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  #51  
Old 06-24-2012, 03:39 PM
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Originally Posted by jasonswifeyaz View Post
I don't think I've had this big of a smile on my face while being on here in a while. Now all I am thinking is how lucky I am to have my husband and how much I love him and how strong we are together. And we are MWI's so if it weren't for prison, we never would've found each other. He is my best friend and I can't even stand the thought of being with anyone else so there is no way I am not standing by him. He's my boo.

You made my day! Thank you for sharing your amazing relationship with this community!
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  #52  
Old 06-24-2012, 03:41 PM
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I write to him everyday sometimes a couple of letters... LOL we don't talk on the phone as much so there is more to say.. we are great communicators.

... and COMMUNICATION IS KEY (somebody around here says that ALLLL the time )
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  #53  
Old 06-24-2012, 11:46 PM
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First off this is a GREAT post because yes there is a Loy of negativity out there. I am happy with my fiancé n I don't think of the time or the crime, but what I do think about is how he has calmed down n how he initiates ways to bring us closer such a reading books together chapter by chapter or choosing a word of the week to broaden his vocabulary then use said word throughout our conversations during the week. Him being away has definitely present it's obstacles but above all that he is the one man I've ever felt comfortable enough with to tell everything lol like feminine problems n such but all together our relationship is truely amazing n I cherish him n his love every single day. He reminds me how beautiful I am n how much he cares. We make decisions together n we've both gained so much respect for each other n our opinions from this it's unreal. Thank u patty for this awesome post!
LOL your post cracked me up - Sebastian and I spend a great deal of time talking about my period - I love to give him the tragic details and he always knows before me that it's on its way. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in that, and yes its good to feel that comfortable with your man!
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  #54  
Old 06-25-2012, 08:37 PM
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So many cannot imagine being happy, really, truly, happy in our situations but you and I and the others that have posted are proof positive that it can be achieved and happens often. Sounds like cause to celebrate!
It really is a reason to celebrate! Haha. It takes a special kind of person, and a very strong kind of love to get through these bids, but it's so worth it. Happiness cannot be achieved where it isn't welcome, and that really shows in these types of relationships.
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Old 06-25-2012, 10:12 PM
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Patty I want you to know that I think you are a wonderfully strong woman & I have looked forward to reading your posts for years now.

My relationship is awsome! I truly enjoy every minute of every visist & phone call. Some one asked me much how I can sit and talk to him for hours... I answered simple, he's my best friend =). We respect each other, trust each other & value what the other brings to our lives.

Him being incarcerated is a small matter in the large scheme of our relationship.

I totally love this man =)
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  #56  
Old 06-25-2012, 11:04 PM
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With my facebook drama, my x girlfriend drama. I love him we share a beautiful son he is the dad to my older children he finds a way to make my birthday special. My favorite cake a new watch he is here with me in spirit. I get worked up about drama but at the end of the day I love him he is the piece to my puzzle that makes me hole. We have grown since he has been in prison we are learning to talk to each other learning to understand where before we were failing. I love him cherish him and miss him everyday.
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  #57  
Old 06-26-2012, 01:00 AM
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Him being incarcerated is a small matter in the large scheme of our relationship.
I feel the same. We tend to focus on ourselves and our relationship because his incarceration is just a temporary backdrop in our current communication.
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  #58  
Old 06-26-2012, 04:41 PM
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Time to make this thread a sticky so that others will be able to find it to share their happy love stories. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far!
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  #59  
Old 06-26-2012, 08:30 PM
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And that is why I truly believe that everything really does happen for a reason. Bless you and your relationship.
We live by this motto practically
...That and he has always had a strong belief in the concept of yin and yang..but that's another thread entirely lol..

I haven't written a lot of posts in proportion to the threads I've actually read, and even less that I've started myself, but I guess it's because I've always been the type that I won't say anything unless I have "something" to say.....does that make sense? But I joined this community for two reasons: One, to find down to earth people that are going through a similar "bump in the road" as me, and Two, to offer any help or advice I may have to give through experience.
Every relationship has it's trials and tribulations, and ours on this site are no different in that aspect. The difference is, we're just given an extra long "test," if you will, as to how solid our commitments to each other are. Some see it to the gates, some don't....but I see it as all of us are given that opportunity to either make the best of it and focus on the positive, like how far you've come, or all the things you'd like to do together when this ride is over.....or dwell in our own self pity and sit on our couches every day and sulk, worrying about every little detail..like why he didn't call when he said he would, or why haven't I gotten a letter in a week. Patty is right- stuff happens in prison. Their time is not their own, and their days are pretty much delegated for them.
There are a lot of things I could be negative about daily, but I choose not to. Life goes on even when he's not here to share it with me, and my children (our son and my daughter) come first. He knows this, and wouldn't have it any other way. That, among a million other reasons, is why I love this man with everything I have, and why I stay positive and continue to drive forward, and to give him something solid to come home to
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  #60  
Old 06-27-2012, 08:50 PM
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WE ARE SO IN LOVE!!! This time has bettered our relationship. Our communication, our patience, every aspect. My girlfriend caught me with a big ole grin yesterday, and she said "how can you be so happy" And I said "Its easy. We are in love" I too am guilty of worrying about calls/letters and those uncertain feelings. Thank You Patty for putting the bigger picture in perspective!!!
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  #61  
Old 06-27-2012, 10:40 PM
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It's been a long time coming but I can finally say that I am totally secure in my relationship! No more paranoia when he doesn't call. Just pure love. I am so freaking happy! He completes me. (:
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Old 06-29-2012, 10:41 PM
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It's been a long time coming but I can finally say that I am totally secure in my relationship! No more paranoia when he doesn't call. Just pure love. I am so freaking happy! He completes me. (:
My husband was saying to me on the phone tonight that when he looks around him and sees my cards and letters, he feels surrounded by my love. I told him I always feel his love all around me.
I think when people are truly soul mates and fighting as hard as we all do to stay close, it builds a special unity that other people just wouldn't understand.
I am so very nurtured by our rock solid emotional bond, something that I do not think most free couples have. It's easy to take someone for granted, but those of us who have solid relationships with our loved one incarcerated, have to always work on our closeness and that is a beautiful thing to give each other.!
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  #63  
Old 06-30-2012, 12:22 AM
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I really appreciate this post! I can relate that there tends to be a lot of negativity and can admit that sometimes I get wrapped up in it. I think that's just human nature. But I CAN honestly say that this bid is actually what got us together. Before he went in we were still feeling each other out, both afraid to tell the other how we felt. Childish, but true. It's given us a platform (letters) to express ourselves openly, and share our deepest dark secrets. I feel closer to him now then I ever did, and we talked on the phone and texted all day everyday. I know once this cloud is no longer hanging over us, we will live a long happy life together.

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... then this thread is for you. This is my answer to all the PMs asking for me to thread again for the positivity seekers. Sorry, time gets in the way and the needs of this community can be overwhelming for staff. But here goes for all those that are seeking a drama-free thread.

I don't get down with all that oh me oh my he's in prison, whatever shall I do, "stuff"? It's just not me. We don't allow the DOC to dictate the terms of our relationship because the ONLY thing they can do is put physical distance between us.

He's not in prison because he doesn't love me enough. For me, (keywords: For me) the alleged crime and our relationship are separate. This man puts joy and love up on me every single, dingle day whether he's sittin' on the couch next to me or anywhere else, yes including the joint.

Once in a great while he is unable to call me at the usual time. Never once has that been by his own accord. Shtuff happens in prison, I get that. If he can call me he will call me and knowing that I never feel the need to become paranoid about what it means. FYI - it usually means nothing in the larger scheme of things, really, truly, I swear.

There are decisions to be made that ultimately affect both of us. In some regards I must bare the "actualness" of that on my own but fortunately I am not without his shared confidences, opinions, desires. We are close and we make it a priority to stay relevant as individuals and as a couple.

I suppose the bottom line is that he attends to ALL of my needs and as much as I wish he were home with me right this second, his actual physical presence is truly the only thing I am lacking for and we can deal with that through phone dates because we are so in sync.

My life is rich because I make the effort. My life is richer because he makes the effort. Our lives are richest because we choose to enrich ourselves and one another. Wallowing in self pity is not a party we choose to attend.

So if you are NOT caught up in when he may or may not call or write or how he acts at visits or some facebook drama or issues with his child's mother ("babymama" to the less enlightened) talk to us. If you are not contemplating having sex with someone else because he will be gone for so long or you already messed up and if life's little tragedies are just obstacles that become opportunities for growth tell us about it.

Listen, we've got plenty of threads filled with negativity - if you empathize with those who are dealing with difficult issues but do not share the same problems and don't always feel free to post about the joy that your relationship brings you - then this is the thread for you. No negativity!

Share the positivity that is your relationship....
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  #64  
Old 07-02-2012, 09:25 AM
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My man has been down two months, and it was the most heartbreaking thing ever. But damn do I love that man, I did before he went in and more each day. He loves me too and father's day just gone we got engaged and plan to marry soon. Through visits, phone calls and letters we have realised we are soul mates and he has become a father to my children.

He is in there because of me, but he says it's worth it and he can deal with whatever knowing I love him. He works in the kitchens with some awful female staff and after work he'll get on the phone and say "Hi baby, you don't know what it's like talking to you after being with those *beep* all day. Your like a breath of fresh air." And he goes on to say how I'm always nice to him, even if I have had a bad day and how I always look great on visits knowing Ive been up from 5am getting ready and travelling.
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Old 07-02-2012, 08:16 PM
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My man and I were just having a conversation about this last night. I am a no drama, relaxed kind of person and for me this thread is perfect. When I read other posts around the "blah blah blah" if I ever do respond it is a response for solution. Not pity for the problem. I don't sulk about a problem, I fix it. And my man is the same way. We agreed last night this experience is only bringing us closer and in its own way, is a blessing, albeit a hard one to handle lol

We have learned so much about each other and life in general in a short amount of time and seeing other people who think the same way is yet again another blessing.

Thank you Tammy you really are a genius for this thread
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Old 07-03-2012, 11:00 AM
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Today my fiance called to say that his phone call addiction is worse than smoking, he calls first thing on a morning, again on his work break, after work, before lock up, about 3 times inbetween and once before bedtime. Sometimes he will call and say 'I love you so much' and then say bye.
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Old 07-04-2012, 06:27 AM
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Fantastic reading! Thank you. I had the best day yesterday with my husband after I surprised him with a visit. He managed to get a call to me late last night (9:30 pm late for me since normally I am sleeping by that time). He wanted to share with me that our love is the real deal due to our affinity that has always been there. I admire him intellectually, as a man, a human being and like you, I do not define who he is as my husband with the nature of his crime nor being a convicted felon. I know the truth and that is all that matters. We know that we need to accommodate one another because we are in a non-traditional relationship. No drama here! We agree to disagree and even when I get long winded lol we never ever disrespect each other. I come first. He comes first. We are a team! He said last night that it was like waiting on the government cheese line to make the call to me but it was absolutely necessary for him to tell me how grateful and blessed he is that after 25 yrs, I managed to stay in his life, this time permanently and that he is in love with me. I am smiling ear to ear and crying joyfully as I write this because I know that I too am lucky to have my best friend, soul mate sharing life with me. Thank you again for your post!
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Old 07-09-2012, 09:18 AM
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I dated Paul just a short while before he went in, and I knew he was a good man, a great father and I did love him. I sat through court and watched the injustices of our justice system, and I was pretty disgusted!!

After his vertict, I sat in my car and cried and thought "this is a family matter between Paul, his parents and his son". Later that day he called his son called me and said "dad is calling back in 15 min and wants to talk to you". I rushed over and waited for the call. Paul's family opened up their house to me and have been truly gracious since this whole ordeal began. I started visiting him in jail and when he arrived to the yard, I was the first to visit him as well.

I am college educated, a bit older than most of this site have never been arrested or had any run ins with the law. I have never, in my wildest dreams ever considered having a relationship with someone in prison.

Of course, I discovered PTO, as I was totally clueless about prison. I have also been fortunate enough to have met one of my dearest friends on PTO, and she and I have have gone through so much together. Today, she is closer to me than my own sister!!

Well I started visiting, writing and to this day we still talk every day. His family is as close, if not closer, to me as my family, and I truly love his 15 yr old son.

There was a point that I would say...."every thing I am doing for his son, I am doing for Paul". One day it changed "every thing I was doing for his son, I was doing for his son". That same week, his son said "I was a better mother than his mother ever was!!"

Everything in my life changed the day I met Paul. I now have TWO families that I love, Paul is my best friend that I can't imagine NOT spending the rest of my life with. And I have my dear PTO friend, who has been there for me since the beginning!

I completely changed my career...I was gainfully employed by the same boss for over 15 years. I went back for a Post Bacc, quit my job and began student teaching (in my 40's). I had one interview and got my dream job!! I am now a teacher and prison will influence HOW I teach for the rest of my life.

This past weekend, Paul and I were talking about all the things that has happened in the past 2 1/2 years...all the activities I did with his son, when his dad was in the hospital, my school, teaching...none of this, I would of ever guessed would be part of our lives in the past couple years. It's been a chaotic 2 1/2 years, but I am happier in my life than I have ever been!!

This weekend, he said "I did love you before I went to court, but it was in prison that I fell in love with you and I knew you were my best friend. I am so very lucky I met you when I did, and I thank you for being there for me and my son!!"

I will be so happy when this whole adventure will be over with in 130 days. He will be home. Yes, I am a bit scared...we did not live together before he went in (in fact neither one of us have ever been married). We get to start all over and date again!!

Actually, when I emptied his apartment, I moved all his stuff to my house, as it just made sense. I did not want to burden his parents, and they were already taking care of his son.

But I can say, my life has forever changed because of prison...I am more patient, more loving, more caring. I will never ever get tired of hearing "I love you" and I will never again take for granted the small things in life.

I will be a better teacher and more understanding with my kids as I never ever want them to experience what I have gone through. And those kids, whose parents are incarcerated, (and now I CAN pick up on it more so today) I will certainly understand what's happening in their lives, much more so than others!!

And I know I truly made a difference with his son...he's a great kid, and having a father in prison has to be so very difficult. Last night I was at his parents for a BBQ and his son (now towering over me) gave me a big hug and thanked me for being there for his dad this whole time!!

Paul will be home soon, and I would not recommend this "Mr Toad's Wild Ride" to anyone. It's not fun, but I fell in love with Paul in prison. I loved him before he went in, but I truly fell in love with him, behind that razor wire and cement walls.

I have visited him some where between 90 and 100 times...I have lost track!! And yes, we sit at a table for 4, 6, or 8 hours and we talk. We have truly learned to communicate with each other. He has been my biggest supporter for my school and career change. Some people wonder how 2 people can talk every weekend for that long, and on the phone every day...we well can. We never run out of things to say. And this week, I sent off letter #320.

And I have a huge box of love letters on my night stand from him....along with dozen of 'prison art' cards...and jewelry boxes and all kinds of wonderful things made in prison!! OH, and I have a blue Tiffany box full of dried flowers where Paul would pick flowers in the yard and mail to me in his letters!! With all the "ugly" of prison, Paul some how finds some "beauty" there and sends it to me!

He'll be home soon and I am so looking forward to our next chapter in our lives!!

He is the love of my life and I can't wait till he comes home!!
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  #69  
Old 07-09-2012, 09:38 AM
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Originally Posted by HisLadyNC View Post
I chose to accept this life,his flaws&FORGIVE!!!!
This is my philosophy exactly!
This prison experience has helped to build our relationship stronger, and I am not about to ruin that by worrying about what has happened in the past that we CAN NOT change. We have to pick ourselves up, accept things for what they are, and move on to a better future!!
Awesome thread, Patty!
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Old 07-09-2012, 10:07 AM
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Awesome thread Patty thank you.

I met him since he has been in prison.
This relationship we have is deeper and more real than any either of us have ever had before and neither of us are relationship virgins both been married both have played the field.
We dont argue or have trust issues. Im out here living my life he never questions my loyalty and I never give him reason to. He is in there doing his time Im not jealous of his women friends or his exs or the mother of his child or any women officers he has to come in contact with. It never crosses my mind that he is using me.
I dont fret when he doesnt call and he doesnt go crazy when I dont answer a call life has got to be lived. He doesnt tell me I cant go out I dont tell him who he can or cannot write to/call or visit.
We are happy and making this work for us. Its the best love I have ever had and the best I have ever given. Mutual love,trust,honesty,loyalty and respect it will go on forever.
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Old 07-09-2012, 07:32 PM
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All these posts on here are great, I'm only 5 months in right now. Been struggling alot. Its wonderful to see that people are thinking along the same lines as I am. And not everyone has doubts, this expierence deffinately shows how strong your relationship really is.
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Old 07-10-2012, 06:04 PM
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I'm at the beginning of this journey as well, and though it was rough in the very beginning, we've made it through! He's in reception right now, with noooooooooo contact, yet I'm not as sad and sulky as I thought I'd be, because I know it's just one day closer to when we can have CONTACT VISITS!!! I have not put my arms around that man in almost 6 months...I'm going crazy! LOL.

We've been together for a year and have NEVER gotten into any big fights, so when I hear about the drama and fights that newer couples have already gotten into, I always wonder if my guy and I are weirdos, lol. He gets me in a way nobody else can. This jail/prison time has been a blessing so far, because it's caused him to face some issues that potentially could've eaten at him for the rest of his life since he never told anybody. This is the first step towards healing. Instead of looking at jail/prison all gloom-and-doom, I look at it as the best thing that could've happened to him. I REFUSE to be negative about it. Of course there are rough moments where something happens and I'll miss being able to call him, but those are few and far between. I just take each day bit by bit and sometimes take a break from this site in order to gather myself together again.

Sometimes, I'll read some of the more dramatic threads and it'll get me imagining and looking for signs that don't exist hahha. Like if he's using me, other women, etc etc. But when I talk to him, I know I'm the most important person in his life through his tears. If I even feel any kind of negativity towards him, it hurts him so much. Also, nowadays he can HEAR if I'm feeling sad/mad just by the way I say "hello"!!! IDK whether I like/hate it yet LOL. I love that man, his love is my security blanket. I feel so awesome and lucky just being his girlfriend, because when we were just friends, I used to be so jealous of girls he had crushes on...geeeeezus.

I told him that his IDOC number may be something else, but to me it's always #1. And I've sentenced him to life with me...WITHOUT PAROLE, mwahahahah! Sorry I know this is long, but it feels nice to brag a bit about my baby!!
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Old 07-11-2012, 04:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blah8705 View Post
when I hear about the drama and fights that newer couples have already gotten into, I always wonder if my guy and I are weirdos, lol.
I think that sometimes but I've come to the conclusion that if we're weirdos it's a very good thing!
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Old 07-11-2012, 11:52 PM
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This thread is THE BEST!! Me and my baby have been thru so much in the short amount of time that weve been together but, I believe that weve met for a REASON!! Weve had our issues but we have always worked thru them! NOW THIS...............we gone work thru this too!! I love MR. Brown ALWAYS and FOREVER!!! This distance just makes me want him even MORE LOL
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Old 07-14-2012, 08:13 AM
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Thank you, Patty, for this thread, and to the other posters. It's nice to read about both sides of the coin. I know I'm new to this site and relationship and yeah, I won't lie, I miss him like crazy. But I know as time goes on, we'll be even closer. We write all the time, he calls me as often as he can and we talk about everything and anything. We make each other smile. I've told him that it doesn't matter where he is, he treats me better than anyone ever has and I've chosen to ride this out and wait for him. Things do happen for a reason.
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