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Old 08-04-2018, 05:37 PM
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Wink Conquering the tough stuff: Challenges you have faced and overcome?

What are some of the biggest challenges you have faced and overcome?

Some of the things I had to deal with are changing the brakes on a car, fixing some plumbing issues and dealing with doing taxes.

Last edited by mg81; 08-04-2018 at 05:40 PM..
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Old 08-04-2018, 06:40 PM
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Both of our mom's almost died last winter. Rough Nov and Dec
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Old 08-04-2018, 07:22 PM
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All of the above and so much more. At least while my husband was alive and in prison I had him to give me some direction, like who to call for help!! But like now it's just me and there are time I just get so angry with myself for having been so dependent on him and before that my parents or my X husband. I never was with out a man to handle all the man kind of stuff!!!LOL Now for car stuff I call triple A and pray!!! Still some stuff I've learned generally the hard way. Plus I now have a few friends I can ask for help if I need it.
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Old 08-04-2018, 07:25 PM
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refinancing the house
for one.
It took me forever to do it. I didnt want to. but I HAD to.


gaaaaaaah.
I cant even think about it now. too much.
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Old 08-05-2018, 07:52 AM
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Oh lordy has things been going crazy here. First I had a leak in my radiator, then I had to get my breaks fixed. And now everything in our house is breaking down lol. My main drain in our basement got clogged. I YouTubed and got that done then my heating and air unit started leaking. I youtubed that and rigged it enough to work but needless to say I am getting a new unit put in end of this month. My hot water heater stopped working, had to call someone for that, i was worried I would blow myself up. Lol now my basement is leaking like crazy. Got someone coming to look at that. Got money flying out my account like it's got wings!
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Old 08-05-2018, 07:55 AM
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Oh lordy has things been going crazy here. First I had a leak in my radiator, then I had to get my breaks fixed. And now everything in our house is breaking down lol. My main drain in our basement got clogged. I YouTubed and got that done then my heating and air unit started leaking. I youtubed that and rigged it enough to work but needless to say I am getting a new unit put in end of this month. My hot water heater stopped working, had to call someone for that, i was worried I would blow myself up. Lol now my basement is leaking like crazy. Got someone coming to look at that. Got money flying out my account like it's got wings!
When it rains it pours huh?

I have done work on the car, redid my whole financial plan, A.C. repaired. I taught myself basic plumbing. I can unclog a drain and caulk a shower!

It will get better
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:14 AM
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Cant tell you how many cold showers I had to take when my hot water heater was giving me trouble. HORRIBLE and it was winter time.
Finally got a neighbor to come look at it. He figured out what the problem was, and repaired it for me for the cost of the supplies and a small fee.
I was never ever so happy.


Its just as bad now. No dishwasher, garbage disposal is dead (haha, its as old as the house so its about time)
I have another garbage disposal to put in, but neither hub nor I really want to tackle that.

The dishwasher I dont care about. Just as easy to hand wash.


I had so many problems with the cars, house when hub was gone. I hated it.
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:19 AM
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Yes that it does. I gotta say I was pretty proud of myself for fixing the things I did do.lol My guy tries to help but there is only so much you can get into a 30min conversation. The hot water was the worest. I had to go a week with no hot water. Boiled water on the stove for everything, baths. Washing dishes and what not.
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:35 AM
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So agree on the hot water.

I'd have rather had the house heater go out than the water heater.
At least I have/had clothes to put on.
I got so miserable about washing my hair, I'd only wash that in the kitchen sink. I hated getting cold water on my body. omg. THE WORST
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:36 AM
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Cant tell you how many cold showers I had to take when my hot water heater was giving me trouble. HORRIBLE and it was winter time.
Finally got a neighbor to come look at it. He figured out what the problem was, and repaired it for me for the cost of the supplies and a small fee.
I was never ever so happy.


Its just as bad now. No dishwasher, garbage disposal is dead (haha, its as old as the house so its about time)
I have another garbage disposal to put in, but neither hub nor I really want to tackle that.

The dishwasher I dont care about. Just as easy to hand wash.


I had so many problems with the cars, house when hub was gone. I hated it.
Oh god, tell me about the hot water heater. My husband always showered first, so when I would get in the shower was nice and hot. But after he left, when I showered, I would have it on for like 20 mins before it would get hot. I figured it was just because I was used to him warming it up for me. In June when my youngest left for camp, I happened to go in the basement to put a book my husband sent home in his office and noticed a wet spot on our carpet that looked like someone spilled water. I was so mad my son didn't tell me his spilled water because he's the only one that goes down there to play his video games since my husband left. Of course when my husband was home, he went down to his office almost every day, or to his "man cave" for his sports. Well, little did I know, it wasn't from my son, it was water from our water heater!!! Hence why it was taking so long to warm up. Turns out, the entire carpet was wet, it just had only soaked through in the one area. So, I had to get a whole new one, and wound up replacing the entire carpet, which also led to finding out that we had a foundation crack where water was also coming into the house (fortunately we never had flooding, but it did cause the carpet to get wet and could've ultimately been bad long term). So, after I thought I had NO summer stuff to deal with, all this crap.

Of course, now my shower is amazing, but damn, if my husband had been here we would've noticed the heater leaking before the whole thing gushed and ruined the carpet since he was in the basement everyday. The only saving grace is that we were ready to replace it.

Having been single before after my divorce, I learned to make the big decisions like that, but it is always nice to have someone else to do them with you, so that was kind of annoying he wasn't here!
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:40 AM
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So agree on the hot water.

I'd have rather had the house heater go out than the water heater.
At least I have/had clothes to put on.
I got so miserable about washing my hair, I'd only wash that in the kitchen sink. I hated getting cold water on my body. omg. THE WORST
So agree!!

One other comment on the water heater issue. In March when my 21 year old was home visiting (I have 4 kids) and he usually takes long late in the day showers, I was taking a shower in the early evening (I think we had somewhere to go) and it suddenly got ice cold. I remember screaming "who the f*** used all the hot water" lol. I was dying. In retrospect I actually think that was probably the day the water heater gushed and really broke because when I got out my kids were like, "no one else is in the shower". Haha, I felt so bad yelling at them like that, but I seriously thought I was outside in the snow trying to bathe.
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:48 AM
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Learning and being self sufficient is something to be proud of! YouTube and a wire hanger came in handy many time with clogged drains.

Also knowing, when to call someone to help is just as important. I'm grateful a lot of my friends know people who can fix stuff or own businesses. It definitely helps from being taken advantage of.

Researching issues I found helped with my car a lot. My mechanic plug a hole in my tire and reset a code for me all for 16.88. I was thrilled. Another time my battery died bought a new one and still didn't work. It was the grounding wire. Before he became my regular mechanic, I explain the situation. It was a stripped screw. Replaced it for $12. Anywhere else they would have sold me a song and dance. I respect them for that and send a lot of business their way.

I also helped a lot of people in the past. I'm not shy about asking for help now. I used to sure it, but when I thought about everything I have done and the time I spent helping (really serious matters) asking for help in return or guidance or a recommendation is nothing to be ashamed of.
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:48 AM
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Yes that it does. I gotta say I was pretty proud of myself for fixing the things I did do.lol My guy tries to help but there is only so much you can get into a 30min conversation. The hot water was the worest. I had to go a week with no hot water. Boiled water on the stove for everything, baths. Washing dishes and what not.
After my divorce, I became great at fixing things. YouTube has some great videos! I know I've fixed my dishwasher, unclogged my kitchen sink/garbage disposal, something with my car door, among other things. The small stuff I can do. Anything electrical, or major, I call the handyman. But it's definitely saved me a lot of money. My current husband, is useless in that regard anyway, so him being gone isn't making a difference. He actually is the one that breaks everything. Opens a door and it falls off the track! Lol. He's pretty clumsy and is afraid of heights, so I'm the one that has to change all the light bulbs. For that stuff, I actually admit it's easier that he's gone. He said he's gotten really good at doing laundry and wants to do it when he gets home. I can't wait, assuming it's something he's actually going to be competent at!!

As for the thread and one of the hardest things for me, in all honesty it has been dealing with my mother in law. He is an only child and she is needy, yet won't ask for help. Just expects me to assume what she needs, and drop everything I have going on and just show up. Forget that I'm working or have my own parents or kids. That's not my style and I've told her if she needs something she needs to let me know. She is a very negative person, defensive, if I do offer to help she makes some snotty comment to the point that it's not worth offering to help. I'm at my wits end with this woman, so I don't even have the desire to call her anymore and figured if she needs something she'll just call. I have my family to worry about, can't deal with her drama. She sent my husband an obnoxious letter this past week, making trying to make him feel guilty, how her life is so much worse than his! Come on!! She is healthy, has all her needs met, and is not the one in prison!! Narcissist to the nth degree!! This of course is when he wishes he weren't an only child, but can't change that. Bizarre family dynamic. But that has been the biggest challenge for me.
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:54 AM
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Learning and being self sufficient is something to be proud of! YouTube and a wire hanger came in handy many time with clogged drains.

Also knowing, when to call someone to help is just as important. I'm grateful a lot of my friends know people who can fix stuff or own businesses. It definitely helps from being taken advantage of.

Researching issues I found helped with my car a lot. My mechanic plug a hole in my tire and reset a code for me all for 16.88. I was thrilled. Another time my battery died bought a new one and still didn't work. It was the grounding wire. Before he became my regular mechanic, I explain the situation. It was a stripped screw. Replaced it for $12. Anywhere else they would have sold me a song and dance. I respect them for that and send a lot of business their way.

I also helped a lot of people in the past. I'm not shy about asking for help now. I used to sure it, but when I thought about everything I have done and the time I spent helping (really serious matters) asking for help in return or guidance or a recommendation is nothing to be ashamed of.

I've never understood why people are ashamed to ask for help, especially when it's offered. When I was pregnant with my oldest (now 21 year old), I went into labor at 27 weeks and had to be put on bedrest. We had only moved to that state about 8 months before and knew very few people. I was working and had to suddenly sit on my ass. My ex husband was a medical resident working crazy hours, not home many nights to care for me because he was on-call. Then when he was post-call he would need to sleep. I was allowed to come downstairs once for the day but had to stay down there. My highlight was walking to the mailbox each day. I could shower and stand for a max of 20mins a day. I needed my meals cooked or delivered. I had no options but to reach out to total strangers to help. People I barely knew or had just met. It was at that time in my life that I realized how generous and giving people are with their time and offers of help and I never forgot that. It has made me realize that during subsequent needs of help that people are more than happy to help and that there is absolutely no shame in asking for help. Asking for someone to give your kid a ride somewhere, or you a ride, or to borrow a husband to fix something, etc. If it is a bother, they'll say no, or they just won't offer.
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Old 08-05-2018, 01:39 PM
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Both of our mom's almost died last winter. Rough Nov and Dec
I am so so sorry. My brother was tragically killed a few months after my LO went in which was very hard. Losing both parents.... I pray comfort and peace for you

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Old 08-05-2018, 01:44 PM
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When it rains it pours huh?

I have done work on the car, redid my whole financial plan, A.C. repaired. I taught myself basic plumbing. I can unclog a drain and caulk a shower!

It will get better
I am thankful for google and youtube. They have helped with a lot of repair issues. The good thing is … no charge.... the other side is, I still have to do it. But later, it does feel good knowing I was able to do it
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Old 08-05-2018, 02:02 PM
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I am so so sorry. My brother was tragically killed a few months after my LO went in which was very hard. Losing both parents.... I pray comfort and peace for you
Thank you. They are doing ok now. Both are hitting rough spots again, but we will take each day as it comes
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Old 08-05-2018, 03:28 PM
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I am so so sorry. My brother was tragically killed a few months after my LO went in which was very hard. Losing both parents.... I pray comfort and peace for you
To both of you, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard that must be on top of having your LO gone.

The one thing I always said to my husband is that we can handle this. He's not sick and he's coming home.

My thoughts are with you and your families.
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Old 08-05-2018, 03:56 PM
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I am so so sorry. My brother was tragically killed a few months after my LO went in which was very hard. Losing both parents.... I pray comfort and peace for you
I'm sorry for your loss.
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Old 08-06-2018, 11:21 AM
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I never worry about household stuff - if I don't already know it, then I"ll learn it. What's been roughest in my life? Raising my son while in an abusive marriage, and then, 43 years later, learning that said son had been molested at age 3 by my alcoholic brother. Getting through each of those has been tougher than any household chore I've ever had to fix. And it's all one step at a time.

I think I'm about done with males....they seem to come with too much baggage.
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Old 08-06-2018, 04:19 PM
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I never worry about household stuff - if I don't already know it, then I"ll learn it. What's been roughest in my life? Raising my son while in an abusive marriage, and then, 43 years later, learning that said son had been molested at age 3 by my alcoholic brother. Getting through each of those has been tougher than any household chore I've ever had to fix. And it's all one step at a time.

I think I'm about done with males....they seem to come with too much baggage.
This is awful to read and I'm so sorry for both you and your son, both innocent victims.

Don't give up hope. There are good ones out there. Everyone deserves happiness and one day you may find it. You just have to learn to trust and open up to the right person.

I hope your son is doing ok and able to get the help he needs. I can't imagine what that would feel like as a parent.
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Old 08-06-2018, 06:45 PM
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I never worry about household stuff - if I don't already know it, then I"ll learn it. What's been roughest in my life? Raising my son while in an abusive marriage, and then, 43 years later, learning that said son had been molested at age 3 by my alcoholic brother. Getting through each of those has been tougher than any household chore I've ever had to fix. And it's all one step at a time.

I think I'm about done with males....they seem to come with too much baggage.
I am so sorry about what happened to your son. That is a parents nightmare and as difficult for you to get through as for him. I hope you ae completely out of the abusive relationship. No one deserves to be abused. I wish I could give you a hug.
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Old 08-06-2018, 07:28 PM
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My biggest challenges are emotional and mental. Some days, like today, loving a lifer seems overwhelming. On days when everything goes wrong, it seems impossible. Sometimes I feel like I live in an alternate reality from everyone I know. Then I get to see him or he calls and the world is right again. This is a lonely life because my friends don't understand. So, that is my whine for today Tomorrow may look totally different.
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Old 08-06-2018, 07:33 PM
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Oh, I was out of the abusive marriage in a year, but that was 40+ years ago. It took me until 10 or so years ago to finally figure out why my choices in men were so bad, and it was - ta-da!- my mother, who was verbally abusive and emotionally unavailable. Meanwhile, I couldn't protect my son. I never considered (since we have no history in the family of sexual abuse) that my brother would become an abuser. Never crossed my mind. Dragged my son to all sorts of family functions, never understanding that he would run into his abuser over and over again. Tried therapists for him, but he would never talk.

It's tangled, and I'm not through it yet. I'm through my mother stuff, but son is another matter. Don't know if it ever will be clear.
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Old 08-06-2018, 11:05 PM
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His Sister and Grandmother died this past 6 months. I'm glad he didn't lose it. I tend to make challenges to keep the time moving. Right now I'm repairing all the drywall in our house and layed new kitchen tile. Been thinking if I'm able to do a bathroom remodel and change a bathtub . I want everything shiny when he gets home. Big challenge when Daughter wrecked hubby's work truck. Front end was up in the windshield lol. Fixed the whole front end with "my" new mechanics set for $800... Wouldve been $4000. Ac went out in house replaced new blower mower. Built a 10 x 16 ft shed to stop making payments on storage. All things hubby would've been doing. Learned to shingle a roof...Pop a chalk line... Use a Speed Square ( thought I'd never get that one) I cherish him so much. Man I miss being girl. Still challenging managing all these bills. Can't wait till he's home.
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Last edited by Guccigrl; 08-06-2018 at 11:08 PM..
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