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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 08-06-2005, 08:20 PM
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Default Helping my best friend

Hello all. I am posting here for some advise. My best friend of 22 years is currently going thru drug and alcohol, out patient treatment. She was forced into it after a fight with her husband and the judge is making her do this. Which I am happy about. I have a couple concerns tho. The biggest one for me being, how can I best help her thru this? I am going to AA meetings with her and trying to help her find fun things to do, without drugs and alcohol being involved. I dont know what else to do. Is there anything? Her husband is still drinking A LOT. And doesnt seem to care that she has been struggling. I'm worried that, because of that and her being forced to do it, that she wont succeed. I feel terrible even thinking that,but I do. I want her to do this and get thru it, but I worry. Any advice on how I can help? I love her too much to see her hurting anymore..and I feel a little lost...
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Old 08-06-2005, 10:16 PM
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Heather, what a good friend you are!! Beyond what you're already doing, there is nothing else. She's the one who has to do the work. The bad news is that 80% of the women who get sober lose their husbands. Especially if he won't stop drinking - he'll be a constant pull on her to drink again. If she wants to stay sober, she's probably going to have to leave him. Nothing I can think of that you can do about that; just keep loving her and supporting her as she struggles.
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Old 08-11-2005, 12:34 AM
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Thank you...I really hope she continues to stay sober....I am gonna just keep doing as I do and love her...shes not just my friend..shes my family...thanks again
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Old 08-11-2005, 12:40 AM
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Heather.....constant love and support is what she will need. He could pull her back into it with very little problem since she is so new to the sobriety. All you can do is continue what you are doing and pray like you have never prayed before!! Let her know that here with PTO she has people praying for her. Constant moral support as well as letting her know just how proud you are of her. Yes, she may be court ordered to do it but at the same time with all the positive feedback and support she may want to stay sober!! I sure hope she continues on the right path once she is done with all the court ordered stuff. Next time the judge may be harsher. As we all know judges don't like seeing the same faces.

(((Heather & Friend)))

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Old 08-11-2005, 01:49 AM
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A year ago I was forced into a treatment program - I was told to go through a judge, it was a 6 month residential program. Many thought the same as you did, since I was "forced" I would not succeed, but here I am today, a year later, still yet to pick up a drink or a drug.

Like others have said, she is the one who will keep herself sober, no one else. Support from friends and family mean alot, just showing her how proud you are that she is able to stay sober will make her feel good.

In early sobriety a significant other who still uses will only pull you back in. Its a tough situation to be in, here is it your husband/wife still using and you are trying to stay clean, but its something many face. Just gotta be strong and keep on doing the right thing.

I know for me AA really didnt keep my interest. Some swear by it, but hey, its not for everybody. Some try the RR (rational recovery) method, others do it their own way, so that is a big thing also.

Everyone needs a reason to stay sober. I know for me its a steady progression, each day I get more and more back that I may have lost in the past due to drugs. Things I once took for granted, living at home, my freedom, license, all the things that we sometimes overlook. I am slowly building myself back up, back to something I want to be.

Revcovery is a tough process and not everyone gets it their first time, hell, I only have a year of sobriety, I can fall off at anytime, but I take it slow and I really look at what I got - and at this point, its not worth losing it all again. So what it comes down to is - I choose life over drugs/alcohol.
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Old 08-11-2005, 01:49 AM
NoOneImportant NoOneImportant is offline
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A year ago I was forced into a treatment program - I was told to go through a judge, it was a 6 month residential program. Many thought the same as you did, since I was "forced" I would not succeed, but here I am today, a year later, still yet to pick up a drink or a drug.

Like others have said, she is the one who will keep herself sober, no one else. Support from friends and family mean alot, just showing her how proud you are that she is able to stay sober will make her feel good.

In early sobriety a significant other who still uses will only pull you back in. Its a tough situation to be in, here is it your husband/wife still using and you are trying to stay clean, but its something many face. Just gotta be strong and keep on doing the right thing.

I know for me AA really didnt keep my interest. Some swear by it, but hey, its not for everybody. Some try the RR (rational recovery) method, others do it their own way, so that is a big thing also.

Everyone needs a reason to stay sober. I know for me its a steady progression, each day I get more and more back that I may have lost in the past due to drugs. Things I once took for granted, living at home, my freedom, license, all the things that we sometimes overlook. I am slowly building myself back up, back to something I want to be.

Revcovery is a tough process and not everyone gets it their first time, hell, I only have a year of sobriety, I can fall off at anytime, but I take it slow and I really look at what I got - and at this point, its not worth losing it all again. So what it comes down to is - I choose life over drugs/alcohol.
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