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Old 10-19-2019, 11:03 AM
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Default First time for me sharing my MWI story

I've needed someone to talk to, someone that has been in similar situations as me, for some time now...*

I met my MWI in March of 2017 when his mother (a woman that I had worked with at a previous job) asked if I would write to him. I had just moved from my hometown in Indiana to Washington state to start a new job and well...a new life. I knew no one in Washington, so of course, I was experiencing some loneliness in the beginning and I guess you could say that I was in a vulnerable state of mind.*His mother said very little about him. In fact, I didn’t know that she even had a son until maybe a couple of weeks prior to moving away. So, when she asked if I would write to him, I was surprised, but figured…why not? She provided me with some information about him, like, how he was a "sweet boy" who made a terrible mistake when he was 19 years of age; being under the influence of alcohol and weed and with two other guys he knew little about.*

He ended up going to prison for that mistake and he was due to get out a under three years. She said he was intelligent, funny, and kind-hearted. Looking back, I should have asked more questions back then, but nonetheless I didn't, and I trusted that if there was more I should know, surely, she would have told me.*

He and I began corresponding via letters, emails, and phone calls. We just clicked so well together early on that I guess I just didn't see, or perhaps didn't want to see, the signs that something was awry. It was only a few weeks in when he let it slip that he still used drugs; K2. This was after I had sent him a food care package (that he nonchalantly told me about through email) and had given him money to use to adopt a cat through a program they had at the prison. To be fair, he did not ask me for the money initially. He simply made me aware of the adoption program and mentioned how he thought it would help him. Then he kept mentioning it and how he was going to ask his mom for the money, but he couldn’t get ahold of her on the phone. Then he finally asked me, and I sent him the money. The way he requested the money to be sent, did seem weird to me at the time, but he had good answers when I questioned him on it. I wanted to trust.*

I tried having open conversations with him about his drug use (and his drinking) to which he would laugh/brush off and divert the subject to something else. When I learned that he bought drugs with money and food. I told him that I wouldn't support his bad habits. I also learned that his mother would often not take his calls and the reason why was because he often asked for money and she could not bring herself to say no, so she would just not answer the phone. This information came from her directly. It is hard for me, even to this day, not to feel resentful toward her for not telling me that he is an addict and that I should not give him money from the beginning.*

I cringe at how much money I've given him that was supposed to go to paying off debts for favors he did for others that didn't go as planned and how he needed the money or else they would hurt or possibly try to kill him or force him into a fight that he could get more time for, etc. In that first month of talking to him, he had been attacked and struck in the back of the head. So, yeah, I was concerned for his safety. When I gave him money, it never felt right, but my thought process was that if I didn't do it, he would be in harm’s way and I didn't want that for him. I cared about him and was growing to love him because we seemed to share many of the same values and our personalities meshed well. In my mind, I was ready to love again and why not chose a man who was certainly in need of love?*

After months of this, I tried to stand my ground on the matter of not giving him anymore money or sending money to others for him. Then one evening he called to talk, and I immediately could tell something was wrong because he went from speaking clear sentences to word salad and then nothing at all. After trying to get him to respond to me several times, I ended the call and phoned the prison to have someone check on him.

It was a long two weeks after that before he sent me a letter stating that he had attempted suicide by hanging himself because of the guilt and shame he felt from being an addict and how he didn't want to hurt his family or me anymore. He also mentioned still having a debt to be paid and how stressed out he was about it. Then came the guilt trip and manipulation...that if I loved him, I wouldn't let the money stand in the way, the promises that he would not do drugs anymore, how he was going to get into a rehab program there, etc. I gave in and gave him the money he needed and for maybe a month, things did seem better, then the cycle started again.*

By this time, I think the rose-colored glasses I wore were starting to come off, but I still had this hope that we were the real deal; in love and engaged, planning a future together when he got out. Also, around this time, I learned that I had a close sick family member back near my hometown that led me to make some major decisions.**

I moved back to help my family in February of 2018 and that's when I began to truly see the patterns of my MWI's behavior (and looking back on the time I'd known him). The shifts in phone calls and correspondences, the fact that he was getting involved in prison politics, passing contraband from inmate to inmate, getting drunk on occasions, asking me to buy him contraband items from other inmate's family members, and getting write ups here and there, some of which led to more time added to his sentence.**

He had asked me for money not once, twice, but three times in a five-week span when I had made the expensive move, had no job, and bills of my own that I needed to attend to and be prepared for to pay. He was completely selfish and did not see my needs and how what he was asking of me, took from me and hurt me when I allowed it. He never thought to see just how much I was spending between multiple phone calls daily, emails, books for him to read, and gifts of money even when conversations were had on the matter. It did not faze him from continuing to ask and ask and ask. And all those times when I wouldn't give and he could reach his mother on the phone, they would use me as their go between, all of which I never felt right about doing, but did anyway. It was incredibly exhausting.*

And yet I was still convinced that he was the man for me. I was so blinded by my love for him and believed that I needed to have patience because he was who I wanted. Because he made me feel things no one else ever has. I chose to love this broken man and I was determined to see it through regardless of what it was costing me.**

After reading lots of material on addiction and joining Nar-ANON, I finally told myself, "no more." No more money. And I told him, and I told his mother. And sadly, I kept having to remind him of what I said. I told him to stop asking because the answer was always going to be "no." "I love you, but no." I'd say. Of course, when I didn't give him the money and when he could reach his mother, she would give him the money and then vent to me about it. And I got to a point where I had to separate myself from his mother because I realized that she was trying to control him, me, our relationship,*our future, etc.*

He was accepted and moved into a drug rehab program in the facility in June of 2018. He admitted that he had been using more than just K2…meth was his drug of choice. He expressed feeling unsure about the program and hinted to needing money to pay off another drug debt he owed. This time, he did not ask me for the money, but mentioned having trouble getting ahold of his mother. I told him I loved him, that I was proud of him for getting into the rehab program. He mentioned thoughts of wanting to push me away as to not hurt me anymore (he said these things prior and even still in present time). He mentioned feeling ashamed and how he didn't think he could get through the program. I tried to encourage him, told him that I believed in him. I told him to pray and to ask God for help.*

Even though he knew my boundary on giving him money and being a go-between for him and his mom, he continued to push me for both. I would get hit with sweet and loving letters, emails, or phone calls followed by desperate needy ones where he'd try lying and manipulation to get me to give in. Then when that didn't work, he’d try guilt-tripping me or telling me that I was "too stubborn" when he really needed my help. How he wished that I understood his “complete devotion to the program” and wished I could understand where his heart was at and that if I could, then I wouldn't let any kind of money stand in the way of him getting the help he needed.*

The ongoing manipulation attempts triggered a feeling of sickness and anger inside of me, not to mention feeling hurt. I knew I had done my best to be supportive and to make sure that he knew that I loved him and wanted to see him succeed. I expressed my feelings of exhaustion to him. I told him that he takes and takes advantage of me and the love that I have for him and the hope that I have for us to have a future together when he gets out of prison. I told him that the manipulation he uses to get me to feel guilty so that I give him what he wants is piercing to the heart and that trying to turn my stubbornness into the culprit was completely unfair. I reminded him that it is he that puts himself into these dangerous and negative situations and that he should be responsible for dealing with the consequences of his own actions.

I told him that I needed a week to myself to think about what I wanted going forward. I told him that I loved him and that I hoped he would use this time to work on himself through the program. *It wasn’t easy for me to go no contact with him. I made myself sick that first day, but by the second day, I felt a little better. He didn’t respect my no contact for a week like I had asked. He sent emails and attempted calling multiple times a day, but I held tight, at least until the 5th day. He apologized profusely for his behavior and I wasn’t ready to let go.*

He managed to stay sober for six months in the program and I could tell that he was really trying to change, yet every time he seemed to be taking a step in the right direction, he would self-sabotage and break a rule. It was a hard stretch of time for us both. We didn’t communicate as much as we had been prior to the program, but I understood that he needed to focus on his recovery. I also needed the time to deal with everything that I was dealing with at home from my own recovery (loving an addict), to a death in the family, to becoming a primary caregiver to a cognitively impaired parent, to starting a new job, etc. A “hard stretch” is really an understatement.*

I felt alone most days. Our relationship felt in limbo and I yearned for a partner that could provide the emotional support that I needed back then, but he wasn’t able to give it.*

I was able to drive the 6 hours to visit him, a couple of times during that period, which helped. Finally, being in a position where I could see him face to face was exciting and wonderful, even though our visits were behind glass. We talked about our future together…when to get married, where we were going to live, etc. I started looking at homes and sending him pictures of places I’d found.* Things were slowly looking up.*

By January of 2019, I had just bought a house for us, when he mentioned that he was being transferred back to general population because he had completed the rehab program. He was nervous about going back to general population (he said because of the temptation to use) but had plans to try to get into a special unit with less restrictions and more opportunities for growth and development.*

His second day out and back in general population, he relapsed. He said he chose to use because he knew it would happen eventually. I felt that sickness starting to creep back inside of my stomach. His addictive behaviors were coming back in full swing…the cycle was starting again, and I just couldn’t deal with it, especially when he started to take it out of me more and just didn’t seem to have the love that he once had. He hung up on me one evening. We had not been fighting, but he was making excuses for why he was breaking rules and being negative and I just had very little to say because I knew nothing I would say would be received well or even change his behavior. Hanging up on each other was something we both said we’d never do. I lost it; not in a “fuming rage” type of way, but rather in a numbing, “flip the switch” type of way. I ended up breaking up with him via email, then over the phone when he called again.*

Oddly, I took the breakup better than I was expecting. I felt like weights had been lifted from off me. I could breathe again. I still loved him, and I was grieving the loss, however, I felt like I had already been grieving the loss for months prior to the actual breakup. *

He was in denial about the breakup. As he said, he was having "a hard time accepting it.” I told him to stop calling me, but of course he kept calling and sending emails. By then, letters from him were a rarity. Letters were always my favorite, which he knew, yet he just stopped sending them months prior with excuses as to why or he'd say, "I put it in the mail. You should have gotten it by now.”*

He started sending letters again. It wasn’t long after that I finally answered one of his phone calls. We began communicating again, but we weren’t in the same space. I had started to put up a shield around my heart to protect myself. The love I had was still present and there were days when I still had hope for a future together, however, I was trying hard to be realistic and to keep both feet firmly planted on the ground about our relationship.*

He was trying to get sober again on his own, but of course, struggled with it. He made drug debts that he couldn’t pay and that I wouldn’t pay. Somehow, he got into that special unit with less restrictions, but he was still feeling the stress of his outstanding drug debts. Then he got a chance to go back into the drug rehab program again and he took it because he knew it was the only way he’d stay clean and could get away from the stress of his debts. His counselor worked it out to where he will be able to remain in the program until he is released from prison in February of next year.*

Our relationship since his return to the program has been mediocre at best. Practically nonexistent really. He’s sober, and again I can tell he is changing. He’s different this time around. He’s more serious and seems more committed. He's not only devoted to his recovery, but is also reconnecting with his Christian faith. Of course, I am happy for him as this is something I've prayed for all along. Yet, he still admits that he doesn’t want to talk to people (including me) at times and so it is not unusual that he does not reach out to me for weeks. There are days when he’s positive and excited, but there are days when he’s the complete opposite too.

For a few months, we were having video visits, which was helpful for the both of us. Then during the last video visit we had in July of 2019, he said something that triggered me to a memory of a face to face visit we had last year.

The incident was that during our face to face visit, he was making me laugh and smile, being silly and cute and at one point, I made the comment that my face hurt (due to smiling so much) when he said, "With a face like that, it's no wonder."

A bit of back story...I was born with a cleft lip and palate. Though, corrected by surgeries years ago, I still have a noticeable scar. Growing up looking different, naturally kids and even adults sadly, bullied me because of it. He knew this as he knew ALL about me. So, when he said that, it hurt and I called him out of it. He assured me that he was "just joking."

Then during our last video visit, he made yet another comment about my face and I got upset. I ended the visit early because of how upset I was and how he lacked empathy and again brushed it off as a joke.

After that, he blocked me from emailing him for two weeks, then unblocked only to say, "hey." I didn't respond. At one point, I didn't think I would ever speak to him again, but then I was going through a transition of faith and I felt the need to share my testimony with him because he was apart of that journey and my story. I emailed, only to share my experience with him and to thank him for being a part of it.

Currently, we continue to email and he calls occasionally.

I live in this state of limbo and confusion about our relationship. When he talks about the future now, he talks about going to a Halfway House when released, which I agree with, however the future that he talks about is very "self" based. He talks about following the path that God has set for him, but believes that he and I are still intertwined somehow, though he's not sure what that looks like.

There are days when I feel like we are not together and then there are days when he will say something that leads me to believe that we are.

I pray about it daily, but I also find that I am asking myself if I can keep going with it all. What am I getting from this relationship, is something I continue to ask myself and struggle with answering.

I love him still, but I feel so incredibly disconnected from him. I question if I really know him anymore or even knew him in the beginning. It honestly makes me very sad and I feel like I am in a torture chamber at times. I find myself thinking about letting go completely and moving on with my life, but then I start to fear what I may miss. I often wonder if a major part of that comes from the fact that I've yet to know him outside of prison and so I keep waiting.
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Old 10-19-2019, 11:13 AM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
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Thank you for sharing your story.

At first, I truly read with an open mind. Maybe his mom hoped with someone in his life he would very better. She probably didnt want to dupe you.


He is a typical addict. Once he is not getting his way, he is resorting to manipulation. Nothing uncommon. Yet, if he wanted to he could fix that.

Where I stop? The excuses. He is not ready.

Then the comments on your appearance. It is a different form of manipulation. If you think your ufly, you will do whatever he asks because you won't be able to find someone better.

This is all abusive and deep down you know it. He doesnt value or appreciate you. Sadly I dont think this will change.
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Old 10-19-2019, 11:27 AM
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That is a really hard relationship to be in. Money is a huge with me. I personally have never sent any. I know 100% he isn't using me for money.

Him manipulating you is a huge red flag. As for drugs. It is going to be a life struggle.

I would never let a man who I was in an on again off again relationship move in with me. If he moves in and it isn't working or doesn't work. He still legally has the right to live there. You have to go through an eviction process that can take a very long time.

My boyfriend and I have a great relationship. Very few issues. I still will not let him move in with me. He knows he has to be able to make it on his own before we merge into one household.

I really hope everything works out for you weither you stay together or not. Cleft lip or not, I guarantee you are a beautiful woman inside and out. Don't ever let anyone suggest otherwise.
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Old 10-19-2019, 11:47 AM
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Hi there. Your post, and a similar one in another recent thread, makes me think that you can indeed know the basics of a person's character before they're out of prison (if you're mwi and haven't had a chance to know them out in the so-called real world). You just have to pay attention to the details -- which your narrative provides aplenty. You feel disconnected because you aren't in fact connected to him -- you just don't want to believe it. That is also understandable. We all want to be cared for, seen, supported and respected -- I imagine every last person on earth has that yearning. A great number, however, don't have the first clue about how to give it (which promotes its return in kind, etc). The man you describe is compulsively wrapped up in his selfish impulses. Yes, he is an addict, in a big way, but I'd say that it is secondary to his basic selfishness and narcissism. A big tell for me is the story of his "joke" about your face. I can't imagine what would prompt me to make such a joke about someone -- especially if I knew the entire background story about the condition and the pain it had caused. That kind of "joke" is classic narcissism / sociopathy -- it's a little underhanded way to make you feel small and ugly -- a specialty of that kind of character pathology. These people can't help themselves -- they pull those moves unconsciously. It's like second nature to them.

I can promise you that what you will "discover" about him after release is just a greatly magnified picture of what you're seeing now.

Your story made me sad. You sound like a caring, thoughtful person who has felt the cold hand of others' indifference and insensitivity throughout your life. That kind of loneliness makes us desperate to believe that these impostors of love are the real deal. Please believe me when I say that you will end up feeling more alone with a man like that, than if you'd stayed single.\\
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Old 10-19-2019, 11:56 AM
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You seem to have a very clear mind and a pretty good heart, even if the heart does not give up hope. Through your sincere love and friendly gestures, you have given much of your heart. You have given him insight into your deepest feelings. He is addicted, even though he has tried to be clean, in his mind are completely different things. I think the only thing that still binds you to him is the hope and the beautiful moments that happened in between. These are deep scars in your soul. He hurt you, was not respectful at some moments. As you say yourself, he seems to be selfish. Only from your point of view. Protect yourself. You deserve better. Love is based on trust, so many breaches of trust, for a common HAPPY future that will not be enough. Love is sincerity, respect, 100%, being there for each other on both sides, here is much one-sided. Run as long as you can and find your luck, or it will find you and then you will be happy with a man who gives you the love you deserve, built on the right values.
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Old 10-19-2019, 12:34 PM
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It sounds like you both struggle with addiction-- his to drugs, yours to him.

Treat it that way and I promise you it will be far and beyond the best gift you can give yourself.

One thing: you said that you had to contact him with your testimony because he had been a part of that shift.

The worst relationship I had, which by the way mirrors your post and that of so many of us who have been with manipulative/abusive partners, tore me down to nothing but I would be lying if I said it had no happy moments. However, the urge to hold tight to the nostalgia as my guarantee that it was OK to talk to them was false. So many times I wanted to reach out to them and tell them how angry I was over their choices and how said it made me that we couldn't have had more happy moments like XYZ. Ultimately, I realized that every time I opened that door, I allowed him to put another hook into me. I never, ever would heal if I continued to do that. We don't owe or need to reconnect in order to live our truth. No amount of potential closure or insight is gained by repeatedly subjecting ourselves to someone else's destructive path if they are committed to taking us with them.
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Old 10-20-2019, 12:23 AM
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One of the things you said stuck out to me. You stated that you start to fear what could be. Well...I think by now you know what it will be vs. what it could be. You have high hopes and expectations for an individual that is not ready for accountability or change. The fact that he used the second day and stated the excuse that it was bound to happen anyway...shows that he has no faith in himself and that he most likely already knew he was going to use.

He needs time to build confidence. There's a difference between loving someone and supporting them from afar and enabling them. What is happening right now is enabling. Boundaries are so incredibly important. Please find and use your voice. No matter how much you love someone, the love and respect for yourself should help you to understand what you will and will not accept in a relationship. What you agree to will continue. So, when you start to fear what could be, reframe to what you know it is. Anyone has potential, but do they live up to it? Do they use that potential? You are living a dream in hopes that he will one day get it together and if you leave you fear he may without you and move on. Guess what? It may be difficult but the best thing you can do is wish him well and keep moving forward. What will be will be. You are worth more than this. It's time to put up boundaries. Hard, fast boundaries.

Example:

No I cannot give you money. For anything at this time.
Trust has to be earned again. That means over time when you are honest with me we can begin to repair what has been ruined.
I can listen as a friend, and send you good energy but I refuse to drown with you.
If you choose not to speak to me anymore because of this, it is your choice.

I want to share that my children's father was extremely abusive. He used to hold his life over me stating if I left he would kill himself. He would say that his life was on my hands. Guess what? When I left one of the things I told him was: I love you, I hope you get help, here's some resources, but if you EVER take your life I will not EVER take that choice on for you. After 2 years of trying to gain control over me any possible way he could find he gave up and finally took his own life. He almost took me and my children with him. I feared a lot of people judged me, putting it on me that I had left. That is so unfair, do not ever take someone else's decision on. Please. From one woman to another. You are not someone's poor choices and you do not deserve the consequences of their poor choices. You are worth much more than that.
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Old 10-20-2019, 12:01 PM
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This was a very important story to read...about what it’s like to love someone with a serious drug addiction. I cared very much for my ex-MWI and had a different story to tell, but in the end, I remember that feeling you describe of distancing myself and that interest going away. Which is normal...you value yourself and know your worth. He doesn’t, he just is seeking the codependency addicts look for with someone giving them drugs or money for drugs. I think he’s horrible for saying what he said to you and if it was me I would have ruined his day back listing everything last thing that was ugly about him. But you sound like a very graceful and genuinely good person who has more patience than most and you have a lot of love to give. It sounds like even his own mother is sick of it. I know a lady like that, who complains all the time about her son doing drugs and taking her money but she’s the one who enables it. Sad as it is, it reaches a point people need to realize THEY are at fault for their own problems and they either get better or they don’t. It’s sweet you want to help but this guy needs to help fix himself. If he’s broken past any point of ever getting better, sometimes the best act of love you can do is tell a person goodbye. I wish you peace and happiness, and in the end, remember you did the kind thing, the cool thing, you were there for another person. It’s their fault they didn’t get it together enough to respect that and treat you like you deserve to be treated. Peace. -Lotus
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Old 10-20-2019, 01:03 PM
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Sending you so much love! I can relate to a lot of your story. My situation with my MWI wasn't identical to yours but there are a lot of similarities regarding money, manipulation, and addiction. You mentioned wanting to wait to see how he is out of prison...yeah I know that feeling, I waited and my MWI got out and it didn't work out...I'm not saying the same would happen for you but there are a lot of red flags in your post, some of the same red flags I chose to ignore.

Remember when you broke up with him and you felt like you could breathe again?? I believe that was the right call. I totally understand the missing him and being pulled back in to that mess, but most likely a relationship with him will never be more than mediocre and you a deserve a lot better than that!!!
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Old 10-20-2019, 03:51 PM
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Oh boy, you've got some really great feedback here... I can only say from afar... I would've not sent money right away - except for communication maybe - since you were aware that he's an addict but it's after the fact now and it doesn't matter, your heart was at the right place.
But at this point - and really only from afar - I'd move on and let him be and try to have a good life - without him. You were or are sucked in enough into his "drama" and it's time again to take care of yourself. Let him figure out his life on his own, he's still to unstable to make a commitment. Good luck!
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ModestSparrow (10-21-2019)
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Old 10-20-2019, 04:48 PM
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I hope you continue Alanon loving an addict is never a peaceful existence. I have no idea why his mother would have ever suggested anyone to write him if she was fully aware. Think about it if she knew he was an addict using in prison (VERY EXPENSIVE) and asking her for money all the time??!!! Why would she ask a friend to write him? Believe it or not he is easier to be with while in prison if he’s an addict. Wait until he is on the street in his addiction. This dude doesn’t sound like the type to work or take care of himself. You will be in a world of drama and hurt if he doesn’t stay sober out here. Every word you use to describe his behavior screams addict. If he is institutionalized and an addict he is going to be very emotionally immature and it’s going to take a lot of work for him to catch up on skills we take for granted. Skills like communication, anger management, even the ability to know what they are feeling takes time. I’m only saying all of this so you understand to be a successful mwi I think they have to have made the change before they got out. My man sued the state to be able to go into a program. He had already finished it and was continuing his treatment when I met him. His sister introduced us but she never would have if he was still a hot mess. I certainly wouldn’t have ever wrote him if he was using. I have had enough of that type of relationship out here in the free world. I think you should cut off all correspondence with him and grieve it and move on. You sound like an Interesting, intelligent, kind hearted person. This guy is a cruel person and you wrote very little about how he enhanced you life. You do so much for him and he does little for you. I hope you see the value in yourself and dump this loser.
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ModestSparrow (10-21-2019)
  #12  
Old 10-29-2019, 04:44 PM
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I wanted to thank all of you again who took the time to read my long story and replied with words of wisdom. As I was writing my story and rereading it prior to posting it, I realized just how sad and heartbreaking it was. I also realized how I've known, for sometime now, that it is not a relationship that I want to be in anymore, nor can I offer him a friendship. It would just be too hard on me to be his friend and I feel like he would still take advantage of me.

A great example of this occurred today actually...

I had not heard from him in two weeks and this morning I woke up to an email from him. He asked if I would order him a specific book, then talked about how "great" he's been doing. He's been mentoring other new to recovery inmates and expressed how he was "kicking butt" at it. He talked about how he's learned to be reliable and responsible and a "beacon of hope" to those that are where he used to be. He ended the email stating that if there were any other self-help books about mentoring that I found and could send, he'd love that too.

Not once in his email did he ask how I was doing.

The email just baffles me honestly. On the one hand, I'm very happy that he's doing so well and growing in his recovery. It's awesome that he's able to share his knowledge with others in need. This hand makes me want to send him books to be supportive of his growth. On the other hand, I'm hurt that he did not even ask me how I was doing. That he only reached out to me because he knows that I am supportive and would likely buy/send him books.

The thing is, I know his mom sends him money on the 25th of every month, so there is really no reason other than selfishness to ask me to buy books for him.

But this is what I'm dealing with, this is why if I break, I break for good.
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fbopnomore (10-30-2019)
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Old 10-29-2019, 05:14 PM
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Sometimes it's good to write things on paper. It is hard to judge a situation you are in. Seeing it in black and white clarifies it sometimes.

I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out. Hopefully you both gained and took some good things from it.

I hope you are doing well and continue to live a great life. Stay positive. Good luck.
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ModestSparrow (11-04-2019)
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Old 10-30-2019, 05:49 AM
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I guess I would just ask you how you would like this situation to go. You get to choose. That's the beauty of choice. The choice isn't going to be easy. If you stay or continue to have contact you know what to expect. There is manipulation and it seems that it's one sided. So, what do you have to lose by cutting ties? What are you afraid of?

For me, and after all my experiences, I have chosen to put people in my life that thrive. I surround myself with people that have similar drive or goals. I choose to put people in my life who value honesty, integrity, and having a healthy relationship. Those that are not there, they are not bad people, they are just not for me. What kind of relationships do you want in your life?
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