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Coming Home Dedicated to discussions about our loved ones that are coming home soon. Discussions here should not fit any other category.

View Poll Results: When your loved one comes home do you want to talk about what really happened?
YES 224 56.28%
NO 102 25.63%
UNDECIDED 72 18.09%
Voters: 398. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 02-02-2005, 06:11 PM
1dayatatime 1dayatatime is offline
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Default When your loved one comes home do you want to talk about prison?

do you want to talk about prison? Do you want to hear what actually went on behind the walls?


I deal with many issues by blocking things out of my mind. At this point when J comes home I dont want to know any of the "bad stuff" that went on in prison. NONE of it! I was just wondering how you all feel.
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  #2  
Old 02-02-2005, 06:15 PM
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I used to work there so I know what can and does happen. When he gets home, I want us to just leave TDC in TDC, only thing we need to talk about is where our life is headed.
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Old 02-02-2005, 06:46 PM
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If we wanted to talk about prison we'd do it during the bid, not after because once he's home I don't want to talk about it and if he wanted to he wouldn't wait til then -- he'd do it as we move along.
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  #4  
Old 02-02-2005, 06:58 PM
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When my husband came home, I wanted to know everything that he was willing to tell me. I encouraged him to talk about it. That was a chunk of his life and he needed to share those experiences with somebody.
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Old 02-02-2005, 07:00 PM
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We talk about it. I actually don't mind hearing about it. I ask questions, and he tells me some stories, I guess it gives me a little insight about what he's truly been through and why he does some of the things he does *ex: wears his shoes from the second he wakes up until the second he goes to bed* A lot of times while he's telling me stories I get a little teary eyed...I just can't imagine him in that place and it just seems so unreal to me. A lot of the stuff amazes me *different things they use/do with the limited sources they have, quite genius I must say* but then a lot of the suff makes me sick to my stomach.
I guess to each their own, but if he wants to talk about it, or feels comfortable talking to me about it, I'm more than willing to listen.
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  #6  
Old 02-03-2005, 08:11 AM
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I already know all about it. No, I do not want to talk about it when he comes home. I want to talk about what we are going to do for our future!
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Old 02-03-2005, 08:31 AM
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I think it should be up to him on whether or not he wants to talk about it. I mean, maybe you can be his outlet--- his vent when he gets home. Some people do need that. It's hard to just shut out everything that happened just because it wasn't good. Talking about it might be better in the long run and help avoid bad issues. I used to work where my boyfriend is incarcerated right now, so I pretty much know what goes on, but when he gets out, if he wanted to talk about it, I would feel good that he felt comfortable enough with me to talk about even the bad things.
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  #8  
Old 02-03-2005, 06:48 PM
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Raven and I talk about everything so when he gets home it will be up to him if he wants to share the last 10 years of his life. If yes I am willing to listen to him and try to understand where he is coming from.
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Old 02-03-2005, 07:11 PM
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Yes, we talk now but if he wants to talk once he's home, I'm all ears I believe talking about it will be good for the both of us. Sabrena
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  #10  
Old 02-03-2005, 08:58 PM
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I'm not sure how we could avoid talking about it. He's been there for 4 years now. That's 4 years of his life! Because this has been one of life's experiences for him it is part of what is going to make him the man he will be when he is released.

I have saved every one of his letters -- some he has specifically asked me to save because he wants to talk about what was in that letter when he comes home. There are things I want to ask him but don't know if it will affect his safety if I do so I hold onto those questions until he is released. I know that there is a lot that goes on in there that I cannot deal with and so he doesn't mention them to me and I know he won't when he is released either. He'll probably share that stuff with his brothers like he does now.

I have to say that I am green with envy of those of you who get phone calls, visits and are able to marry your man while he is in. My man has never made a phone call since he's been in TDCJ and because I live halfway across the country he didn't put me on the visitors list (his entire family lives in Texas so they are on the list). He doesn't want to get married while he is in because he says he hates prison and he doesn't want our love to be tainted by it. Damn I'm soooooooo jealous of some of you!!
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  #11  
Old 02-03-2005, 09:02 PM
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I dont know if i want to bring it up! cuz i sure as heck wouldnt want to be reminded, even if it was done and over!
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  #12  
Old 02-04-2005, 12:45 AM
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I voted undecided, I personally would be curious to ask questions and want to know about how things were in there, but then I don't know if he would want to talk about it. I would just leave it up to him, if he brings it up, then thats good, if not, I'll just let it go......unless of course there is something that I am really curious to know.
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  #13  
Old 02-04-2005, 12:49 AM
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If he wants to talk about it, I have no problems with that, no way will I deny him his past, it's a part of him.
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Old 02-04-2005, 09:18 AM
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I have to tell you that whether you want to hear about it or not you can count on hearing about it and please don't discourage it. This is what we have lived for however long we have lived daily lives here we have made friends things have happend that were good and bad and belive me if you don't talk they will never get over this time in their life you can't just act like it never happen if you go on like its just another day well look out. Its not another day in our lives its a new life and we are trying to adjust but we can't just forget that time this is a very emotional time for people or it was for me acting like it never happen is what happen to me and let me tell you when they hold it all in trying to fit into your world they won't make it. There has to be a transition period from that world to yours so listen to them hold them let them tell you about joe that was once his cellie and what ever he did or said cause this is his life and when you excepted them you excepted that life it won't just go away especoially if they are on parole they run into people they were locked up with they were their family when no one else was with them even if you were there for visits and letters you did not go thru what they do and when they remeet these people they feel a commarade with them you may feel left out but don't let it bother you become a part of it and let them laugh cause they will love you more for excepting this than saying I don't know why you want to even be aroung them. These were family is all I can tell you they shared the good and bad in a different way than you did. I would advise all to let them talk from being inside and coming out and having an ex that was in and i never could understand either till I went thru it myself.
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Old 02-04-2005, 09:36 AM
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i asked a bazillion and 1 questions about what happened, he was really honest and cool with telling me during the first week, after that he was like "i am sick of talkiing about it!" but nothing he said shocked me or made me think different, i pretty much knew how much it SUCKED AZZ! no radio, 3 tv stations, no calls, fights, gangs, drugs, yada yada yada...
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Old 02-04-2005, 10:49 AM
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I dont necessarily WANT to hear him talk about prison, but if he feels the need to talk about it, then i will be there to listen. He may want to get it off his chest. I'd much rather us put it behind us though.
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Old 02-04-2005, 06:38 PM
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Thank you for sharing this Cindergirl. He says he wants to put it behind him yet there are letters that talk about things that have happened there that he wants to discuss when he gets home. I guess I'll let him take the lead here. If I ask and he says that he doesn't want to talk about it then I will leave it alone, however if he wants to talk I'll certainly be there to listen.
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  #18  
Old 02-04-2005, 08:03 PM
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I would listen/talk to him about anything, anything, anything. Always.
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Old 02-04-2005, 09:53 PM
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I voted no because that's what I truly feel. On the other hand he has been listening to what I'm going through, depression and anger, without having home with me where he belongs. I guess I have to put this situation on the same level as Vietnam vets - some want to talk about and some don't. So I guess whatever will help him release the bad memories from his mind and I'll just pretend I'm listening in order to coupe with the horrifying stories I may hear. You know, pretend to listen like men do when they want to watch the Superbowl. I want to look toward continuing our future and block out what we could not control.
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  #20  
Old 02-04-2005, 10:29 PM
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No, NO, NO, NO...Hell NO!!!!!!!!!!! (Sorry).......
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  #21  
Old 03-07-2005, 01:24 PM
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I chose undecided because he doesn't really talk about it now and I don't think he wants to tell me the good or bad stuff. He keeps me very guarded which part of me thanks him but apart of me wishes he could understand that no matter what happened I still will be here. If he wants to talk about it when he gets out I am all ears but I think I will just give him some time to open that vault.
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Old 03-07-2005, 01:29 PM
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I have to completely agree with Cindergirl. That couldn't have been said any better. It was a part of their life and they will talk about it. My husband talks about it often and I sit and listen to him. I want him to share his experience with me. The good and the bad. And what he chooses not to talk about is fine with me. But so far we haven't run across anything he won't talk about.
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Old 03-07-2005, 01:39 PM
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Chris and I had a conversation somewhat along these lines the other day. He says that many guys leave there and block out what went on during the stay. Chris wants to do just the opposite. He never wants to forget what that place was like. He sees it as a reminder of why he wants to have a better life. He said the ones who block it out eventually forget what it was like and when they are out acting stupid all over again they forget how bad prison really is. He plans on using this as a tool for a better future...

On the other side of the coin I dont really worry about the stories he could tell. I know that what he has been through isnt anything like what many prisons are. I think I can handle just about anything he shares. In fact a long time friend of mine who just got out a few months ago said "I've been in county jails worse then Idaho prisons"

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  #24  
Old 03-07-2005, 01:48 PM
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I'm pretty much undecided, I know my husband said that when he comes home, he wants to put all of this behind us. I ask questions now, I am soo nosey and he is up front on what goes on in there I mean I already went through this once-went an ex bf. So I already knew a lot that goes on behind da walls. So I am not too shock on what he does tell me what goes on in their because I already knew from before.
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Old 03-07-2005, 01:55 PM
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When my sweetie comes home I don't want to even think about prison. We will be concentrating on our new beginning together. Prison is not apart of our future.
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