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Old 01-13-2021, 03:55 PM
SO_of_an_SO SO_of_an_SO is offline
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Post Intro--SO_of_an_SO from Kansas

Hey PTO,

I'm Louise and my significant other James and I have been together almost ten years, not married but we might as well be.

In 2018 we were awoke to a warrant being served and all our electronics taken. James was accused of downloading a series of CP (bad pornography). Our world was turned upside down. He wasn't arrested at that time. We were determined to Hope for the Best and Plan for the Worst. We kept working, saved money, went to therapy.

We made a mistake on hiring a lawyer on pre-charge services only. Because it was days after the warrant, we were petrified and spent $5000. The lawyer sent James to a psychosexual evaluation where we were relieved to discover my partner is not classified as a danger to children or the p word. He had high risk behavior issues combined with electronics and porn addictions. Seems like he was after things on the internet he knew he should have or wasn't allowed to have and just figured that the world was such a big place that "why would they go after me"?

Well years later we got a call that a federal grand jury DID decide to go after him and he was indicted in summer 2020 on one count of possession of CP and one of distribution.

It was so stressful. He resigned from his job due to the panic and stress, being on the brink of suicide. Because of this he was disqualified from unemployment too, which really sucks. We are definitely living on beans and rice and borrowed Hulu shut ins at this point. I work from home though and it's been nice spending time together.

He has a public defender. We are still in pre-trial discovery and probation. He has to wear an ankle monitor and log his travel outside the home which has been very stressful and dehumanizing. I think the most traumatic was he was forced to delete his Twitter acct, haha. Sort of funny but that really got to him. He had to sell off all his guns, which was a big hobby for him. It's just so sad.

He is a kind, funny, gentle man. He allegedly downloaded some dispicable disgusting horrific things and that is that. It's so hard to imagine the man that I cuddle with everyday is facing 120-150 months in federal prison.

The lawyer says that that is the guideline after adding in the aggravating and mitigating factors in the sentencing guidelines - but we don't know for sure obviously what will happen. He doesn't think he could do more than 5 years (the mandatory minimum), and both myself and his therapist have been working with him on those suicidal ideations.

Glad I found this forum. James isn't allowed to talk to people online or in forums but the PO said I could write and ask questions so here we are. He will sometimes be over my shoulder and sometimes it'll just be me.

Have lurked a bunch and James has lurked way more, maybe too much - reading too much about this makes him very depressed, which makes us both depressed.

With love,

Louise and James
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Old 01-13-2021, 08:53 PM
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patchouli patchouli is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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Hi so_of_an_so, welcome to PTO. Lurking is good, as long as you're finding what you need. But in your situation, the forum you may need the most, at least for moral support and sex offender specific information, is out of reach if not logged in: Loving a Sex Offender -- LASO. Its a soft place to land

Information on self surrendering, inmate calls, commissary, visits, etc in the Federal prison system and Federal facilities can be found in the Federal Prison System forum, located HERE.

I'm glad you (and James) have found us

patchouli, PTO Admin

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Old 01-13-2021, 10:44 PM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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Welcome to Prison Talk. There is much information already posted here, so be sure to ask any questions you have. I made it all the way through exactly what he is facing, so I know what he will probably encounter in bop prisons. It won't be fun, but it is doable.

If you have questions you don't want made public, you can send me a private message. Comments posted on the PTO site are available to everyone, which has helped folks understand what lies ahead. One important issue for him to understand is "inmate etiquette" which makes a big difference in how he will be treated by the other prisoners and staff. Here's a link to a two page forum.

Stay strong, and never forget that this will end.
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Old 01-14-2021, 07:34 AM
Free At Last 5 Free At Last 5 is offline
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Your post brought back memories of my own experiences after the fateful knock on my door and the whirlwind of immediate consequences to grapple with. (I served 8 years in federal prison.) I’m glad you found this forum, which can be a huge help in navigating such uncharted waters. The idea is to just get informed and prepared for the journey ahead. One thing a therapist told me when I was in your position is that it’s good to read all you can, but to remember that “your experience will be your experience.” Tens of thousands of people have gone through the same experience and come through it, and you both will too!
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Old 01-14-2021, 07:55 AM
sidewalker sidewalker is online now
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Im glad you found pto. It really saved my sanity. Patchouli already gave you the link for LASO and you will probably find alot of info there to kind of get you prepared.
Be sure to scroll waaaay down that page to see the whole forum. (some glitch there)
Hang in there.
I thought about why that frisbee was getting bigger and bigger.........
then it hit me.

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Old 01-14-2021, 04:37 PM
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gypsyish gypsyish is offline
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Woah boy that brings back some memories. My loved one was in a very similar scenario - got into a bunch of stuff he shouldn’t have related to porn addiction and some other issues and went through the whole psych evaluation process to confirm that he wasn’t a danger to anyone nor attracted to any demographics he shouldn’t be. I very much understand a lot of the things you are going through right now. The waiting is the worst part. I didn’t find this forum until well after he was sentenced and in prison, but it was still a lifesaver for me. Definitely check out LASO if you haven’t already. I don’t know if there is any place else like it for people in our situation, and the folks on LASO were there for me at times when I literally had nobody else who understood the things I was going through.
12 years in...
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fbopnomore (01-14-2021), Free At Last 5 (01-15-2021), patchouli (01-14-2021), sidewalker (01-15-2021), SO_of_an_SO (01-14-2021)


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