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  #1  
Old 12-05-2017, 01:14 PM
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Default Losing Your Husband to the Prison System

Losing Your Husband to the Prison System by Rachel Turk

"I wanted to tell my story for any who have ever wondered about the reality of a family who had a husband and father who is then suddenly stripped away to the prison system. It's such a taboo topic. I am here to shed light on it. That picture is a collage I made of me after a visit when he was in county jail on the top, him in a federal facility after he left county jail, and us together on a vacation a year before he was arrested.

I start by saying that it is probably one of the most painful and traumatic experiences for a family to endure aside from death. But it is so similar to death (dare I say), that I compare the two often."

https://humans.media/losing-your-hus...-prison-system
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Old 12-05-2017, 02:27 PM
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I think all of us prison wives feel the same way.
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Old 12-05-2017, 02:31 PM
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Except if he'd been involved in drugs and she knew about it she too might be in prison. The feds seem to think knowledge of a crime is a crime too and they don't hesitate to arrest accordingly.

Occasionally even non-drug crime significant others get arrested.
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Old 12-05-2017, 04:58 PM
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Except if he'd been involved in drugs and she knew about it she too might be in prison. The feds seem to think knowledge of a crime is a crime too and they don't hesitate to arrest accordingly.

Occasionally even non-drug crime significant others get arrested.
Her story said it was a white collar crime so thatís not drugs.
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Old 12-05-2017, 05:16 PM
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Her story said it was a white collar crime so that’s not drugs.

I'm aware of that; the point is her knowing about the crimes he was committing made her getting arrested a possibility. The feds use "conspiracy" laws to arrest people with knowledge, but no participation.

Just several weeks ago a member self surrendered - her husband was arrested, convicted and sentenced for her $$$ crime. The woman testified her husband had no idea of the real reason her income went up so much so fast, but the jury still convicted. She plead guilty and he didn't get self surrender.

The article doesn't mention it, but I wouldn't be surprised if one of the reasons the guy from the article plead guilty was there was a threat of charging the wife too. She profited from his crime, she knew he was committing a crime - that is all it takes regardless of what type of crime it is.

A crime of theft is no better or worse than a drug crime. They are both illegal and they both can land a person in prison.

And as I said in my 1st post

"Occasionally even non-drug crime significant others get arrested."
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Old 12-05-2017, 05:23 PM
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She puts too much blame on everyone else, but not him. This bothers me. I agree in forgiving them for what they have done, but what real change comes when you make excuses for what they did.

Yes, some people have sentences that are extreme. Yes, money can make it difficult to travel and see them. Yes there are challenges. But, he did something wrong and there are consequences.

For the family, it sucks. It is hard. People do judge. She is not wrong there. I was just turned off by excusing bad behavior.
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Old 12-05-2017, 05:32 PM
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Yes agree with both posts. Can’t make excuses for bad behavior. When you take a plea you are admitting guilt and must show remorse, otherwise the behavior will continue. Must learn from mistakes so you don’t end up right back there. It amazes me how many people get second chances and blow them! Some of us would kill for that second chance!!

Also I know of someone who was found guilty with his wife and feigned innocence. Even after guilt wouldn’t show any remorse. He’s been gone for awhile, will be gone until I think 2024. The wife was damn lucky as she only got probation but this guy could have really helped her if he had at least shown some remorse at sentencing but he was an ass and did nothing to help the wife at all nor did he help himself. I think he got 12 years for screwing Best Buy. Theft is theft is right and he’s rotting for it as he deserves to be. Found guilty, show remorse. Deal with it and move on. No better than our idiot ex governor blagojevich.
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Old 12-05-2017, 05:42 PM
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Yes, justifying bad behavior is very hard for me to deal with too as is the blaming everybody except the guilty party - those two things jumped out at me while reading the article.

Along the same lines two women I "met" here at PTO both plead guilty for their crimes (totally unrelated women and crimes), but made it clear they really, really didn't think what they did was illegal.

They both were granted self surrender, but to their surprise they didn't go to camps - they self surrendered to FCI - lows. The BoP views inmates without sincere remorse as potential flight risks and they also think they might have $ stashed to facilitate fleeing.

In one of the cases the judge even tried to help, but NO the BoP stood firm and she did her entire sentence in a FCI.

When the feds say sincere remorse they mean it.

Feigning innocence while letting your wife be put through hell is a unique sort of low.

This is partly why I encourage people that are pleading guilty to say nothing that might in anyway sound like an alibi, defense or justification. Plead guilty, be humble, show remorse and tough it up.

Last edited by safran; 12-05-2017 at 05:52 PM..
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Old 12-05-2017, 05:59 PM
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You didnít lose ur husband ur just being kept apart!
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Old 12-05-2017, 06:11 PM
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How can they stash away money without being found out or losing it? But then, if not all the money was returned or seized, it may be possible. Still, considering how hard it is to live below the radar, even with cash in hand, and how much money it would take to do so for many years, plus the fact that one can get apprehended after many years too, I don't think this would make sense for the convicted individual to try.

The logical, although not necessarily legal, choice would be to serve the sentence and use the money afterwards, little by little, without taking out any large sums at once. It would also make sense to have someone use the money for things like taking care of kids. However, this would pose a number of risks (stealing, snitching, etc.). If paying bills in advance or settling debt, that could be discovered. Personally, I would hide most of the money.
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Old 12-05-2017, 06:16 PM
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How can they stash away money without being found out or losing it? But then, if not all the money was returned or seized, it may be possible. Still, considering how hard it is to live below the radar, even with cash in hand, and how much money it would take to do so for many years, plus the fact that one can get apprehended after many years too, I don't think this would make sense for the convicted individual to try.

The logical, although not necessarily legal, choice would be to serve the sentence and use the money afterwards, little by little, without taking out any large sums at once. It would also make sense to have someone use the money for things like taking care of kids. However, this would pose a number of risks (stealing, snitching, etc.). If paying bills in advance or settling debt, that could be discovered. Personally, I would hide most of the money.
Why are you advocating for bad, illegal behavior?
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Old 12-05-2017, 06:34 PM
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I am not "advocating for bad, illegal behavior". I was just wondering why the BOP would even think that inmates without sincere remorse "might have $ stashed to facilitate fleeing" when doing so simply doesn't make any sense, even from the criminal's own point of view.

I did mention, for example, that for the criminal who would stash money, the logical choice would be to do something else with it. I have even mentioned what I would do if, hypothetically, I were in the criminal's shoes. I have never actually suggested that stealing money is a good idea.
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Old 12-05-2017, 06:56 PM
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Nah. This mentality is exactly why we're judged.

You can absolutely talk about the pain and hardship of having a spouse in prison without minimizing his crime or bemoaning how alone you are because you knowingly broke the spiritual laws of your own religion. This just looks like she's sorry he got caught.
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Old 12-05-2017, 07:13 PM
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It may be possible to twist this around and say that, ultimately, the victim was just a company who was lending with interest, which is against the spiritual laws of the Muslim religion too. Stealing is not allowed either but in the end, it was such a company who lost the money. Money that a Muslim may consider ill-gotten money.
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Old 12-06-2017, 08:07 AM
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Well, there are plenty of criminals who hide money, as I don't think it's that easy to spend millions upon millions of dollars and when it's not found or returned before a case, it has to be hidden somewhere. However, I'm not sure what those people think is going to happen once they're out when they still owe the millions back in restitution because they will be watched and the FLU will be looking for it forever, so it's stupid, just give it back. But then again, those usually are the people who are not remorseful and think they can outsmart the government and everyone else.

My husband committed a white collar crime, he doesn't have a pot to piss in, he paid his restitution with every penny of our joint savings, and he got a loan to pay the remaining restitution. His case isn't one where he was accused of theft, the criminal victim was the government and while there could have been other criminal parties also responsible for paying some of the restitution, one received immunity, and one group of people the government decided not to pursue (even though the judge asked if they were being charged and the prosecutor lied at sentencing and said he didn't know) because they actually blew the SOL, which left my husband being the only person stuck responsible for the entire restitution. Instead of whining about it, my husband sucked it up, accepted responsibility, didn't blame anyone else for his actions, showed and continues to show tremendous remorse (even as I was driving into the camp yesterday) and I know he will for the rest of his life. When the judge sentenced him to the 18 months, instead of the 3 years that his first attorney advised he would probably get, my husband was so thankful that he looked at this as getting 18 months back of his life and plans to give back in some form when he is out. He has always volunteered, so whether it is volunteering even more, or performing additional community service, or just consulting for defendants for free that didn't have the same advice or opportunities he had. He knows how lucky he is and as I said above, he is not going to blow it.

Financially and career-wise he was ruined. He's turning 59 years old in January and I can't imagine what that must feel like to know that the only career you have ever had and trained for, you are no longer allowed to partake in for the rest of your life. But, as we heard at a recent sermon a few months ago that was so fitting, our Rabbi said, when life knocks you down, what do you do? You get up! So, that is exactly what my husband will do (and your loved ones too), they will get up!!

It's ok to be bitter, but it is not ok to blame everyone else. Our loved ones ended up in prison as a result of their own actions, unfortunately. I love my husband more than anything in this world (other than my children) but he made a bad decision and this is the consequence of that mistake. It sucks. Period. I didn't do anything and while my kids and I have to suffer the consequences of his actions, and life sucks sometimes, it is what it is and we just have to kick butt, find our support and get through it!!

Oh and by the way, it's not just the government that thinks people stash money away, whether they're remorseful or not. My husband's ex-wife, has continuously thought he has millions of dollars stashed in China. (He used to do business there - he hasn't been allowed to go to China since his indictment in 2014, and China only allows foreigners to take $5k out at a time and their own citizens $50k/year.) China is a country you need a visa to go to. Trust me, if he were going to stash money somewhere, it wouldn't be China since I don't think he will ever be going back there. He only went 3-4 times a year, so he wouldn't be getting rich taking $5k out each time if he was sending millions there, and honestly, who the heck would hide money in China? But even more so, if he were hiding money anywhere anyway, what are we waiting for in using it? He wouldn't have gotten a loan for restitution, he would have lived the high life (I'm one of the cheapest people around), I've already cancelled HBO, sirius xm, ipad data, as soon as I got back from dropping him off, outsiders don't see that, so if money were hidden who cares about those nonsense frivolous things that maybe save me $50/month. My point really, is there are times that people will always think money is hidden, but money is not hidden. My husband never in his life made $1million in a year anyway, so not sure how he ever would have had an opportunity to stash MILLIONS. I guess it's the typical ex-wife syndrome, but it is aggravating, so for some felons it might be a similar feeling if they really aren't hiding money, although I assume some of them are a lot more savy than my husband and the government is a lot smarter/knowledgeable than his ex-wife!

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Old 12-06-2017, 08:32 AM
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One woman I was in with point blank admitted she had money buried. The feds knew it; they'd promised her probation only if she'd just turn over the ill-gotten money and she refused.

And she had young children! She went to prison, leaving her husband home alone with 3 young kids, rather than turning the money over. $50,000 - not millions and she sill opted for prison. Even now that one still baffles me and I always felt she'd get caught spending it.
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Old 12-06-2017, 08:33 AM
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fyi: I'm not Rachel and this was a blog of woman whose perspective I found interesting and wished to share with others.
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Old 12-06-2017, 08:34 AM
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fyi: I'm not Rachel and this was a blog of woman whose perspective I found interesting and wished to share with others.

I knew it wasn't you! ;-)
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Old 12-06-2017, 08:49 AM
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fyi: I'm not Rachel and this was a blog of woman whose perspective I found interesting and wished to share with others.
Oh good, I didn't catch that because now I can add that if you scroll to the bottom of her post she's actually looking for donations! That is a great "scam"! Click here for $1. She has the potential to make a mint. Sorry, I shouldn't say it's a scam, maybe it isn't, but great idea nonetheless.
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Old 12-06-2017, 08:57 AM
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One woman I was in with point blank admitted she had money buried. The feds knew it; they'd promised her probation only if she'd just turn over the ill-gotten money and she refused.

And she had young children! She went to prison, leaving her husband home alone with 3 young kids, rather than turning the money over. $50,000 - not millions and she sill opted for prison. Even now that one still baffles me and I always felt she'd get caught spending it.
OMG! 50k? People are so dumb sometimes. 50K wouldn't go far, so she can hide it easily and honestly I don't think they would notice her spending it. $500 here or there not a big deal. Now, if she got out and went on a big vacation all of a sudden or bought a car, that's a different story, but still, a car requires maintenance and upkeep, so if you blow it on a big purchase, the maintenance will kill you. But seriously, who goes to prison over 50k? How long was she serving?

That's my point with my husband and his restitution. His attorney (the second one) said pay it back however you can get the money (other than stealing it of course), it will make a huge difference in your sentence with the judge. We have no doubt that it did, the judge noted that, and the judge didn't give him any additional fines other than the required $200 ($100 per count he plead to). He went to prison with credit card debt that I'll be paying, but I don't care, he's coming home sooner than he would've otherwise. When we were preparing for me to drop him off yesterday at lunch we were sitting there thinking, omg, what if he had gotten 3 years? 18 months is depressing. I slept like crap last night. But it's 1 day down, and until they post his actual release date, it means 547 days to go! They at least finally updated their website and have him no longer "not in custody". Ugh so stressful wondering if he's ok.
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Old 12-06-2017, 09:01 AM
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Me too, I argued (in the previous version of this post) that it would be possible to discreetly spend the money, perhaps even in a way that would allow the individual to pay cash for some expenses and then "save" the corresponding amount out of a salary or some other perfectly legal income.

While not going far nowadays, this is still an amount some people never had at once in their lives at perhaps never will. Besides, without the money, they would get out of prison (or avoid prison) but not even have that much. I can see how at least having 50K once out may seem like an attractive option, more attractive than having 0 anyway. It may even be more money that the individual would have been able to save if s/he had not stolen and just earned money legally during this time.

Last edited by prisonlady; 12-06-2017 at 09:12 AM.. Reason: Saw post saying the same thing
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Old 12-06-2017, 09:02 AM
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Oh good, I didn't catch that because now I can add that if you scroll to the bottom of her post she's actually looking for donations! That is a great "scam"! Click here for $1. She has the potential to make a mint. Sorry, I shouldn't say it's a scam, maybe it isn't, but great idea nonetheless.
I found the whole article deplorable, she has no real clue what losing a husband to prison even means. The asking for donations should be taken off this thread. Sorry for her stupidity but no comparing prison to death is sickening!!! And she should be ashamed of herself.
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Old 12-06-2017, 09:26 AM
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I found the whole article deplorable, she has no real clue what losing a husband to prison even means. The asking for donations should be taken off this thread. Sorry for her stupidity but no comparing prison to death is sickening!!! And she should be ashamed of herself.

There is nothing on this thread that request donations.

I don't condone what she's doing by soliciting funds but I liken it to where our society is going. She's doing what many do on crowdfunding sites. It doesn't make it right in the eyes of many but someone sees it as being something they can support.
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Old 12-06-2017, 10:28 AM
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There is nothing on this thread that request donations.

I don't condone what she's doing by soliciting funds but I liken it to where our society is going. She's doing what many do on crowdfunding sites. It doesn't make it right in the eyes of many but someone sees it as being something they can support.
The bottom of article is soliciting for funds which is part of this thread!!!
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Old 12-06-2017, 10:45 AM
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Oh good, I didn't catch that because now I can add that if you scroll to the bottom of her post she's actually looking for donations! That is a great "scam"! Click here for $1. She has the potential to make a mint. Sorry, I shouldn't say it's a scam, maybe it isn't, but great idea nonetheless.
I believe it's a function of the site she's posted on. A lot of freelance-writers, or people who choose to try to supplement their income with writing, use these platforms to catch a few extra dollars. My guess is she doesn't make bank off of it. So not a scam and not truly requesting donations. It's like any blogger site that has a paypal button on the right-- you can, it's there, but you can sail past it, too.
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