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  #1  
Old 10-09-2018, 09:59 PM
Here4MrCraig Here4MrCraig is offline
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Exclamation Intro-Here4MrCraig from Illinois

Hello everyone! I am a single mom of 3 living in Indiana. Im also a licensed & practicing Cosmetologist. I grew up in Chicago, Illinois & decided to come this way 6 years ago in order to give my children an opportunity to have a fun & safe childhood. I basically live in the country, but I love it out here! It's a childhood dream come true, if I'm being honest. My babies thrive, I do pretty well making sure everything is handled, so I'm content! At least I thought I was until I met my last bad decision! ��

Which leads me to what brings me here. For almost 3 years, I was choosing to stay single. My heart was broken after choosing to love a sociopath/narcissist. I decided, during that time, to join a dating/chat site just to keep my mind off things & keep me in practice with dating. It didnt really contribute anything useful to my life. It just filled a void. Then a young man (the one I'm here about) reached out to me on the site, only HE didnt really reach out. Someone else did FOR him.

Anyway, once he told me he was in prison, I wasnt checking for him! "What Imo do with a bird in a cage? I dont wanna see u like that!", I asked him in a matter of fact way. He wasnt crass or disrespectful at all. He just tried for a few days to convince me to give him a chance, but I wasnt budging so he stopped reaching out. However, his people continued to watch my profile for him (I had a premium membership)��

Some time passed since he reached out anymore; maybe 4 or 5 months, I dont remember exactly, but I hadn't been on that site anymore. I was focused on healing & getting to the root of...well, thats another story altogether. Let's just say, I was making better choices! ������....so the guy sends me a text out of nowhere reminding me of who he was & explaining why he stopped trying, but he felt "led" to me, so he tried again! I figured it was just charm, but okay, "welcome back!"..I shot him down again, only THIS time, he was MORE persistent & didnt give up! Everyday emails, calls here & there, asking all the right stuff, saying all the right things. Getting to know me for who I WAS! It was an amazing feeling! I was still cynical, & I still am, but in these 3 months of knowing him, I have realized SO much about love and about myself & my needs.

It sounds like a twisted fairytale when I read this back to myself, but it's not. We argue, respectfully, I go visit him once a month, we write letters, he usually calls me once a week and we email EVERYDAY! (Except when there's an issue in his facility). Its just HARD!! Like, how do u love someone like this? I never imagined having so much inside for someone I met thru a chat site WHILE he was incarcerated! LMAO...its TOO match, it's too match! ��

Anyway, he is in the Penitentiary, with a sentence until 2024, but hoping to get paroled in March of 2019. I'm hopeful that he will, but fearful that he wont. I'm also still scared of this situation because part of me is afraid he isn't going to be the man he is showing me. Not because of who he is, but because of who he (says) was & because of my own fears from the past. He is everything I could ever want or need so this would break my heart if it were all a game for him. My insecurities are the reason I even found this site to begin with! Searches for answers on loving an inmate or if he's using me or if theres a lockdown when I dont hear from him for days at a time! Reading advice from other inmates & finding the penpal sites...just loads and loads of information, but always drawn to these forums! So I registered to talk and get support from people who r going thru this with their loved one.

This is probably the hardest relationship I've ever chosen to put myself in, but also the best on an emotional experience. I know that inmates can be creative when they have so much time to use, but I also know that not all of them are out to hurt people. They just wound up in a bad situation because of bad decisions. I dont have a thing for dating prisoners, but I can definitely understand the appeal of it! I just want this love to be my last, but I dont know how to navigate it because it hurts so much but satisfies me at the same time! So hopefully I'm in the right place & the universe brought me here for some divine reason!!

Blessings to all of u in this journey with your loved one(s)❤

Last edited by Here4MrCraig; 10-09-2018 at 10:58 PM..
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Old 10-10-2018, 05:18 AM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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Welcome to Prison Talk, and thanks for sharing your story. I hope your relationship continues to be a positive one for both of you.
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Old 10-10-2018, 05:30 AM
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welcome! I love your positivity
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Old 10-10-2018, 08:01 AM
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Hi welcome to PTO you will find many others here who have prison relationships. It is a unique situation but you are not alone.
We look forward to your input here I am sure you have a lot to contribute.
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Old 10-10-2018, 06:50 PM
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Having already tangled with an NPD/ASPD, you should get into some counseling before starting any new relationship! They damage you in ways you can't even begin to know without trained help.

Those amazing feelings are just as likely to be a repeat of the last relationship as to be anything 'real', because that trail is already broken open and we always want to 'fix' what happened in the past and prove ourselves lovable. If you're not on guard for that, then you're going to get crushed again. COUNSELING!!

And be very aware that those NP/ASPDs are insanely good at picking up on neediness and holes in your soul....what you call 'charm'. That's how they hook you in.

For the sake of your kids, don't go into that old neighborhood again without a trail guide (therapist). They don't need you broken again.

All that said, I lived in the country in southern Indiana (out around Beanblossom) for a couple of years. It really is beautiful, you're right!
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Old 10-11-2018, 04:29 PM
Here4MrCraig Here4MrCraig is offline
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Default Correct u are!!!

I agree with u 1000% & I did (& still do) go to therapy for what was done to me. I gave this young man a VERY hard time & asked him LOTS of questions to guage his reactions/responses. He didnt have any of those characteristics or personality markers that I'd experienced before. He is just totally different than any man I have ever met as far as emotions & responses go.

Before I met him, I tried dating. I thought that would help until I found myself, just as u said, entangled with men just like my Narc-ex. The last straw was when I was dealing with a guy who threw his dog up against my wall in anger at him for peeing on the floor (the dog was barely 8 weeks old). In that moment, I decided I was DONE DONE DONE trying to date anymore. I started fasting, going back to church, praying & reprogramming myself (in ways my therapist suggested). I even started my kids going to family therapy once a month for the damage done to them in that toxic environment. I'm in a much better place mentally, spiritually & emotionally, so my guard is definitely up!

I can say with certainty that NO ONE is ever completely & totally without flaw. He & I have had our disagreements, but the way we communicate & the way he responds let's me know that he is "normal". I can say that with confidence because I have cried at one of our visits. We were having a talk & something he said triggered me. It wasnt anything mean, it was just one of our usual conversations about life & previous pain caused in relationships. The look in his eyes & the way his energy shifted...it was genuine concern there! When our visit ended, he hugged me so tight, tighter than any other time, kissed me, asked me if I was okay, told me "we r gonna get thru this together", & told me he loved me. Up until that moment, I was afraid he was another narc & hoping I wasnt making another bad decision. He emailed me later apologizing to me for making me cry (but he didnt make me cry) & reminded me that he wasnt gonna hurt me & he didnt ever want me to ALLOW him to!

One trait I have become so familiar with in NPD is their lack of empathy. I hadn't noticed until I started going to therapy & rehashing scenarios. My Narc- ex NEVER EVER cared how upset I was. Didnt even acknowledge it! Just criticized me & ridiculed me for feeling anything. Told me I was weak & didnt need to cry. His apologies were always dismissive. Like "I'm sorry u cant take a joke" or "I'm sorry u r so sensitive".

So I feel u!! Forreal. I am. Believer in all things divine. So meeting Mr Craig has given me room to see areas that I still need to work on. I've told him about my situation & unless he is a great actor, I'm convinced that we were supposed to me so I could continue to work on my emotional setbacks. He never asks me for anything. He never calls me collect. He always ALWAYS asks me how I slept & how my day was. He knows I'd rather he write me or call instead of emails, so he makes it a point to do that. He does what he can to prove to me that he isnt a sociopath. I believe him. Still guarded, but I do believe him.

It's just difficult being that he is in prison, to discern whether or not it will still be the same when he gets out. He assures me that it will
I'm hopeful that it will.

Lol...I was just having an after thought on how I always used to say to him that he didnt have to try to charm me & he would say he wasnt. That's just his personality. "A woman should be reminded that she is beautiful" he said. "Why would I try to break your heart when I want to give u mine?". I know that NPD play on your emotions to get u hooked, but once they do, the gloves come off. Its subtle but effective. So I'm still holding back! Definitely on my guard! I think he would've run away by now if he were though. I have a habit of being effective at doing that these days

LOL
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Old 10-12-2018, 09:08 AM
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OK, lady, you're walking the walk! Congrats on taking all the steps you have.
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