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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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Old 06-30-2018, 11:08 AM
frona frona is offline
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I'm sitting here surrounded by packing boxes as I was in the middle of preparing to move closer to him. My future as I thought it was going to be is in tatters. I don't do Facebook, hadn't been on in months, and only logged in as I had a notification of a message..about a stupid school reunion. I opened up Facebook and there on people you might want to add was him and her smiling back at me. That's how I found out. I know that everyone has ups and downs in life, love lost, heartbreak, but that, after all the time we were together...I still don't have words for how it felt. I don't care what he is thinking or feeling. I'm not out for revenge, to meddle, to make myself look ugly, to stoop to his level, to be undignified, to act low or prolong this agony or to cause hurt...all negative, critical comments which you are all entitled to make. I put myself on here after all. I do have a counselor from my previous relationship who I occasionally meet with when life throws a curve ball. I know how important mental health and taking care of yourself is so I will be in touch with them. All I have done since I found out is send him that one Jpay. I haven't sent any message yet. For anyone that thinks I'm being malicious in doing it you are so wrong. That isn't who I am even when feeling the way I am now. I grew up in a small town where people looked out for each other. It's how I was brought up and is ingrained in me. I may well end up the target of a lot of venom or I could well be laughed at but I will have a clear conscience. I appreciate all the comments and views I have received from whatever angle they have come from. And I know I have to do what's best for me.
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Old 06-30-2018, 11:08 AM
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“Opinions telling her that his wife finding out now will hurt her but less now than in the future. They’re the one encouraging spite imo. Chances are the wife won’t want to hear it and her anger won’t be directed at her husband. You can justify it as doing the wife a favor if you choose but in my opinion it’s more self-serving than that.”

I totally disagree - and I’m one of those people - but I’m removing myself from this and not reading or posting again.

I think Frona’s decision is not only a good one, it’s the right one for her and to me that’s all that matters.
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Old 06-30-2018, 11:09 AM
frona frona is offline
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If a moderator could close my account I would appreciate it.
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Old 06-30-2018, 12:36 PM
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Why can’t people just take opinions for what they are? Opinions, neither right or wrong. Everyone is so quick to discredit someone’s opinion. Just agree to disagree.
A lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of a sheep.

“Absorb what is useful, Discard what is not, Add what is uniquely your own”
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Old 06-30-2018, 01:47 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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There is no right or wrong on how to handle this. I'm very sorry this happened to you and your whole world feels upside down. In the long run, you were saved from an even larger heart ache. It is hard to see that now.

What you choose to do with the information is up to you. I see both sides actually. In the end, you have to do what is right for you. She may already know and may not care. She may not know and maybe you'll save her a world of hurt. She may not know and will never believe you. Those are the risks in this. If you skin is thick enough to handle it, then do what you feel is necessary. Maybe give it a few days or weeks before you do anything. This way you give yourself a break.

I feel for you. Don't feel attacked because I didn't read anything malicious in any posts. Truthfully no one knows what they would do in your situation. I doubt you will ever really get closure from him and this situation no matter what you do.

Youre a clasyy, strong lady. Don't let this break you. Mourn it. It is a loss.

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Old 06-30-2018, 03:04 PM
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Thank you. I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm the one in this position thanks to him. Just me. And although not unique I think he went a fair bit further than most. I looked at other horror stories of deception and felt safe in our relationship, we were nothing like that, we were different, a team, secure and solid. And then it does happen to you. And you don't know what way is up.You think you'll know how you'll react but the reality is far different. I'm raw and lower than I've ever been before and I know my healing and getting over this needs to happen off the internet as even well meant advice and opinions sting as I don't have the reserves needed to shrug them off like I normally would. But I'm determined in time that I'll leave this chapter behind me. I really hope no one ever has to go through anything like this x
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Old 06-30-2018, 07:37 PM
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Sadly, people go through this all the time....seems to be in the nature of some to prey on others for their own amusement.

That said, I think you have been classy and thoughtful. Don't worry about the stray negativity that wanders through now and again.
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
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Old 07-01-2018, 02:28 AM
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Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
When I first wrote to like 2-3 inmates right after my father died there was one that stuck a bit more (before Jeff) and he was really fast in telling me he loves me, wanting to marry me and all that stuff. I got reeled in a bit but kept my guard up by telling him "let see each other first" and "come home first" and stuff like that. Flattered me but I felt also something in my gut. Turns out he was talking to another woman within the US and reeled her in as well and I found out through some channels like Facebook, etc... I dumped his ass right away and now looking back I know he schemed to have a "happy home life" so he makes parole or better looks good in front or the parole board (or whatever... ). He did eventually make parole after one setback and they are now married (actually married in prison).
I feel sorry for this woman because it's his 4th marriage and he's an ass... I'm glad I dodged that bullet and I'm glad I listend to my gut.
But I have never even considered writing to her or to posting something on Facebook or anything to that effect because I'm better than that. (not trying to be arrogant). It serves NO purpose whatsoever but maybe hurting people and getting rid of some anger momentarily. I believe in Karma and I just looked ahead and forgot about this experience pretty fast and I really really let go... I'm better than this ass.

I would never tell on people to their families/friends.. for me that's putting myself on a really low level. It's not my place to "make them aware". I'm not responsible for his actions and the repercussions that might take place. I'd concentrate on my life and my well-being. I do care about other people but not with regards to his screw-ups.. he's their problem now. As long as you "meddle" you remain involved and I believe this will not end well.
agree 100%
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Old 07-01-2018, 11:00 AM
jeswannabhiswyf jeswannabhiswyf is offline
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I'm so sorry 😣. Praying for your strength. Perhaps you can withhold the details until a later date, when you can lay them out comfortably, on your own terms. Just tell them that you have been thinking and evaluating, and after careful consideration you decided this was not best for you. Which is true. Once you've healed and can discuss the situation without torment, then you can choose who gets the additional details.

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Old 07-05-2018, 11:36 PM
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Grolarbear Grolarbear is offline
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Hi Frona, I just wanted to tell you that I hope you are doing okay and I hope things are getting better each day if only a little.
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