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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 04-13-2009, 02:33 PM
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Whaatevverr Whaatevverr is offline
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Default I think he's using!!

. I have not been able to see my man in 2 months. In the year and a half he's been gone I have been able to see him at least once a month or he could call home. He has not been able to call home since Oct and it's been February since I saw him. The last time I saw him he was over 200 pounds. Mind you he was sucked up when he got locked up. 170 then he went to 230 in a matter of 4 months. He did drop 30 pounds threw out this time and has stuck at 200 for about 10 or 11 months now. I went and saw him yesterday and almost died. He has to weigh no more than 180 now. He says its because he is trying to get healthy and in shape. Bull crap. He'd be yoked. and he isn't. I am very very sad and don't know what to do. He has 6 months left. I didn't even say anything about it yesterday to him just enjoyed the visit cuz I brought the girls with me and they all had a great day. He said us finally being able to come has made him so happy.

I wrote him a letter last night and didn't ask if he'd been using and didn't accuse him either but basically told him how unhealthy he looked and I am scared.

Looking for advise. I am not an idiot.

Thanks.
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Old 04-13-2009, 09:04 PM
LionessLove LionessLove is offline
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Awww.I'm sorry.Maybe hes just really depressed or sad.My lover says the food is tough on his system.Hopefully he'll feel better after your visit.Is it possible to go every 3-4 weeks as opposed to 4-6 weeks.I know its pushing it but it may help him out a lot.Pray, pray, and pray some more.Stay strong.God bless...
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  #3  
Old 04-13-2009, 09:22 PM
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Its extremly expensive to use in prison. They dont get that much to eat and the food isnt that good. Its not unusual for their weight to fluctuate.

If you have to worry about if he is using or not then he must have a serious addiction.

Jail is not rehab. Abstinence is not rehab. You can not rebuild a relationship with someone until they get clean and sober first.

The only one who is responsible for being clean and sober is the person themself.

If a person has an addiction the only thing that will work is an intensive inpatient program. But, only if the person wants it. And never returning to the people, places and things that got them locked up to begin with.

You can get help from Naranon. Start attending meetings and learn all about his addiction.
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Old 04-13-2009, 09:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luv my King View Post
. I have not been able to see my man in 2 months. In the year and a half he's been gone I have been able to see him at least once a month or he could call home. He has not been able to call home since Oct and it's been February since I saw him. The last time I saw him he was over 200 pounds. Mind you he was sucked up when he got locked up. 170 then he went to 230 in a matter of 4 months. He did drop 30 pounds threw out this time and has stuck at 200 for about 10 or 11 months now. I went and saw him yesterday and almost died. He has to weigh no more than 180 now. He says its because he is trying to get healthy and in shape. Bull crap. He'd be yoked. and he isn't. I am very very sad and don't know what to do. He has 6 months left. I didn't even say anything about it yesterday to him just enjoyed the visit cuz I brought the girls with me and they all had a great day. He said us finally being able to come has made him so happy.

I wrote him a letter last night and didn't ask if he'd been using and didn't accuse him either but basically told him how unhealthy he looked and I am scared.

Looking for advise. I am not an idiot.

Thanks.
Was his weight the only thing that made you think he is using?
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Old 04-13-2009, 09:31 PM
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It really blows my mind that the inmates are able to get their hands on just about any drug they want. I just don't understand it. My husband was telling me the other day someone got caught throwing a pillowcase over the fence and it was full of all kind of drugs and cellphones. Of course no one got in trouble that was already prison because they didn't know who it was intended for. But the guy who threw it over the fence well he ran like h*ll but didn't do him anygood they caught him. Now I guess someone will be trying to throw something to him over the fence whenever he gets to the prison they will be sending too.
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Old 04-14-2009, 12:48 PM
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Was his weight the only thing that made you think he is using?
No before I went to see him I ran into a friend of ours who was locked up with him for a while. He confided in me that my man was chipping way before he got an absese and told me. So the thought has been there already. I just know him very well and he is a manipulator and has ways of getting what he wants. Yeah, the drugs are very expensive but depending on your "status" so to speak in there it's a given you get kicked down when certain things come into the prison. He has the ability go have that coming to him and he wouldn't tell me he's rolling like that.

I have thought about it and wrote him a 10 page letter last night telling him basically he is going to do what he is going to do. I will never know, it will all show when he comes home by his actions. He is going to meetings in there and is getting involved but doesn't mean that he isn't chipping and keeping it in the closet. So it is what it is and it's his choice to be a recovering addict or a drug addict. I have given it up to God. Thanks for listening. And I will keep u all updated.

I will try and go see him more like every 4 to 6 weeks not 6 to 8 weeks. True visits are spirit lifters and hopefully this visit will be enough to keep him going til I can go again.
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Old 04-21-2009, 01:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luv my King View Post
No before I went to see him I ran into a friend of ours who was locked up with him for a while. He confided in me that my man was chipping way before he got an absese and told me. So the thought has been there already. I just know him very well and he is a manipulator and has ways of getting what he wants. Yeah, the drugs are very expensive but depending on your "status" so to speak in there it's a given you get kicked down when certain things come into the prison. He has the ability go have that coming to him and he wouldn't tell me he's rolling like that.

I have thought about it and wrote him a 10 page letter last night telling him basically he is going to do what he is going to do. I will never know, it will all show when he comes home by his actions. He is going to meetings in there and is getting involved but doesn't mean that he isn't chipping and keeping it in the closet. So it is what it is and it's his choice to be a recovering addict or a drug addict. I have given it up to God. Thanks for listening. And I will keep u all updated.

I will try and go see him more like every 4 to 6 weeks not 6 to 8 weeks. True visits are spirit lifters and hopefully this visit will be enough to keep him going til I can go again.
Good Luck with everything.
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Old 04-25-2009, 05:10 PM
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Prayers your way.
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  #9  
Old 06-30-2009, 07:06 PM
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Default Correctional facilites are a JOKE!

I agree with you about changing people, places and things. I moved 5 hours from home to change all of the above, so when my husband comes home- nothing is the same. But if your man is using in prison or jail and you are supporting him financially you WILL know. Trust me. The food does suck. But he could have lots of shit going on, just ask questions and tell him that being honest is the only way you will make it through this bid. I hope he is not using, addiction is not addressed properly at all in any correctional facility, rehab, halfway house or CCC Center. These places are not for addicts, they are for criminals. If you love him- don't give up. I did a 4 and a half year bid with my man, and the worse part is the places they put them BEFORE they come home. (removed per PTO policy)An addict needs unconditional love and support. I have found that LOVE is stronger than any drug. Keep your head up. I will be praying for ya. And remember- HONESTY is always the best policy.
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  #10  
Old 07-01-2009, 12:39 PM
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Trust your heart girl. You know if he is using or not. All of us want to believe our men are getting it and are changing but we know them probably better then anyone and we know if they are using.

I don't know your specific situation, but I know with my son's father it does not matter what I say or how sure I am he still lies to my face about using. I am not stupid, we used to use together before I got pregnant so I know exactly what he is like high. Still he swears he is not using when he is. He knows because of this he can't live with us. I have to protect myself and my child first. I don't want my son seeing his dad like that. He needs help and if he get it when he gets out, and he shows me he can live clean and sober...then things can be looked at again. I don't have the patience to put up with an addict in my home anymore though. I am not saying I don't support him, he just has to get clean somewhere other then in my home.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Dealing with addicts is very difficult because they are so darn cunning and manipulative. And I don't know about your man but mine could charm the socks off you so sometimes I don't even see it coming. I think a program may be helpful when he gets out (but only if he wants it), prayers to you and your family
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  #11  
Old 07-01-2009, 12:48 PM
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That sucks girl but my official saying is " if nothing changes then nothing changes "

If he hasn't changed anything than he will be the same 'dude' that went in, old habits and all - your smart so don't fool yourself about the okie doke!

It is what it is. I wish I could blow sunshine but it's just not me
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  #12  
Old 07-25-2009, 10:16 AM
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"I think he's using"- Yes there are more drugs in prisons and jails than out on the streets. If the Warden of the prisons would be prosecuted for drugs in prisons, this problem would be eliminated. Since the Wardens can draw their big salaries and do not have to account for what goes on in the prison that he manage, all types of abuse will forever be present. I hold the Prison's Board and Governor for not during more to stop the present of drugs in prisons.
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