Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 01-10-2017, 02:19 PM
timntisha2012 timntisha2012 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Alabama USA
Posts: 534
Thanks: 762
Thanked 794 Times in 319 Posts
Default He still has not learned when to pick his battles

Hi all. It's been awhile since I've posted. I thought things were going well.. I've received two very ugly letters from my fiancé in a week.. We have been through so many ups and downs since his incarceration. But we've worked them out. He gets in these moods and he takes 'digs' at me. He puts on like he's all perfect and tells me how I need to change A, B, and C.
Well I redirected his one letter but his last one got to me more than the rest.. I'm a widow. I lost my husband over five and a half years ago to suicide. My boys were only 8 and 9 when they lost their father. I'm very very close to my husband's side of the family. Just the other day, I had a blow out on the side of the road on my way to work at 5:30 in the morning and my father in law came and changed my tire. My washer went out and he bought me a new washer. I hit a deer a couple months ago and he fixed my car. Anything that my boys need, he goes above and beyond for us.. Well Tim's family won't even speak to me. They wouldn't care if I was dead on the side of the road. They BLAME me for his incarceration even though I was just as shocked as them the day he was arrested.. His last Christmas out, his family bought nothing for me and my kids for Christmas even though we lived together and had been together for a couple of years. So Tim didn't go to their house for Christmas because of how they were treating me and my kids. My husband's family, bought for him and his son that Christmas. Plus my parents.. His letter stated how I hurt him when I call my boys grandad my father in law. When I refer to my boys uncle as my brother in law. Rather than being happy that they take care of me and the boys, he uses it against me. Then throws his family, who has treated us so poorly up in my face.
I feel he's being extremely selfish. Our situations are nowhere near the same. He's got two ex wives he's got children with and they are still alive. I feel that I will always have ties to my husband's family because of the children. I could be out here letting some other man help me, but instead I've chosen to stand by him and my husband's family helps me. I still go over there for Christmas and I feel this is a very touchy subject expecting me to just forget about the ones who have been there for me and my kids through everything.. How is this hurting him?? I do not understand. I think he doesn't chose his battles wisely when it comes to me. It's like he goes looking for conflict when there isn't any. They will always be my family. They've been my family for 16 years and then he tells me how I'm living in the past.. Am I wrong for being very very upset about the way he is acting? Because I am. And I'm hurt. Especially how they treated him and his son like family and they all have been good to him and his children. Family isn't about blood to me. I'm sorry for the vent and it being so long. There was a lot more in his other letter but I won't get into all of that.
__________________
'I exist in two places. Here and where you are.'
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to timntisha2012 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (01-15-2017)
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 01-10-2017, 02:45 PM
Heismyman Heismyman is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Brenham Texas
Posts: 548
Thanks: 185
Thanked 153 Times in 53 Posts
Default

I hate that you are going through this. First off NO you are not in the wrong for anything you just mentioned. It's not like you and your husband divorced, he died. This new man wouldn't even be in your life if not for that unfortunate circumstance.
I think your fiancé is just jealous and probably upset with himself that he is not out here to help you when you need it. Instead of manning up and saying "i'm sorry" he is putting it off on you to feel bad. Do not let him. Those people are your family, not your ex family. You have 2 boys that will always tie y'all together for way longer than when they are 18. You are a very lucky woman to have them, I'm sure you know that.
Say a little prayer for your fiancé in hopes that he will see what a gift your family is to you and him. And when you are ready to discuss it with him, I'd tell him that they are your family, always will be and the matter is no longer up for discussion. He can either embrace it or move along.
Keep your head up. You seem to be blessed in may ways.
Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Heismyman For This Useful Post:
choclgs (01-17-2017), HisSoul (01-11-2017), jadah (01-10-2017), miamac (01-10-2017), NewTexGal (01-10-2017), nimuay (01-10-2017), Sarianna (01-11-2017), Sinir.Fridyrr (01-11-2017)
  #3  
Old 01-10-2017, 02:59 PM
timntisha2012 timntisha2012 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Alabama USA
Posts: 534
Thanks: 762
Thanked 794 Times in 319 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heismyman View Post
I hate that you are going through this. First off NO you are not in the wrong for anything you just mentioned. It's not like you and your husband divorced, he died. This new man wouldn't even be in your life if not for that unfortunate circumstance.
I think your fiancé is just jealous and probably upset with himself that he is not out here to help you when you need it. Instead of manning up and saying "i'm sorry" he is putting it off on you to feel bad. Do not let him. Those people are your family, not your ex family. You have 2 boys that will always tie y'all together for way longer than when they are 18. You are a very lucky woman to have them, I'm sure you know that.
Say a little prayer for your fiancé in hopes that he will see what a gift your family is to you and him. And when you are ready to discuss it with him, I'd tell him that they are your family, always will be and the matter is no longer up for discussion. He can either embrace it or move along.
Keep your head up. You seem to be blessed in may ways.
Thank you for that! I know how blessed me and my boys are to have them. My own parents can't help me financially and they always tell me how lucky I am to have them. I do not know where I'd be without them and no one is going to stop the relationship I have with them. I do know he's jealous but he made his choices. He isn't out here to help me. I do what I have to do to live a normal life as possible for my children given the unseen circumstances we've been faced with.
__________________
'I exist in two places. Here and where you are.'
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to timntisha2012 For This Useful Post:
choclgs (01-17-2017), Heismyman (01-10-2017), HisSoul (01-11-2017), Lexanianna (01-18-2017), miamac (01-10-2017), Sarianna (01-11-2017)
  #4  
Old 01-10-2017, 03:09 PM
Bobberp54 Bobberp54 is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: East Windsor, Ct
Posts: 78
Thanks: 6
Thanked 116 Times in 60 Posts
Default

Wow....Honey, did you mention he was your "finance"? Oh yeah, you did. I would implore you to reconsider this classification for him. OMG, this is so wrong, and so similar to something I went through..I lost the love of my life to breast cancer some years back, after 13 years of bliss. A few years after losing her, I met Gail through an online dating site. We were good, and time passed. As a single women, she eventually invited me to move in with her, and besides being "in love with me", it would greatly help her out financially. So I did, and initially everything was fine. However, anytime she would have some sort of issue, and thought I was wrong, or something else was amiss, she would basically yell that she wasn't Donna, and I was living in the past!! She couldn't compete with a ghost, and many other hurtful things. Now, to say i was astonished that for some reason she would bring Donna into it, when it had nothing to do with any of that, would be an understatement. Instead of trying to gently work out what was bothering her specifically, she would inject this ridiculous notion that somehow, I was responsible. After a couple of years of trying to discover why she would do this, I found out that she was on a couple of different meds, (which she ceased taking), and had been going to counseling, (which she was no longer doing). The long and short of it was that I couldn't really see the trees for the forest at the time. I was incredulous at the time, as in this can't be really happening, and she can't possibly be saying these things, and feeling these things. I'm a very patient, easy to get along with type of man, which is why I tied to stay and "fix it", though there was no fixing something so outlandish. Part of her depression counseling was to mediate her combative accusatory rants, which cost her a very good job. She had ceased taking the meds, and going to counseling due to the financial strains. So, it took me awhile to realize that I didn't want to be part of her habits of slamming me over the memory of a dead woman, who, for reasons I still don't understand completely, so I packed up and left. This was more than 6 years ago, and we've spoken about it numerous times. We play tennis when possible, and through the fullness of time, I've become her listening post and informal counselor! So, don't tolerate hurtful behaviour, and abusive rants. There is no fixing that which is thrust upon you, unfairly and unnecessarily. Sorry for the length, but your situation of indefensible attacks brought back those memories for me. Please think about changing horses in the middle of this current stream, because it may never get better. Mean spirited attacks are never acceptable, unless you deem so...You deserve so much better!
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Bobberp54 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (01-15-2017), HisSoul (01-11-2017), jadah (01-10-2017), nimuay (01-10-2017), Sarianna (01-11-2017), timntisha2012 (01-10-2017)
  #5  
Old 01-10-2017, 03:12 PM
miamac's Avatar
miamac miamac is offline
Site Moderator Gone Mad

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: ORnativeAZresCAtied
Posts: 7,533
Thanks: 9,667
Thanked 12,495 Times in 4,846 Posts
Default

He's being selfish and like Heismyman mentioned, it wouldn't surprise me if it stems from guilt.

I have a very close relationship to my ex and his family (no kids together). I lived with him long after we divorced because we're still best of friends. I send his dad a Father's Day greeting every year. My now husband met me after the divorce but while we still lived together so he had time to grow into the idea before we started dating. I guess some other inmates tried to plant seeds about how that was wrong, but he explains it to me this way: my ex has been there for me long before he came around and has earned my love and trust, it's not his job to tell me who can and can't be in my life and as far as he can tell the THREE of us are lucky to be able to have this. When sh*t hits the fan out here and I truly need help, I know my ex is there for me. My husband loves me enough to not deprive me of that security because of his ego.

It would upset me to have that thrown back at me, as well.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to miamac For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (01-15-2017), HisSoul (01-11-2017), Sarianna (01-11-2017), timntisha2012 (01-10-2017)
  #6  
Old 01-10-2017, 03:32 PM
timntisha2012 timntisha2012 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Alabama USA
Posts: 534
Thanks: 762
Thanked 794 Times in 319 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobberp54 View Post
Wow....Honey, did you mention he was your "finance"? Oh yeah, you did. I would implore you to reconsider this classification for him. OMG, this is so wrong, and so similar to something I went through..I lost the love of my life to breast cancer some years back, after 13 years of bliss. A few years after losing her, I met Gail through an online dating site. We were good, and time passed. As a single women, she eventually invited me to move in with her, and besides being "in love with me", it would greatly help her out financially. So I did, and initially everything was fine. However, anytime she would have some sort of issue, and thought I was wrong, or something else was amiss, she would basically yell that she wasn't Donna, and I was living in the past!! She couldn't compete with a ghost, and many other hurtful things. Now, to say i was astonished that for some reason she would bring Donna into it, when it had nothing to do with any of that, would be an understatement. Instead of trying to gently work out what was bothering her specifically, she would inject this ridiculous notion that somehow, I was responsible. After a couple of years of trying to discover why she would do this, I found out that she was on a couple of different meds, (which she ceased taking), and had been going to counseling, (which she was no longer doing). The long and short of it was that I couldn't really see the trees for the forest at the time. I was incredulous at the time, as in this can't be really happening, and she can't possibly be saying these things, and feeling these things. I'm a very patient, easy to get along with type of man, which is why I tied to stay and "fix it", though there was no fixing something so outlandish. Part of her depression counseling was to mediate her combative accusatory rants, which cost her a very good job. She had ceased taking the meds, and going to counseling due to the financial strains. So, it took me awhile to realize that I didn't want to be part of her habits of slamming me over the memory of a dead woman, who, for reasons I still don't understand completely, so I packed up and left. This was more than 6 years ago, and we've spoken about it numerous times. We play tennis when possible, and through the fullness of time, I've become her listening post and informal counselor! So, don't tolerate hurtful behaviour, and abusive rants. There is no fixing that which is thrust upon you, unfairly and unnecessarily. Sorry for the length, but your situation of indefensible attacks brought back those memories for me. Please think about changing horses in the middle of this current stream, because it may never get better. Mean spirited attacks are never acceptable, unless you deem so...You deserve so much better!
I'm so so sorry! I know the pain of someone telling me that they can't compete with a ghost. Of course you can't. It isn't a competition. We were going through a divorce when my husband shot and killed himself.. However, we were still married. I paid for the funeral. I made all the arrangements and I still did my wifely duties even in death, which I would never feel bad for doing. I found my husband. I dealt with a lot of guilt, pain, flashbacks and everything imaginable. I was still dealing with a lot of those things when I met Tim. Then, I realize that I told him too much. That he uses my past hurts against me. He couldn't even began to imagine the hell on earth I've went through. He was my best friend. I thought he could handle it. He couldn't. He can't go in and take away all of that. Then, he hurt me too. He lied and deceived me for a year while he was out breaking the law because he couldn't handle his own demons. I do not even know how I have walking around sense anymore but you know what? I do the best I can. Every single day. I realize that he couldn't make it one day in my shoes. He doesn't have to. They are my shoes. I have nothing else to prove to him or anybody else.
__________________
'I exist in two places. Here and where you are.'
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to timntisha2012 For This Useful Post:
HisSoul (01-11-2017), jadah (01-10-2017), NewTexGal (01-10-2017), Sarianna (01-11-2017)
  #7  
Old 01-10-2017, 04:44 PM
coachy1's Avatar
coachy1 coachy1 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Yorkshire, England
Posts: 558
Thanks: 792
Thanked 489 Times in 263 Posts
Default

That is cruel to throw all that in your face. Whether he has issues of his own or not is irrelevant, someone who truly loves you would never do that.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to coachy1 For This Useful Post:
Cutepixie (01-11-2017), fbopnomore (01-10-2017), HisSoul (01-11-2017)
  #8  
Old 01-10-2017, 06:30 PM
JustBeingMe67's Avatar
JustBeingMe67 JustBeingMe67 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 5,173
Thanks: 738
Thanked 1,481 Times in 735 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by timntisha2012 View Post
Hi all. It's been awhile since I've posted. I thought things were going well.. I've received two very ugly letters from my fiancé in a week.. We have been through so many ups and downs since his incarceration. But we've worked them out. He gets in these moods and he takes 'digs' at me. He puts on like he's all perfect and tells me how I need to change A, B, and C.
Well I redirected his one letter but his last one got to me more than the rest.. I'm a widow. I lost my husband over five and a half years ago to suicide. My boys were only 8 and 9 when they lost their father. I'm very very close to my husband's side of the family. Just the other day, I had a blow out on the side of the road on my way to work at 5:30 in the morning and my father in law came and changed my tire. My washer went out and he bought me a new washer. I hit a deer a couple months ago and he fixed my car. Anything that my boys need, he goes above and beyond for us.. Well Tim's family won't even speak to me. They wouldn't care if I was dead on the side of the road. They BLAME me for his incarceration even though I was just as shocked as them the day he was arrested.. His last Christmas out, his family bought nothing for me and my kids for Christmas even though we lived together and had been together for a couple of years. So Tim didn't go to their house for Christmas because of how they were treating me and my kids. My husband's family, bought for him and his son that Christmas. Plus my parents.. His letter stated how I hurt him when I call my boys grandad my father in law. When I refer to my boys uncle as my brother in law. Rather than being happy that they take care of me and the boys, he uses it against me. Then throws his family, who has treated us so poorly up in my face.
I feel he's being extremely selfish. Our situations are nowhere near the same. He's got two ex wives he's got children with and they are still alive. I feel that I will always have ties to my husband's family because of the children. I could be out here letting some other man help me, but instead I've chosen to stand by him and my husband's family helps me. I still go over there for Christmas and I feel this is a very touchy subject expecting me to just forget about the ones who have been there for me and my kids through everything.. How is this hurting him?? I do not understand. I think he doesn't chose his battles wisely when it comes to me. It's like he goes looking for conflict when there isn't any. They will always be my family. They've been my family for 16 years and then he tells me how I'm living in the past.. Am I wrong for being very very upset about the way he is acting? Because I am. And I'm hurt. Especially how they treated him and his son like family and they all have been good to him and his children. Family isn't about blood to me. I'm sorry for the vent and it being so long. There was a lot more in his other letter but I won't get into all of that.
I am going to come at this from a different view. I will first comment I think it is wonderful that your in-laws are still a part of you and your children's lives. That does not happen too often.

Coming from HIS side....(please don't take this wrong) you would still be with your husband had he not taken his life, right? Maybe Tim feels as though he does not measure up and the fact that his family is shitty to you. I believe he is "digging" out of feeling insecure, not being able to help you and feeling like a POS for being locked up. Maybe try and speak to his heart and ask him why he feels the need to dig at you over this...again, I believe it is due to being insecure and feeling as though he is a fill-in to your husband. Having a heart to heart with him is needed, so you both are on the same page.

Sorry you are hurt and I hope you two can get things worked out.
__________________
Be Real, Be You

Last edited by JustBeingMe67; 01-10-2017 at 06:32 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to JustBeingMe67 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (01-15-2017)
  #9  
Old 01-10-2017, 06:58 PM
jadah jadah is offline
Moderator

PTO Moderator 

 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Mississippi,USA
Posts: 1,966
Thanks: 2,396
Thanked 2,597 Times in 1,060 Posts
Default

Timntisha
I am so very sorry for him.
You can accept him and embrace the baggage of the decisions he made that lead him to prison
yet he can't accept your "baggage" of what a young widow with children brings.

Small minded on his part for sure. Is that the eventual influence you need in your life on a day to day basis? Only you know him and know the whole picture.
I am so sorry you have to endure this too.
(((HUGS)))
__________________
"One of the casualties of [prison life] is the numbness of the heart"- Man on Fire

"
There is no question that in virtually all circumstances in which people are doing things in order to get rewards, extrinsic tangible rewards undermine intrinsic motivation." the New Scientist (12th April 2011, pp 40-43)

" Every life you touch, every fear or pain you ease, every loved ones' heart that you ease the burden from is the reason you are here."
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to jadah For This Useful Post:
Cutepixie (01-11-2017), timntisha2012 (01-11-2017)
  #10  
Old 01-10-2017, 07:02 PM
NewTexGal NewTexGal is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 508
Thanks: 446
Thanked 743 Times in 339 Posts
Default

I'm so glad your sons' grandparents are so supportive and want to be a part of your lives. You aren't doing anything wrong in accepting and returning their love and support. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you stay close to your in-laws!!! They sound like wonderful people.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to NewTexGal For This Useful Post:
miamac (01-11-2017)
  #11  
Old 01-10-2017, 07:32 PM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is offline
Super Moderator

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 22,826
Thanks: 4,657
Thanked 26,593 Times in 9,694 Posts
Default

I still don't understand how anyone treats any other person this way. I don't get it. I don't want to, either. I've lived through it, and didn't get the irrationality then. I did get out, and every time I see this kind of behavior, I suffer with those who are experiencing it.

BUT.... you don't have to! You can acknowledge that there are things about Tim that you love, but too many issues past and present and probably future that make it an untenable situation to continue to be in.
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
choclgs (01-17-2017), coachy1 (01-11-2017), Cutepixie (01-11-2017), jadah (01-10-2017), Sarianna (01-11-2017)
  #12  
Old 01-10-2017, 08:39 PM
Brandyboo Brandyboo is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: England, UK
Posts: 89
Thanks: 60
Thanked 74 Times in 41 Posts
Default

Just be blunt with your now fiance and tell him that no matter what he thinks or says your childrens grandparents and fathers side of the family are there to stay in your lives. If he can't accept that and continues to have digs at you is a future together even possible? You seriously need to communicate now and get everything you wrote here out to him and let him know now how you feel life is too short to be flippant you know more than anyone.Don't let him and his family upset you with their words and actions anymore.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Brandyboo For This Useful Post:
jadah (01-10-2017), Sarianna (01-11-2017)
  #13  
Old 01-11-2017, 08:27 AM
priceam priceam is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 378
Thanks: 436
Thanked 266 Times in 160 Posts
Default

Being hurtful to you is NOT ok. He should be grateful that your in laws are still in the picture to help you out. They are your children's grandparents. I cannot imagine what you are going through or have gone through. All I can say is I think you should re evaluate your relationship with him and see if this is the path in life you want for you and your boys. Unless he is willing to get some counseling and work through the issues he has then maybe he isn't the one for you. His family also needs to step up to the plate and quit being jerks. That would absolutely be something to also consider. Do you want you and your kids to have to deal with their attitudes? I think you and your kiddos have been through enough. Maybe it's time to just do you and your kiddos.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to priceam For This Useful Post:
timntisha2012 (01-11-2017)
  #14  
Old 01-11-2017, 08:31 AM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Germany
Posts: 1,476
Thanks: 1,302
Thanked 1,736 Times in 846 Posts
Default

I just love those people who are never taking responsibility for anything and make you feel it's all your fault!
I personally eliminate those people from my life, who needs that?
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to MizzyMuffling For This Useful Post:
coachy1 (01-11-2017), miamac (01-11-2017), Sarianna (01-12-2017), timntisha2012 (01-11-2017)
  #15  
Old 01-11-2017, 09:20 AM
timntisha2012 timntisha2012 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Alabama USA
Posts: 534
Thanks: 762
Thanked 794 Times in 319 Posts
Default

Ironically every time he has an issue, his letters always state that he asks around to see if his feelings are valid.. To whom does he ask? Other inmates that haven't a clue either? I almost always read his ugly letters and do not respond actually. I've learned in life, that you could be here one day and gone the next and I do not stoop to others levels. Honestly, I think he looks to get a rile out of me and 9 times out of 10 it doesn't work. Not anymore. I used to let everyone get to me and I do not anymore. Oh yes, this will be discussed extensively.. On my time not his. That's just how I see it.
__________________
'I exist in two places. Here and where you are.'
Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to timntisha2012 For This Useful Post:
Brandyboo (01-11-2017), fiat_nox (01-17-2017), miamac (01-11-2017), MizzyMuffling (01-11-2017), NewTexGal (01-11-2017), safran (01-11-2017), Sarianna (01-12-2017)
  #16  
Old 01-11-2017, 10:18 AM
Texasflower08 Texasflower08 is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Bryan, Texas
Posts: 934
Thanks: 151
Thanked 419 Times in 302 Posts
Default

Agreed with others. My sister in law is always my sister in law even though she divorced my brother years ago. She will always be family. Sorry he is treating you wrong. Be needs to grow up.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 01-11-2017, 10:19 AM
Sean'sGirl82's Avatar
Sean'sGirl82 Sean'sGirl82 is offline
Now Wife ❤️
 

Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: California
Posts: 790
Thanks: 716
Thanked 661 Times in 358 Posts
Default

I agree with everyone else, I believe when you consider people family they stay your family forever. Even after death or divorce it's great if you can still have a strong relationship with your in-laws. However, I will say this......when you have a relationship with someone new and are on the path to marriage I think it is time to start saying "ex husband". I don't know if you call him your husband when you are talking to your fiancé but if you do I can see where that could be an issue. Personally I am divorced and I no longer say my sister in law or father in law I say my kids aunt or grandfather. But that is because I am moved on from it all completely and even though they are still family it is a different relationship.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 01-11-2017, 11:21 AM
seahag's Avatar
seahag seahag is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: MA, USA
Posts: 51
Thanks: 223
Thanked 70 Times in 29 Posts
Default

Your in-laws (kid's grandparents) sound like incredibly nice people.
__________________
"The victor is not victorious unless the vanquished considers himself so..."





Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to seahag For This Useful Post:
timntisha2012 (01-11-2017)
  #19  
Old 01-11-2017, 12:30 PM
miamac's Avatar
miamac miamac is offline
Site Moderator Gone Mad

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: ORnativeAZresCAtied
Posts: 7,533
Thanks: 9,667
Thanked 12,495 Times in 4,846 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by timntisha2012 View Post
Ironically every time he has an issue, his letters always state that he asks around to see if his feelings are valid.. To whom does he ask? Other inmates that haven't a clue either?
Yes. I almost laughed when I read this because there have been times early in our relationship when mine would bounce ideas off other guys inside and get full support for half-baked ideas. I also think there's a (my apologies) "f*ck a b*tch" mentality in prison. The ones who can't find or maintain a relationship are happy to see another person join them, so it's easier to say "Yeah, she's wrong. You don't deserve that!" than "No, you're wrong. You're in prison and this is her family making sure she's secure."
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to miamac For This Useful Post:
Sarianna (01-12-2017), seahag (01-19-2017), timntisha2012 (01-11-2017)
  #20  
Old 01-11-2017, 01:39 PM
timntisha2012 timntisha2012 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Alabama USA
Posts: 534
Thanks: 762
Thanked 794 Times in 319 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean'sGirl82 View Post
I agree with everyone else, I believe when you consider people family they stay your family forever. Even after death or divorce it's great if you can still have a strong relationship with your in-laws. However, I will say this......when you have a relationship with someone new and are on the path to marriage I think it is time to start saying "ex husband". I don't know if you call him your husband when you are talking to your fiancé but if you do I can see where that could be an issue. Personally I am divorced and I no longer say my sister in law or father in law I say my kids aunt or grandfather. But that is because I am moved on from it all completely and even though they are still family it is a different relationship.
I do not refer to him as 'my husband'. I refer to him in conversation with Tim as his name.. He's my deceased husband. Not my ex husband. I'm a widow. That's my legal status. And my those are my in laws. They will always be my in laws. Not my ex in laws. See, when you lose someone to death, it's different. When Tim has helped try to get some legal things squared away in the past, he will refer to me as widow. But when he wants an argument, my deceased husband becomes my ex husband.. I do not have any ex husbands. I just wanted to clarify that. I would never try and make him feel uncomfortable as he is doing me.
__________________
'I exist in two places. Here and where you are.'
Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to timntisha2012 For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (01-11-2017), fiat_nox (01-21-2017), Heismyman (01-11-2017), HisSoul (01-11-2017), jadah (01-11-2017), NewTexGal (01-11-2017), Sarianna (01-12-2017)
  #21  
Old 01-11-2017, 01:54 PM
NewTexGal NewTexGal is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 508
Thanks: 446
Thanked 743 Times in 339 Posts
Default

Tim may be checking with other people to validate his viewpoint, but as others have pointed out, they may not be the best sources of objectivity. Plus, do you really trust that Tim is presenting the whole story to these bystanders?

My teenage son can make me sound like a real bi*ch when he's looking for support from his friends. Of course they always agree with him because:
1) They are his friends, not mine.
2) They are young and immature, just like my son.
3) There isn't an upside for them if they point out my son is full of sh*t.
4) My son doesn't give them both sides of the story, so they can even try to be objective.

I expect this behavior from my teenager. You have the right to expect more from a middle aged man.
Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to NewTexGal For This Useful Post:
choclgs (01-17-2017), HisSoul (01-11-2017), miamac (01-11-2017), safran (01-11-2017), Sarianna (01-12-2017), seahag (01-12-2017), timntisha2012 (01-11-2017)
  #22  
Old 01-11-2017, 02:05 PM
timntisha2012 timntisha2012 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Alabama USA
Posts: 534
Thanks: 762
Thanked 794 Times in 319 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewTexGal View Post
Tim may be checking with other people to validate his viewpoint, but as others have pointed out, they may not be the best sources of objectivity. Plus, do you really trust that Tim is presenting the whole story to these bystanders?

My teenage son can make me sound like a real bi*ch when he's looking for support from his friends. Of course they always agree with him because:
1) They are his friends, not mine.
2) They are young and immature, just like my son.
3) There isn't an upside for them if they point out my son is full of sh*t.
4) My son doesn't give them both sides of the story, so they can even try to be objective.

I expect this behavior from my teenager. You have the right to expect more from a middle aged man.
Exactly!! Love how you put this! Apparently, coming from him, his counselor says it's my fault too! Last I checked, he's the one sitting in prison, not me.
__________________
'I exist in two places. Here and where you are.'
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to timntisha2012 For This Useful Post:
fiat_nox (01-21-2017), Sarianna (01-12-2017)
  #23  
Old 01-17-2017, 11:39 AM
C'sWifey's Avatar
C'sWifey C'sWifey is offline
Psycho Wife
 

Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: California
Posts: 214
Thanks: 6
Thanked 167 Times in 72 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by timntisha2012 View Post
I do not refer to him as 'my husband'. I refer to him in conversation with Tim as his name.. He's my deceased husband. Not my ex husband. I'm a widow. That's my legal status. And my those are my in laws. They will always be my in laws. Not my ex in laws. See, when you lose someone to death, it's different. When Tim has helped try to get some legal things squared away in the past, he will refer to me as widow. But when he wants an argument, my deceased husband becomes my ex husband.. I do not have any ex husbands. I just wanted to clarify that. I would never try and make him feel uncomfortable as he is doing me.


That's family and he needs to deal with it. My son has a different dad who has been in life everyday, my husband knew that when he met me and we've never had any issues. In fact, baby daddies family treats mine and my hubs kids like they're part of the family, always have.

Your ex husband is deceased and he still has the audacity to try and trip. Family is family, tell him to keep himself out of prison if he don't want them helping you.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
PSR Report Battles burntbean Federal Prison Self Surrendering Information 10 03-29-2012 08:42 AM
Pick your battles; save your wins? What do you let slide? MyLifeAsSusan PTO Lounge 16 02-21-2012 10:16 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:36 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics