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Old 07-15-2015, 06:10 PM
RBASa RBASa is offline
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Default Commitment phobia?.....

I have a question about a dating situation I was in, I was seeing this guy and things seemed to be going great. He would call, text, make plans and include me in all of his plans, I met his friends he met mine and we had a lot in common. He seems to only really open up when he has been drinking, he told me one night that he has commiment issues due to a bad childhood and home life. Both his parents were alcoholics and his dad would hit his mom and him, when he got older he would fight his dad, his mom died of liver sclerosis 4 years ago and he was crying after he told me, they were very close. He told me that he wants a relationship with me, and that he wishes he could change who he was and how he was.

He also told me, he has a pattern of being with women and then leaving them a few weeks later, we were slow with the sex stuff because he didn’t want this to happen with me, he never pushed or was forward..we took it slow and we were going to wait till he felt ready. He was still going on a dating site tho, and I saw female text messages in his phone that were sexual…which upset me. He said we didn’t have the were not going to talk to anyone else talk yet, so we did.

As I said he only really opened up when he was drinking, he once told me only his inner circle of friends really know who he is, he seems to be the guy he wants to be when he's drunk. when he was sober he was more closed off and kinda to himself, I sensed a sadness about him.I met one of his close female friends that he did this same thing too, except she got over it, and are now friends. He ended things very suddenly after saying he wanted a relationship and to spend his vacation at my house making dinners and being together. I didn't hear from him in 3 weeks, I texted and called at first, then I left it...feeling very confused. I texted one last message on Sunday, saying that I hope one day we talk, even if there's no interest, if he needed to talk I was there and no hard feelings. He finally texted back saying "is it cool to just be friends". I said I wanted to talk about everything, he said he was at the pub so I asked a question " did you feel something towards me that made you think it wouldn't work or is this commitment issues". I got no response...I always had the feeling that he didn't know who he was, and he always had to have plans, almost like he didn't want to be alone with himself...he said he likes to hang out with females more then guys( even tho he has guy friends) I felt that it was a way for him to have that female maternal feeling that he is missing from his mom. I have talked to a few councillors and they also think he has attachment pattern issues from his family orgin.

I know that there are red flags throughout this relationship, I saw them and ignored some...I Know this is him and not something I have caused or to do with me..but Im still confused. I have read a lot of articles about commitment phobia and he seems to fit the bill. I'm just struggling to get over this.
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