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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Whats your BIGGEST fear that you have?
That he will cheat (either on the inside or after) 150 15.99%
That he will re-offend 241 25.69%
That he will get hurt in prison 265 28.25%
Other 282 30.06%
Voters: 938. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 03-18-2009, 09:53 AM
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I fear for his life. His mouth is sometimes he worst assest. He and his mouth tend to cause himself alot of problems. I fear that someone will kill him on the inside since he is there basically for life. don't even want to go to the other things that run through my mind.
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  #27  
Old 03-18-2009, 10:12 AM
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I fear that he will get really discouraged when he gets out. He thinks he will be able to find a job right away, and everything will be okay. I keep telling him that when he gets out, he has a few months to find a job, that I can support us that long. But he sometimes doesn't look at reality. I keep telling him, even if he has to work at McD's for a few months while looking for a better job, its better than nothing! He doesn't have his license, and owes about $1500 to get it back. Around here, its almost impossible to get a job without a license. So I keep telling him he just needs to work to pay that off, then he can find a real job.
He also thinks we are moving RIGHT away when he gets home. He's in for a surprise. It costs money to move, and if he gets out in August, I'll just have graduated from school, and will not have had time to save money for the move. Once we move, a friend of mine's parents will give him a job. But its going to take a few months to get there!
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  #28  
Old 03-18-2009, 10:18 AM
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It's my son who is in, but I have a lot of the same fears. A loved one dying while he is in. My mother is 84 and they have always been close. He has till 2014 before he gets out. I also worry about him getting hurt in prison, he has been in 2 fights, but he said he has to defend himself, didn't get in trouble for either of them, but since that he hasn't had any problem. I do worry about about him being able to get a job when he gets out, and about him getting back into the people he knows who were not his friends. I worry about all of it. I worry about his children if he messes up again. I'm worried about people saying he could never change. I guess i'm just a natural born worrier. I quess I have to also say I worry about me too. I'm not sure if I could stand to have him go back inside. I'm amazed at people who are able to deal with dr or ls, my heart goes out to those who live with that everyday. They are very brave souls, braver than I. I quess it's really hard to pick just one.
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  #29  
Old 03-18-2009, 10:21 AM
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I fear that he has set too high of goals for home, and will be hurt and disillusioned. I have confidence in my husband, but with the economy peole are fighting really hard to get jobs... needless to say he will have a couple of strikes against him before he even walks in the door. I know he can do whatever he puts his mind too, but getting that oppportunity may not come for awhile.
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  #30  
Old 03-18-2009, 11:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SugarGirl View Post
Relapse is my biggest fear.

I feel the same way... I only hope he continues his relationship with God.
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  #31  
Old 03-18-2009, 12:37 PM
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the only thing i worry about is that he might fall out of love. Only becasue the last time he came home we had issues. and i know how that other baby mama tries to work, she only wants him when i got him. so i fear the fact that he might decide to go with her but, alot of things have changed this time around. But i also fear that he has to many thing planned for when he comes home he plans to work go to school and still have time for our kids and me. I just hope he does over work him self when he comes home.
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  #32  
Old 03-18-2009, 12:45 PM
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I know it's not his first time in prison and he's a soldier - so i don't really worry 'bout him being hurt - 'cause he's a big boy 6.2 and can deal with people around him. I don't worry that he can cheat 'cause my belief is as long as your man loves you, respects you and comes home to you every night -it's not much of a problem. If he's in love with you before his jail time he'll be even MORE in love with you when he's out. If the boy doesn't love you by now - believe me -you can wait 20 years - anyway he'll never ever love you. This is called GRATITUDE - not LOVE.

The only thing i worry about is that he can be back in jail after he's out...That's my worst fear.
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  #33  
Old 03-18-2009, 01:29 PM
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I would've voted but i want the "nothing" option. I am not worried about anything. I personally believe "what you pay attention to is what you attract". so if i sit here and worry about this and that, then all i am doing is giving it energy, creating it and drawing it to myself. so i choose to dream and think about all the good things. and i could care less if anyone thinks thats realistic or not.

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  #34  
Old 03-18-2009, 01:50 PM
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I worry about everything! But mostly he comes home does what he always does and goes back once again!
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  #35  
Old 03-18-2009, 02:51 PM
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My love is home now, so my biggest fear is that they will take him away again!!! I mean I know with him being on parole they can violate him for 1of 1 million things... We are both very work orientated, we dont party, we dont do drugs, we dont drink... We are actually pretty boring in the eyes of most, but we enjoy each other to the fullest. But I just cant get the though of them taking him away from me again!!! Cheating is not even a thought, getting in trouble is so far out of my head as well... I am lucky that those thoughts dont consume my mind also!!!
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  #36  
Old 03-18-2009, 03:02 PM
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I put down re-offending. I have high hopes that he wont but with addiction you never know and even though they say they rehabilitate our loved ones, its a joke. So that is my worse fear. Hopefully that wont happen but it is always on the back of my mind. I cant do this again.
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  #37  
Old 03-18-2009, 04:09 PM
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I would say that my biggest fear is that he will re-offend. This is actually his second time in. The first time he was really young (18) and did 4 years (actual jail time). I stuck by him b/c I loved him. I tried to let him go but couldn't. He was my first love; how could I? Anyway, after being out not even a week he was back to his old tricks of living the fast life. I think things weren't what he thought they would be when he came home and it was just easy for him to do what he knew. Well, after a couple of years he got caught up again (he had just gotten off probation) and back to the slammer he went. This time he got 10 years. Even though he is older and "wiser" I still don't think he will make the right choices again. He doesn't have long before he will be home and he doesn't have a plan. He has really never had a job and doesn't know how to do much outside being a hustler. He is very intelligent and since i have been in it this long I am going to play it out to see if his word holds true this time. Not sure that I can do this again and he knows it. My love for him keeps us together. I feel like I am doing my part now and I just need him to make good on his part later.
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  #38  
Old 03-18-2009, 04:16 PM
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Default I know how you feel

I completely understand how you feel (#3). I have those same thoughts. The crazy part is I don't understand why I feel that way. It's just a feeling, I guess. Sometimes I think that if he is not happy then maybe he will just stay w/me out of obligation b/c I have been there. He says that he is totally happy with me and always has been. We, women are some very different creatures and who knows why we think or feel the way we do.

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Originally Posted by marcsbeth View Post
i have much hope for marc but sometimes, depending on the day i do have fears.#1)that he won't keep God first when he gets out and 2)that he will get very discouraged if he can't get a job right away and 3) that i won't be able to make him happy or satisfied.(the last one he says is completely insane, but i can't help how i feel!!)
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  #39  
Old 03-18-2009, 04:17 PM
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My biggest fear is that he will not be the same person he was when he comes out. My husband was a kind-hearted, loving person. Already I have seen some changes that show he has become angry and vengeful for those that caused his incarceration. I worry that when he comes home, he will be so different that we will not be able to make it.
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  #40  
Old 03-18-2009, 04:30 PM
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I answered other my biggest fear is him dying in there. He has no health problems or anything but you know stuff happens. I am afraid no to get another chance to hold him, make love to him or even just be alone with him. Or for something to happen to me or one of our kids while he is in there. I don't know what he is capable of because I have never seen him in a situation like that. I told him if something were to happen to me, he needs to come home get straight and get his kids. All I want is another chance to make our lives better than they were, laugh,love,talk and kiss every minute, every hour of the day.
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  #41  
Old 03-18-2009, 04:32 PM
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i fear all things, mostly that he wont be okay at the end of everything. It has been a difficult year for me but it has been his entire life. We have been friends a long time but are completely different. He has had such a self destructive tendency in the past, not necessarily suicidal, just reckless, not caring.

He has no help from his family at all. It has been that way since his mother died in 2002. I have been his only contact since that time with few exceptions. Therefore, I know there will be so many adjustments.

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  #42  
Old 03-18-2009, 04:32 PM
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my biggest fear is him getting into trouble and not being able to get out next year. he doesnt have the patients for stupid people and even tho he says hes not going to do anything stupid its just always in the back of my mind. and i have another fear too is i dont want him to change when he gets out, it scares me to think that hes gonna go right back to his old ways and im not gonna be in there, he says hes not gonna change towards me but its still there ya know?
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  #43  
Old 03-18-2009, 04:37 PM
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i don't know if he is seing some one because i can't go see him he writes me byt i am not sure that is all we need
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  #44  
Old 03-18-2009, 06:14 PM
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I'm afraid he'll fall out of love with me or decide he doesn't want to be together anymore or something like that. I'm also afraid of him like getting hurt in prison or something, but I just try to remind myself that he is capable of taking care of himself but smart enough to let me or someone else know if he needs something.
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  #45  
Old 03-18-2009, 07:28 PM
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I guess my biggest fear is that he wont keep what he has learned from this horrible experience in the forefront of his mind. To reoffend would be a slap in the face for myself and all who have stood by his side thorough these three years of hell...... so i fear he hasnt matured enough to do right by his family and mostly himself.
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Old 03-18-2009, 08:48 PM
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I think my biggest fear is change. Our relationship was really good before he went in...(not perfect but great)...it is even better now because I have learned to communicate better and he now knows how strong my love for him is. However we have both become accustomed to the way things are now. He has that prison mentality and I have become use to being the man and woman of the house. I am scared that the change will take it's toll on our relationship. I have always had a fear of change...but I know God knows what he is doing so I will take a deep breath and put my faith in him.
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  #47  
Old 03-18-2009, 09:17 PM
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My biggest fear is that he will never get out. Texas is so unfair.
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  #48  
Old 03-18-2009, 09:31 PM
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[quote=moskmaria;4513458]I know it's not his first time in prison and he's a soldier - so i don't really worry 'bout him being hurt - 'cause he's a big boy 6.2 and can deal with people around him. I don't worry that he can cheat 'cause my belief is as long as your man loves you, respects you and comes home to you every night -it's not much of a problem. If he's in love with you before his jail time he'll be even MORE in love with you when he's out. If the boy doesn't love you by now - believe me -you can wait 20 years - anyway he'll never ever love you. This is called GRATITUDE - not LOVE.
quote]


so very true...

i worry that he wont be able to cope with the outside after being in for so long... i do have the upmost faith that he will come out and be ok...even if it is hard for him to adjust these first few years it will be a challenge we are willing to take until the end...
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  #49  
Old 03-18-2009, 10:06 PM
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My biggest fear is that my husband will pick up charges in prison (adding time to his sentence) he's not one for a whole lot of drama and also that his personality will be different when he comes home. I know prison changes you, and I won't know the full effects until he's back.
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Old 03-18-2009, 10:23 PM
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My biggest fear right now is that GOD forbid . . . my mother in- law is really sick, older and going through alot . . . and something will happen before my husband gets a chance to come home and spend some time with her and I'm not sure how he will handle that mentally . . . he is really hard on himself for not being here in her time of need and I sometimes have to tell him that I hope that motivates him to do better . . . . . .
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