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Was wondering if anyone else went, or is going through this. Our son akesd us not to visit for a while. He said it's to hard to see us then go back to the reality of being in prison after the visit. He told us it really messes him up emotionally and it would be easier on him to not have visitors for a while.
My husband went through this for a little period of time. The entire stripping out the horrible visiting room and seeing me leave became to much for him. We took a break. then he was transfered to the best Ohio prison for visiting and things are even better then before. Just give him some time. Write alot and he will come around.
My friend went through this with his kids coming to visit. I don't know who it was harder on, them or him.
So the answer is yes, it happens and you are not alone. It will get better in time. This is the way he feels he can cope, so I would recommend you honor his request...it's all still pretty new to him. Good luck and God Bless you, your family and your son.
My husband has only been in 2 months, so I havent had a chance to visit so I dont know how he's going to feel when our visits do start but I know he had mentioned wayyyyyyy before he ever went to prison that "If I were ever to go to prison I wouldnt want people coming to visit me"...And I have known people who have been to prison who didnt want visitors either, they also said it would be to hard. Everyone is different but maybe in time he'll feel a little better about it.
My husband loves his visits and has changed his normal responses to some situations because he didn't want to risk our visits.
I do understand why some people don't like visits. They are emotional and sometimes emotions are seen as weakness. Not to mention it is hard to watch your loved ones leave and you have to stay. It all depends on the skills they have developed and how they look at it.
I would give him some space but continue to ask occasionally if he would like a visit just so he knows that you are still there and want to see him.
You are not alone ! My b/f had ask his parents and I to not come for awhile because visits are so hard for him , but then 2 days after xmas his son shot and killed himself and at that point he asked us to please come every weekend ! We now at this point go about everyother weekend !
Dont worry or let it hurt your feelings , Its not us , its them and the emotional rollercoaster that being locked up has on them ! Good Luck Be_kind
We went through a phase where it was really hard for him to have visits because he was so terribly home sick and the visits made it worse. It was about 2 or 3 months after he got out of Quarantine.
At first everything was new and it was all about the first letter, the first stamps, the first phone call, getting classified, getting located out of quarantine, getting visiting apps in..first visits and first hugs and getting used to his new digs.
Then..routine took over and homesickness set in. Terrible homesickness. I thought the visits would help and in a way they did but he told me it was like his life was just out of his reach and being able to touch it for a few hours ( even in all the restrictions of a visiting room ) made me walking out of the room back to my life and him going back inside really painful for him.
Once he got adjusted to the rules, routines and found ways to deal with the homesickness it did get better. I wrote more often, sent tons of pics from home and talked about the future and what happens next..when he comes home. Letting him know that I was here, his life is here and missing him to and that we all understand that he is homesick and missing us.
One thing that helped was for us to take the pressure off of visits by making them ' no big deal '. instead of talking about being so excited and visiting all the time we made it more relaxed. We visit for less time and less often. A lot of the time I will tell him that I want to stop by and take him to lunch. ) the food in the vending machines is much better than what the get in chow line..as sad as that is.
Their homesickness is different then anything I have known. no matter where I have been that I am away from my loved ones, if I really had to I could get home in a day. There might be consequences with my work or whatever but it could be done. in a day. He can't do that. no matter what happens on the outside, he can't get home. I can understand that having the reality of that set in after a few months in prison could make someone want to disconnect a little more so their hearts aren't reaching home so strongly when they just can't get there.
I agree with Tsho's post. Being in prison is like being on another planet, separated from everything that you knew, and the planet that your loved ones live on is out of reach until you are released. It's a terrible feeling of isolation that can't be shaken off unless you grow out of it.
It's not uncommon for some not to want their loved ones to see them "in prison". It's also not uncommon for them to feel that it would be too hard to see their loved ones walk away when they can't follow them. Usually, as said above, they grow out of it, and then the visits will come. Just be patient, it sometimes takes a little time for the routine to settle in.
Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave. Martin Luther
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We got back late last night from a really good visit with our son. He had called (got his calling card finally!) and wanted us to visit again. It was the best visit so far we talked for almost four hours! And did he ever eat the food from the vending machines. Everyone that said he just needed some time was correct.