AM
smellysgurl2005 smellysgurl2005 is offline
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Well, hugs to everyone. My name is Deborah. You can call me Borah for short. I'm 20 years old and I have a loved one incarcerated. My boyfriend. Well we made an agreement that we will be "friends" whenever he left me alone here on this earth by myself. He has only been gone for a short period of time but still... He left me here about seven moths ago. The sad thing about it is that the day he left I was right there. I mean we were sitting in the living room watching television and he went to the restroom. Before he could come back out the restroom they were already there waiting on him. My baby couldn't do anything but stare. His two little nephews who are so addorable ran up to me and asked why they were taking their uncle away. He is only 22 years old. Very young. In my eyes still a baby. I miss him like crazy and I feel like I can't deal with it anymore. I'm glad I found this website because I have been looking so hard to find people I could talk to about my situation. I'm am on here everyday whenever I can just to talk about him. People dont understand how bad I need him here. He is dearly missed. Thanks guys!
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  #46  
Old 08-16-2005, 12:43 AM
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AngelLove143 AngelLove143 is offline
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Hi everyone My name is De Anna,
I dont know where or how to start so I guess I will start at my last happy memory with my x husband. My x husband and I had a wonderful life everyone called us the preppy yuppy couple. We have four children Derek 13, Cortny12, Dustin 8, and Tylor 5. We had fun with our friends like normal people. When we had just the first two children we would always be on the go. Going out and having fun. Then we had Dustin and he was very sick so alot of our fun stopped it was now time to be serious. Things were going great though. Then we got pregnant with our last son Tylor. Thats when things changed with my X. I was controlled for the first time in my life. I had to report when I was coming home, if I was doing over time, how long I would be at the market, and he always had me doing the errands. He even started beating me, mentally abusing me, I should have left then but stayed due to my children. I never knew what all this was about. Until two years later. August of 2003 my daughter who was then 10 was acting like a 5 year old. I knew something was wrong. So I took her on a girls night out. Well this was the start of a hard journey. She told me her dad had been molesting her. I did what was right I turned him in, got restraining orders and got a divorce. He admitted in booking that all the control issues and the beating me and hurting me was to proove to the children that he could control and hurt me and would do worse if they opened their mouths. He had only admitted to molesting my daughter but it was found out through counseling that it was all four children, all four, how could I not see what was going on.
Well He is now serving a sentence of 20 years which he has to do 85%. I believe I have gotten over the relationship even though there was no closure. But it still hurts Im still haunted by all this. And somewhere deep inside I still care about him. WHY? After all he did to us why do I still care? I have told our children if they choose to go visit we have to go to the courts to get permission, there is a restraining order, and I will gladly take them up there. After all that is their natural father, the man I LOVED for 12.5 years of my life.

Just to let all you know I have moved on even though I still am haunted by this sense of care and love for this person who hurt my children.
I am now engaged to a man who is serving time as well. His crime was nothing too serious. He wants to adopt our children and raise them as His. He loves us all and his family does as well. They have accepted us as part of them.

Will the pain of my x husband ever leave? will the non closure effect my Love always? Why do I still care what happens to him....I feel sick inside for caring!

Thank you for listening
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  #47  
Old 08-17-2005, 10:21 PM
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Welcome Angel (((HUGS))))
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  #48  
Old 09-13-2005, 07:40 PM
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Crstnamre Crstnamre is offline
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I have been here going to write this about 10 times this week. But, oh yeah......its over. Brad and I met as pen pals about a year ago and I never would have thought we would fall in love. I mean I am a pretty level headed woman, but we just clicked.

Ok, the beginning of the end. About 2mos ago he began being very judgemental and critical of me. I have worked as a CNA/caregiver for the last @ 8yrs, I work with terminally AIDS and cancer patients and have the last couple years I have been suffering from extreme depression. I mean I have had patients die in my arms! Well, I have been working less and less, I just cannot do it anymore, it takes to much out of me and I end up having nothing left for my son and my family much less myself. I told Brad all of this and he responded with that he did not respect my work ethics. As Homer Simpson puts it..... DOH! Then he turned right around and asked me to send him a "sexy" letter! Ummmmmmmm, NO.
I would not be respecting myself if I was to just go "oh, ok sugar". I have been over and over my feelings on this and I have wrote Brad explaining my feelings and that I felt he was wayyyyyy out of line and owed me an apology and his response was "NO". I just cannot be intimate, in any way with someone who does not respect me.

His crime, which was high profile, (he was sentenced to 25-life), although I have never understood his choices or reasons for it, I have never judged him or said a bad word against him and I just cannot believe he feels he has the the place to judge me. So I am ending it. I will never feel the same for him or be able to be as open with him again.

Would love to hear from you ladies on this, I need support, suggestions, opinions....

Christina




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  #49  
Old 09-13-2005, 07:48 PM
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Crstnamre Crstnamre is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelLove143
Hi everyone My name is De Anna,
I dont know where or how to start so I guess I will start at my last happy memory with my x husband. My x husband and I had a wonderful life everyone called us the preppy yuppy couple. We have four children Derek 13, Cortny12, Dustin 8, and Tylor 5. We had fun with our friends like normal people. When we had just the first two children we would always be on the go. Going out and having fun. Then we had Dustin and he was very sick so alot of our fun stopped it was now time to be serious. Things were going great though. Then we got pregnant with our last son Tylor. Thats when things changed with my X. I was controlled for the first time in my life. I had to report when I was coming home, if I was doing over time, how long I would be at the market, and he always had me doing the errands. He even started beating me, mentally abusing me, I should have left then but stayed due to my children. I never knew what all this was about. Until two years later. August of 2003 my daughter who was then 10 was acting like a 5 year old. I knew something was wrong. So I took her on a girls night out. Well this was the start of a hard journey. She told me her dad had been molesting her. I did what was right I turned him in, got restraining orders and got a divorce. He admitted in booking that all the control issues and the beating me and hurting me was to proove to the children that he could control and hurt me and would do worse if they opened their mouths. He had only admitted to molesting my daughter but it was found out through counseling that it was all four children, all four, how could I not see what was going on.
Well He is now serving a sentence of 20 years which he has to do 85%. I believe I have gotten over the relationship even though there was no closure. But it still hurts Im still haunted by all this. And somewhere deep inside I still care about him. WHY? After all he did to us why do I still care? I have told our children if they choose to go visit we have to go to the courts to get permission, there is a restraining order, and I will gladly take them up there. After all that is their natural father, the man I LOVED for 12.5 years of my life.

Just to let all you know I have moved on even though I still am haunted by this sense of care and love for this person who hurt my children.
I am now engaged to a man who is serving time as well. His crime was nothing too serious. He wants to adopt our children and raise them as His. He loves us all and his family does as well. They have accepted us as part of them.

Will the pain of my x husband ever leave? will the non closure effect my Love always? Why do I still care what happens to him....I feel sick inside for caring!

Thank you for listening
You are a strong, amazing woman! I don't know that I could grapple with all you have as eloquently as you have.
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  #50  
Old 09-17-2005, 12:09 PM
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(((hugs))) Crst
I am sorry your going through this but completely understand why you can not be with someone who shows little respect to you
We are here if you want to talk
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