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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #26  
Old 06-10-2018, 08:01 PM
nawlinsrainy nawlinsrainy is offline
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One of the reasons I was sketch about this woman is that he used to cheat on his wife with her.
Now he's lied to me about being in contact with her- and the only reason I knew is because he accidentally made a group text.
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  #27  
Old 06-10-2018, 08:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xolady View Post
Well I'm not an idiot and I accidentally sent a group text that was meant strictly for my husband, thankfully it wasn't a picture. But the point is things happen sometimes I got a call from my Mother in law asking me what he did to get me so mad?? I was like how do you know and she said well the text you sent!!!LOL I was very embarrassed as I said some awful stuff, so my point is everyone makes mistakes. It almost sounds to me like your looking to dump him, because three weeks ago you were talking marriage, now its the third week he's out and maybe reality is setting in and he's not really what you want. You sound as if he's never going to live up to your expectations So you'd be doing you both a favor by moving on.
I would love nothing more than to move to texas with him and I've been saving all my money and getting ready to shut down my life here-
I'm deeply in love with him and i know the difficulties we face- he's my best friend and the love of my life.
But he has straight up, blatantly lied to me and has been texting and sending pics to his ex behind my back.
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  #28  
Old 06-10-2018, 08:52 PM
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This is almost 100% the wrong-turn my long-ago MWI relationship took. You gotta let this one go.

Go live in New Orleans like YOU wanted. Don’t let him take that away from you.
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  #29  
Old 06-10-2018, 09:06 PM
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Originally Posted by nawlinsrainy View Post
I would love nothing more than to move to texas with him and I've been saving all my money and getting ready to shut down my life here-
I'm deeply in love with him and i know the difficulties we face- he's my best friend and the love of my life.
But he has straight up, blatantly lied to me and has been texting and sending pics to his ex behind my back.
Look you already know what he's doing so unless you want to be with a cheating liar move on. Why would you even want to move here to be with him? He's shown you who he is, so now it's up to you whether you will allow yourself to continue to be f-ed over by him. You obviously have been hurt and I feel bad for you but if you continue this relationship knowing he's a liar and cheat then it's on you, not him.
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  #30  
Old 06-10-2018, 09:10 PM
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Originally Posted by xolady View Post
You sound as if he's never going to live up to your expectations So you'd be doing you both a favor by moving on.

I am baffled as to why you are throwing this oh-so-subtle shade at the OP.

Right... how dare her expectations include that he not freaking CHEAT and LIE.
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  #31  
Old 06-10-2018, 09:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Marseille View Post
I am baffled as to why you are throwing this oh-so-subtle shade at the OP.

Right... how dare her expectations include that he not freaking CHEAT and LIE.
Don't add your words to my post because that's not what I said or meant. I wasn't being snide or oh-so subtle shade as you call it. I said she already know's he's a liar and a cheat (her words not mine) so he's never going to meet her expectations, which she has a right to expect! Trust, honesty, and loyalty should be expected and she deserves to be treated in a respectful decent loving way, and last time I checked being a cheat and liar somehow is just not decent or respectful. Yes they are her expectations and he failed to meet them. I don't know what you thought I was saying but it certainly wasn't that her expectations were to high.
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  #32  
Old 06-10-2018, 09:48 PM
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Originally Posted by xolady View Post
Don't add your words to my post because that's not what I said or meant. I wasn't being snide or oh-so subtle shade as you call it. I said she already know's he's a liar and a cheat (her words not mine) so he's never going to meet her expectations, which she has a right to expect! Trust, honesty, and loyalty should be expected and she deserves to be treated in a respectful decent loving way, and last time I checked being a cheat and liar somehow is just not decent or respectful. Yes they are her expectations and he failed to meet them. I don't know what you thought I was saying but it certainly wasn't that her expectations were to high.
In my defense it just happened a couple hours ago lol.
Just trying to sort my head out and was hoping for some support to be honest.
I'm open to any kind of advice- it's all good.

Just feeling like sh*t to be honest- I don't regret anything though- I never sent a lot of money and I stood steady through everything; even though it was really hard and I didn't have to- I didn't let him down and I also didn't let myself down, I can live with this.
I wish to believe him and let it go- but I know if I have any self respect I can't.
It's hard, but I prepared myself for this outcome.
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  #33  
Old 06-10-2018, 09:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Marseille View Post
This is almost 100% the wrong-turn my long-ago MWI relationship took. You gotta let this one go.

Go live in New Orleans like YOU wanted. Don’t let him take that away from you.
Thank you.
This post means a lot to me even though I don't know you
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  #34  
Old 06-10-2018, 09:51 PM
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Originally Posted by xolady View Post
Look you already know what he's doing so unless you want to be with a cheating liar move on. Why would you even want to move here to be with him? He's shown you who he is, so now it's up to you whether you will allow yourself to continue to be f-ed over by him. You obviously have been hurt and I feel bad for you but if you continue this relationship knowing he's a liar and cheat then it's on you, not him.
I just found out 2-3 hours ago.
Sorry I don't have it all worked out yet....
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  #35  
Old 06-10-2018, 09:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Marseille View Post
This is almost 100% the wrong-turn my long-ago MWI relationship took. You gotta let this one go.

Go live in New Orleans like YOU wanted. Don’t let him take that away from you.
That what I was thinking.
I have a bit of money saved ( that I was going to use to move to Texas with him)
I'm thinking of using it to go to Thailand ( leave my phone at home)
Then start thinking about moving to New Orleans.
Xo
Thank you SO MUCH
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  #36  
Old 06-10-2018, 09:58 PM
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You can always ask for his password to check his phone records if you want to be 100 percent sure he was talking to her. If he isn't lying he will have no issue giving you his account info to his cell phone company. I did that before.
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  #37  
Old 06-10-2018, 10:02 PM
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You can always ask for his password to check his phone records if you want to be 100 percent sure he was talking to her. If he isn't lying he will have no issue giving you his account info to his cell phone company. I did that before.
The thing is that I don't need the phone records because I saw their conversation through group chat that he accidentally added me into.
There's no doubt he lied- the reason I got their convo is because he sent her the same pics he was sending me- he just didn't realize he grouped us lol
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  #38  
Old 06-10-2018, 10:12 PM
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The thing that pinches me as well- I bought him that phone that he's been using to send her pics.

I flew from Canada to pick him up in Louisiana from prison, rented a car, drove him to texas, stayed with his lovely family in texas and learned to sail- drove by myself to New Orleans- hung out there, drove to Florida for the beaches and then flew home to the rockies in Canada.
It was actually a great trip regardless, and I met a lot of people and had a good time.
I guess I'm just feeling like sh*t-
even last night he texted me " marry me"
Then today I found out the lying on the phone I bought him- good thing it was only $100 or I'd be way more angry.
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  #39  
Old 06-10-2018, 10:27 PM
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Always go with your gut. An ex I was with during the time My Space was popular swore to me that he was just playing poker and he didn’t even have any friends on his page so there was no reason to add me as a friend. He had his page private so I couldn’t see anything. I messaged him and there was a glitch when you pressed send his friends list popped up. There was like 40 girls on his list. Who knows if he was cheating or just messing around online. I didn’t wait around to find out. You know him best and if you think something is going on then it probably is. Silver lining? You found out in less than a month of him being out. It could have been so much worse.
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  #40  
Old 06-10-2018, 11:12 PM
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I'm just sitting here listening to this.
It brings me comfort
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  #41  
Old 06-11-2018, 06:46 AM
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I'm sorry if I sounded harsh it wasn't meant to demean you at all, it was meant with the intention that you are an adult who found out rather quickly what he's capable of which hurts but way better finding out now. I know all to well how awful it feels to be used and abused by someone. You deserve better you don't need someone like this in your life. You bought the phone you can cut it off!!! I know I would. Try to feel better it's not easy but it is doable! You are smart young and have way more going for you then someone who obviously doesn't deserve you.
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  #42  
Old 06-11-2018, 10:09 AM
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Originally Posted by xolady View Post
I'm sorry if I sounded harsh it wasn't meant to demean you at all, it was meant with the intention that you are an adult who found out rather quickly what he's capable of which hurts but way better finding out now. I know all to well how awful it feels to be used and abused by someone. You deserve better you don't need someone like this in your life. You bought the phone you can cut it off!!! I know I would. Try to feel better it's not easy but it is doable! You are smart young and have way more going for you then someone who obviously doesn't deserve you.
Oh it's ok- I don't think I explained the story very well and I think it also sounded like I think Im amazing lol
Really I was just telling myself how great I am to console myself that I'm ok in life and that I'll be ok -

He called this morning and I ended up losing it and screaming at him- ugh, I knew I was going to do that and now I feel like a pos.
Then I texted a bunch of crazy things.
So much for the dignity I was trying to save....

I'll come back and update everyone on what happened eventually.
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  #43  
Old 06-11-2018, 11:53 AM
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I think generally in life, and especially in MWI relationships, even IF we might seem “irrational” or quick to judge by even the smallest infractions (and I don’t think this is small at all)... If something doesn’t sit right with YOU, if it’s a text, cheating, etc, call it quits. What’s not a big deal to some crushes trust completely in others. There’s no hard rule but I definitely wouldn’t put up w what he pulled... sorry you’re going through this, I hate that I read abt this happening to ppl so often. I know that for me if my trust is at all compromised I’m outta there.
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  #44  
Old 06-17-2018, 05:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nawlinsrainy View Post
Hi-


I have an MWI- he was just released last week- I picked him up from the prison and drove him to halfway house.


So far so good- all the feelings and chemistry we had while he was in prison has transferred to the outside ( more so)



He texts or calls every morning and we talk a bit through the day as well and one of us calls to say goodnight.



still best friends and in love.
I'm cautiously optimistic.

So far everything is as he promised it would be when he was released.

Remain optimistic and i would be doing same and have chica,
hola...i used to say all the time here, "If his "amor" his love and respect follow him outside the prison gates/door, then it es real."I love your update.
-
i am so happy for you, and i hope it continue, great to read "so far" he is yes
doing all he has said, i.e., keepin' all promises, and yep. let HIM invoke the "future" plans before you. I would not do it either. Yep. hearts can change
pero...(but) REAL love... True love, will never if it's "real" and so far it seem great for you both... .I hope it continue to work out for you both. Keep us posted ok chica?
Adios.
Hugs and Blessings...
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Lead with your MIND + not your heart.
CONSISTENCY..."is key.
loyalty,maturity + respect to his el reina,(his queen)
Without "action" applied to his words, it's not real.#DON'T SETTLE.
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  #45  
Old 06-17-2018, 07:20 PM
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Originally Posted by nawlinsrainy View Post
I told him I'm not mad- I'm disgusted- then I hung up.
If I speak to him I'll start screaming.
I know this is petty but ignoring will probably torture him and save my dignity.

I also think if I just keep ignoring him that it'll give me more strength to leave him if that's what I decide to do.

I'm having fantasies of ignoring him forever and just moving on with my life and he can live with that.


NOT PETTY at all chica, trust me i have been there as most here know just in - dec.2017(january 2018)glad i did exactly that til' i finally did talk to the
ex-factor, my ex fiancee, but now i know i did at the time what was right and was so much easier walkin' away, when i was doing that, so i do not see it as "petty."(he was MWI the ex) for years, we were together, but he is out here since coming home and to the HWH messing up already violating 1x or more by now, 100% is screwing up, while i IGNORE him still,
and continue smiling healthy focus, i am still living well as author, artist, recording artist law school soon enough, doing well so i m having zero regrets and by me NOT talking with him really help me easier to have began to move on, mi corazon(my heart)and mind, both.... Keep the faith.. Stay strong,and focused.."
-

YEP...IGNORE. IGNORE and IGNORE. Don't "chase." #NEVERCHASE strong women rock! No chasin' chica, and yes i agree with highlight of red/blue above."


and chica:

i did not read this til' i wrote a great post, by earlier today, wishing u guys well, but now? this LONGER post is about what you're learning/finding out and i am sad for HIM more, not you... That is a real shame..... I am going to also add It is his loss, NOT yours...
-

I am hoping the best for you, and as i always say, if meant to be?

God will see to it that you're going to remain happy with him. Please be careful, through it all.- THAT'S SO SAD and if i was you, i would've been
CUT THE FONE off and let him get his own... ((as i am reading it over)) He is wrong and i do not get why he feel a "need" 2 send any one pix if not family and even with family i still would be saying this, meaning i just don't like how this sound( as i re-read it over tonight... )

I will leave you with, if meant to be GOD will make sure you're with who you are supposed to be with. IF meant to be...Good night.
PM me anytime.
..
You're a great woman i can feel it, and chica, you're deserving a great man. What a big dummy if he lose you, he will NOT find that type of great woman again, i can tell you that.

A "woman's intuition is usually right." HIS LOSS... Remember that. It's his loss, not yours... You will be ok... Strong astute prudent great women usually are."

adios. hugs and blessings.
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#TAAS(there are always signs,so DON'T ignore them)
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Lead with your MIND + not your heart.
CONSISTENCY..."is key.
loyalty,maturity + respect to his el reina,(his queen)
Without "action" applied to his words, it's not real.#DON'T SETTLE.

Last edited by a.rare.love; 06-17-2018 at 07:42 PM..
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  #46  
Old 06-18-2018, 03:06 AM
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I think you already know what the answer to all this is and what you need to do. My mother told me this once, > If someone lies once, they'll do it again. That sentence is debatable, but it does hold some light too. Everything he told you about her well, that’s a lie. He's damaged his credibility. People typically lie because they are afraid. They are afraid of your reaction or your non-acceptance of them. If the stakes are high the fear is tenfold. He's obviously hiding something. Trust is like glass. Once shattered, it wont be the same again. The other person may be sorry, but sorry is just a word. I would let this relationship go. It was good while it lasted but now things aren't as expected. You sound like a lovely woman. Move on with your life. I also agree with the above poster's points.
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  #47  
Old 06-19-2018, 06:03 PM
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Hi- I just wanted to check in with everyone.
I have an MWI- he was just released last week- I picked him up from the prison and drove him to halfway house.
I stayed in his city for a week, we spent a couple hours together while he was on a pass from HWH- I also visited his family and went sailing with them- wonderful lovely people.
I left his city and am in New Orleans on a vacation ( I'm not American)- I'm having a great time in this city.
A few things-

We are MWI and he's in federal prison- I did not lie on the visiting form that we met prior to incarceration- it was approved anyway and I visited him about 4 times.

I was also approved to drive him from prison to HWH.

So far so good- all the feelings and chemistry we had while he was in prison has transferred to the outside ( more so)
He texts or calls every morning and we talk a bit through the day as well and one of us calls to say goodnight.
We had a little fight that was mostly my fault :-/ He wanted to get clothes and stuff on his HWH pass, and I had a little hissy fit because he wanted to get clothes before we had sex- I just wanted sex and didn't care about his clothes haha.
I smoke and he used to, but he quit in prison- he didn't smoke any of my cigarettes since he's been out- he says he wants to stay quit ( good sign).

It's only been a week- but so far nothing has changed and we are still best friends and in love.
He asked me for pics of me and New Orleans that he could use for his phone screen saver.
When we talk, he still talks about the future with me included in it- I don't say a word or bring up all the plans we talked about, because I want him to want it and not feel pressured by me, I still feel the same, but I know hearts can change and I want him to be with me because he wants to, not because it's an obligation.

I'll keep everyone updated for better or for worse- I'm cautiously optimistic.

So far everything is as he promised it would be when he was released.
Thats is awsome!! I love hearing stories like this :-) my man is due for release in 18days to HWH i was wondering if i could get approved to drive him there. How long did they give u guys to get to the HWH?
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Old 06-19-2018, 06:12 PM
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Thats is awsome!! I love hearing stories like this :-) my man is due for release in 18days to HWH i was wondering if i could get approved to drive him there. How long did they give u guys to get to the HWH?
The OP updated in the thread that they’re no longer together.
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Old 06-19-2018, 06:18 PM
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The OP updated in the thread that they’re no longer together.
Omg thats sucks make me feel some type of way now. Smh i didnt read all the way down the page smh 3 fucking weeks and he fucks up smh.
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Old 06-26-2018, 09:19 PM
nawlinsrainy nawlinsrainy is offline
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Hi- just checking in with my drama in case anyone is interested.

Ok, so- since the girl was added into my phone because of group text; I went white chick crazy and texted her to ask what was going on.
She texted me back and said that his story was true- that he did tell her that he wasn't going to contact her, or have a continued friendship with her because he was getting married.
She said that she hadn't heard anything from him until that group text- she replied to it, and he replied to be nice- but that they hadn't had any contact beyond that.
His friend that also added all his contacts into his phone from his prison list, called me to tell me that it was true- it really was a stupid mistake-
My guy is not tech savvy, and had the millennial in his HWH add all his contacts from his prison list into his phone without thinking- and her number was added in.
The woman, my man and the millennial all said the same thing.

Beyond that- he has done everything possible to make sure that he's solid.
He has a job now, he applied to move to city I want to live in after he gets out of HWH and he's arranged everything for our wedding.
We were initially looking for some eccentric who was still avoiding the Vietnam draft to marry us an ordained minister lol
Instead- my guy found a really overweight Elvis impersonator to be our minister lol.
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