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  #1  
Old 07-03-2019, 10:43 AM
malee malee is offline
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Post Intro--malee from New Jersey

Hello.

Very new to this but after crying my head off wondering how my son could be in this predicament Iíve decided to be his strength while he is there.

There is so much to navigate but so much useful information here. This is his first time in prison and I pray a lot and worry a lot. I miss him so much and itís only been a week. Not even sure what to do first to help him. He was moved from county to the NJDOC in less than a week.
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  #2  
Old 07-03-2019, 02:08 PM
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kellydavid410 kellydavid410 is offline
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Hello and welcome! I'm sorry to hear about your son. You will find a lot of support here and many things to help you cope. My man is in New Jersey State Prison and has been for the last 10 years. We are all her to help each other cope in our own way. Stay strong and be there for your son and most importantly take care of you
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  #3  
Old 07-03-2019, 03:17 PM
Amandainohio Amandainohio is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malee View Post
Hello.

Very new to this but after crying my head off wondering how my son could be in this predicament Iíve decided to be his strength while he is there.

There is so much to navigate but so much useful information here. This is his first time in prison and I pray a lot and worry a lot. I miss him so much and itís only been a week. Not even sure what to do first to help him. He was moved from county to the NJDOC in less than a week.
I am sure your son will greatly appreciate you being there for him. As for how to help him I would say add money to his books so he can get some commissary and to use on the phone if you have the funds available to do so. You should check out the forum for parents with children in the system (cannot think of how it is phrased exactly) but there should be a wealth of information for you to look at. I even venture into that area just to get even more ideas on how to help my boyfriend.
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  #4  
Old 07-03-2019, 04:00 PM
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Hi there and welcome to PTO. I totally understand the pain of having an incarcerated child. Its not easy and you need to get as much support for you as you can. There is a lot of support here and I see you have already found our NJ forums.
It doesnt get easier but you learn to cope.
But just make sure you look after you , your son needs you strong and healthy.
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Old 07-03-2019, 04:47 PM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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Welcome to Prison Talk. The beginning is definitely the hardest time for everyone, you and your son. As both of you learn the prison procedures, it will become less confusing., Your new normal.
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  #6  
Old 07-03-2019, 07:19 PM
malee malee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kellydavid410 View Post
Hello and welcome! I'm sorry to hear about your son. You will find a lot of support here and many things to help you cope. My man is in New Jersey State Prison and has been for the last 10 years. We are all her to help each other cope in our own way. Stay strong and be there for your son and most importantly take care of you
Thank you so very much for replying. Iím glad to find this community. Iím trying to find ways to cope and be strong and yes take care of me as so many people have been reminding me. Itís tough but he needs me as well as my younger kids. You hang in there as well. Itís not easy Iím sure!
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Old 07-03-2019, 07:22 PM
malee malee is offline
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Originally Posted by fbopnomore View Post
Welcome to Prison Talk. The beginning is definitely the hardest time for everyone, you and your son. As both of you learn the prison procedures, it will become less confusing., Your new normal.
I have to agree itís hard- I still find myself breaking down at the strangest times but Iím definitely eager to find ways to help us both navigate the system which is definitely going to be my new norm. Thanks for your kind words.
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Old 07-03-2019, 07:26 PM
malee malee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amandainohio View Post
I am sure your son will greatly appreciate you being there for him. As for how to help him I would say add money to his books so he can get some commissary and to use on the phone if you have the funds available to do so. You should check out the forum for parents with children in the system (cannot think of how it is phrased exactly) but there should be a wealth of information for you to look at. I even venture into that area just to get even more ideas on how to help my boyfriend.
Thanks! I did check that forum out a bit and it is helpful. I put money in his commissary and also prepaid for the phone calls but heís only been able to call once. I was happy to hear from him through JPay- he sent a message assuring me heís okay and thanking me. He also asked for glasses which Iím working on, I wasnít sure how much money to give. But Iíll figure it out.
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Old 07-03-2019, 07:28 PM
trauma4us trauma4us is offline
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Please believe us that it will get easier to deal with. Can I ask how long your son's sentence is?

This is our first encounter with the prison system too - our youngest son has been incarcerated almost 6 years now. Its hard to put into words but you develop coping skills to deal with it. I know when I first came here it was so new and so scary.

When I went to visit recently - the CO at the visitor's desk asked me to help someone out with the vending card machine and dress code and she winked and asked if I remembered what it was like when I was a newbie - I sure do.

Take care of yourself
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  #10  
Old 07-04-2019, 04:49 AM
malee malee is offline
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Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
Hi there and welcome to PTO. I totally understand the pain of having an incarcerated child. Its not easy and you need to get as much support for you as you can. There is a lot of support here and I see you have already found our NJ forums.
It doesnt get easier but you learn to cope.
But just make sure you look after you , your son needs you strong and healthy.
Yes it hurts and I miss him more each day. Thank you for your reply because I didnít see how it could get easier when Iím missing him more.He was loud, smart and funny but always helpful so our household iso we are definitely missing his presence. Coping is exactly the right word. Iím getting there thanks to my other kids who leave me no choice. Right now theyíre the reason I get up and out and do things! Thank God I have them or I would probably just stay inside and do nothing besides going to work.
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  #11  
Old 07-04-2019, 09:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malee View Post
Yes it hurts and I miss him more each day. Thank you for your reply because I didnít see how it could get easier when Iím missing him more.He was loud, smart and funny but always helpful so our household iso we are definitely missing his presence. Coping is exactly the right word. Iím getting there thanks to my other kids who leave me no choice. Right now theyíre the reason I get up and out and do things! Thank God I have them or I would probably just stay inside and do nothing besides going to work.
yes you absolutely have to carry on for your other children. make sure you take them out and have lots of family time and include your son by taking pictures to send to him and telling about the days you have had. I am sure he would not want you to stop enjoying life with your other children.
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  #12  
Old 10-17-2020, 09:05 PM
Mariasell Mariasell is offline
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Hi Malee from NJ, how are you and How is your son? I too am a mother of a son first time in prison, it’s been almost 2 years and I still cry every single day for him. It’s good you have other children to help you along this horrible path. Where in NJ is your son and how long is he there for ? My son is in CRAFT waiting to get picked up for Southern state.
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