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Loving a Lifer For those whose loved one is serving a life sentence.

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  #1  
Old 07-16-2018, 06:43 PM
MrsEnemii2b MrsEnemii2b is offline
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Default Planning to marry my lifer.

At new year I made a resolution to give something emotional support wise back to somebody after some one had given to me. Like a making at 50/50
With the universe.
Iím a normal middle class family woman whoís got a very good life. I started writing to (my now fiancť) just as friends and we completely fell in love.
Completely. We plan to marry by May next year. Heís in prison at CCI and is serving LWOP. Since heís been incarcerated there has been a new law passed called SB260 Iím hoping and praying that this is a light for him.
Even if it isnít I can honestly say Iím madly in love with him and Iíll still marry him.
Has anybody met and married their lifer after his incarceration? Is there any body else who is getting married to their lifer?
Would just be lovely to have some support or a friendly war. Both ways. This is all so new to me.
Thank you so much, Ana xxxx
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Old 07-16-2018, 06:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsEnemii2b View Post
At new year I made a resolution to give something emotional support wise back to somebody after some one had given to me. Like a making at 50/50

With the universe.

Iím a normal middle class family woman whoís got a very good life. I started writing to (my now fiancť) just as friends and we completely fell in love.

Completely. We plan to marry by May next year. Heís in prison at CCI and is serving LWOP. Since heís been incarcerated there has been a new law passed called SB260 Iím hoping and praying that this is a light for him.

Even if it isnít I can honestly say Iím madly in love with him and Iíll still marry him.

Has anybody met and married their lifer after his incarceration? Is there any body else who is getting married to their lifer?

Would just be lovely to have some support or a friendly war. Both ways. This is all so new to me.

Thank you so much, Ana xxxx


I married my baby in 2012 and I have never regretted my decision he is the love of my life❤️
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Old 07-16-2018, 07:24 PM
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Congratulations!


My (MWI) husband is also incarcerated in California. I just want to clarify-- SB260 or SB620? SB260 is about being a youth offender and SB620, which was about the use of a firearm, has stalled out in legislation.

SB260 was signed into law in 2014, I believe, and does not include Life Without Parole inmates.

Feel free to browse our California legal news forum for lots (and lots!) of info regarding the recent changes in law and welcome to PTO!
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Old 07-16-2018, 11:19 PM
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I'm in love with my lifer but I wouldn't marry him while he's still in prison. There's a bright light at the end of his "lifer" tunnel and I'm happy to wait. After being in for so long he needs a good smell at freedom before committing to me or anyone. He deserves free choices when he gets out. I'm not in this relationship for a proposal. I'm happy, he's happy and if we're lucky we'll be happy together, married later or not.
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Old 07-17-2018, 01:17 AM
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MrsEnemii2b, that is lovely news - congrats on your engagement I am sure others have married their lifers too and hopefully people will post abut their experiences for you to read
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Old 07-17-2018, 04:16 AM
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Congratulations I am engaged to my pen pal best friend and fiancťe. We canít live together in a traditional marriage at present but we both love each other and want to be together.
My love isnít a lifer now he was a juvenile sentenced to 225 years. That has changed to 20 years and he has a chance at clemency in 3 years.
If you love each other go for it. Itís hard being oceans apart but itís doable. We ultimately want to live together here in the uk and as he has uk connection that is a possibility.
Can I ask have you visited. If not that would be a priority for me. When I visited it confirmed everything I felt.
Good luck
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Old 07-17-2018, 04:07 PM
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[quote=miamac;7733707]Congratulations!


My (MWI) husband is also incarcerated in California. I just want to clarify-- SB260 or SB620? SB260 is about being a youth offender and SB620, which was about the use of a firearm, has stalled out

Hi, I may have got a little confused as all this is new to me and Iím currently only a few weeks into the legal stuff. Itís been a bit overwhelming.
Itís a law that gives hope to people who have been charged for a crime before the age of 23. He was 19.

Thank you for your welcome and I will take a look at that thank you so much
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Old 07-17-2018, 04:11 PM
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[quote=MrsEnemii2b;7733862]
Quote:
Originally Posted by miamac View Post
Congratulations!





My (MWI) husband is also incarcerated in California. I just want to clarify-- SB260 or SB620? SB260 is about being a youth offender and SB620, which was about the use of a firearm, has stalled out



Hi, I may have got a little confused as all this is new to me and Iím currently only a few weeks into the legal stuff. Itís been a bit overwhelming.

Itís a law that gives hope to people who have been charged for a crime before the age of 23. He was 19.



Thank you for your welcome and I will take a look at that thank you so much


They canít have Life without right?
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Old 07-17-2018, 04:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
Congratulations I am engaged to my pen pal best friend and fiancťe. We canít live together in a traditional marriage at present but we both love each other and want to be together.
My love isnít a lifer now he was a juvenile sentenced to 225 years. That has changed to 20 years and he has a chance at clemency in 3 years.
If you love each other go for it. Itís hard being oceans apart but itís doable. We ultimately want to live together here in the uk and as he has uk connection that is a possibility.
Can I ask have you visited. If not that would be a priority for me. When I visited it confirmed everything I felt.
Good luck
My love is a lifer who was sentenced when he was 19. So he was a juvenile when he was convicted and heís hoping that he will be eligible for a recent change in the law. He is a successful author and has written many books in prison that have been published over the last 10 years. He is hoping to save enough money by doing so to get a lawyer to look at his case again due to these laws. We all know money talks so fingers crossed.
I am going out there at xmas. To see him & I canít wait.
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Old 07-17-2018, 04:17 PM
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[quote=msquin30;7733863]
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsEnemii2b View Post



They canít have Life without right?
I hope 🤞🏽
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Old 07-17-2018, 07:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsEnemii2b View Post
My love is a lifer who was sentenced when he was 19. So he was a juvenile when he was convicted and he’s hoping that he will be eligible for a recent change in the law. He is a successful author and has written many books in prison that have been published over the last 10 years. He is hoping to save enough money by doing so to get a lawyer to look at his case again due to these laws. We all know money talks so fingers crossed.
I am going out there at xmas. To see him & I can’t wait.
If he is LWOP and he's looking at SB260/261 (because if he was 19 it's actually 261 that covers him), there isn't a loophole there. He would need to have his sentence commuted to Life with Parole for this to apply to him. Unfortunately as this isn't an adjustment to his sentence in the traditional sense (aka going back to court and having a judge resentence him), a lawyer will be fairly ineffective against arguing the language of SB260/261 but you could consult one about the possibility of commutation.

My husband falls under the same law and I completely understand how overwhelming the information can be. If you have questions, there is an active thread here with tons of information.


Also, a quick way to see if he's eligible is to pull up the inmate locator, use his CDC# and look to see what it says in the box across from "Parole Eligibility Date Information". If he is eligible, it will already be stated in that box that he is considered a youthful offender.


And last, but most direct-- you can view the flowchart they use for eligibility here in this post. It applies to SB260/261 and the latest AB that bumps the age to 25.

Last edited by miamac; 07-17-2018 at 07:09 PM..
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Old 07-29-2018, 03:32 PM
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I married mine on May 27, 2017, though we have a pretty long story (I seriously need to blog and link it below.) For now I'll just say he was my childhood best friend and crush and I lost track of him at 17 and found him again at 27. I was married to someone else then, but my late husband had a terminal illness and wanted me to see if I could get a relationship going with M. It did happen and we married 14 months after my first husband died.

I currently live back in my family home in California (because I'm disabled) and my husband is incarcerated in Colorado. My family is supportive; in fact my mother's spending about $1,000 so I can see him for 3 days in September, as he's housed in the middle of nowhere currently. Back when was in prison in town, I would get a cheap plane ticket and stay at his mom's house, pay for my food, our vending machine food, and pay her gas money. But this time there's rental car and motels to deal with (I don't drive so my mom is going.)

It's rough, but I have literally loved him since I was 12 and the only reason I married someone else to begin with is that his mother lied to me and told me that he was dead when he went to prison. I knew that there was no way I'd be able to justify finding anyone else. And I don't have typical needs of a woman my age, so I decided that I'd marry him.
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Old 10-23-2018, 06:02 AM
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What if you meet someone else though? Feelings can change....
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Old 10-24-2018, 10:03 PM
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What if you meet someone else though? Feelings can change....
For those who believe in it, there is divorce.

Also, some people have arrangements because one is a lifer. Love is a complicated thing. Sometimes a person develops feelings for someone else but they have NOT fallen out of love with their current partner. It is possible to love more than one person at once. Most people do not choose this route and end up choosing between two people in one way or another, either rejecting their feelings for the other person in favor of their partner or leaving their partner to pursue the other. In a relationship that agrees on it, neither of these options have to happen.

Some people who are lifers feel that while they want to be married to their partner (or continue to be married to them if they were married before their sentencing) that because there will be long years (if ever) without sexual contact or even physical contact (except for occasional visits) that it it isn't fair to expect their partner to be physically and sexually monogamous for them. What many of them want is just someone who will always have their back, who is close to them emotionally, someone who promises to write, listen for their calls, and visits, and is someone to come home to should they ever be let out.

I myself have been freed by my husband to seek an additional partner, should I get to a point where I feel like I need one. Now, I haven't done that, although I was married to someone else when M and I initially reconnected (and I chose to marry M after my first husband passed away because I had really always loved him, ever since I was 12 over 20 years ago.) But because I had been married when M and I reconnected and I was used to having sexual contact, M thought it reasonable to not expect me to be physically monogamous during this time. As I said, I have felt no need to find anyone else, but in my opinion that was actually a very loving thing for him to do, as it shows that he understands that I may have needs he can't fulfill right now.

But, I've loved him for about 23 years now (as I said previously) so NOT marrying him was never an option for me. And I don't connect very well with others, so I don't foresee myself being with anyone else either.

But there you have it- those are the options for the lifer wife: divorce, true monogamy, or polyamory/ friend with benefits
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Old 10-25-2018, 02:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsEnemii2b View Post
At new year I made a resolution to give something emotional support wise back to somebody after some one had given to me. Like a making at 50/50
With the universe.
Iím a normal middle class family woman whoís got a very good life. I started writing to (my now fiancť) just as friends and we completely fell in love.
Completely. We plan to marry by May next year. Heís in prison at CCI and is serving LWOP. Since heís been incarcerated there has been a new law passed called SB260 Iím hoping and praying that this is a light for him.
Even if it isnít I can honestly say Iím madly in love with him and Iíll still marry him.
Has anybody met and married their lifer after his incarceration? Is there any body else who is getting married to their lifer?
Would just be lovely to have some support or a friendly war. Both ways. This is all so new to me.
Thank you so much, Ana xxxx
I married my lifer and i would do it again in a heartbeat. We have been together for years and we finally got married. My lifer has two life sentences. I live a normal middle class life and Iím saving to buy my first home, Iím close! My family and friends support everything and even visits him too. We have our family visits and regular visits. We are perfectly happy with everything we have with each other. Itís not the easiest decision, but I couldnít imagine my life without him. Heís my rock and my home. Good luck!
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Old 11-29-2018, 09:50 PM
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Default Iím happy for you

Iím hoping everything goes well for you two my pen pal is in Florida she gets out in a few years Iím be by her side always I love this woman

QUOTE=MrsEnemii2b;7733865]My love is a lifer who was sentenced when he was 19. So he was a juvenile when he was convicted and heís hoping that he will be eligible for a recent change in the law. He is a successful author and has written many books in prison that have been published over the last 10 years. He is hoping to save enough money by doing so to get a lawyer to look at his case again due to these laws. We all know money talks so fingers crossed.
I am going out there at xmas. To see him & I canít wait.[/quote]
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