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Straight Talk The general Ex-Offender discussion forum. If you have done time, this forum is for you.

View Poll Results: How effective is visitation for our beloved inmates?
Extemely effective 966 86.87%
Very effective 109 9.80%
Somewhat effective 29 2.61%
Not effective 8 0.72%
Voters: 1112. You may not vote on this poll

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  #226  
Old 05-26-2013, 11:31 AM
babygirl350 babygirl350 is offline
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Default How Important is Visitation

I used to see my husband faithfully every week for many years. It was wonderful for both of us. Then severe illness has kept me away. I am hoping to be able to try and see him again within the month. We both can hardly wait.
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  #227  
Old 06-06-2013, 04:47 PM
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I just wanted to chime in about my visitation experience as an inmate.

I only had one visit, ever. This was partially because I didn't want my family to subject themselves to the embarassment of seeing their favorite black sheep of the family locked up.
Primarily, however, it was because most of the prisons I was locked up in were very far away from home. That, and I don't think my family wanted to visit me in the first place. My crime subjected them to a large portion of embarassment, as I made regional news for a few days when word of my exploits hit the wire. I still think my mother is holding a tiny grudge for that, despite a great deal of time passing and my profuse apologies.

But, that's meandering a bit off topic, sorry.

On topic, I remembered fellow inmates getting visits, and all I could think of was "Big deal". When I was out, the notion of sitting in a room with a bunch of folks that none of us knew talking - about what? What so and so is doing, and how the grandchildren are growing, blah, blah, blah. I don't talk much to my family now that I'm out, going through the hassle on the inside doesn't seem like much fun to me.

Now, if I had still been married, I think my tune would be much different. A spouse is a totally different story, I would think.

But, in a nutshell, if I'm locked up, I'd rather have my solo pity party and not even talk with my family - but, of course, that's just me.

The one visit I got was from the mother of a childhood friend, neither of whom I'd seen in the last 15 years. She was stunned and amazed, and I think she was kind of excited by it, knowing an infamous mini-celebrity. (for that 90-120 seconds of coverage, anyways) She wanted to know how I had done stuff - and I couldn't discuss it because of the recording of visitations.

Again, that's just my two cents.
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  #228  
Old 07-01-2013, 01:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by babygirl350 View Post
I used to see my husband faithfully every week for many years. It was wonderful for both of us. Then severe illness has kept me away. I am hoping to be able to try and see him again within the month. We both can hardly wait.
i will pry for you and your hubby. I hope that visits are back on pace that all the love you two share will continue to grow.

thank you
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  #229  
Old 07-18-2013, 09:16 PM
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As a former inmate I'd say that visits are extremely important, as are letters! It's nice to know that people out there really care for you & think about you. I looked forward to each & every single visit/letter that I got. It made my time go by so much easier!
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  #230  
Old 02-26-2014, 12:45 PM
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I had one friend who didn't want ANY visits other than his conjugals with his wife. He said having visits made him hard time it way too much & it was best to leave prison life in prison & personal life in the real world.

My other friend thrives on visits. I see him every 6-8 weeks & in between visits his mood slowly changes to grumpier & grumpier until I see him again. I used to see him 2 times a month, but then they moved him to Arizona & I can't afford the $300 it costs me to see him very often, so the visits had to get further apart.

I think it's all about personal preference for each inmate.
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  #231  
Old 03-01-2014, 05:20 AM
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I started going back to see my brother and overlook his selfishness sometimes in the letters because when we are together at those visits he laughs and smiles and talks about the future .
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  #232  
Old 03-02-2014, 01:09 AM
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my man being so far away from San Diego its difficult for me to visit all the time. Also the fact that I have children and work and daily responsibilities that prevent me from visiting. I have only had 1 visit the entire time we been together. But I'm planning another in about 3 1/2 weeks and he's so excited. His parents will be joining me for the first day then the second will be our time together. Visits are what our men look forward to.
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  #233  
Old 04-03-2014, 09:06 AM
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Default Visitation is Vital for Prisoners

As an ex-prisoner I can state with complete conviction that an inmate that gets visits from those in the community can accomplish many things:

  1. Keep them connected to the outside world.
  2. Help them to maintain social skills with people on the outside.
  3. Help foster a thought pattern that says he or she is not alone in this prison time.
  4. Helps the inmate to create a support net for when he is released.
  5. And an often forgotten benefit is that those visits can build a bridge between the paranoid outside world and the inmate.
Those that do not get visits or at the least letters from family, friends or others face a far harder climb out of prison than those that do.
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  #234  
Old 08-26-2014, 05:28 PM
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Default i got just one, in 18 years, didnt miss it at all.

in fact, I was GLAD not to get any, cause I saw it drive guys nuts, normally right after a visitation was over, they'd get depressed to the max. Visits disrupt your routine and your head game, and they give the hacks something else to hold over your head. Eff that.
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  #235  
Old 12-05-2014, 09:30 AM
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I HATED visits! I had no interest in my family coming 100s of miles to sit in uncomfortable chairs, buying over priced food rather going someplace fun for vacation.
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  #236  
Old 12-06-2014, 12:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TX4N View Post
I think it's all about personal preference for each inmate.
You're exactly right. Perfectly put!
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  #237  
Old 03-27-2015, 11:03 PM
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My guy looks forward to our visits, even though they have been through glass and because of the weather I am unable to visit during the winter.

Here is to hoping that he is able to move closer to me!
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  #238  
Old 03-30-2015, 01:40 PM
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It's the BEST connection they have to their loved ones! What could be more important (other than being released)?
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  #239  
Old 04-03-2015, 09:28 PM
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I would have loved to have had a visit. While I was only in county for 90 days, which is not long compared to others serving much longer sentences, it would have been nice. Where I was, there were only a certain number of slots for visitors. It seemed the same handful of people got the slots. My best friend tried once to set up a visit but the slots were already full. Visitation in county could use some adjustment so that the same people aren't getting the visitors' slots every week and letting others have a visit, too. Thank goodness for snailmail, it helped me get through my time.
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  #240  
Old 09-03-2015, 08:41 PM
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i used vacation time to visit my man for 3 wonderful days. He hadn't had a visit in the almost 10 years he's been inside. Unfortunately I'm in IN and he's in SC. But only 35 months to go!
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  #241  
Old 09-04-2015, 01:22 PM
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Default Visitation to inmates

Did not notice it was for ex-offenders. Sorry
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  #242  
Old 09-04-2015, 04:27 PM
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I think it depends on the inmate. I did not love visits because I talked to my parents over the phone regularly and there wasn't much a visit could add for me, aside from stress and looking forward to the old "strip, bend over and cough". Some inmates live for visits, and if I had kids and a husband/bf, I'd probably feel the same... they get very depressed when they get their visits revoked.
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  #243  
Old 02-07-2017, 08:58 PM
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I did a 13 months on a 2 year sentence back in 2005 / 2006. I can say from my own experience that I really didn't like being visited. I know it may sound weird.

When in prison you are part of a culture that is very different from any on the outs. You have to carry yourself a certain way. It was mostly my mom and dad who came to see me. They had to drive all day to get down to the prison in Coalinga, CA to see me. They would usually stay all day, for 6 or 7 hours. I loved seeing them, but it was hard to adjust my demeanor and act right around my mom and dad. Eventually throughout our visits I would loosen up, and end up having a great time, but then I would have to adjust back to my prison mentality and demeanor once the visit was over. Plus I would miss them like hell as soon as they left.

Going through this was just emotionally taxing and exhausting. I found it easier to not see them at all, and just talk on the phone and write letters. I never had the heart to tell them this because I knew it would break my mom's heart, but honestly, I would have rather just done my time without anyone coming to see me.
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  #244  
Old 02-07-2017, 10:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cs major View Post
I did a 13 months on a 2 year sentence back in 2005 / 2006. I can say from my own experience that I really didn't like being visited. I know it may sound weird.

When in prison you are part of a culture that is very different from any on the outs. You have to carry yourself a certain way. It was mostly my mom and dad who came to see me. They had to drive all day to get down to the prison in Coalinga, CA to see me. They would usually stay all day, for 6 or 7 hours. I loved seeing them, but it was hard to adjust my demeanor and act right around my mom and dad. Eventually throughout our visits I would loosen up, and end up having a great time, but then I would have to adjust back to my prison mentality and demeanor once the visit was over. Plus I would miss them like hell as soon as they left.

Going through this was just emotionally taxing and exhausting. I found it easier to not see them at all, and just talk on the phone and write letters. I never had the heart to tell them this because I knew it would break my mom's heart, but honestly, I would have rather just done my time without anyone coming to see me.
Thank you for your honesty. My son is serving 2 years. For the 1st 4 months he told us not to come. Then he finally said it was ok to come for Christmas. We drove 8 hours each way to visit for 5 hours. I believe he feels like you do. He doesn't want us to see him in that setting & feels bad that we drive all that way, stay in a hotel & drive back.

As parents we want to "fix" things & don't want you to feel forgotten but I understand your feelings too. I think as long as you would have explained it, they would have accepted it. Maybe not liked it but at least they knew why you preferred they not come.

I hope you are out now & doing ok. Are you a computer guy? My son is & he hopes to be able to work again after release next year.
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  #245  
Old 02-09-2017, 04:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cs major View Post
I did a 13 months on a 2 year sentence back in 2005 / 2006. I can say from my own experience that I really didn't like being visited. I know it may sound weird.

When in prison you are part of a culture that is very different from any on the outs. You have to carry yourself a certain way. It was mostly my mom and dad who came to see me. They had to drive all day to get down to the prison in Coalinga, CA to see me. They would usually stay all day, for 6 or 7 hours. I loved seeing them, but it was hard to adjust my demeanor and act right around my mom and dad. Eventually throughout our visits I would loosen up, and end up having a great time, but then I would have to adjust back to my prison mentality and demeanor once the visit was over. Plus I would miss them like hell as soon as they left.



Going through this was just emotionally taxing and exhausting. I found it easier to not see them at all, and just talk on the phone and write letters. I never had the heart to tell them this because I knew it would break my mom's heart, but honestly, I would have rather just done my time without anyone coming to see me.

I agree, but it also bothered me that friends and family spent their time & money sitting in an uncomfortable prison visiting room. It was me that broke the law and I didn't want anybody else paying the price for my foolishness.
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  #246  
Old 02-09-2017, 04:46 PM
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Visits and phone calls are all that keeps my husband out of trouble. The thought of not seeing me or his daughter keep him on the straight and narrow...compare that to his last time down when he wasn't married, didn't have children, didn't have family coming to see him and you'll see a huge difference in his conduct and therefore the number of write ups he received. If I were to fall off and stop visiting he's be on a downhill spiral very fast!
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  #247  
Old 05-23-2017, 12:52 PM
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They are very important for inmates to have visitation. At least for my boyfriend it is. I visit him twice a week right now while he is county, and when he goes upstate, since it is so far away and the visits are extended (up to 8 hour), I'll be going once a week.

However, between the letters, phone calls and visits, my boyfriend is doing extremely well. He has been in jail previously, before we were a couple, and I wasn't there for him, well nobody was, and he was in solitary most of the time.

This time around, I keep him so busy, and his schedule packed between making him sign up for classes, meeting, make him write to me, call me multiple times a day, he doesn't have time to get into trouble. The visits, just reiterate how important it is for him to stay focused. Letters and calls are great, but visits are the key. Those are his really up days. I can hear it when he calls later. He gets super excited for them, and so do I.
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  #248  
Old 05-23-2017, 01:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cs major View Post
I did a 13 months on a 2 year sentence back in 2005 / 2006. I can say from my own experience that I really didn't like being visited. I know it may sound weird.

When in prison you are part of a culture that is very different from any on the outs. You have to carry yourself a certain way. It was mostly my mom and dad who came to see me. They had to drive all day to get down to the prison in Coalinga, CA to see me. They would usually stay all day, for 6 or 7 hours. I loved seeing them, but it was hard to adjust my demeanor and act right around my mom and dad. Eventually throughout our visits I would loosen up, and end up having a great time, but then I would have to adjust back to my prison mentality and demeanor once the visit was over. Plus I would miss them like hell as soon as they left.

Going through this was just emotionally taxing and exhausting. I found it easier to not see them at all, and just talk on the phone and write letters. I never had the heart to tell them this because I knew it would break my mom's heart, but honestly, I would have rather just done my time without anyone coming to see me.
Hi CS

Ihave to ay that I agree with you.I served 3 months inside 14 yeas ago,i was single and don;t have kids .I really didn't want my family and friends to see me wearing prison uniform in a visiting room. I thought it might upset them so asked them to stay away. It;s good to no other people felt that way
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  #249  
Old 05-23-2017, 04:50 PM
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My husband loves when I come visit. We live for them. I visit twice a month ans if I can go more I do. He acts the same way inside as he does on the outside. Of course he has to be rough and be macho because he's around a bunch of guys but that's normal. But when we are together he's just like he was when we were home. Love Love Love my husband and I'm so glad I can see him kiss him and touch him.
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  #250  
Old 06-05-2017, 06:45 PM
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I liked visitation once I got to prison. I filled out my visitation form as quick as I could. The problem is that once you become accustomed to living in the prison world, It almost becomes surreal sitting in a visiting room talking about normal things.
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