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  #26  
Old 06-21-2012, 06:36 PM
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I am still crazy in love with my man. He was acting out a few months ago and I didn't think I could take it. But I refused to give up on this man who I love with all my heart. He was raised on the streets of NY and he doesn't know how to love. But he has admitted that to me and we are taking it one day at a time. We have decided not to argue and yell at each other because it is so damning to every relationship. He was afraid to tell me that his time to come home was moved back a year because he thought i would walk. And he did try to make me walk. But I am not going anywhere. Going to find out where this intense love goes. I love him so much. And he loves me. I ain't going anywhere.
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Old 06-21-2012, 06:39 PM
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Originally Posted by mich68 View Post
Thank you, Patty, this thread is awesome!
I often feel like an oddity on the boards because we DON'T have the drama and strife...
We always have good visits, we appreciate and adore each other, and his current address has absolutely zero bearing on how our relationship is.
So cheers to all the happy, non-miserable couples, proving that this CAN be done successfully!
AMEN!!!! Its just geography - thats what we always say!!
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  #28  
Old 06-21-2012, 06:46 PM
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Life is good and I can (and do) deal...

I'm happy to know that there are other relationships that are blissfully drama free.

Cheers to all of us!
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  #29  
Old 06-21-2012, 06:47 PM
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My boyfriend and I had HUGE communication issues when he was out - he would randomly stop answering calls for a day or two, and seemed to really look for ways to spend time away from me. (He's very independent, and I'm more clingy).

Now that he's in, it's allowed us to develop our communication skills so much more fully than we EVER would have before. We probably would have broken up eventually, but even if we hadn't there is NO way we would be as close as we are today. Our letters (sometimes 10-12 pages each - we write every SINGLE day) have allowed us to ask and answer so many questions and address so many deep issues.

I'm not saying I'm happy he's gone, but this ordeal will make us stronger in the end. We're giving up two years of physical closeness for an entire lifetime of mental and emotional closeness. As my love likes to say "we were impact resistant before...after this our love will be completely bulletproof."

That's the positive side of things for you!
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  #30  
Old 06-21-2012, 06:48 PM
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Awesome thread. I scroll through almost everyday and hate seeing all the cheating, other women and baby mama drama's. Me my LO have been together for 20+ years and there is nothing he can do to change how I feel about him. When we took our vows 17 years ago we meant them. For better or worse. Besides, like I told him when he was feeling insecure, it took me this long to train him do you really think I want to start over with someone else? LOL Just the thought of letting another man touch me repulses me. It has been hard for me at first but even behind bars he is my rock and fills me with positivity and strength. He always knows how to make me smile. This is just a bump in the road and another mountain we must climb. The only difference is I am slower at climbing than he is so I have to take the easier route and we will meet up at the top again. Thanks for such an uplifting thread.
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  #31  
Old 06-22-2012, 12:54 AM
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Oh yeah, happy to see this thread.

I spent 7-8 years learning the ropes of all this prison stuff when a friend went in for life... then met the love of my life. Former gangster who left it all behind long ago, but his conscience made him hold himself accountable for his past and so he turned himself in. I'm there for him because he is there for me and we both believe in doing the right thing.

We are so not into silly drama... a great relationship is built on shared values, trust, communication and more trust.

It's great to hear from others who are into solid, positive relationships too!
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  #32  
Old 06-22-2012, 02:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mich68
Thank you, Patty, this thread is awesome!
I often feel like an oddity on the boards because we DON'T have the drama and strife...
We always have good visits, we appreciate and adore each other, and his current address has absolutely zero bearing on how our relationship is.
So cheers to all the happy, non-miserable couples, proving that this CAN be done successfully!
I feel the same way about feeling like an oddity when reading a lot of the threads. Me and C have a great relationship. There is nothing that we don't talk about because we both want 100% honesty. When we do argue, its resolved pretty quick because theres enough negativity around the both of us. He makes me laugh and vice versa....and he's not afraid to be silly just because. We are always finding new ways to make us work. I know he will call when he can. Same goes for mail. We just fit and the DOC isnt going to take that away from us.
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  #33  
Old 06-22-2012, 05:01 AM
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I think this thread is great and should be put up as a sticky

When he and I were first reunited and I found him in prison the day after he was sent, I was all happy I found him but floored that he would be spending the rest of his life there. Over the years we have rekindled and strengthened a love that was already there long ago. He has told me many time that he thinks we are both crazy because we can sit at visit and time, place and people just do not exist for us. He makes me laugh all the time with some of the dumbest things because he loves to see me smile. He is always trying to encourage me to do things to better myself. We have never fought in the 10 years we have been reunited. We just fit together, perfectly. Like he says, we are the 2 remaining pieces of the puzzle of our lives. Now the puzzle is complete. When we talk to each other in any form we always have a faster pulse and a big grin on our faces. We compliment each other so well. And for once in my life I am completely happy. I am very blessed that God returned him to me.
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  #34  
Old 06-22-2012, 10:34 AM
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I think this thread is great and should be put up as a sticky
I agree, a positivity sticky would be awesome!

Thanks for this thread Patty, and btw, I remember you from waayyy back in the MWI days, always with the positive, intelligent word. Good to 'see' you again.
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  #35  
Old 06-22-2012, 12:21 PM
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Originally Posted by mich68 View Post
Thank you, Patty, this thread is awesome!
I often feel like an oddity on the boards because we DON'T have the drama and strife...
We always have good visits, we appreciate and adore each other, and his current address has absolutely zero bearing on how our relationship is.
So cheers to all the happy, non-miserable couples, proving that this CAN be done successfully!
Thanks so much for your response. It has touched a chord with many of our members, myself included. I often refer to myself and my relationship as being "in the minority" because as we all know and understand people are more apt to reach out in times of trouble.

The truth is PTO's diversity is one of it's best attributes. Those who are living a relatively trouble-free existence with their incarcerated loved one should feel supported and encouraged to remain active in this community even if they do not have a problem or need a specific piece of prison-related information on a given day.

I hoped this thread would provide a smile and serve as a reminder that just because our loved one is incarcerated doesn't mean we can't have healthy, loving, meaningful relationships. In addition, it would be amazing if it served to encourage others to create threads that shine the light on the positive aspects of loving an incarcerated mate. I truly believe that by posting more positive threads in our forums we can stay encouraged and encourage others to do the same.

Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far!
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  #36  
Old 06-22-2012, 12:25 PM
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I think this thread is great and should be put up as a sticky
Quote:
Originally Posted by qwerty View Post
I agree, a positivity sticky would be awesome!

Thanks for this thread Patty, and btw, I remember you from waayyy back in the MWI days, always with the positive, intelligent word. Good to 'see' you again.
Ladies ~ I hadn't considered a sticky when I created this thread but that sounds like an idea worthy of consideration, thanks for bringing it up!

qwerty ~ I remember you fondly as well - glad to see you - drop me a line.
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  #37  
Old 06-22-2012, 09:09 PM
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We've has our little moments, but it hasnt been anything that has lasted or that we havent been able to talk out. We try to keep things as drama free as possible because after all he goes through enough in there and I do when others find out I'm with a man who is in prison. I've learned that I cant live for everyone else and I am happier now then I've ever been before. I cant imagine being without this man and I am so thankful that I finally have my soul mate in my life.
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Old 06-22-2012, 09:38 PM
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Default What a great thread to celebrate our lives!

Patty,


You are awesome to start this up. Sometimes I feel awkward trying to join the topics because so many of them are written by people who seem depressed, sad, angry, and worse. I am not any of those things myself!


Sure I wish I was in my husband's arms, but I know without doubt I am in his heart and mind.

This man was my husband in the free world and I loved him then. But then he fell down the rabbithole and lost everything.... except me.


Now, we have rebuilt a whole other level of love. He really truly is my soulmate. We know when we are writing each other without even communicating that.

I can feel his love and his thoughts as a tangible solid force in my life. I don't feel alone, I am happy to be with him, no matter where and how that is.


There are people who love very ill and physically disabled partners, and I admire them for that. For me, prison is simply the place he lives now, not who he is. We are happy to be loving married strong best friends.

Buddha said, "What you think, you become." I believe it is important to think positively and lovingly, and the blessings flow from that.

Thanks again,

MJ
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  #39  
Old 06-22-2012, 10:09 PM
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I loved this thread! Some days I don't visit PTO because quite frankly sometimes the tone is really depressing! I sympathize with the issues people go through but often I can't Relate cause ive never experienced alot of these hardships. I'm in a great relationship and happy and content 99.5% of the time. Nice to hear about other couples who are doing time without all the drama! I for one am one of the happiest people I know in a relationship. I'm fulfilled beyond compare to those who are out here with their loved ones. Prison is just a place and our love transcends those walls! He has my back like no other and the stability of our relationship comforts me every single day! I'm so fortunate to be with my best friend!
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  #40  
Old 06-23-2012, 01:03 AM
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I can feel his love and his thoughts as a tangible solid force in my life. I don't feel alone, I am happy to be with him, no matter where and how that is.
If I could snap my fingers and make everyone in the world understand only one thing about loving one's incarcerated mate it would be exactly what you said. I find it so relatable and wish that others could and for the right reasons. All the best to you and yours.
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  #41  
Old 06-23-2012, 04:29 AM
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I loved this thread! Some days I don't visit PTO because quite frankly sometimes the tone is really depressing! I sympathize with the issues people go through but often I can't Relate cause ive never experienced alot of these hardships. I'm in a great relationship and happy and content 99.5% of the time. Nice to hear about other couples who are doing time without all the drama! I for one am one of the happiest people I know in a relationship. I'm fulfilled beyond compare to those who are out here with their loved ones. Prison is just a place and our love transcends those walls! He has my back like no other and the stability of our relationship comforts me every single day! I'm so fortunate to be with my best friend!
I agree with you about the drama. I mean, some days I really miss my love, and I come on here and I feel even worse - It's one thing to post a thread about how much you miss your boyfriend or husband, we all have those days, but there seem to be so many threads about someone cheating, someone not trusting someone else, how he wants more money than she wants to send because she wants to get her nails done and it was HIS decisions that put him in there so why should SHE cut back? A lot of it can be so negative, and can make a bad mood worse.

This is an excellent thread and really should be made a sticky!!
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  #42  
Old 06-23-2012, 11:50 AM
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Ahhh! Finally. I'm so lucky that my guy and I have an amazing relationship. That isn't to say that we've never argued or ALWAYS see eye-to-eye, but we always work through things, whether that means compromising or occasionally agreeing to just disagree. But we're very in sync. We've only been together three and a half months, but I've known him for almost two years and we're madly in love. He supports me in absolutely everything, even if he isn't fond of the idea (I was going to move out of state to help my sister with her new baby. She's divorced and works seriously crazy hours for the military.). He didn't tell me until after I decided not to go that he really didn't want me to. All he ever said was that he wanted me to make sure I would be home by the time he got out. He's so glad that I'm on here, because it does help me a lot. He said he could notice the difference in me right away. The support from this site means so much to both of us and has helped our relationship immensely.
While it can definitely be hard not being with him physically, I have honestly never been so happy. We just have a great relationship. There are tiny little snags, but never any potholes. That's how it should be.
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Old 06-23-2012, 08:27 PM
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I have honestly never been so happy. We just have a great relationship. There are tiny little snags, but never any potholes. That's how it should be.

So many cannot imagine being happy, really, truly, happy in our situations but you and I and the others that have posted are proof positive that it can be achieved and happens often. Sounds like cause to celebrate!
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Old 06-23-2012, 08:45 PM
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I have been one to whine a time or two about being alone and really needing him home with me, but I then realized that what I have someone else may not have, so I needed to be thankful for the visits, phone calls, letters, and his commitment to me and our children. I was having a bad day the other day because I wanted him home with me for my birthday and other things I had going on, but when he called home that night his voice eased all of those things away. I love being in love with a man who invests in me.

This forum is DABOMB.COM! Thank you very much! I am dancing around the office right now, super pumped that I am not the only woman in the world who can see good and GREAT in a somewhat TOUGH situation. I love you all on this site.
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Old 06-23-2012, 09:00 PM
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... then this thread is for you. This is my answer to all the PMs asking for me to thread again for the positivity seekers. Sorry, time gets in the way and the needs of this community can be overwhelming for staff. But here goes for all those that are seeking a drama-free thread.

I don't get down with all that oh me oh my he's in prison, whatever shall I do, "stuff"? It's just not me. We don't allow the DOC to dictate the terms of our relationship because the ONLY thing they can do is put physical distance between us.

He's not in prison because he doesn't love me enough. For me, (keywords: For me) the alleged crime and our relationship are separate. This man puts joy and love up on me every single, dingle day whether he's sittin' on the couch next to me or anywhere else, yes including the joint.

Once in a great while he is unable to call me at the usual time. Never once has that been by his own accord. Shtuff happens in prison, I get that. If he can call me he will call me and knowing that I never feel the need to become paranoid about what it means. FYI - it usually means nothing in the larger scheme of things, really, truly, I swear.

There are decisions to be made that ultimately affect both of us. In some regards I must bare the "actualness" of that on my own but fortunately I am not without his shared confidences, opinions, desires. We are close and we make it a priority to stay relevant as individuals and as a couple.

I suppose the bottom line is that he attends to ALL of my needs and as much as I wish he were home with me right this second, his actual physical presence is truly the only thing I am lacking for and we can deal with that through phone dates because we are so in sync.

My life is rich because I make the effort. My life is richer because he makes the effort. Our lives are richest because we choose to enrich ourselves and one another. Wallowing in self pity is not a party we choose to attend.

So if you are NOT caught up in when he may or may not call or write or how he acts at visits or some facebook drama or issues with his child's mother ("babymama" to the less enlightened) talk to us. If you are not contemplating having sex with someone else because he will be gone for so long or you already messed up and if life's little tragedies are just obstacles that become opportunities for growth tell us about it.

Listen, we've got plenty of threads filled with negativity - if you empathize with those who are dealing with difficult issues but do not share the same problems and don't always feel free to post about the joy that your relationship brings you - then this is the thread for you. No negativity!

Share the positivity that is your relationship....
First off this is a GREAT post because yes there is a Loy of negativity out there. I am happy with my fiancé n I don't think of the time or the crime, but what I do think about is how he has calmed down n how he initiates ways to bring us closer such a reading books together chapter by chapter or choosing a word of the week to broaden his vocabulary then use said word throughout our conversations during the week. Him being away has definitely present it's obstacles but above all that he is the one man I've ever felt comfortable enough with to tell everything lol like feminine problems n such but all together our relationship is truely amazing n I cherish him n his love every single day. He reminds me how beautiful I am n how much he cares. We make decisions together n we've both gained so much respect for each other n our opinions from this it's unreal. Thank u patty for this awesome post!
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Old 06-23-2012, 09:25 PM
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This bid has got my LO off the streets. And I truly believe he'll never go back. It's given him the time to reflect on his past and mistakes and look forward to a better and bright future.

This bid has brought us closer together and does so even more each day. Once he comes home we'll have climbed this mountain together and every little tid bit we get in there after we'll seem like a mole hill.

This bid will allow him the opportunity to go back to school and learn a trade.

This bid will make our sex lives the best sex lives ever when he comes home next year.

This bid has brought me PTO and some new friendships with AMAZING women.

WHAT DOESN'T KILL US ALWAYS MAKES US STRONGER.
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Old 06-24-2012, 11:23 AM
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Originally Posted by tsears1 View Post
This bid has got my LO off the streets. And I truly believe he'll never go back. It's given him the time to reflect on his past and mistakes and look forward to a better and bright future.

This bid has brought us closer together and does so even more each day. Once he comes home we'll have climbed this mountain together and every little tid bit we get in there after we'll seem like a mole hill.

This bid will allow him the opportunity to go back to school and learn a trade.

This bid will make our sex lives the best sex lives ever when he comes home next year.

This bid has brought me PTO and some new friendships with AMAZING women.

WHAT DOESN'T KILL US ALWAYS MAKES US STRONGER.
It sounds like you have gained a lot and have much to look forward to. Best wishes to you and yours.
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THIS CORRESPONDENCE
IS FROM A WOMAN IN LOVE
WITH A FORMER INMATE OF
THE ILLINOIS DEPARTMENT
OF CORRECTIONS





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  #48  
Old 06-24-2012, 11:34 AM
jasonswifeyaz jasonswifeyaz is offline
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Originally Posted by HisLadyNC View Post
This thread,this thread=AWESOME!!! I've posted soooo many positive things&even after my Guy got sentenced to 114 months,I had someone on here tell me "you seem very positive!" I DONT HAVE a Choice, I chose to accept this life,his flaws&FORGIVE!!! haaaaaa. This post is amazing because, the DOC can't make the clocks stop..time is STILL ticking FORWARD!!!! we're soooooo winning!! thanks for this positive energy!


I LOVE that!! DOC can NOT make clocks stop!! We are totally winning!!
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  #49  
Old 06-24-2012, 11:48 AM
jasonswifeyaz jasonswifeyaz is offline
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I don't think I've had this big of a smile on my face while being on here in a while. Now all I am thinking is how lucky I am to have my husband and how much I love him and how strong we are together. And we are MWI's so if it weren't for prison, we never would've found each other. He is my best friend and I can't even stand the thought of being with anyone else so there is no way I am not standing by him. He's my boo.
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  #50  
Old 06-24-2012, 03:32 PM
jadejonez jadejonez is offline
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Originally Posted by loveofmarkslife View Post
This thread = fabulousness!!! A thread without negativity and drama....almost too good to be true!

even when we were dating - it's all about trust and loving someone unconditionally. We talk on the phone every single day and tell each other about our day, we write letters to each other everyday (I know, what in the world could we have to talk about....you would be surprised), and I visit him almost every weekend.
Thank you for the thread Patty!
I write to him everyday sometimes a couple of letters... LOL we don't talk on the phone as much so there is more to say.. we are great communicators.
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