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  #101  
Old 03-30-2017, 11:05 PM
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I guess you didn't admire my sarcasm thou.... That hurts.. Not as bad as I IMAGINE (never had one) a cavity search would.. Just saying.. I like to introduce a bit of levity, every now and then.. Even if it is at my own expense..

P.S. I was not joking about fkn'ing with the guards on the way back from visit.. That was fun! I left out the part about this one guys wood after visitation.. That even creeped me out! He probably was the mule, for sure.. Talk about getting the fast pass back to the yard.. The things I saw in prison and never thought about again until this thread.. Thanks PTO!
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  #102  
Old 03-30-2017, 11:59 PM
russelln61 russelln61 is offline
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You just too rad dude. Re-offend and be my cellie
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  #103  
Old 03-31-2017, 12:00 AM
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There is nothing better than a cellie that makes ya laugh your ass off
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  #104  
Old 04-01-2017, 04:05 PM
Texasflower08 Texasflower08 is offline
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All these comments are so funny.
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  #105  
Old 04-01-2017, 05:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by russelln61 View Post
There is nothing better than a cellie that makes ya laugh your ass off
Agree with you 1000%... and there is Nothing worse than having one that is bat-shit crazy, filthy or irritating..

This is going off topic but you brought an old cellie story back to mind that I had forgotten about. If everyone only wants to read about is strip searches, skip the rest of my post.. I'd do a thousand nekkid push-ups in the middle of the yard before I'd want to deal with this again.. (Okay, that depends on the yard!)

I'll never forget a cellie I had (for too long) named "Polo" (short for Leopoldo). My long-time / cellie named Frankie got taken to the hole for suspicion of drugs or something.. While he was there I had this somewhat new-to-the-unit Hispanic kid get dropped into my cell, who was nice enough at first, but it didn't take long for me to realize he had some serious mental issues. More than anything, he became a serious nuisance.
He got sent up to the top bunk, of course, and soon after he got comfortable (a few days), he developed a habit for poking his head over the edge of the top bunk and staring at me while I would read at night. He'd say, "whaaat aaaare yooooou dooooing seellllllllleee!?!". Me: "What's it look like Polo? I'm reading... Just like I am every time you ask me..." He'd then smirk and retreat.. an hour later, repeat! He didn't care about what I was reading.. And no matter how many time I told him to call me David or use my last name, he never would..
Then, of course... just my luck... we get caught up in a 2 week lock down, so I ended up in that cell with him almost 24/7 during that time.. He would pace back and forth... back and forth.. back and forth.. and then stop and STARE at my back while I was writing letters or doing correspondence course work at the desk in our cell.. I can't stand anyone standing behind me while I'm sitting down... I turn around and say, "WHAT POLO!?".... He'd make this funny smirk like he just got caught by his mom doing something bad. "Sooooooory seellllllllleeeee!" and go back to pacing.. It was driving me nuts... I'd ridden out much longer lock-downs, but this one was much more miserable.

Soon after lock-down was over, I got word that Frankie would be back in a few days. I immediately told Polo that when Frankie got back, he would have to find another cellie. He seemed a bit crestfallen but nodded his head and said OK. I told him he was a cool guy but Frankie was my road dog from the North Side of Houston.

So, Frankie shows back up and I tell Polo to pack it up.. Like a child, he parks his ass on my bunk (no-no, Po-Lo!) and does this pout. I'm like WTF!? I bring up our discussion and he says he doesn't want to go. He likes me! He's not leaving! So, for the moment Frankie moves in elsewhere. I tell Polo, I'm serious, and he better start looking for a new house.

I don't usually go to the CO's about anything but I hit our "dorm parent" up about re-assigning him to another cell.. Come to find out, they won't do it! He tells me he can move me.. Fk that! I had one of the best cell locations in the unit, and the best cellie. Moving would lose my location and it could be a while before Frankie and I are back together as there were not a lot of open bunks, and certainly not a cell that was empty.

I'm pissed now and go back to the cell and get up in Polo's face.. I told him he had until tomorrow to leave.. "You can walk out or I'm going to bust you up and drag you out.." The only problem thou was.. He's Mexican.. And I had to factor that in. I wasn't sure how the politics might play out..

Fortunately, the shot caller for most of the (Texas) Mexicans at my prison also lived in my unit, and I had some chips with him for typing up (converting from handwriting) some legal docs, as well as we played chess often together. . I went to him (Oso) and discussed what was going down. He laughed! "Crazy Polo doesn't want to leave you!?!" (laughing) He asked how aggressive I got with him. I told him not much yet, but what would come next would depend on him. He smiled and told me to toss his ass off the 2nd tier.. He'll make sure nobody cares... (Great!)

I really didn't want to hurt this kid, nor did I want to end up in the hole and lose my cell anyway. I went back to my cell and told Polo that Oso had green-lighted me doing whatever I felt was necessary to evict him. "Eeevict ceellllllllliiiieeeee!?!".. "Kick your ass and throw you out, Polo!".. "But ceeeeeelllllllllllliiieeeee... I like you! You are nice to me!".. Jeezus.. What to friggen do? I let it go for the moment, but I'm starting to lose face trying to be nice.. and I really don't want to hurt this kid. He's obviously not all there..

I go to shower and come back to my cell, and when I walk in, I catch him breaking up a shaving razor. Yeah, concern.. "WTF are you doing with that Polo?" He tosses it in the trash. I ask him what he was doing with that razor after he gets back.. He says he was going to use it to cut some designs out of paper. Yeah, bs! That would be a first. My "radar" is on maximum now. I know I could brutalize this kid in a fight but it's hard to defend yourself at first if you are asleep..

I ran myself paranoid! I'm thinking... If this little turd tries to cut me, I can handle it, unless it's my neck.. So, for the first and only time in prison (or anywhere else for that matter) I wrapped my neck with my shower towel and slept on my back, propped up.. It's funny now, but you never know exactly what you may be dealing with inside..

The next day I went to see Oso again.. I basically said, "your the man.. I don't want to be known as the guy that beat up some youngster with mental issues.. I'd appreciate it if you recommend he gtfo of my cell." He smiled, and said, "sure..." He sent a couple of his boys down there and damn'd if Polo didn't tell them "NO! I won't leave!".. I'm thinking.. No way! Did he really!?!

So, this LONG-WINDED off-topic story ends with Oso asking me, "do you mind if we go into your house for a minute??" My response: "mi casa es su casa" Not 2 minutes later the CO was lured to the TV room for something(?), and poor Polo was drug out of the cell by a small gaggle of Oso's boys. I packed up the rest of his stuff and gave it to them. He lasted in the unit another day or two before Oso had him shipped to the furthest building from ours.

Sooo... OP! I'm guessing you might already be inside by now.. But, if not, you should know, there are worse things to deal with in prison than strip searches!
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Last edited by David; 04-01-2017 at 05:36 PM..
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  #106  
Old 04-01-2017, 10:01 PM
russelln61 russelln61 is offline
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Yeah my last time in was a gravy train. Its was a drug rehab In Grainger Texas. . We had 2 nice Mexican ladies that cooked really good for us, and most of us worked in the chow hall. One of them published her Chicken Pot Pie recipe in Texas Monthly.

They packed 5 or six of us into a room. It was an old nursing home and mental health center. Big bathrooms though, handicapped friendly. That was nice.
My Bunkee was on the bottom bunk, and I dont know if he had some bowel problems or what, but he had bad gas. I put up with it as long as I could, and finally went to some senior staff and complained. I told them, yall know I never complain , but this is getting to me. I had a set of earplugs in my ears , and a set in my nostrils.
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  #107  
Old 04-01-2017, 10:26 PM
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Smart move, Russell! I usually drove the bottom bunk, but in that situation, I'd much rather be on the top! You can plug your ears and nostrils, but I wouldn't want to be down there even if you could have gotten your hands on a poncho with a hood with "that guy".

I think it's about time to revive the revive the Letters & Stories from Inmates & X-cons forum...
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  #108  
Old 04-26-2017, 03:29 AM
Minor activist Minor activist is offline
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I just ran across something that reminded me of this thread.

It's from a news article about LA County jails.

Quote:
One of the biggest new reforms at the Lynwood women's jail has been the installation of a high-tech body scanner meant to sidestep the demeaning squat-and-cough procedure. While it's necessary to check inmates for contraband, Gutierrez says, using a scanner like the ones at airports allows the inmates far more dignity.
Acquisition of the body scanner, installed in November, had been in the works for some time and was not the result of McDonnell's election. There are more to come in other county jails, if the funding works out.
From http://www.laweekly.com/news/how-a-p...s-jail-5496483
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  #109  
Old 05-09-2017, 11:36 AM
Schmidtty Schmidtty is offline
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I don't know what state your in but I can assure you in FL there is no way around strip searches. I mean as long as your not going outside the gate or to visitation the only time you have to worry about it is during reception or if they do a big shakedown in your dorm. I'm sorry about your condition. But honestly suck it up. DOC is the guards world not yours
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  #110  
Old 05-30-2017, 07:23 PM
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Sorry about being a little late to this thread.

Believe me when I tell you that the anxiety of the strip search is worse than the event itself. At the county jail I was being held at before sentencing they told me to strip naked, lift my genitals, turn around, squat and cough. After that, game over. I put on my jail jumpsuit and was taken to my cell for the night. I made the guards laugh by making a joke about this being the worst strip club ever. It lightened the mood and made it less painful. The guards don't want to see you naked any more than you want to be naked in front of them. It is just part of the job.

Many have stated that the first time is the worst. They are correct. After the second and third time it became a part of life. I can't even recall how many times I was stripped out. Before every visit, after every visit, before and after doctor visits leaving the facility. You will be surprised at when what seems unnatural and humiliating becomes normal and routine. Strip searches are just a part of prison life. It is as much for institutional safety as it is for inmate control. It also lets you know who is in charge.

I hope this helps. Another friendly word of advice. Stay away from the store man, gambling tables, punks, alcohol and you should be fine. You will meet up with people you get a long with. Stay away from negative people and most importantly prison forces you to fall in to a routine. It helps make time go by faster. I spent summers playing softball and winters in the dorm escaping with a good book. I think I read every Dean Koontz book ever written.
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