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Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered People in Prison For anyone that has a same sex partner, family member, friend or Pen Pal in prison that is Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgendered.

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Old 04-28-2019, 08:35 PM
parisg1990 parisg1990 is offline
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I’ve been talking to an inmate for about two years. I’ve visited him once for eight hours two days in a row. It was my first time visiting a jail so I was a little taken aback because they searched me VERY thoroughly , Went through my vehicle, made me change my clothes etc. Now this wasn’t anything I wasn’t expecting it just rattled me a little. I never told him this cuz I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Anyway the visit was great for what it was. It was in a crowded cafeteria so obviously there was only so much we could do/talk about. So a couple of months later I asked him if he wanted me to visit for his bday. He said yes, but I could hear in his voice that he didn’t. I haven’t brought it up since then and neither has he. I’m just a bit confused now. I know what you all are going to say, and it’s nothing I haven’t thought already myself. I’m just looking for someone with a similar situation to shed some light. Is there something else that could be making him reticent or is it me

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Old 04-29-2019, 01:54 AM
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Hi there it sounds like he isn’t keen on another visit and neither are you. He is a pen pal you aren’t in a relationship so you have no obligation. I would leave it and see if he mentions it again. I very much doubt it you it’s just the whole visit thing. Some inmates aren’t keen on visits.
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Old 04-29-2019, 05:36 AM
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Visits aren't easy to accomplish for anyone, so why not consider giving it some more time before trying again?
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Old 04-29-2019, 06:47 AM
parisg1990 parisg1990 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fbopnomore View Post
Visits aren't easy to accomplish for anyone, so why not consider giving it some more time before trying again?

Hello! Thanks for responding. I probably should’ve mentioned that first visit was a little over a year ago. Idk I just thought he’d like another visit because I know I would if our situations were reversed. Also, forgive me if I sound ignorant but what do you mean visits are hard on everyone? There’s no real effort required from him but to show up no?
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Old 04-29-2019, 08:29 AM
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I think fbopnomore meant emotionally difficult. It may or my not apply in all situations.


As to your situation with not being sure about a return visit.......why not just ask?
Or ask him to tell you when might be a good time for you to visit again. Then drop it.
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Old 04-29-2019, 10:00 AM
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They are difficult for a number of reasons, including emotionally. There is also the travel, travel costs, being subjected to intrusive searches (including strip searches for the inmate) and often having to deal with prison/jail employees who are less than helpful or friendly. Even so, most everyone who visits a prisoner, and the prisoners they visit, feel that the positives make it worthwhile to deal with the negatives.
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Old 04-29-2019, 07:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fbopnomore View Post
They are difficult for a number of reasons, including emotionally. There is also the travel, travel costs, being subjected to intrusive searches (including strip searches for the inmate) and often having to deal with prison/jail employees who are less than helpful or friendly. Even so, most everyone who visits a prisoner, and the prisoners they visit, feel that the positives make it worthwhile to deal with the negatives.
True. I always think about what my guy has to go through just to see me when I visit but he still asks to see me when I can. They also have the emotional aspect of seeing someone that reminds them of home/being on the outside and that can be really sad and depressing at times.
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