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  #26  
Old 08-12-2017, 11:40 AM
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Is there any way we can help?
Y'all help more than you know. Right now, I just need lots and lots of support... I will PM ya in a bit.
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Old 08-12-2017, 12:40 PM
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Y'all help more than you know. Right now, I just need lots and lots of support... I will PM ya in a bit.
Tons of hugs and positive thoughts your way.
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  #28  
Old 08-12-2017, 12:43 PM
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Thanks. He's tried to get help... They have failed him. I'm not out there anymore because his PO made him quit his job and move back to the halfway house, so he sent me home.
Oh I am sooo sorry to hear that. That quite frankly sucks. My LO will be released soon here in AZ and we are a little worried they will require he stay at a halfway house. If you are comfortable sharing why would the PO require that he quit a job? You would think they would want them to have a job? Also if he was working etc why would they make him go to a halfway house? The probation factor is worrisome for us since there is just so much lack of any control or consistency- all is at the discretion of the probation officer.

Hope you are okay and that it is just short term that you are apart.
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Old 08-12-2017, 12:51 PM
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Oh I am sooo sorry to hear that. That quite frankly sucks. My LO will be released soon here in AZ and we are a little worried they will require he stay at a halfway house. If you are comfortable sharing why would the PO require that he quit a job? You would think they would want them to have a job? Also if he was working etc why would they make him go to a halfway house? The probation factor is worrisome for us since there is just so much lack of any control or consistency- all is at the discretion of the probation officer.

Hope you are okay and that it is just short term that you are apart.
I sent you a PM... We never dreamed she would make him quit his job. He was making good money, too. I've talked to his boss and they are holding his job for him, but that didn't help with the issue of being able to afford me to stay out there. He honestly thinks she did this to send me home so she could violate him.
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Old 08-13-2017, 09:23 AM
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I dont know from Adam about drug task forces, etc.
but I'd have to agree AmazingMrsB, he sounds over the top paranoid.
I hope he gets help.
And once again, Im so sorry this has happened.
I hope he does not do anything to violate his supervision.

Hang in there.
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Old 08-14-2017, 07:31 AM
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I dont know from Adam about drug task forces, etc.
but I'd have to agree AmazingMrsB, he sounds over the top paranoid.
I hope he gets help.
And once again, Im so sorry this has happened.
I hope he does not do anything to violate his supervision.

Hang in there.
He already has... And since I'm not there, he's reverting to old behaviors. I can't get him to do what he needs to do... Like turn himself in. We all believe that his PO knew this would happen when he made him quit his job, causing me to have to leave. She would have been totally stupid not to know.

His PO knows about the paranoia and just shrugged it off saying it was because of drug use. But it isn't... It happens whether he's clean or high. He wasn't using when it started and it's one of the reasons he started using again. She told me that I didn't understand what drugs can do and apparently didn't know my husband. I guess his PTSD and scitzoeffective disorder had absolutely NOTHING to do with it.
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Old 08-14-2017, 09:11 AM
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He already has... And since I'm not there, he's reverting to old behaviors. I can't get him to do what he needs to do... Like turn himself in. We all believe that his PO knew this would happen when he made him quit his job, causing me to have to leave. She would have been totally stupid not to know.

His PO knows about the paranoia and just shrugged it off saying it was because of drug use. But it isn't... It happens whether he's clean or high. He wasn't using when it started and it's one of the reasons he started using again. She told me that I didn't understand what drugs can do and apparently didn't know my husband. I guess his PTSD and scitzoeffective disorder had absolutely NOTHING to do with it.
Look, I need to get a little tough here....

See, Dee has the same types of issues he has. PTSD (because of the various forms of abuse and the fact that prison, sort of by default, gives you a bit of it,) Schizoaffective (she admitted to me post-release she'd been hearing voices since she was 9, long before drugs entered the equation for her, and the prison did formally diagnose her with that in her final year) with a history of drug use (meth being her drug of choice.)

I don't have to "make" Dee do what she needs to do. Every day she has a choice. She can wake up and take her meds or not take her meds (and, to a large extent, she's been med-compliant.) She can wake up and choose to use or choose not to use (she's chosen to maintain her sobriety because she recognizes that she can't go back to using because that just makes her problems worse.)

Parole Officers aren't in place to hold our loved one's hands. If they seem particularly insensitive, it's because they have a large caseload and have started to stereotype to try to break it down. No, this is not your fault or Mr. B's fault. This is just how the system works. Dee's parole officer could give a lesser care about her "problems." His questions are basically "are you seeing your doctor? Are you taking your meds? Will you obey a term of your parole and pee in this cup?"

The reality is this: problems or not, our loved ones have a responsibility to themselves to meet the terms of their parole and to do what they need to do to be healthy. For weeks I've been reading, essentially, that Mr. B doesn't want to do that. Sober or not, he's been reluctant to take his medications. HE HAS MADE CHOICES. And unfortunately, his choices reflect you.

It's not the parole officer's fault that he made this decision. It's not even your fault that he's made the decision. It's his own fault that he made the decision. Mr. B is ultimately accountable for Mr. B's actions. Only him. This isn't his first dance with parole, either, so he knows what's expected of him and what is necessary to stay out of trouble. Instead, he's chosen to not do what he needs to do to be healthy and productive, he's put a consequence on you by doing so, and given that his reaction to that consequence, whether he was using before or not, has basically been to use.......is that his parole officer's fault? Did his PO give him the drugs? Is his PO preventing him for turning himself in on the violation?

For your sake, I'd love to see Mr. B shape up and take some personal responsibility. This is on him, though. This is all on him to make that decision. And the decisions that he has been making, repeatedly, are to blow off his obligations to his parole, to himself, and to you, which gives you consequences and caused you to make another trip back to Illinois.

I've seen you defend Mr. B so many times. And I get it. Because I've done the same for Dee. But at what point to you turn to him and say "look, I've stood up for you, time and time again, and the end result is always that you don't show me the same respect" and ask him to start returning the favor in kind?

I'm very sorry to hear that everything is going the way it is going. I truly am. However, I feel like there's this absolute tendency right now to ignore the root of the problem and try to cast blame on other areas. The reality is, he could have the most sympathetic, knowledgable PO in the world and he could still be in this situation because he's making choices that are putting himself in this situation. Him. His choices. Period. And even if the PO's understanding of his mental health condition is poor, at this point he's making choices that seem to coincide with the PO's theory on his behavior pattern.

I hope he figures it out soon because I can tell this is causing you nothing but pain right now.

Take care of yourself.

-E
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  #33  
Old 08-14-2017, 09:52 AM
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E~ There is a bit more to the situation... I have had a couple conversations with his PO. One was the day she put him back in the halfway house. I wanted to verify her conditions... See, she was ready to violate him that day. I wish she would have just violated him that day. She told him that ANY dirty UA... Whether from medicine or even a false positive... Would send him back. She then told him he had to talk ALL medicine as directed. I verified with her that it was medicine from family MD or psych. She said yes. I then verified that she was aware that some of his meds would cause him to test positive and she said he had to take ALL meds as prescribed. She asked if I was going to be able to stay in Arizona and I told her that without his income, there was no way I could stay. She pointed out that I am what gives him stability...so she knew.

He is 100% responsible for his own actions.
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  #34  
Old 08-14-2017, 11:10 AM
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This sucks big time. And I'm really sorry. Sending you many hugs from Germany
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Old 08-14-2017, 03:56 PM
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I just read more of your posts and you said in some he wasn't using. Then he which is it? I've been there and done that. I have a very small piece of advice your not going to like but he's actively using, you are just helping stop.. Sorry I'm not trying to be mean but ya know what he's a drug addicted mentally impaired guy, you can't help him. Find a support group for you, stop being a crutch.
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Old 08-14-2017, 05:18 PM
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Wow! I am so sorry you are going through all this! I was just having the drug-addiction conversation with my step-daughter (she is not using thank God). Drug addiction hurts everyone! As his loved one you want to support. Naturally. The problem is there is no real support you can give him. You can be a NORMAL wife and he has to do the rest! It is absolutely not fair to you and I know this has to be such a blow to the gut! I don't envy your situation! I pray every day that my loved ones won't develop an addiction because it is a beast!
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  #37  
Old 08-16-2017, 03:25 AM
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E~ There is a bit more to the situation... I have had a couple conversations with his PO. One was the day she put him back in the halfway house. I wanted to verify her conditions... See, she was ready to violate him that day. I wish she would have just violated him that day. She told him that ANY dirty UA... Whether from medicine or even a false positive... Would send him back. She then told him he had to talk ALL medicine as directed. I verified with her that it was medicine from family MD or psych. She said yes. I then verified that she was aware that some of his meds would cause him to test positive and she said he had to take ALL meds as prescribed. She asked if I was going to be able to stay in Arizona and I told her that without his income, there was no way I could stay. She pointed out that I am what gives him stability...so she knew.

He is 100% responsible for his own actions.


Keep getting sidetracked but since I can't sleep I'll take a few moments to contemplate and respond....

Ultimately you know him better than any of us. If I come across a bit harsh and frustrated, I apologize. Most of my frame of reference to the current situation for you is what I read here and I interpret it through a lens of what I have experienced in the past (which in turn colors me a bit biased.). So I trust you to ultimately know, of course whether an opinion I have on an issue lines up with what you're experiencing or not.

I would suggest, and again I am basing this on text so my view might not really accurately reflect reality so my apologies, that the PO acknowledging your presence's impact might not so much be her disregarding a situation and trying to violate him as having to deal with rules and looking for mitigating factors to NOT violate him. She might be fully sympathetic to your situation and just not be able to do anything for him for one reason or another.

I guess my biggest concern is that I have seen you ride this out with Mr. B for a long time. And believe me, I hope as much as anybody that this ultimately turns out right for both of you because I know you love him and, from everything I have read, he loves you. I can empathize to at least some degree because of what Dee has dealt with. And of course her having a fairly successful transition to date kind of colors my view as well.....

I guess what I am hoping for, for you, is stability and happiness. In whatever form that comes in for you. And what concerns me is that when he is home a lot of how I understand the situation to be is that things are not always stable. And I also know how much of your heart and soul you have put into him, and how much amazing support you have given others here.

And my hope is that he will get to a point where he handles things well. Not just for you but for himself. And not just for a while but consistently.

I also worry that it might not happen. Not because I want him to fail....quite the opposite, I want to see success for him. And for you. But I worry because I don't want to see this pattern of let-downs and steps backward when he's out. Which isn't to say he hasn't had his successes....he has! And that is why you were able to get out to Arizona in the first place. But I guess.....I just want to see them more consistently.

I know you do too.

I think one of the hardest places to get to in life....not just in inmate-outmate relationships that transition back to the real world but in any relationship....is to day in and day out have a consistency with someone. And Dee and I, since it's my directly relatable issue....we have so much success but that last thing is something we still have some struggles with since we both have our struggles with mental illness. But that is the goal. And I know that's the goal for you and Mr. B, too.

So....All other thoughts aside....I just hope that as time goes on, we find that in our respective relationships. And that those of our friends and allies in this group find it as well if they're still looking for it. I appreciate that you've taken what I have to say under consideration and hope you know I have not intended any disrespect. Right now, the situation is what it is....I hope it will get better.

At the end of the day....we're all in this together.

-E
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  #38  
Old 08-16-2017, 04:26 AM
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E~ I totally get what you're saying. It's something I do worry about. When all is said and done, he's coming here. That will accomplish two things... It will get him away from the people he knows from prison, who are not the best influence on him. It will also get him where I have resources and can actually get him the help he needs.

My psych has told me where I need to take him. They specialize in addiction and can handle his psych issues. One of the biggest problems we have when he is home is that he hasn't been properly treated so he self medicated. He is clean at the moment... I can tell because he is sleeping more and is more paranoid. He's obsessing on crazy things, too... Like how I got an ear infection and a UTI at the same time. Um, my sugar has been high because I'm stressed and I'm back home with a high pollen count, which causes sinus problems, which leads to an ear infection. And obsessing on my taking my medicine.

Our mental health issues tend to clash, too. I have anxiety issues... Social, general and agoraphobia (I have good days where I can go where I need to, but afterwards, you aren't getting me out of the house for a couple weeks). He has ADHD with emphasis on the hyperactivity. So, he always wants to be on the go. There are other things, too. I'm working on my end of things to make home a much more stable place. He's not the only one who contributes to the instability. I'm a yeller and he can't handle that, so that's one of the things I'm working on.

There is also the fact that neither of us are used to living with someone. I've been divorced 11 years and he's been in prison. I have ADHD, too. Emphasis on Attention Deficit.

We'll get it... Eventually. We've been talking about what our issues are. One day at a time, right?
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Old 08-16-2017, 05:04 AM
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Exactly!
Little steps only. There's no need to rush anything whatsoever. It will work out!!
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Old 08-16-2017, 10:27 AM
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Instead of running away from the cars and helicopters, has he approached one and waved? To see what all the fuss is? Maybe bring them a donut or two?

"Hey guys, following me around while I'm working must be pretty hard work, lunch is on me."

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Old 08-17-2017, 03:36 PM
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Instead of running away from the cars and helicopters, has he approached one and waved? To see what all the fuss is? Maybe bring them a donut or two?

"Hey guys, following me around while I'm working must be pretty hard work, lunch is on me."

Kill em with kindness.
...please tell me that this is an attempt at a joke and you wouldn't seriously tell someone exhibiting paranoid delusions to actually confront the vehicles he thinks are following him. (Or her.)
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Old 08-18-2017, 07:21 AM
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...please tell me that this is an attempt at a joke and you wouldn't seriously tell someone exhibiting paranoid delusions to actually confront the vehicles he thinks are following him. (Or her.)
No, serious as a heart attack. The cars aren't really following him, right? And even if they were, maybe it would be nice for him to build a rapport with the cops.
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Old 08-18-2017, 11:38 AM
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No, serious as a heart attack. The cars aren't really following him, right? And even if they were, maybe it would be nice for him to build a rapport with the cops.
I'm going to say this nicely and I am going to say this one time so that I don't say anything that I later regret.

The problem with what you're stating is this.

1.) If he is NOT being followed by the cops, and he's in a paranoid state, he's going to scare the hell out of people who are not actually following him and who are not actually law enforcement. I don't think I really need to explain how this might wind up being dangerous to him or to those people if he's not in his right mind.

2.) If he IS being followed by the cops and initiates a confrontation, having been both a "consumer" and a "service provider" in the mental health field, I'll tell you that all too often that cops aren't exactly the best at handling someone in an active state of delusion or psychosis. In some cases, depending on the cops' knowledge of how to handle people in active psychosis/delusions and their ability to recognize that that's what's going on and that he's not a threat (not something I'd put my money on if I were him,) that ends in "shoot first and ask questions later."

I hope that's clear now.
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Old 08-18-2017, 12:28 PM
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Instead of running away from the cars and helicopters, has he approached one and waved? To see what all the fuss is? Maybe bring them a donut or two?

"Hey guys, following me around while I'm working must be pretty hard work, lunch is on me."

Kill em with kindness.
Arizona was ranked best state in the nation for gun owners by Guns and Ammo magazine...and also #1 by The Brady Campaign’s finding that Arizona is the best state for criminals to get access to guns.

This behavior will positively get you shot in Phoenix. I'm not even joking. Cop or citizen...the number of people carrying here is huge. Confronting anyone you don't know while in a delusional state or not, trying to be sarcastic or funny or whatever....may prove lethal.
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Old 08-19-2017, 11:56 AM
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I'm from Phoenix, thanks. Grew up on the Westside and lived there my whole life til moving about a decade ago. I'm sorry you missed my point. It happens sometimes chatting on the internet and stuff.
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Old 08-19-2017, 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by jsanner View Post
I'm from Phoenix, thanks. Grew up on the Westside and lived there my whole life til moving about a decade ago. I'm sorry you missed my point. It happens sometimes chatting on the internet and stuff.
I've reread your post and don't get your point except to be facetious. Unless you can see where something might help someone with a problem mental o9r real its better from being snarky.
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