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GPT Phones, Mail, and Visitation Discussions Please post topics or discussions here that do not fit in the appropriate state or federal forums.

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  #1  
Old 10-11-2017, 06:47 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
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Default Advice on handling less phone time

I'll be the first to admit it that I was spoiled with our county calls. I got used to talking to him a few times a day. Now things are different in state. 2 calls a day, but phone slots don't always work when I'm working.

It bothers the both of us a lot when we don't talk. We dont transition well! He knows I worry and he worries too. I just don't want to keep worrying and thinking the worst. I'm sure with time I'll get used to a new routine, as will he.

Worrying is exhausting and does neither of us any good. What are some tips?

For example today he called at an off time when I could not answer my phone. He has my schedule, so know when I can't. So I over think badly sometimes. First I think he wants me to know he is ok. He can't leave a message. Then I worry what if something is wrong?

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Old 10-11-2017, 07:59 PM
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We dont transition well! He knows I worry and he worries too. I just don't want to keep worrying and thinking the worst. I'm sure with time I'll get used to a new routine, as will he.
Those are the things to focus on...it's a transition which means it won't feel this way forever and with time, you will adjust.

Each move to a new facility has meant an adjustment in our call schedule. Even with my "don't call me more than 2-3 times a week" mantra, the shift is difficult. I like 2-3 calls a week, I do no like one or none. (picky, picky...lol)

A lot of people respond to these posts with "set a call schedule" and that's great if that's an option, but in our case he signs up for phone time the day before and what's left on the list is what he can choose from. So basically, we never know when he's going to call and with my own varying schedule, it's very common for us to miss one another.

My best advise is this: it sucks when they call and we can't answer, especially when those calls happen back to back. But if he's calling, he's physically OK. He's not being disciplined for anything and he is thinking of you. If he knows your schedule he knows he's taking the chance you won't answer. Our job is to learn to trust there will be another call as soon as he's able.

Hang in there. It's a transition.
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Old 10-11-2017, 08:09 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
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Those are the things to focus on...it's a transition which means it won't feel this way forever and with time, you will adjust.

Each move to a new facility has meant an adjustment in our call schedule. Even with my "don't call me more than 2-3 times a week" mantra, the shift is difficult. I like 2-3 calls a week, I do no like one or none. (picky, picky...lol)

A lot of people respond to these posts with "set a call schedule" and that's great if that's an option, but in our case he signs up for phone time the day before and what's left on the list is what he can choose from. So basically, we never know when he's going to call and with my own varying schedule, it's very common for us to miss one another.

My best advise is this: it sucks when they call and we can't answer, especially when those calls happen back to back. But if he's calling, he's physically OK. He's not being disciplined for anything and he is thinking of you. If he knows your schedule he knows he's taking the chance you won't answer. Our job is to learn to trust there will be another call as soon as he's able.

Hang in there. It's a transition.
He called about 10 minutes later. We made an agreement that he will call on an off time knowing I can't answer to let me know he is ok. Right now there is no schedule and like yours does the night before. Today things came up and missed his slots.

I know it is a transition and I want us both mentally healthy through this. Him knowing I get nervous makes him edgy.

I thank you for your reaponse. I don't want to sound whiney at all. Worrying is unhealthy and exhausting. To get through this, we have to get a grip. Lol
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Old 10-11-2017, 08:10 PM
Daddysgal Daddysgal is offline
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Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 View Post
I'll be the first to admit it that I was spoiled with our county calls. I got used to talking to him a few times a day. Now things are different in state. 2 calls a day, but phone slots don't always work when I'm working.

It bothers the both of us a lot when we don't talk. We dont transition well! He knows I worry and he worries too. I just don't want to keep worrying and thinking the worst. I'm sure with time I'll get used to a new routine, as will he.

Worrying is exhausting and does neither of us any good. What are some tips?

For example today he called at an off time when I could not answer my phone. He has my schedule, so know when I can't. So I over think badly sometimes. First I think he wants me to know he is ok. He can't leave a message. Then I worry what if something is wrong?

He hasn't called back since. I'm not calling there. I'd wait a few days first before I went into panic mode.
I'm sorry you are bummed ..I am so familiar with the missed calls at work.. I can normally take them but, I get mad when I miss them or can't. My guy was transferred a few times and I got really spoiled with my phone time when he got to his first place.. Some prisons the phones are easier to get on then others. We talk once or twice a week now and write letters.. Try not to worry , I know it's hard but, he will call when he can get on the phones..My advice is to take a deep breathe and be patient.. You will eventually get a schedule that works for you both...

Last edited by Daddysgal; 10-11-2017 at 08:26 PM.. Reason: typo
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Old 10-11-2017, 08:17 PM
MrsDeeKay MrsDeeKay is offline
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This transition is like starting over. Just try to think back to the beginning and remember that eventually things leveled out and you figured out your “new” normal..... It will happen again. Stay positive and say lots of prayers!
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Old 10-11-2017, 08:17 PM
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I don't want to sound whiney at all. Worrying is unhealthy and exhausting. To get through this, we have to get a grip. Lol
You don't sound whiny at all!! It's normal when things change to have things you like/dislike. That's OK and sharing it allows us the chance to remind you it's totally normal.
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Old 10-11-2017, 08:23 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
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This transition is like starting over. Just try to think back to the beginning and remember that eventually things leveled out and you figured out your “new” normal..... It will happen again. Stay positive and say lots of prayers!
Driving today I did look back on this journey. It feels similar to when he started in county 8 mths ago. We go through that. And yes when I panic, I begin to pray and leave it up to God. It is the only thing I can do.
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Old 10-11-2017, 08:25 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
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You don't sound whiny at all!! It's normal when things change to have things you like/dislike. That's OK and sharing it allows us the chance to remind you it's totally normal.
Thank you for grounding me.
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