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Old 06-14-2018, 05:29 PM
MallPro MallPro is offline
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My youngest son (I am Mamma to 2 boys) who is my mini-me is in AZ DOC until October 2021 and I am FUBAR. He just turned 18 a month before going to jail and was at Lower Buckeye for 8 months before being sentenced. I haven't seen him (court not counting) in a year and I can not believe how devastated I am. It has effected each moment I am awake. I know it is not even reasonable and a bit pathetic and I am aware of the lack of attention I give to my hubby of 24 years and our 23 year old son. But I can not help it. I am a very rational person (I swear... though shoot I have some great stories because having Fun is having Fun!) and am trying to not let this choke me out. I have no family to talk to talk to about this other than my hubby & son (I am an only child) but at times I just cry and think WTF?
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Old 06-14-2018, 06:04 PM
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Well... I think it IS reasonable to feel devastated by the circumstances. I imagine there’s a lot of similarities between this and losing a child because in a lot of ways, you ARE losing a child. We have dreams and hopes for their futures and when they take a disastrous detour, there’s no one that can tell you how to feel.

I think you just have to let the grief run its course. I hope you find what you need. Hang in there... 2021 will be here before you know it.
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Old 06-15-2018, 06:37 AM
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Welcome to Prison Talk and to the Parent's forum. I'm sorry for what you and he are dealing with, grief.
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Old 06-15-2018, 06:39 AM
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Is there anyway you can visit him?
While prison visits are not fun, they can be incredibly helpful to the heart and minds of both the visitor, and the inmate.
Other than that letters are also a good way to keep in touch.
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Old 06-15-2018, 01:13 PM
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If you know you're not behaving normally after a year, your brain is starting to get into a groove os sorrow/depression. It's time to change. Visiting is always a good option, and so is therapy. Meditation could help, or mindfulness or visualization. Try one, and if it doesn't work, try the next. Something will.
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Old 06-15-2018, 03:47 PM
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I need to add something, because I was reminded today of Amy Rosenthal's essay to her husband as she was dying....'Beckon the lovely'. That was her prescription for him, to allow that sense of loss and sorrow to exist, but with it also to beckon the lovely.

Right now, you've focused on the sorrow and the pain, but it's time to 'be' - with your husband, your other son, your friends, and bring into your life all those wonderful things they have to offer. They can also help you heal as much as any of the things I listed above.

One thought - before you do your beckoning, sit quietly and let your stomach unclench. I'm sure it's clenched a lot. Check your shoulders, neck, toes. Unclench everything, and then you are ready to do a little accepting of the love and loveliness that's still all around you.
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